Day 50 – I have a crush on you, back to self.

This is a continuation from Day 49 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek in secret acceptance from another where the being within my mind as a secret crush accepts me completely as who I am, realizing that it is me who has to accept me and forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept me and to appreciate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create secret crushes on certain girls within my world whom I have judged as superior and more than me, and to take them within my mind into a relationship where they accept me and appreciate me in the totality of me as to making myself feel better about myself due to my own self judgments. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create secret crushes within my mind with girls where I can within my mind literally create and make up the other being as I want her to be to not judge me and to “ONLY” accept me, realizing that I do this in separation of what I have judged myself as and have accepted and allowed myself to be as who I am and through creating someone separate within my mind to instead accept me so that I do not have to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally make the girl I have a secret crush with in my mind somehow miraculously not judge all the same self judgments I have about myself and accept me for who I am exactly where i do not accept myself  realizing that this is only me seeking to hide behind fantasies and hopes instead of facing myself as my own self judgments and my own insecurities and to stand one and equal as who I am in and as the physical where my mind bullshit will not determine who I am, but I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to create secret fantasy crushes on girls within my mind to make myself feel good about myself, realizing it is only temporary and in my mind lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create secret mind crushes on girl that I prefer to be in a relationship with yet I fear actually being in a relationship with such girl, thus I create it all in my mind as if I have a chance, realizing that I do this to not have to face my actual manifested self judgments that I have created about myself towards such girls that I fear being in a relationship with, as I have done this within separation within the mind as thoughts/beliefs/ideas about others in comparison with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create some girls more than others within my world according to what I belief I like and want due to programming as a child through the education and the media that I was in contact with and so create only secret crush in relation to girls that I believe are the one's for me through utilizing the knowledge and information that was imprinted within me as what to like and dislike.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and make girls more within my mind then what they are within and as the physical, realizing that within his I am only compromising myself and all relationships I have with all people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place special value on certain girls within my life as being more or special, realizing that this can only be so within my mind as within the physical there is only flesh one and the same and anything more or less is all made up in my mind.

I commit myself to stop all fantasy/desires within my mind that I create about girls that I have secret crushes on through writing and self forgiveness to lay it all out for myself so that I can see the delusion and to from there start developing equal communication with all women/men and to not create and cause separation as more or less as and to live what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to support myself within working on the points of desire/fantasy relationships that I create in my mind about certain girls as having a crush on them, and to stop the crushing of self and others within the mind through writing and self forgiveness and to stop the behavior that leads to all stalkers/rapists and to expose the mind as the evil it is, and that we have accepted something such as this as having secrets and secret crushes in our minds as normal behavior, and to bring to light the common sense that the same process and thoughts and feelings and desires and fantasies that I had that was seen as innocent is what rapist has before they rape, is what create stalkers and all kinds of mental people.

I commit myself to show and expose the mind that can only exist in secret as the evil it is, as the mind is hidden and in darkness where we all hide and talk to ourselves and think about stuff all alone, and that this simple points that expose the mind as it is should show everyone it is evil.