Read Day 169 – Anticipation Walking my Horse Part 1 to get the whole picture and to see where the Sf comes from.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as we take the horses to the neighbors farm and we reach the fence line where the dog is at to have the thought of “seeing the dog already braking at the horses and the horses freaking out and becoming a danger” and to then go into the back chat of “the god damn dog barks every day”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thought of “seeing the dog already braking at the horses and the horses freaking out and becoming a danger” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as the thought come up within me of ““seeing the dog already braking at the horses and the horses freaking out and becoming a danger” to go into the back chat of ““the god damn dog barks every day” to divert the attention of the fear existing within and as me of the thought towards the dog being the fault/cause for my fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as we take the horses to the neighbors farm and we get to the fence line where the dog barks to go into thoughts about the dog and what the dog will do and what can happen and to then react and create fear within and as me and to then participate within back chat as a response to the though that keeps generating fear/anxiety/stress within me of what Might happen – Instead of breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I accept and allow the thought of “seeing the dog already braking at the horses and the horses freaking out and becoming a danger ” to come up within me and to NOT stop it that I am giving fear and reactions permission to direct me as the thought contains the past experience as the memory stored within me that I now relive/re-create in the present.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate what will happen when we walk the horses at the fence line of the neighbors farm where the dog barks and storms up to the horses, seeing and realizing that anticipation is when and as I have given a thought and back chat permission to Possess me as energy, and thus I become jumpy and reactive within myself and towards my horse which gives my horse the signal that something is wrong when there isn’t.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that anticipation is a state of where I am constantly projecting a thought that generates fear/stress/Anxiety of what might happen or not and thus I am already experiencing the even within myself of what might happen as the fear becoming true, seeing and realizing it is to stop such a thought through realizing that it is NOT real and to breathe and be here as breathe and to deal with what ever happens in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I must have a thought of what Might happen when and as we walk at the fence line where the dog barks to Prepare myself and to prevent what might happen, seeing and realizing that to prevent anything from happening I must first stop my own inner delusions based on fear and then to focus on the physical and practically deal with the point instead as a real solution.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the thought I have of ““seeing the dog already braking at the horses and the horses freaking out and becoming a danger” is me accessing fight or flight mode and that this Possession I take on will be seen by my horse and thus he will also go into fight or flight mode and become a even greater danger that what it might be if something were to happen, as fight or flight mode is purely self interest and survival and not in consideration of what is here and how to deal with what is here practically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to When and as the Horses freaked out the first time we crossed the neighbors fence line where the dog strikes to have judged the scenario as Bad and as negative and to within this have created a desire of what I prefer to experience as Calm and no problem and no hassles – and thus not seeing and realizing that as I have created a Positive Idea of what I want to experience instead I have created Fear towards experiencing the negative and that this now creates friction within me of what is happening in reality towards what I desire in my mind, and so stress myself out in fear of facing reality, instead of breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desired play-out within my mind of what I want to experience when walking by the neighbors fence where the dog barks that is literally in conflict with what in fact happens, and thus creating thoughts/anticipation/fear of the negative as the not desired experience and only making it worse when and as it happens where I react and get angry and just want to Control everything in fear of not having my desired experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Just before we go to horses in the morning, to already have the thought of “ Seeing the dog barking at the horses and anything can happen” and to have the back chat of : Ah Oh man The dog again” and to within this create the rest of my morning where we walk the horses in a negative energy as anxiety/fear/stress towards that moment I have already projected in my mind happening and to Physically posture and act in ways towards my horse and others in a polarity mood as being positive and stable and ready for anything as a way of attempting Manipulating myself and to suppress the stress/fear/anxiety I have for that moment to come – instead of seeing and realizing that when and as I have that first thought in the morning, to forgive myself and to STOP the thought that will stop all of the other out flows as thoughts/backchat/fear/anticipation and to BREATH and be here and work with what is here practically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear what Horses can do to me when and as they get a fright.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the dog for barking every-time when we walk by.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am only angry at the dog for barking because of how I am reacting and experiencing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am angry at myself for feeling powerless to stop the dog from barking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my anger toward the dog as Blaming the dog for how I experience myself in that moment as fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to every time the dog barks have the back chat of “ I knew the dog was going to bark today” as a way of Justifying why I did not stop that first thought in the morning and why I had all the fear/stress and as a way to confirm my anticipation, seeing and realizing how this keeps the cycle going.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at my horse when and as he reacts and where he tries to run off or run over me due to the back chat I have about my horse while I walk him as him being stupid and silly and ridiculous for reacting and being afraid of the dog, not seeing and realizing that I am actually saying that to myself as I am the one being ridiculous/stupid/silly for reacting and being afraid of the dog and to then as my horse freak out to Take it ALL out on him as a way to not to have to look at myself and who I am in that moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Place my Fear as my horse, so that when and as something happens as we pass the neighbors farm and the dog barks to be able to Blame the horse for How I reacted.
To be continued.
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