Day 169 – Anticipation walking my Horse Part 1

For the last couple of months we here at the farm have been taking our horses to one of our neighbors farms where there is lots of green grass that they can eat, while our fields have a rest and can get some growth going.

Going to our neighbor’s farm requires us to take our horses out of our farm and into a “wild” zone, which is a space where there is open road. It is fine taking the horses in the wild zone as they are quite cool walking with us and there is a agreement between us all.

When we approach the Neighbors farm there is just this one little point that I face every day, this is when we get to the fence where we have to walk our horses as it is the only option, there is a dog, now she barks every single day.

This dog does not simply Bark and bark and bark, OH NO!! She is REALLY specific; I haven’t seen a dog that specific. In the beginning she only barked, the horse had Frights and was alarmed and jumpy and we calmed them down, over a couple of days the dog realized she cannot frighten the horses or us anymore through regular barking.

So she became clever, really clever – it is like a fucking scary Movie sometimes – the dog has learned how to SCARE the horses and the Humans using her environment.

On the fence where we have to walk with the horses there are bushes growing over and in-between the fence, to create a bush wall so you cannot see the house so to say, and along size this fence on the other side there is a lot of dead leaves from these trees/bushes – Now the dog has learned that she must not be visible once we come to the neighbors farm and once the first horse or the second horse has entered the fence line with the bushes trees in/over it she starts Running!!! Really fast and very quiet, sometimes you can hear a panting, but hardly, and then you suddenly hear these dead leaves cracking and moving and this very aggressive growl Barking straight at the horse next to the fence, sometimes even hitting the fence.

If you know horses – they are Big and they scare easily for anything “new” and they go into fight or flight mode quite quick – it is their natural behavior so to say, if they had to live in nature and a lion was stalking them and attacked, they require force and speed to get away quickly and/or a way to quickly attack.

So the first time this dog did this, the sneaky way! My Horse and a couple of other horses got big frights. Titan my horse the first time, Bolted forward and as I tightened my grip on the lead he turned around and then reared halfway up, then he was in Fight or Flight MODE – this is where they are Blind and deaf to your words and only concerned about themselves, it is dangerous, they breath really deeply and suddenly stand as tall as they can, it looks as if Horse can double their size suddenly in the fight or flight mode.

I had a Rush of adrenaline/energy/anxiety/fear/excitement/stress/concern fuck whatever you name it within me in that moment and afterwards only fear of what can happen, I breathed and calmed myself down first, it was almost instantly and then I got Titan next to me and it was fine. I was still a bit shaky from the energetic experience; I knew I was going to have to look at this point within myself.
So for the next couple of Weeks probably most of the time we go there, this Dog does this every time, she makes it seem like she isn’t there and that it will not happen today and that everything will be fine BAM!! She hits us.

I have created a lot of anticipation within myself since the first day it happened in fear of what Might happen, Titan gets away on the open road with a lead on and break his neck, or he just runs away and gets hit by a truck, who knows, Or he runs me over and break my back or my leg or he rears up and cracks open my skull. There are so many possibilities.

The Dog has had months now to get used to us, and She has – and that is why she is still coming after us, we still react and have energy and backchat and all this inner bullshit within us while we walk there and because of that she/the dog is getting a kick out of it to see us react. Because we are creating it lol.
How do I know this – after a couple of months there I have worked and breathed and Self forgive myself while walking on the points and I have actually stopped the anticipation many times, there is a very fine line between having the anticipation and not, it takes one thought.

Now your horse can SEE that one thought/energy reacting in/on your body and the horse which is following You will act as the leader act and React as well/Still after a couple of months – so everyone was supposed to already have gotten used to everyone but it seems we haven’t. so this is where I started questioning myself.

Here is how I got to this point – many times when I walked by the fence now I am completely breathing and calm and not even thinking or anything of the dog I am direct here walking with my horse – and when that dog comes, which you never expect – me and Titan/horse are not reacting at all and we just walk.

But this does not always happen even if I am calm, Titan has had many scares and me to, but I take one breath and direct and Titan follows immediately, it is like he forgets he had to survive and just breathe with me and walk on because I was assertive and trusted myself and did not follow ANY energy , and yes we are a group, and in the group there are many people and thus many horses, so when the person/horse in the back react or in the front or me it will have a chain reaction.

And today I saw something– I have been thinking that I was the one walking my horse and helping him work through his reaction of the dog and his fear and that I was being stable for him only.

I was wrong – because today the dog came at me and Titan and I did not even hear the panting or the leaves, the dog just barged right into the fence with this demon growling and then barking, and my horse was as solid as a brick, he did not move – I on the other hand was bending my head down with my right arm lifted up towards my horse and my arm was moved up and down in motions as to block my hose that wasn’t even blinking from running onto/over me LOL.

So I saw in that moment myself and how sad it was, I said thank you to Titan for being stable and showing me that I was in the mind participating in future fear/projection and creating energy/anticipation within me and that I was making the fear HIM. While I was the one with the fear acting out while I presented myself to him all the time as being more and being the “human” the stable one and being superior – I was just lying to myself and blamed Titan just not to look at who the fuck I am and that it is NEVER personal unless the Human makes it so. The horse won’t.

To be continued.