Day 46 - I am a Bad Boy

I remember when certain events happened in my life as a young child and as a teenager where I did certain things, I was seen/judged as bad and how people reacted and looked at me after what I have done.

From the system perspective I was bad, I did do something wrong in the eyes of the people - for instance, when I was 16 I went to the movies with a couple of friends, I asked a certain girl to come with me, I had to ask her parents first, they agreed on the condition that I must look after her and make sure nothing happen.

So we all went to the movies, a couple of minute before the movies started me and another friend decided to go and buy cigarettes and quickly smoke them, we ask the other friends to stay and wait we will be back, they did not know we were going to go buy smokes and smoke.

We were underage and wasn't allowed to smoke, we went to the little shop that sold cigarettes to who ever, we bough two, as I exchanged the money for the cigarettes, I hear my name from outside of the shop, the girl who I asked to come whit's parents were there, they also decided to come, they now saw me with cigarettes in my hand.

I was frightened to what the parents would say to me and how they will react, I was cold for a few seconds because I was secretly smoking and underage, so no one knew I was smoking except my friend that was with me.

The parents asked me in a angry voice, what are you doing, is that cigarettes, they reacted immediately and grabbed the girls arm and said, come we are taking you home, the parents then told me, Gian we did not expect you to be this kind of person, we trusted you with our daughter, I said yes, but they are not for me, we quickly bought them for some other friend, the parents said okay we will come with you to see you give the cigarettes to the other friend, we knew we were fucked (caught out).

The girl then started fighting with her parents and said, mom,dad please leave it alone, our movie is starting in a few minutes, I then gave the cigarettes to the other friend and he put them in his pocket, I felt like shit, I am such a bad person. The parents trusted me.

So what happened next was interesting.

I started becoming bad, more and more, and in secret - because through the even that happened I learned how parents react and how they handle situations, they were mean and downgrading me, playing the guilt game making me feel bad deliberately, instead of breathing and seeing what is happening and accordingly act as to what is supportive, this is what I would have done, because now there was no lesson learned, there was only suppression and fear implanted.

Obviously I also did not know about breathing and remaining here in self honesty, if I did, this would have never happened.

That same night I decided I was bad, I can not be trusted, I am a bad boy, I had kind of a exciting feeling about it, I then took the bad boy acceptance and I started becoming a asshole, I pretended to be the awesome guy in-front of everyone and at night in secret I am bad, I take advantage, I drink, I use weed, I use girls, I started developing this more and more, I started skipping on school and classes, I got caught out and the same happened, no one gave me a valuable lesson to learn through common sense and understanding, they all just yelled, put fear into me and tried to suppress me, I obviously accepted and allowed all of this as me as who i am, which wasn't true if self honesty was applied.

I found Desteni at the age of 18, I was lucky, I would have probably not made it past 20 because of all the drinking and the secret thoughts and back chat of the things I was going to do, luckily I never got to do those things because of Desteni - I was judging myself as being bad to bad that I was abusing myself to become it, to live it, we live in a world of space and time - thank goodness

It is actually quite simple to see, if I breathed at that one scenario and instead of judging myself as bad and accepting and allowing myself as it and if I did not define myself as that in that moment, things would have been completely different, yet I did, thus self forgiveness.

Self forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to past experiences as who I am, realizing that who I am I decide in each breathe.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad person due to past experiences as memories as who I am, realizing that I am actually deciding who I am in each breath, and that the past experiences is the past,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as bad due to past experiences that I judged as bad within my mind, through the accepted and allowed definitions of what is good and bad within society or within others eyes, realizing that if I am self honest I will see and realize that what is best for all life as a living principal in all ways is all that matters, as everything is self created ideas/believes of what is good and bad and forced onto one another through fear to have control, instead of simply living what is best for all life, buying cigarettes at the age of 16 doesn't mean anything when you live within what is best for all life, it is simply me smoking. (of course to be self honest one would see underage within the system can bear consequences so do not compromise self to prove a point, be self honest and not fearful as we are still within a system of control and fear based till we have the equal money system 2020.)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react on others reactions and words towards me as being a response to who I am as bad and to give it value as who I am, realizing within accepting and allowing myself to define myself as bad and to live out my live as being bad I create and manifest consequences for myself where I punish myself as self abuse as telling myself the whole time, you are bad, you are bad, you deserve this punishment. Not realizing that I am creating and manifesting it all for myself in each moment as my own self judgment as being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out the ideas and believes of myself that I have accepted and allowed as who I am through accepting and allowing myself to give value to others words as the truth about me and to accordingly live my life in self judgment and self abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm others through my own self judgment as being bad and doing certain things within the believe that I am bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the believe and self judgment of I am bad with me as a burden and living it out within doing certain things that is harmful to myself and others on a physical level and/or emotional level.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am the creator of who I am in each breathe and as I accept and allow myself to judge myself as bad in each moment that I am creating it as myself and thus no one is to blame, only I can stop and take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing something bad in others eyes, realizing it isnt about others but Who I am as I create myself and decide as myself in each breath WHO I AM.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can only be bad if I am not living what is best for all life in all ways, as I am accepting and allowing a life of good and bad where both are needed for the other to exist, instead of simply living what is best for all life in all ways as Desteni has shown me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my body through drinking and drug use within my own self created believe/self judgment of I am bad through accepting and allowing others words and actions as having value to who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold it against myself that other believe I am a bad person and to act it out as self punishment within my actions and words and to within this abuse myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as a bad person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a bad person in secret because of the fear that others will see me as bad for what I am doing, realizing that when I do things in secret I am actually abusing others and myself through my own acceptance and allowance of the self judgment as being bad within my head as back chat and thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is wrong to be bad, realizing that living within the principal of what is best for all life in all ways isnt defined by good or bad, but by what is best for all life in all ways through common sense and self honesty.

Redefining bad - not living who you are as life as that which is best for all life in all ways.

Redefining good - living what is best for all life in all ways as who you are as life.

I commit myself to expose the deception of good and bad created within the current way of life in society where good and bad is used to control people through fear and a reward system

I commit myself to expose that the good people require the bad people to be good and that the bad people require the good people to be bad, and that both are just the same thing of the same coin keeping people enslaved to the mind as the tree of knowledge and information so that no one can ever realize themselves as life, as that which is best for all life or even see that the constant battle of good and bad is only to occupy peoples minds to not stop and stand as life as that which is best for all life as Who I am

Day 45 - Reversed Comparison - weird logic.

I have noticed during my day within participating in activities where there are others that there is competition, the competition that I am talking about isn't what you would expect, it is like a secret competition yet visible in reactions/behavior, where each individual is constantly comparing what they are doing with others, but the competition is to see who does the least work, either self or the other.

From my own experience I notice that I will be doing work, I will be busy with my daily task, and I will do what needs to be done to finish it, here comes the big BUT, But when someone else comes along and ask me to help them with something else, or to do something else for them, there is a reaction a EGO - the mind/energy.

I react because I now have to do "more" than what the others are doing due to my own comparisons and back chat in my mind, I will have back chat like, why don't you ask that person, why do I have to do it, why don't you do it yourself, it is so small do you really need my help, and so the EGO will see and try and find any way possible to not have to do this "EXTRA" work and fighting for its own limitation and to keep the physical enslaved as energy so that the physical can not stand up as life as a limitless expression in each breathe to do onto another as you would do onto yourself.

Does this have to do with us all being Rotten children, that we need something to motivate us to do things, do we have to get rewards for doing things and extra rewards for doing more.

It is really limited in all its ways to self - it is mind enslavement.

It is a constant comparison GAME - we each will do what needs to be done but not more, because we look at others, we see what they do and accordingly we become little self righteousness  cunts so to say - we become reactive and judgmental, this isn't fair, this is unfair, why me, whea whea whea, like little babies.

And we all do this, we all believe we are so special and important and that our life's are so busy and already full of things to do, we can not help each other, we can not do something else for someone else, it is so fucking unfair to help someone else, look at what they are doing, look at them being lazy, why aren't you asking them for help, why me, why me, why me.

This is all part of the ROTTEN CHILD SYNDROME - imagine our world exist only out of people with this syndrome. We are in big shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare what I do to what others are doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare what I do as being more than what others are doing, and so I create the judgment/believe that what i am doing is already a lot of work in comparison to what others are doing, and so create the unfair point when I am asked for help to do "more work" then others (out of my own created believe) and that it is unfair and so accept and allow my own limitation, realizing that all of this only happened in the mind, when I look at the physical and take the mind and all the comparison and all the back chat out, I see that there is more than enough time to help others and that I have created and manifested my world as to busy through compromise and deliberate in my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a constant "game"of seeing where I can do the least work, realizing that I have created this game as a power play over others as to show them that I am busy and that if I help them that I will want to receive a rewards as I have sacrificed my "important/limited time" to help them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when someone else asks me for help, realizing within the reaction there is a accepted and allowed limitation, and that I have to be strict with myself to break the accepted and allowed limitation and to move beyond the mind created limitation and do what is asked of me, so that I may realize what is real and what is not and to rebirth myself as that which is real within and as the physical one and equal as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others in my environment to see who is doing what and how much so that I can create reactions within me towards other when they ask me for help as to that I am busy "more than others" and that asking me for my time to help them or to do something more is unfair and asking something "BIG"of me and thus I would want a reward for my help, realizing that this is only a clear indication for myself that I have the "rotten child syndrome" where I am a slave to energy and the mind in complete limitation of expressing myself as who I am within and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create "my time" as more valuable than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value others time as being less than mine, realizing we are all here in this world within the same time and that with working together we are supporting and assisting each other to make the most of the time we have here as o create what is best for all life this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight and defend my own limitations within the point of comparison and what I am capable of doing and what not, realizing that I can only fight for my own limitations if I am not aware of my own limitations as I exist within the mind that is energy based and thus rely/need energy to move and can not see anything beyond that but its own limitation, instead of breathing and being here in and as the physical as who I am as life one and equal, doing onto another as I would like to be done onto within the realization that only within the mind that exist within a limited bubble in your head can and will defend for its own limitation, as it is all the mind knows, thus to rebirth self within and as the physical where there are no walls limiting self movement to help others and do onto another as you would do onto yourself within the principal of what is best for all life is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comparison is normal behavior, realizing that comparison is a manifestation as a infestation within the current way the world is designed and accepted and allowed to exist as where we all compare to win and receive rewards, as this is what capitalism is based on, winners and losers, realizing that this isnt normal behavior but a accepted and allowed behavior as who we decide to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comparison is justifiable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that comparison is limitation as a judgment of self within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comparing myself to what others are NOT doing to what I AM doing and to react on that as if it is righteous and just when the time comes and I am asked to do more and I say no, not realizing that I am limiting myself and enslaving myself to the mind as energy as polarity of the mind - not allowing any self growth as WHO I AM as life in and as the physical one and equal here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others and what they do in comparison to what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in comparison to what others do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what I do as always being good and right and more in comparison to what others do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what others do as always being less than, not enough in comparison to what I do, realizing it is all about WHO I AM, and not what others do, as who I am determines what I do, thus realizing that my actions and reactions is a indicator as to who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, thus I can not see t and change within the understanding that I am only defending my own limitations and enslaving myself within and as the Mind as limitation, thus it is to stop the mind and to breath self into and as the physical one and equal as life.

I commit myself to stop the Rotten child syndrome as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and exist as one and equal to, and to through writing and self forgiveness stop the mind as enslavement and limitation and to rebirth myself through living the self forgiveness into and as the physical one and equal as life.

I commit myself to expose the Rotten Child syndrome that exist within each one of us as the reward system within this world as capitalism and to show that it is the cause of current parenting and that children isnt thought any real values or Principals of self honor or self respect that is based on LIFE within what is best for all life in all ways and that the Rotten child syndrome is the opposite of the message of Jesus as do onto another as you would like to be done onto you.

I commit myself to show/educate myself and others that we need a new system a system that is not based on reward bt on principal as oneness and equality as that which is best for all life in all ways and that this system is the EqualMoney System and that self forgiveness and self honesty is the key to re-birthing self as life as shown by Desteni how to use the tools.

Join us in the 7 year journey to life blogs.

Day 44 - death and Dying in multiple ways

Dying multiple ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying in a sword fight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear bleeding to death from a huge cut wound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from being beaten up heavily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from internal injuries from being beaten up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from a car hit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying while having sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying in fire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying of having no food to eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying of having no water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying of having no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying in the cold outside having no homes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to die because someone stole all my money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying because of a fight over money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from being hanged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from falling down a high building and splashing on the floor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying of a disease.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from using construction tools and making a mistake such as cutting my own leg off or someone drilling into my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from an accident that was preventable yet it happened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to fear dying from my own mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself from dying from drug a drug overdose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from someone kidnapping me to kill me to use my body parts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying at the hands of a loved one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from a spider bite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying of fasting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from a snake bite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from an animal attack.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from dying by being killed by humans in some torturous way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying in a war.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being killed by a cop in a revolution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being killed by being stoned to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying of old age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from drowning in water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from chocking on an objects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from being strangled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from a a gun shot straight in the head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from a gun shot in the heart and bleeding to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from a hear attack.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from cancer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from being eaten by a monster.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being raped to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying all alone, realizing that I will always die alone with myself, thus it is who I am within death that will determine after death, am I life or the mind as self interest as energy as consciousness that will end as it will have not more physical body to feed off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying from being axed to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying, realizing that within the fear of death, it is an indication to where I am not self honest, where I am existing as ego, as energy as the mind, and not standing as life one and equal, as death is the one thing that can not be avoided this life, no matter how it happens, it is who you are that matters, are you life one and equal or the mind as an energy entity as a personality that will end at death, as the physical remain here one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying as the mind as a personality as self interest, realizing that it is inevitable that the mind will die at death, as only the physical can continue as life as the same substance, thus I realize it is to rebirth myself as life one and equal and that before then death is not preferred.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that fear of death is only showing me where I am still existing in separation as the mind as personality a something that I can apparently lose, fear of loss, realizing that within standing one and equal as life as who I am death is a part of me as life yet to be realized because who I am as life is certain and that at death I will not change.

I commit myself to expose that all fear is of the mind within self interest and that all fear is only created through the mind and that fear exist where the human has separated themselves from all life as life a the physical and that fear is a representation of the mind existing within a limited time as energy as the mind knows it will end at death.

I commit myself to stop all fear as the minds creation to keep self enslaved within the mind to feed the mind with energy as fear of death is a clear indication to the mind that the mind will end.

I commit myself to show that The message of Desteni is the only message that humans has this life till death to rebirth self as life one and equal.

I commit myself to educate myself and to ask for help to realize myself as life this life before death, so that when death comes i know who I am as life one and equal and thus no change.

I commit myself to spread the message of Desteni and to show that for all to make it this life as standing one and equal as life, help is needed, as we are not aware of life and only exist within the mind as fear and limitation, and to show that self forgiveness is the tool to set oneself free from all accepted and allowed limitations as the mind as energy as the personality/ego, and to rebirth self as life as a group is the only way possible as we all need to be shown what is here as we can not see it ourselves even within our own self proclaimed awareness.