Day 4 - Self -judgements and consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of how truly fucked we are as a specie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of the fact that unless each and every human beings understands the mind and how it functions in detail and how the human is a personality as the ego designed to be organic robots/slaves, will we not be able to change ourselves first and foremost and thus not this world, and thus through losing sight I let loose a little bit and eventually take it way too easy with pushing and thus fall into hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of the extent of the problem that is here, and more so to lose sight of the educational process that is required to actually have a revolution to real evolution as the human species and thus to have a global change as the human changes,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back MY process and sharing my process continuously OPENLY as part of the educational process that is here through blogs, vlogs and general sharing, as I JUDGE my own process as not good enough, as not relevant, as not having any effect, yet within that I am in fact living those judgements and thus making believes real and so cripple my own self change and everyone else in this wold that could have benefited but now aren't due to me not sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead share BULLSHIT of other people sharing apparent relevant shit yet does not even touch the point of self-honesty of even a glimpse of what the mind truly is, and so withhold myself and my own process that actually covers all the dimensions that is required within the education revolution that is required for a truly evolved human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that laziness as NOT feeling like doing something, such as writing, sharing and actually caring is a mind consciousness system design that has POWER over me as energy of the mind generated through constant thoughts that I have of myself judging myself negatively to such an extent that this energy forms layers within me undirected, not forgiven and thus it starts flooding the PHYSICAL as the flesh and stores itself within the body, and so the body starts experiencing itself as heavy and thus lazy, and so over time I am not to be found anywhere and can barely find the will power within me to even move myself as the energy as the mind consciousness system has not completely vegetated me as the body to have the body ONLY for itself to entertain itself and to keep generating energy and feed of the physical/flesh till death.

I commit myself to when and as I FEEL lazy, to REMEMBER that it isn't whatever excuse I am making up in my mind, as that is the minds defence mechanism to control ME as self-movement and to free myself, and thus I can take full self-responsibility within understanding that I created the laziness through accepting and allowing the mind games/energies as the thoughts I participated within over and over to take hold of me as the body/physical and to place me in a prison of consequence that I must then physically MOVE myself and to actually physically correct myself no matter how lazy I feel or what the thoughts are of why I should not, as this is self-movement and me taking a Stand and saying no more, and to write, share and actually change.

Day 385 - Start at the Start Part 1

Start at the start, at least then I am starting and doing something, I have find myself wanting to jump way ahead within doing things and then I find myself lost, unable to move or direct myself.

The Start within Desteni is always self-investigation using the tools that is given, writing and reading and self-forgiveness, common sense, breathing as the guideline and self-honesty.

Using these tools within investigating self, one can also investigate the world and how things work, it takes time, because self is a creation of the whole that is here, like a product, self is thus the whole, and what self-lives/experiences and everything in between is thus the whole because it is keeping the whole as it is. 

I am writing about this point because of an event that happened today within starting to make some vlogs, I was sitting outside with the tablet and I was making a vlog, but I kept on tripping and falling and getting up while doing the vlog within speaking and how the information was flowing, with anxiety forming and being created within the process.

This happened because I was about to talk about a point that I have realized as knowledge and information, I could see the point, but I did not investigate the point for myself within using the basic tools such as writing/self-forgiveness/common-sense/self-honesty and breathing effectively.

So the stumbling/tripping came from knowing the point/seeing the point but not having all the other points connected to it, which I would have discovered within my self-investigation. 

The self-investigation would take time, I was in a rush to just make a vlog about the point, and thus I jumped to the middle, instead of starting at the beginning and doing it as what is best for all which includes myself.

I see that I do this in fear of losing the point I have seen/realized as knowledge and information thus far only, not yet investigated as actuality for myself, and the resistance of doing the investigation, because I know that part takes some actual focus and dedication and more time. 

I have created a paranoia, where I am paranoid that if I do not do this as a vlog now I will miss it forever, and then the paranoia goes hand in hand with, me being paranoid about not having a vlog for today and thus it must only come up tomorrow or the day after and then I will be falling “behind” within the deadline I have given myself. 

There was a simple solution, I could not see this as I went into a total mind fuck about it and feeling all down and judge-mental, which I now see as I am investigating the point now, I could have simply made a video on the points I have already investigated and LIVED and have physical proof of as myself. Which would have been perfect.

Here is another cool point of not starting at the start, where I believe I must only make the vlogs on points that come up now, after five and a half years into my process already, so there is that much time behind me that I still have as evidence of many points I have walked and done that I can make a vlog about, but I jumped it all. 

Here is the secret reason for why all of this paranoia is going on, I have been in the Desteni process for five and a half years, I have walked and I have lived many corrections, I have faced extensive points within my life that I never saw as possible, and they are equally relevant now as back then, but my secret mind has created a secret idea about time, that if I share something from years ago and support and assistance now, I might come forth as not having moved at all within my process within all that time. 

I see and realize that as MY walking of the correction within this point, I must now do exactly that which I resist doing, I must walk the points I have lived within my writing and within vlogs. So that I can get rid of the ego as the mind as energy addiction, to remove all ideas/beliefs/opinions as limitation and support and assist myself, and in the same process others one and equal within all those points. 

I see that I have a specific anxiety that I experience because of the process I have walked thus far and have only kept to myself, it is a anxiety that makes me feel like running from myself, but it actually just me wanting to run from this point of facing myself within this one point, to stop my self-judgments/fears and get over it and fucking share what I have to share.

To be continued.