Day 58 – Life is all about sex – A magazine

This is a continuation of day 57 – life is all about sex, physical attractions

I am now going to take on another memory, this memory is when I first discovered a magazine for men laying around the house. 

 Sex and Success - Sunette Spies

You know, those magazines that the parents/adults buy that had women in them half naked, this isn’t the one that has completely naked women in them, and then there are those once in a while posters that come with.

This memory is from when I was 11, I was walking around the house and I saw a stack of magazines ready to be thrown out, so I got down and I took a look at what magazines there are, as I went through I saw a different type of magazine than what I am used to, this one had a women on it with only lingerie on and she was positioned very sexually.

I was curious and I opened it, as soon as I opened it and I saw some pictures I felt a sudden fear, I might be caught our looking at this, I realized I had to have a magazine like this alone where I can watch it without anyone judging me for watching, obviously I experienced the fear because of what I experienced within me while watching the females posing and being half naked, the feeling of arousal.

So I went to my room, I ripped out the ones I liked and I took the magazine back and placed it secretly on the pile where it was, I kept the pictures in a book in the back pages that was hidden between my bed. 

And this is where I started creating what I like and do not like in real “Living” females all in secret in my mind as back chat and thoughts

So I first used the Barbie picture I created at six to find what I like and never got it, but this magazine had perfect “real” women in, so I started liking the women in the magazine, they had the perfect faces, the perfect ass, the perfect size boobs, they had it all and they had the bodies to move themselves in a way that makes me feel good and I am attracted to it.

So what if Barbie was created Fat and the magazines I found had fat girls in it, would that have been what I like, well I can only say yes as it is a matter of programming, brainwashing, mind control.

As long as I exist as the mind I can be mind controlled, brainwashed. 

So I will focus myself forgiveness and how I have at the age of eleven created the actual connection that it might be possible to get a girl I desire as in the magazines, because they are there in the magazines and they are real women, so they must be out there and thus I must be able to get one like them, not realizing there are 7 billion people on earth and only a couple of thousand looks like that with all their pimples taken out, the hips made smaller, the breasts made larger all with PC’s. 

So again I set up a life mission to get the girl I desire that does not exist in this world for everyone, only a few, I created it in such a way that I made myself belief that I might be one of the few, I might just get a girl like that, it is gambling, and it is easy to see how this becomes a boys LIFE mission, how life becomes all about sex. 

Because as I boy I created so many pictures, ideas, beliefs, feelings, emotions within myself in my mind towards these pictures/females in magazines. Movies/toys/TV that I as a boy just want to experience it for real only ones, to not have to have it in the mind but for real, and so the chase of a lifetime begins, and it all started with in those first few years on what I decided to chase after. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the pictures I have in my mind of the type of females I created myself to be attracted to through watching magazines and movies can become a reality for me if I just continue chasing, searching, and even waiting all my life in the hope that it might just happen, not realizing and considering that it was merely pictures in a magazine or on TV that was placed there deliberately by the media to create consumers out of the human to run after something and spend billions on in the hope of achieving the picture while they know the pictures they presented and created a desire for within the human is unattainable and thus create life time consumers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that If I dress myself up more and if I go to the gym more and If I change my personality more and it I design myself to look more like a picture that I will be able to attract the pictures I created and designed within my mind to like to come to me or that I will find them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a picture out of myself in the way I walk, talk, dress, look and live my life in the hope that I might attract that one desired picture I created within my mind through magazines/TV/Internet and or through paintings drawings etc. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally change and create my whole life in such a ways that I can attract that one desired picture I brainwashed myself to like and to exist as a mind controlled zombie my whole life to maintain this picture Idea I created myself in the hope of attracting the female I desire within my mind as a picture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life decision within the hope that this life decision will bring me the female I desire as the picture I have in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am settling for less if I do not settle for the picture in my mind, realizing that within this belief I have actually created my own limitation as I created the unreachable picture desire in my mind and thus anything I settle then for will be less according to my brainwashing and mind control.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that all human being as made of flesh and how humans look like has no meaning as the flesh is the same for all equally, thus I realize that if I feel I have settled for less then I am actually creating such a feeling for myself through giving power away to the mind as pictures/desires/energy, instead of breathing and realizing that any relationship with no matter who is what I make of it in and as the physical and that any relationship within the mind as fantasies/desires/hopes is only a compromise and self sabotaging and destroying the physical for self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that having a relationship with a picture is fulfilling, not realizing that I will still be with myself no matter in what relationship I am in and thus it isn’t about the other being and fulfilling each other but to walk as equals yet alone this life as two whole beings that support and assist each other to not accept and allow anything less than life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see beauty outside of myself within others as I have judged myself as ugly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self perfection and as if it is unachievable as I have created the connection of the word perfection to physical appearance instead of who I am as life as perfection which clearly indicates that perfection is self in oneness and equality with life and thus seeking perfect in others appearance to make up for my own self judgment and not to have to face self as the dishonesty of living in a picture word instead of the physical one and equal. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek perfection in others and their physical appearances as I have judged myself as ugly and not perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek the perfect female for myself so that I can feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the belief that only a perfect female can make me happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that a perfect women means happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect happiness with the picture of the mind as being a perfect female, realizing it is all part of self brainwashing through ideas/beliefs/memory

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the limitation for myself to exist as/ within the belief that only a perfect female can make me happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I can only be satisfied with a perfect female with the perfect body as I have created it in my mind according to my own belief that I took from TV/magazines etc and brainwashed myself to belief it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that happiness is having a perfect female partner and how her body looks, realizing that I will never be happy and that happiness as a life priority over life itself is psychopathic behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to belief that I can only experience create sex if my partner looks like the desired image I have within my mind, realizing that sex is a physical act of intimacy between two being and that is has nothing to do with pictures of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create sexual desires of sex within my mind where I can have the perfect sex with the perfect girl and when it comes to reality it all seems so boring and unsatisfied, realizing that I have created this limitation for myself through participating in the mind as pictures and energy which is always more than it is within reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to pictures within my mind of the perfect female that I have created through images and memory as past experiences and to place the picture memory/experience onto the present within the physical and to make the physical seem less, realizing that if I stop this behavior and focus on the physical within touch and to breathe and be here in the present and to stop comparing the physical with the mind I can actually have a different experie4nce than my own limitation of the mind as the belief that I have created “I can only have great sex with the perfect female”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within my own mind created limitations within a few mind set beliefs I have created for myself and to close all other possible ways of living life here in and as the physical as I have created the mind more than the physical and thus the mind will always seem better yet unachievable, creating a life of depression and regret.

 What is Sex

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I stop the participation within the mind as pictures and energies that are always presented as more than the physical that I will end depression and regret within my sex life as I will be able to focus on what is here and to not be limited within and as myself own self expression in each breathe and that I will be able to enjoy another being in touch and breathe as the mind will not interFEAR and create limitation and misguidance of false images in the mind.

I commit myself to breathe when I am with another being physically and to stop all mind pictures and memories of the past to interfere with the present and to focus on touch and the physical, and to when I see something arising to apply self forgiveness for myself to release myself from all mind created limitations so that I can freely express myself with my partner.

I commit myself to show and expose that all desires for more and better sex is implanted within the human from a young age to create consumers that will buy and buy all the things they can to achieve the implanted ideas/pictures and that the current money system is aware of it and knows well it is taking advantage of this point to create people that will never be satisfied and always want more and spend more so the rich can make more money and thus I commit myself to bring an end to capitalism and bring about a equal money system that is best for all life.

I commit myself to show that any and all desire within the human is in fact part of brainwashing and mind control and not real as it happened at early ages already as part of the brainwashing and thus it is not human nature or behavior but simply programming/brainwashing and as it already starts at a young age people cannot see how it happened unless they really look into it with self honesty and then the truth will be reveal that self created the human nature and desires and is in fact not real but only part of the human enslavement.

Day 57 – Life is all about sex – physical attractions of Barbie.

This is a continuation of day 56 – Life ia all about sex – I met Barbie at six.

Ok so today I am going to look at The Barbie doll and the physical attractions I imprinted from the doll as what I like, I am specifically using the Barbie doll as it is within my first seven years of my life of my base programming – and the Barbie doll is the earliest memory I currently can remember and recall where I have made such decisions within myself in relation to physical attractions and a emotional connection and sexual. 

So let me look at Barbie, I bring her here and as the memory, in her nakedness and I see what I decided I like based on a picture, imagination – because I realize, no matter if someone is fat skinny or how they look at all – Touch is the exact same on the skin for everyone, thus anything else is a MIND fuck, my own imposed limitations that I place onto myself, thus self forgiveness on all parts that the mind has made something out of it, where in fact it isn’t.

Face. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the Barbie doll face as the perfect face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the Barbie doll as having the perfect face where everything fits together with each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a feeling/emotional charge towards how the Barbie doll’s face look like as a desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire all girls having the same face as Barbie within the belief that if all girls had the same face as Barbie they all will always be happy like Barbie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a judgement of the Barbie doll’s face as being the perfect face and to judge whomever else’s face to not be perfect in polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a good feeling towards the Barbie dolls face and thus to connect it as if I have a girlfriend with the same face I will feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the Barbie dolls face a perfect, realizing it is made up in a factory out of plastic and not real at all, and only representing a picture of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that barbie must have the perfect face as all the girls that played with the other barbies made it look like it must be so in the way they played with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in love with Barbie’s face, thus literally trapping myself within the energetic feeling/emotion towards such a facial expression and to not “like” anything less than, thus realizing I set up all relationships I have to fail as the girls will never match my ideal face I desire for a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I connected the Barbie doll with emotions and feeling within my mind and imprinted the picture  within me as a desire that I actually limited and enslaved myself to that one picture and to never live here in each and every breath enjoying myself within and as the physical with all the expressions of the physical as one as equal. 

Boobs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the perfect partner must have boobs that is a good size that is touchable and visible when wearing cloths such as the barbie doll.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that a women must have round perfect boobs to be a potential partner such as the Barbie, otherwise they are not real women and not worth touching as I touched the Barbie doll.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the size of all women’s breasts according to how I have experienced touching Barbie’s boobs and to within this belief that if a women doesn’t have a reasonable size boobs such as barbie you cannot have fun with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that different size boobs will feel different, realizing that all boobs even of men, feel the exact same as they are all the same as flesh/skin, and only the manner of how the boob size fits in your hand will be different but touch will be the exact same, and if the boob size makes you experience the touch any different than you know you are brainwashed and mind controlled as that is a mind job and not real as the physical one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief all women must have perfect round boobs or there must be something wrong with them, as Barbie had perfect boobs as she was not real and made of plastic and but only a picture in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that boobs are important within a relationship as there must have been a reason they made babies so big and perky.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that boobs are important in a relationship, realizing that boobs are mere fat and for feeding babies and not intended for a man at all, and thus any connection to boobs as a desire is actually a result of mental disorder of inner voices and back chat that self has with self.

Legs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that Barbie has the perfect legs and that all women’s legs must look like hers or there is something wrong with them if it doesn’t, as Barbie must be perfect why else would they make a doll like that with which all girls must play with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge all girls that does not have legs like Barbie as not potential partners and thus shun them away and actually become mean and ugly towards them as they are not fitting my mental picture of limitation and mind enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the belief through playing and touching a Barbie doll that all girls must have smooth perfect feeling legs or they are not real girls and not worth a women, realizing that Barbie was actually created in the image and likeness of what a women in this life can never achieve, even with plastic surgery as there will always be hair on a person’s body.

Ass

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that all girls asses are made in china lol, see first Barbie blog to get the joke. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that all girls must have a ass that is skinny and where the hips isn’t wide but just the right size as to fitting the body posture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that a girls ass must be skinny for her to be worth considering in a relationship, realizing that it is not about being skinny or fat, it is about self honesty and LIFE as the physical one and equal, as we are all here living on earth, and thus anything that compromises self to live in limitations and mind control is enslavement and for the mind consciousness system that is enslavement, and thus it is to realize no matter how a Being looks like, we are all make of flesh the exact same thing and bone and skin and it all moves, touches/feels the exact same, thus if there is anything more it is to realize that there is a mind fuck, a judgment of the fruit of the tree of knowledge instead of the tree of LIFE where all is one and equal.

To be continued..

www.desteniiprocess.com 

Day 55 - Life is all about sex part 3

Day 55 - Life is all about sex part 3

This is a continuation of Day 54 - life is all about sex part 2.

Ok so I left where I discussed and applied self forgiveness on my firs relationships I had as my parents and how I learned through them in their behavior/words and how this plays a role in how I have identified relationships and how it should be and how the other person should be and should not be and how the other person should look and not look.

It is quite obvious that a child learns all the time in their environment, so if you have these two beings as parents around you the whole time the first seven years of your life, you are obviously learning the most from them, mostly everything, the whole foundation, this is how I am going to go into the points of my sexual life, and how I as a male have made life's purpose all about sex all the time.

Here I will focus on the points of how I have identified relationships through my parents relationship as I grew up through simply looking at who I am currently within the point, because who I am now within relationships and who I was as a kid is still the same, I will look at both points of the coin, the polarities play outs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify relationships as two people that fit together in their personalities and within their physical appearances.

I forgive myself that I have connected two being in a relationship and how their bodies look like and how they physically behave together with their physical bodies as a indication to how a relationship must look like where two people must be attracted to each other physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect how tow people hug and act together with their physical bodies and how they touch each other to how physical bodies must look like within a relationship and that any other physical body with another that isnt the same can not work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect how the mother looks and how the father looks physically as to how a accepted couple must look like, and thus limiting myself to any other expressions within the physical as having a agreed relationship with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imprint the picture of the mother and father holding and kissing and hugging each other as the perfect couple picture and thus within aging I would seek this picture as my relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imprint parents and how they are NOT holding and touching and kissing apothecary and how they behave towards each other as not being a good relationship either because the father does not want to touch the mother for not fitting his desired women or the other way around and as aging comes I will seek for the opposite relationships in picture presentation and behavior/personalities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify how relationships must not be through how the parents acted towards each other in words and deeds and to within my life seek/desire/want/need the opposite and accordingly create my fantasies and desires for sex/relationships.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that how my parents acted towards each other and me as a baby and how I took it in accordingly as positive or negative as what the parents showed me in their living as the examples that I would at a older age seek the same or the opposite depending on the relationship i have created towards their behaviors and what I decided on within myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that how the mother looks like/acts in personality/ or how she even smells will determine through my acceptance and allowance what I like/want/need/desire in women as I age either in polarity or the exact same dependent on the relationship I created towards it all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that how the father looks like/acts in personality or how he even smells will determine through my own acceptance and allowance how I as a male will be once I come of age within a relationship and towards women and what I want/need/desire either in polarity or the exact same dependent on the relationship I created towards it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify good relationships ad two beings that is physically attracted to each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify a relationship that I must have as where the female is attracted to me and me to her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify relationships as tow beings that must be able to get turned on by each other through how they physically look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have identified relationships that work as being two beings that are physically attracted to certain parts of each other such as the legs, the torso the face or any other parts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have identified relationships as two beings that can adore each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have identified relationships as two people who can only have fun with each other as touching and playing together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have identified relationships as where the male must be attracted to the female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have identified relationships as where the female must be in love with the male and be physically attracted to each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have identified relationships as male/female and that they must be able to laugh together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify relationships as where the male must be attracted to the females body for it to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify relationships as where the female must be skinny and the male must be fit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have identified relationships as to where two being can only care for each other and no one else as that would be sinful to the other partner and they will be jealous and sad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify relationships as two beings that must be sexually attracted to each other all the time in each and every touch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have identified relationships as two being that must find each other sexy all the time or it wont work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make/connect sexy as being relevant to a relationship, realizing that it creates a mind relationship instead of a relationship that is based on what is best for all life in and as the physical that does not support limitation and control a the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imprint what sexy is every time the father told the mother you are sexy and how the father held the mother and to see this picture as sexy and what a female looks like that is sexy and what a male looks like that gets sexy females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have identified relationships according to pictures/words.

Ok so this is it for now, to be continued.

Stay tuned and be sure to follow the links to get more insight/support/assistance so we can realize yourself as life and end the mind picture enslavement based on limited energy that we function with instead of breathe by breath in and as the physical. 

next I will be going into actual memories of childhood.