Day 6 - Joking to hide

When I joke around with in saying something to someone, I find that behind the joke is a bit of insecurity, a fear, not wanting to face conflict, and that the joke is to make it lighter and a save place for me to say, I was only joking. Then why did I say it at all?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make jokes when I feel that I might say something to someone that they might find personal and react to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use joking as a way to feel save for what I am saying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use joking as a way to be liked and not to be hated for what I say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say I was only joking once I see that what I said or did was taken personally by someone and thus I feared conflict and used joking to escape the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use joking as a way to escape a situation of conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use joking to hide my insecurities when I am confronted or when I am confronting someone about a point, thus compromising myself and the other being in not having clear directive communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to joke around when I actually intend to be serious, sabotaging myself in being open and direct and allowing everything to be clear and understood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself with in joking a round in situations that required clear direction because I feel insecure about me giving direction as the director of a team/project etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make simple communication points more difficult for myself and others through joking around and confusing the information with jokes added in between.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as a joker and thus I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the only way I can handle conflict and situations if through joking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is to late for me to change from being a joker to being me here in each breathe, because I belief that others have and has only accepted me as a joker by now through time and can only accept me as that, as a joker and thus I must cont9nue with it like a pre programmed robot that is stuck on one play out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that what I have accepted and allowed in the past as me,a s what I have create myself as, as a joker can not be undone as I have already allowed this identity to be so in the eyes of my world and thus change will now only make me have no friends and no one to hang out with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I have friends or people to hang out with just because I have to stay as one personality, or as a personality in general for them to accept me and hang out with me, then the friendship isn't real or worth keeping in the first place as it is based on limitation and compromise/self sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest a personality of being a joker, a guy that is funny and entertaining to be all that I can be through thinking and believing that it is the only way, realizing that I can stop and change myself at any time when I make a simply decision, and that what happens from there on as consequences will have to happen and that I created it as myself as my reality and now have to walk through it in self honesty and to stop the patterns of self sabotage and compromise and start living s that which is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to such a limited way of life a a personality that has to always repeat itself to be accepted and to gain recognition for its existence, implying it isn't really real as it requires recognition lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a whole personality in relation to joking just to hide my fears, insecurities, instead of facing them and changing myself through working with he points in simple steps of writing, taking self responsibility and self forgiveness with in self honesty in a short period of time, instead of living with it till death always in hiding.

Commitments.

I commit myself to stop joking in situations where I can see conflict may arise, and to breathe and face the situation as myself in the moment. with in self honesty and the principal of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to write and do self forgiveness when ever I see that I have accepted and allowed the point of joking to play out, till the point is clear and I can be in situation where I can stand in clarity, to be direct and to not sabotage myself or the other beings.

I commit myself to stopping this pattern with in breathing, writing and self forgiveness, using the tools that I have to stop my robotic behaviors that I have accepted and allowed as unchangeable and to take self responsibility for my actions and situations. 

Behavior and programming of the human see - Virus Free Mind by Bernard Poolman