Victimization - Self-Forgiveness

 

 

First realization/insight of the word.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the word VICTIMIZATION does not mean I am victimizing myself, that it is showing others are victimizing themselves by making me or others cruel or unjust in how they view things within a victim mentality, and thus place themselves as victims and thus whatever I/you say within self-responsibility is/are diminished as they are now victims of YOU/I and not of their own doing through using the past/events/circumstances to victimize themselves as not responsible, but you are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR standing up, speaking and saying what is needed as what is here as best for all life without the fear of victimization from others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear victimization from others, that I would lose my stance, my standing within what is best for all, as I fear I will give into their reasons and justifications for being victims instead of standing as life, as what is best for all as self-responsibility. 

Take a LOOK at the definition of victimization (different then victimizing and victim)

the action of singling someone out for cruel or unjust treatment.

"we should be able to speak up without fear of victimization"

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to people that participate in victimization and to go into the believe that they have a point as to victimizing themselves, and so within that curl up and crawl back into my corner. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone is victimizing to go into their points and to then think, they are right, they are victims and I am cruel and evil for standing within common sense and what is best for all as self responsibility. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR someone else playing victimization, as to make me cruel and singling me out for unjust behaviour by speaking what is here as common sense within WHAT IS BEST FOR ALL as self-responsibility. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how much of humanity play the victimization card to not take self responsibility for their actions and their living and the circumstances here on life, through making others cruel and unjust, yet they who victimize as self-righteousness do nothing real or practical that is within self-responsibility. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself with victimization of others. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people that victimize (blame, make them cruel, unjust) others as placing themselves as victims in their reasons and justifications.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that when I deal with others who Victimize as victimizating others, that if I react and stop acting and standing, I am judging them and so I fall into the exact same boat of victimization and thus I am no different, and so within that create a reality of victims, as no one stand. 

BACK TO SELF

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to VICTIMIZE others, such as the world system, the world leaders, the Elite, RACE, where I have placed responsibility onto them as being the CRUEL and UNJUST ones, which places me in a position of being the VICTIM that can apparently do nothing and must just victimize, blame and point fingers to feel empowered in a weird way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize my family, where I make them cruel and unjust for the things they did and place myself outside of responsibility where I can now simply remain as a victim that has no part to play within my mind of delusions, as to not correct anything within reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize my work colleges, where I make them cruel and unjust within their actions and what they have done/doing, as to say to myself that I NEVER had anything to do with it, as I am apparently not cruel and unjust and so place myself in a corner where I can now act as a "victim" of my mind, leaving no point of self-responsibility open to stand equal and to change anything. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to VICTIMIZE my partner/husband/wife, where they can not say anything, do anything, as I am placing all cruelty and unjust onto them, as to make them the perpetrators of victimization, as if they create victims, taking no self-responsibility or responsibility for our life together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a perpetrator of victimizing myself as to always blame others as creating victims through their actions, not seeing and realizing that I am the one playing victim making other victim creators as a way to hide from myself and self-responsibility to take action and live as a co-creator. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a VICTIMIZER - as someone that places all responsibility onto others as a way to create out of them people that ONLY creates VICTIMS and so I am a victim, as I have been part of their lives, NEVER taking responsibility for myself, my actions, my thoughts, my words and just place it onto others.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE and REALIZE that victimization is a CHARACTER that runs around using stories, the past, circumstances and events to BLAME others as to why they are responsible for my life to be fucked, as they create "victims such as myself" as a back chat to their story that motivates them to continue to Victimized reality, and thus this character creates a NATION  of victims with righteousness to be victims such as themselves, never taking a step in self-responsibility as a co-creator in life, equally, as I see and realize this character within me and I forgive this character, I let it all go, stand as responsibility, as reality, as one as equal within what is best for all life. 

 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that any form of victimization is BULLSHIT, for RACE, for POLITICS, for CULTURE, for ECONOMICS, all has to be taken back to self within self responsibility to actually change anything within this world to something worth LIFE as what is best for all life.  

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that the reason NOTHING has changed in life from Racial points, to politics to economics is because everyone is a character of VICTIMIZATION and no one is taking self-responsibility as LIFE as what has existed here  in all ways for anyone and everything within all time, and so we have to STOP, slow down, see the cycle of victimization as making others, something else the point of cruelty and unjust, and to stop holding onto that as it has proven to do NOTHING that is best for all life, as we must learn to be responsible as co-creators that has always accepted and allowed everything together, and so we must come together within self-forgiveness to stand as examples of LIFE here within what is best for all life. 

Expectations and Blame - Self Forgiveness

 

Expectations is strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

Blame is to assign responsibility for a fault or wrong.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the believe system of expectations. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a state of expectation that things in my life and within this world will get better - without me having to do anything practical or real that directs my life and things in this world to be better. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that if I live in a state of expectations within me towards anything, that I am also create BLAME. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate RESPONSability by living in a state of expectations. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SIT in my mind and THINK about things I want to happen and then to create false realities within myself based on expectations, either from others or the world. and so if those realities within me does not manifest, or they do not happen, I then turn to BLAME as a way to assign responsibility to others as being wrong and at fault for those realities to not have manifested. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT the  world to work for me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT others to understand me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT when I do something that it MUST work immediately, or I will see no point in doing it and just give up. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT the world as the system to CARE about me or my family, when I have not done anything to care myself by actually putting work in to change the world to a place of CARE. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT things from others that I only think about of within my mind and never actually making the effort to talk and communicate with them, and so within that when things do not work out, I end up blaming them and putting them at fault. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen,realized and understood how expectations lead to inactivity, and so into blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the believe system of expectation, where just like with any believe, I will sit back and do nothing except expect. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create points of bLAME within my life towards others and attack them for expectations I had within me towards them and what I expected from them, never communicating/talking or even do the work and efforts in my life to create what it is I want. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that even if I communicate what I want/need etc with others, that I still can not create expectations, as I can only work with the physical reality and the results in the living that is here, anything else is a mind job that will end up in blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HOLD in my mind others hostage within expectations that I have of them or towards them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself hostage to the expectations I place onto others within me, where I now have this voice in my head that secretly blame others or give them the fault for things not working or moving as I EXPECT within me, thus I see and realize I must drop all expectations, as I drop all blame and to take self responsibility living in reality with what is here to direct each day within each breathe as what is best for all. 

 

Being NICE - NICENESS Self-Forgiveness

 

 

BE NICE - as my parents tell me as a child - Or ELSE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed with the IDEA of being NICE, where I must pretend to be who I am not and to deny what I see is here for the sake of an IMAGE within the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within who I am as a child as my parents would say to me BE NICE, without understanding why, and what the reason is. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself by telling myself I did not know the reason why I was told to BE NICE, as I could see and feel it, and so had to suppress myself for those false reasons of reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SMILE and be HAPPY when I meet others as to be NICE, yet the reality of what is here isn't nice and never was, and I had to go along with it or ELSE?? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go along with the BE NICE or ELSE agenda through accepting FEAR of what else could happen within me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of what will happen if I am not nice, yet rather self-honest here within who I am as an expression of life within reality as what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a character that is always NICE, as I fear for my survival if I dare simply being here as what is here and to have real conversations, to really get to points, versus pretending as I was taught to do to survive or ELSE!!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR for my survival if I am not NICE, that people will hate me, place me aside, think I am rude, and so not give me the benefits of the system. 

I forgive myself,f that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be NICE to the system that is currently here that enslaves humanity and tortures the innocent out of fear of becoming the tortured or the one that does not benefit from the system as billions do currently. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself create an image of me in my mind that is of the OPPOSITE of Nice if I dare letting go pretending to be nice, SEEING and realizing that is also part of the problem, the polarity and that I must simply develop and create myself within the principle of what is best for all, and so within that I will develop a me that is in each breath equal and one with who I am and nothing more and nothing less, as I remove Thoughts, feeling and emotions from the interaction, and instead replace it with equality as life between me and another with my mind involved, and thus coming a a point of self-honesty where there is no reaction, no judgement, nothing, except what is here in the moment to direct and move as each other as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the implication of what it MEANs to be NICE and what they accepts and allows within humanity as a falsehood instead of a brotherhood. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see,realize and understand that teaching to be NICE just for the system sake, makes Children/people/adults gullible and easy to manipulate/deceive and to be abused, as a person, as I have, will only be nice no matter what, till it is too late and you are trapped in someone else mindfuck. such as child predators, scams, religions, school, politics, economics, name it all, the entire system around us as within us. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be NICE to my mind, yet all that exist on earth is cruelty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIVE a pretend life of niceness and yet that niceness has shown NO results in the world becoming NICE and actually change to what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck with myself, my progress, my development within my process being being NICE and compromising myself in my NICE actions that aren't best for all, within self honesty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself throughout my life by being nice, which created and creates consequences for all that isn't TRUE as they are based on being NICE within the system and so keep the system going that isn't nice at all. 

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realize TRUE niceness is for me to wlak my process for me within my TOOLS, to utilize the tools I have to then LIVE the change, live what I see as best for all life in all ways to bring about a TRUE world that is NICE to all life, where my actions reflect ACTUAL true niceness from within and so without, to end all abuse in all ways. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear challenging myself to DROP being nice, and to in fact bring forth my expression that was suppressed through my acceptances and allowances as a child that was simply here, to bring myself back HERE in simplicity, to then walk and talk within and from principle as what is best for all life, and not as FEAR as the system to pretend and be false, mostly starting with myself through first applying my self forgiveness on my points to purify me to then live the self-realizations daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge NICEness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLAME niceness as me. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is all about the starting point within WHO I am, and to live niceness, I must first actually be NICE as LIFE as all life, in my thoughts, words and actions to always honour LIFE and to never LIE to hide what is here as LIFE and that needs to change, and so from my starting point, I can be NICE, yet it has a purpose, a direction within who I am and what I stand by as LIFE as my principles in LIVING and words.

Self Honesty - Self forgiveness

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-honesty is hard. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize and understand that when I experience self-honesty as HARD that I am not self-honest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-honesty can be confusing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see that when I am confused it is because I am NOT self-honest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe as the EGO that I can simply be self-honest without doing the actual work within self-forgiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place self-honesty within the limits of the MIND as ego, where I can be "honest" with myself as long as this honesty supports my mind as my thinking, my way, my points of view and thus never actually being self-honest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-honesty to justify my actions/behaviours within self-interest as the mind, as long as I can say BUT I was honest with myself, and so only prove and show to what level I am dishonest, as I see and realize within self-honesty I must push a point within me till it can stand the test of time within what is best for all life as principle. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR my self-honesty and what the truth will be as what is here, to then actually start changing instead of justifying the mind. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I must push my self-honesty as far as I can go within myself, to truly see what i here, real and to walk and live that, to thus not simply accept and allow the first thought,feeling or emotion to pop up within me to be the only layer of information I look at or though to determine if I am honest with myself or not. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afrain of what is truly here as my self-honesty and what I must truly change and take action on within my daily living to actually live self-honesty as within and so without. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to avoid SHAME through not being truly self-honest with myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to AVOID responsibility though deceiving and manipulating self-honesty within and as the mind as ego, where I can "justify" myself within saying I was self-honest, yet I did not put in the true work and actions to truly see what my self-honesty is. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to use the first FEELING or THOUGHT that comes to my mind as a reason for me to act and live points, and to tehn call that self-honesty, when I do not even understand this feeling or thought, where it came from and how, and so I see, realize and understand that I must first investigate the point to get to the source to then forgive it, let it go, and to see what is here as reality that requires me to be here. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed to see, realize and understand that I must always first apply the work, such as writing and self forgiveness within a point that comes up, to get to self-responsibility to then live self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold onto points within me and to act out those points, to live out those points, as I have within myself already justified and reasoned within me why that will be my self-honesty, and so create consequences within myself and my life that is not best for all, including myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BELIEVE that I am free, and living TRUTH when and as I act on my mind, my thoughts, feelings and emotions, as I for a moment can experience relieve or freedom, and so connect that with "I am being honest with myself, because look, I feel better" yet the point will cycle over and over until I have forgiven the points, let them go, and to see truly what is here as who I am. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT been honest with myself and living it, where I can see I must first remove my own brainwashing and mind control, I must purify myself all the way, a far as I can within myself before I can call anything remotely self-honesty, as I then need to also re-create myself within principles that are best for all life and I must re-educate myself and develop myself, so that the old is forgiven and let go, and not controlling or directing who I am, as I can then only make real decisions.

LIFE Has Failed Me.

Have you ever said to yourself "LIFE has failed me" and then feel all defeated and unable to change, like it is the end and it is all LIFE's decision, and now you have to learn a lesson and walk a process/journey, and you just have to take the beatings as they come, because LIFE has failed you, and so LIFE will also help you right? 

This is a misuse and a BIG miss for what is here on earth and how things work. First of all, LIFE has nothing to do with you failing, with your life going to shit, with you losing your income, with you failing and losing in your relationships. all that happenings is not because of LIFE. 

You see, we live in a SYSTEM. a human designed and constructed SYSTEM, this means we are all enslaved to this system, and this system has eradicated LIFE and build itself on top of LIFE sucking the LIFE out of life underneath it, and you are a cog in the wheel, you are a pawn in the system, and you are the things that is used in the system to help suck the life out of life to feed the system, and the moment you are not needed, as the system changes, you are spat out.  

When people are spat out, they blame LIFE and then they blame and shame themselves for failing, NEVER looking at the one thing that is actually causing HARM to all LIFE, which includes YOU, thus your family, your relationships, your mental health, your sanity, your humanity, the system is designed to TRAUMATIZE life into submission so that everyone cowers and fears the system to the point of obeying it till death in hope of the system favouring them. 

For the past few years since covid - we have seen the system squeezing out tens of millions of people out of its design and into more poverty, and we have not seen a real change or understanding coming from most people that it is a system design that fucks with everything, we make our problems seem so "natural" and just the way LIFE works, how things are, and thus we can blame LIFE and look away from the system, as that keeps most people safe who still have a job, and those who do not, well they just have to HOPE they can get back into the grinding machine called the system (NOT LIFE).

LIFE is HERE, and this is the key, it is the key to stand with LIFE as yourself one and equal, and to start changing this system to a system of LIFE, to root up the machine of self interest and to bring the life that is underneath it suffocating back to light. This will have to happen sooner than later as this system is squeezing harder and harder and many will fall into poverty and onto the streets, people you know or have known, it will come to each ones front door. 

Before it does come to your front door, you have an opportunity (not given by life) but still by the system of LUCK, as this system is a Casino, to do something, and TIME is not for you, as in any casino, the longer your play, you only LOSE, it is a deliberate design against you and your nature as a pre-programmed human in a pre-programmed system, that just like you, serves itself.

So, first of all one must start with changing your pre-programmed nature to not be grappled and brought down by the gambling against you and your LIFE, but to rather direct yourself within breathing to use the moment of luck you have to walk out of the casino and do something ELSE with that money to build a new and better/different system that support LIFE. (walking out of the casino is metaphorical, as this walking out within this system means within YOU, not physically). 

The point is, people must use their words towards themselves better, for example, saying LIFE has failed me is imprinting and enhancing the delusion that the SYSTEM we live in is LIFE, which it is NOT. and within this when we enhance and imprint that idea more and more, the more we do NOT stand up to the system and actually bring LIFE forwards, we in fact start seeing the system that is here as NATURAL (like Nature) and we believe we are powerless to do anything, and we must just accept our fate, instead of seeing LIFE is HERE to be brought forward as ourselves and within this we CREATE our DESTENI.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the system that is here is LIFE and that what ever happens to me within the system is a choice by life and that I deserve anything and everything the system does to me, seeing and realizing within this I make the human designed system for self interest and GREED of the ego, my god, to punish and enslave me as it pleases, and thus nothing will happen to the system and I will not do anything to stand up and NOT accept and allow this system to abuse me or others as LIFE any further. 

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience FAILURE as myself in and of a system designed to fuck with me/everyone no matter my efforts, and that poverty and starvation is part of this systems deliberate design as a fear tool TO TO ENSLAVE AND CONTROL HUMANITY TO NOT STAND UP, Thus I see and realize that failure in this system is not a failure of me, it is a failure of the system and the design and starting point of this system, and so I forgive myself that I have ever given myself a hard time, shame and guilt and regret for ever failing in this system, despite my efforts (might not count for everyone this one), and thus. 

I commit myself to stand up, to see this system for what it is, that it is not life, to show others that this system is not life, and that we must stand up as LIFE and in a great effort we must come together and we must bring life forward, to create a new system where deliberate abuse and neglect of LIFE ends, where we can live a life that is best for all life, as I would like to be done onto as I have done, and to create a system that reflect principle living.

I commit myself to get up, get out of the blame, judgements and guilts and "system shame" for any and all my failures, to forgive myself, while I am here and can still do something unlike billions of others in complete powerless positions right now in this world, to walk as a group, to get angry and say enough of the abuse, to support and assist others as best as I can to stand with, starting with myself and giving myself, equal and one with what is here in our struggles, hardships and to show, they are noting compared to what will come if we do not do something else while we can, (those who still have money) and that it will take time, and thus we must make a move, even it it starts slowly.

I commit myself to stop relying and praising this system as a fear response for self interest and survival for myself, and to start seeing I am feeding an evil that will bite back with pleasure, and thus I must stop feeding it within who I am, and start redirecting myself, my resources, my life to that of LIFE as what is best for all life, as LIFE never failed me, it is the design of an abusive system that fails LIFE.

To be continued.

Blog 686 - No One Understands Me Character

This is a dimension on the point of "no one understands me" and how this is a reality for all almost 8 billion humans on earth, not to mention the animals and plants on this planet.

I have walked my whole life being not understood by others, by the things I have said, done, or how I have acted and behaved, as I always wanted people to see me, that I am a good person, that my intentions was meant to be good and who I am is good. So, I would end in many arguments, as a child and a teenager with people in a "bad" way, as I felt throughout all the conversations and interactions that no one understood me, get me.

I have seen through so many others in their relationships and marriages how this same point play out, no one feels understood, truly understood, which is what people desire, as they want to be able to be seen and not live as an idea or opinion or some image in someone else's head, they want to be real and to be felt and to be honoured as the real person they believe or know they are within themselves, YET, this never happens and will never happen, it is a fairy tale, not within reality.

Imagine this if you will, for a moment use your imagination for a practical point, you are in essence asking 8 billion humans to understand you as you do, to never have to face any resistance, conflict or any form of arguments or feedback, which is impossible. Now, when we take it back to a smaller scale, we might have a partner and we desire and want them to understand us as we do ourselves, and they will want to same back, so you will basically spend about your whole life getting to truly understand and feel each other as you each would like to be understood by one another. Thus, your whole life will be spent trying to get the other person or people to understand you, or you will spend your whole life to find someone that "gets you" understands you.

You can see why most marriages fail in this world, why more relationships end up sour, why most people on earth can not live or work together, because no one is understanding one another, everyone is fighting to be understood, and no one is winning. 

This is because everyone is trying to be understood as characters/personalities to be validated, and it will never happen, some people claim this, that they have broken the code to understand their partner, yet, you have to be careful here. Let me explain.

If you claim to be understood by someone and that they just get you, they know you, they understand you, does that not mean and proof and show that you are just a program that can be read? and are they and you then yourself not enslaving yourself and each other to this "under/standing" of who you apparently are? it does not leave much space for self-change then, does it?

I have fought for years to be understood, and all I found was that I was enslaving myself first and foremost to the IDEA of it, to be understood by someone and to then feel that nice connection with them. After the idea, when I got it, I had someone that got me, understood me, it did not mean anything in the end, because I had to still change and thus the understanding of me had to change, which made it much harder to change, and vice versa.

So, what is the solution?

Living within principles - when we live within principle, the principle of what is best for all, the first and foremost important thing is to take care of yourself, take self responsibility for your self, if you feel mis-understood in a moment, take a moment to breath, take a moment to find out how you can communicate better, learn new words, expand your vocabulary to be more effective in bringing your points across, Yet, this can not be done for someone to understand YOU, it is to understand the POINT you are talking about. Since you are living in principle, it is not about YOU, it is about the POINT.

Then it is to make sure you take care of you in understanding yourself, this is YOUR process, and from learning about your programming, you take the steps to realize this YOU that you want everyone to understand is NOT you, it is a learned and programmed you, thus the YOU you are trying to understand is actually you trying to understand the programming that is ruining (sorry, I mean running) your life, and that you need to remove this programming with using the tools of writing and self forgiveness and adding in new LIVING words and commitment statement to live as YOU creating you, thus totally understanding yourself and living yourself.

I have spend a good amount of time walking this point within me, writing, self forgiveness and going through a lot of past trauma and friction and conflicts I created within this point, and how I then created a character within myself that is a base design of victimization, where the character walks around sobbing that no one understand me, creating anger and rage.

This is unacceptable.

I have learned, whenever I feel someone isn't understanding me, I am first of all using that person to blame for not seeing my programming that I myself am not seeing, and that I was trying and attempting to use them to show me my programming, and thus placing a responsibility on them that is mine and they can never help me with it, that I have to take on what I am trying to understand through another for and as myself, and that to then understand that programming of me, means I have to delete it and create myself to stop seeking to be understood.

By doing this, I will not and do not have fear of expressing myself, as I have no hidden programming that needs "understanding" before the points I am sharing and expressing makes sense, as they will be based in principle and thus my creation as self expression within what is best for all as me, best for me and another in effective communication of points, not of me and my characters and personalities that seeks validation.

No one should ever understand YOU, You should know thy self and from there live and express points within principle as who you are.

Day 685 - Self Honesty

The first time I was made aware of the concept of self-honesty (as it was still only a concept for me back then) was way back in 2007 through Bernard Poolman and the Desteni Process and message. This concept of self-honesty seemed so simple, be honest with yourself.

It turned out to not be as simple as I would have expected, I had a few points within me where I deceived myself with what self-honesty means, first was how I have defined the words self and honesty, and secondly, who is this self that is being honest?

So, as I started walking my journey to life process, I had to dig into this self, who am I, and I had to really face myself in many ways, in all thoughts, words and deeds, as who I was as a MIND consciousness system, as I as the living being was practically not here. My daily living was MENTAL, I would live and follow and believe every thought, every emotion, every reaction that came up within me, I would believe ideas and images of myself and try and live those ideas and images. 

So how could I have been self-honest in any way if I as the self in self-honesty was a MENTAL living being that follows thoughts, ideas, opinions and believes that are of the nature of the mind as ENERGY, always following energy - also known as the EGO, E = energy, and GOing there (E-GO).

This meant I had to apply certain very specific tools to STOP this EGO of a mental nature that I have accepted and allowed of myself since birth, I had to as THE MIND delete my mind one memory, one experience at a time, purifying myself.

The tools are that of writing, of writing self-forgiveness, and in general as I live daily, when I can, speak self forgiveness in times of a MENTAL state, such as when I was in thoughts, reactions, in an emotional or feeling energetic experience to release myself from that to be here.

The biggest parts that supported in this journey was purifying and understanding the WORDS I was living and how I was using the words in my mind, as my thinKING, as that then translated into my living, this also meant I had to re-educate myself, I had to take the time to learn something completely new, and this was the message of Desteni through the Portal, and in general all the research and sharing of other individuals and their processes.

The process of living self-honesty is a process of self-realization, and this does not mean we sit and think and see a different dimension of a point within us and go OH, there is self-honesty (that is still part of the process) but, NO, that is still just knowledge and information as a seeing within ones mind, there has to be a self-realization, this means it is integrated as self and self is living it, thus the journey and process of living self-honesty must be through ACTION and applying the tools, applying the self-honesty instantly as a self-realization, I have realized this, as the only parts of me that I actually changed, as who I am has been through self realization and when I speak as that living of the self-realization, I am living self-honesty.

Yet, the process in self-honesty is different for everyone on many levels within themselves and their lives as their position and location, YET, not so different, as we are all the same in many ways, and we do not have to "go on our own" to walk our process as self-honesty, that is part of the dishonesty within self, as within self honesty and realization, you realize there is no on your own, it is an illusion for self to abuse and be in ones mind without revealing your secrets to others and facing yourself with accountability - this reality is ONE, we must walk as equals to get this world to a place that is best for all. this brings in the next point.

I have in the past lost and to a degree forgotten quit a few times as I was occupied and obsessed with my own process about a very important part of walking this process, that I must walk it within PRINCIPLE, and this is a key to this process, without principle we are deceiving, we are self-dishonest, what is anything in this world if it does not have principles?

So what is the Principles I live by, or lets rather ask, what is the ONLY principles worth living by in this existence, and I would say, Desteni clarified that, and the main Principle is Always live what is best for all LIFE, and this in self-honesty should push one to not just live your life and think I am doing what is best for all life, not while all life is suffering, then your life and living it alone within just your process is dishonest, especially if you are a very capable intelligent human being within money and resources.

Sure, if your life and situation is going through a difficult time, focus on stabilizing yourself and your reality, yet do not get stuck in that position and location once it is sorted, move forward, move within PRINCIPLE and let it guide you within self-honesty. I know when I am lying to myself and telling myself, this is all I can do, this is where I am now settling down, if anyone can settle down this life with what is HERE as all life on this earth currently, that is self-dishonesty.

You can walk your own inner process and you can at the same time do something about this world, in fact it can compliment eachohter as each one will face themselves even more, the reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions of having to work with other human beings as mirrors of self, and this is a great opportunity, as long s we avoid GROUP effort to to do anything within this world practically and with common sense and basic math, then we are avoiding ourselves.

We avoid having to do anything with other people as we fear our own back chat and secret minds and thoughts towards others and thus our own reaction, thus we have already failed in doing anything as we KNOW ourselves to not be walking our processes effectively in self forgiveness to stop our minds and back chat to actually effectively come together this one life time to sit down, talk and come to a GROUP movement as what is best for all life as the guiding principle and thus how to change things within this system as how it is now, to let go of our IDEAS of what is right or wrong and to really be a BEAST to take on the system as ourselves.

Just like how I had to as the MIND start my process, as my mind forgiving my mind, We will have to as a SYSTEM within this SYSTEM take on this system and change this system, NO one can start from a pure and correct way, it is dishonest if you think so and live in an alternate reality, you will have to be evil at first to take on the evil and you will need your process and peers to support each other all the way. writing publicly is a great way of checking yourself and being checked, and specifically writing in self forgiveness.

The world is full of enough OPINION pieces - we who can read this and understand this, must take our positions and locations and apply what we know, living it, giving it, as the time for this is NOW. repetition is Key, Discipline is not what you desire, it is what is needed to be done and you Breathe and do it. 

Day 684 - What Do You WANT? For Real.

 

I have found, I am unable to change anything about myself that I see isn't benefiting me as the best potential I can be that in turn should be also the best benefit for all life, if I first do not WANT to, even if we can see why we need to change, that will mean nothing if we do not WANT to. I have found myself that whenever I am stuck in a point, or looping in a point, asking myself, why can I not change this, why is this so hard, what is it I am not understanding? I am actually only entertaining myself with questions and seeking more experiences to "understand" (when I have already had enough experiences and moments, so they are not pointless, but enough already) I am missing the one point even if I believe I do not get it yet, that I must want to change, and so this want is WILL power, and we then change regardless of knowing or understanding everything because to change you are walking into the NEW, you can not understand that yet, you have to walk it, and this is liberating, it is a moment by moment walking within principle, within what is best for all and thus yourself. it is a day by day living, walking, and breathing the WANT and WILL to change, with this the past, the habits, the time loops, the same things that have kept you in a place of not developing, can not grasp you any more, it can not latch onto you any more, because the want for change is stronger, so your actions, moments are all wanted, not an I have to attitude, or I must, it is YOUR desire as a want to change.

So ask yourself daily, if what you are living is what is best for yourself and thus best for all - is it a WANT yet. if not, find more understanding, educate yourself more. SEE why you do not yet want to live what is best for yourself and thus all, see where your actual wants are still distracting you and see what that actual wants has created thus far for you that does not benefit you, and get tired of it, be tired of yourself wanting destructive things, and see the benefits of wanting what is best for you as your best potential to bring about a version of you that will create the best version within this world for all.

Extra:

Ask yourself this to check, as basics.

Why do I want to be lazy?

Why do I want to Drink??

why do I want to smoke weed?

why do I want to postpone?

why do I want to neglect?

why do I want to not care for myself?

why do I not want to push through resistances?

why do I want to stay the same every day?

why do I want to not sort out my relationships?

why do I not want to be the best version I know I can be?

why do I want to not look inward and deal with myself?

these are questions to start with, once you realize everything you accept and allow daily is a want, you remove manipulation and victimization and thus blame, and you take full self-responsibility, that is where you are actually in power, no matter what. and then start changing your wants, will it, to be best for you and all life.

Falling in Reverse - Insights and Perspectives

A song to go with this post from the band called, falling in reverse

Pointers on falling in process

Your falling within yourself/process does not happen from within only, outside factors within this entire existence can and will trigger your falling.

If you fall, you know it already existed within you.

Falling can be in the smallest points all the way to the biggest.

Your falling does not only effect you, yet it is your self responsibility.

When falling, fall in reverse to change, not to blame and victimize. Forgive, change

Falling in your process isn't just an inside job, it effects reality, people.

Falling can happen in a single moment to being something that is happening very slowly over time.

When we fall, we will not be able to think straight, it is the point of falling, it brings out what already exist within oneself, thus the falling is to bring it all out. Try and focus as much as you can on simply breathing, slowing down, till you can write.

Falling isn't meant to be nice, it isn't meant to look, feel, or be nice, it is falling, there will be pain, hurt, shame, regrets, spite, and all the evil of self that will come out, you might not even be fully aware of what it all is till it comes up, breathe.

Falling will also bring out the falling points of others, thus compounding the point one is falling within to really bring the points out so one can face self, so remember to not make it about others, even when others are also falling because of your falling and it is effecting each other, all will be exposed in the Who am I point, we are all interconnected and equally responsible, thus to change is to not focus on eachothers falling, it is to focus on self to stand and the other doing the same.

Falling also exposes our strong points, points we have stood within and corrected already.

Falling is to shred all that can be shredded away so that only what is real remains, so that self can stand up and walk with what is real and not the illusion/delusions of self and reality. 

Those that stand and show themselves within this process, walking openly, will fall the hardest and receive the most backlash, those who do not will fall in secret and much less pressure will be on them for falling. Thus recognise your position and location and do not take it personal when falling and how others respond, it is about you, you standing up, with a new you here, one that is even stronger, more standing, clearer.

To the extent that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist within the mind will be the extent of the fall. thus always showing the importance of writing/self-forgivness, so that when we do fall, we do not fall into the mind only and lose ourselves and become possessed. which can lead to self harm and harming others.

 What I like about falling within myself, my process is, it shows me everything of me. I obviously do not like it while it happens, as it is falling. Bernard said, if you fall, know it already exited within you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge falling.

Falling will happen to everyone, and it will happen for most in the most unusual ways so do not judge, compare, or try and hide and run away from the one falling, that is self also falling, ways we did not and could not expect. This is how falling is real, just like walking and tripping over something and then we are shown how we were/are not here in the first place, or some parts of ourselves that we still missed, or that we simply blatantly walked in ignorance/justifications, and that tripping and falling now through pain, through reality being shown to you gives you a moment to correct yourself, to stand up and change. To also stop any and all fear.

Yet, if we keep on tripping and falling, at some point it becomes greater, the tripping and falling scenario becomes bigger, especially if we walk our daily lives in awareness of points within ourselves and our reality that needs to change and yet we do not, it all accumulates to a FALL/FALLING, because we must wake up, or if we are awake, we must change and stop postponing.

Falling also becomes greater if one is standing as a certain point within their reality and that point of responsibility isn't lived fully, as it must come back to self, as within so without, to give the equal consequence for one to see and learn and preferably stand up and not give up. To start living what one sees, to not fear, to not hold back, to shed the voices of self as others from ones mind, to let go of the constructs we place within ourselves of what is right and what is wrong, who is more and who is less, all these things in our selves must end to truly stand and express fearlessly.

If we do not, we will only live in fear, falling will heighten what exist within self, and we will have two choices, crawl into a corner of the mind, fall and give up, get possessed and become a mind demon, or stand up and shed it all, self forgive all the nasty shit we have accepted and allowed that has only caused harm to ourselves and others, forgive and walk forward self-responsible, learn from the fall, fall in reverse.

Let your falling become your standing. do not be afraid to fall, do not feel that there is humiliation in falling, it only makes the falling wore, do not care about what others think about your falling, it will only make the falling less effective and be a response to change for others, not self, thus also exposing self is in a consistent state of victimization and blame when our change is tied to others, we are holding them responsible (or prisoner) when we are the only ones.

Falling and standing can happen in seconds, a whole day, a month, a year, do not rush the standing, fall, stand up and walk out of the falling to see all the points, to know they self, forgive self, change.

Reactions - Back to Basics

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak with emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain emotional by holding onto a reaction that came up within me, and to then re enact that emotion as valid, thus validating the emotional experience and acting on it, keep it alive and to have influence over me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is okay to stop, to take a breath when there is a reaction within me, to see it and to let it go, to clear myself, and that I do not have to act, re-enact that experience, creating more consequences within myself and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am reacting very strongly, and have a lot of back chat and thoughts coming up within me, to go into the believe that this is here to show me I must act and do something with that emotion to get it out, to release it, instead of seeing and realizing that what I must do with the emotional reaction is clear the story behind it, clear that which is keeping the emotional point within me as valuable and thus giving it space within me, through writing, through breathing, through forgiving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to train myself to respond with reactions on impulse, as I believe it makes me “strong”, that it makes me open and not holding anything back, when in fact the act of me acting on it is limiting me to only my point of view that I have formed within me through my back chat over time, and thus keeping me in the past and holding me there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep telling myself that my emotional reactive body is too much to change, too much to take self-responsibility for, and that I am a victim of my emotional body and thus anyone bringing any reaction up within me through their words/actions are to blame. Seeing and realize that this way I am always perpetuating my emotional body and crowing it more and more as I have already decided to give up.

I forgive myself that I have NOT yet accepted and allowed myself to develop through discipline and breathing to first remain silent and to first with any reaction to come up within me, FIRST clear any and all points that is emotional within it, to the point where my point of view changes, before I speak or say anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have an emotional reaction, to point it at the person or people or situation that brought it up within me as the ones to blame. And so within this play the victim card, the blame card to not have to change, to not have to actually stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that each time I participate in a emotional reaction by speaking it, or playing it out, I am in fact diminishing myself as I am giving myself away to the emotions, back chat and the reaction as truth.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to really take the time to stop, to take every breath and moment to focus on myself, and to instead of doing that, focus on all the thoughts, the thinking, the back chat that follows with the emotional reaction (trigger) and look at ot all to conjure up my own stories to justify my own reactions, seeing and realizing this is my own prison I am creating and sentencing myself to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold others hostage for my emotional reactions and to live them out, by not taking full self-responsibility before I say a word or take an action and to make sure I am clear, and nothing is moving within me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to SEE and realize fully, to the extent of all of myself in every moment, that I create my won regrets through keeping myself in a emotional cycle consequences through acting and speaking when I am in an emotional reaction.

I forgive myself that I have NOT first made peace with myself and acknowledged to myself that I am a very emotional person, and to not make myself a victim to that, but to be able to know myself and walk with knowing myself to always be aware of what I must do and live FIRST before speaking or doing anything, to stop creating regret, and to move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and deceive myself within why my emotional reaction are valid, and thus use my emotional reactions to justify and manipulate others in return, as I can only live what I do and who I am towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not respond NOW to someone or something that brought a reaction up within me, that I will lose, that I will miss out, that I will be weak for not responding NOW and be taken advantage of, NOT seeing and realizing that within that reasoning I am losing and being taken advantage of and missing out, by myself towards myself, as all I know in that moment is my  emotional reaction and not me. Thus I see and realize I must breathe through the reactions and the urgency I feel within me to do something with them, and to stop and remove the reactions first, by doing self-writing, breathing and slowing down till I am clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea that I must contain myself when and as I have an emotional reaction, seeing and realizing that this is me missing the point and only bottling myself up, Seeing and realizing that I must taka full inner action to understand the reaction, to stop the emotions and to change so that the emotional reactions I have stop and do not keep coming, and even if they do, then I know them and can simply breathe and stop, thus not bottling things up harming myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR slowing down and stopping myself when and as there is an emotional reaction within me, to fear that I will miss a point, not be able to make my point, give my input and then let others make decisions without me involved, and that this will cause me to lose, to be last and so I am left alone as a no one, THUS I see and realize that I must go there, I must stop, I must breathe to actually correct myself and change myself for myself and to stop making it about others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I act on my emotional reactions that I am not even able to consider asking for support, help, guidance, as I simply act and then it is too late. Seeing and realizing that there are many ways to guide myself within a point once I take first self-responsibility, slowing down and breathing, to have clarity within myself on how to best direct myself where I stop creating regret and living in the past.

 I commit myself to when and as I there is any energetic movement within me, to recognise it as a reaction, to then stop, breath and slow down, to take responsibility for me and only me till the reaction is settled, to then take a new direction forward as the cal  me, the me that I can trust and honour and respect.

I commit myself to slow down, to find my words within me to express myself, to expand my vocabulary to be able to express myself, instead of relying on emotional reactions to guide me in my inner world, and to get to really understand myself and the nature of myself that needs to stop and change.