I must suffer and overcome mountains before I can change

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to suffer before I can change, that something must happen to me or that I must go through something in my life for me to change and for my change to be able to be justified and have reason to why I changed, instead of changing here in each and every breath. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my change has to be justifiable through things or something that happens to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go through a lot of conflict with others to FIND the points I must change within me as to be able to state that I have changed because of all the conflict I have faced and thus I actually create conflict deliberately within my reality to create the points of justification that I need to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go through a complex process of experiences and situations before I can change and stand as life, where I still believe that life requires a reason and justification to change and stand as itself, as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me here isn’t enough to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to become more to be able to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently as all of isn’t enough to stand as life, and thus place me as life out there as something I must reach, not seeing and realizing that this cycle will never end as I will always place I am not enough in front of me and thus have a never ending story.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that LIFE is here, I am here, that I must stop my thoughts, feelings and emotions and be here as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see myself as worthy of life and thus I have created this process of change in my head that I must go through before I can become worthy of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that LIFE as the other parts of me wants me as this part of life to suffer and punish me before I can stand one and equal with all life as all parts of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that LIFE has abandoned me and that I have abandoned myself as life and within believing this I have created an Idea in my head that I must suffer and walk a process of suffering before I can be allowed back to life, as a point of redeeming myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life and life hard on myself through the idea nd believe I have about LIFE within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it hard t in fact see and realize that I am life and that I as life do not want me as life to suffer and wlak a long hard process, that I as life welcomes me as life to life any moment, I must simply stop my thoughts feelings and emotions and thus honour myself as life and stand as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind as my thoughts feelings and emotions is a fun place to be within and that life as all of me isn’t a fun place to be within as I have valued my mind so much that I actually fear losing my mind, stopping my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project me changing and when I change into the future after some time, after I have walked a process first according to what I believe I must face and go through and thus create it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the journey I believe I must first walk before I can change is the journey I create for myself, even when that journey is based on a belief and not what is real, as here in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ENJOY some parts of the mind too much to give up that I would rather create a massive process and journey for myself that includes suffering and pain and hardship, just to not give up the mind, my thoughts, my feelings and emotions, and habits and patterns that I have laid down to control and manipulate my reality and control my reality within self-interest and thus not give that up but rather blame life as being hard and that I will someday maybe change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on future change outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up my breath for indulging in the mind consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsaken life and to within this blame life for making things so hard on me, yet life is Here as me as I am life I am simply not taking my throne.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it weird to say the word throne that came so naturally to me, where a throne is simply a seat of a kind, and thus I can see that finding that weird in itself shows to what level I have degraded myself from life as a seat to take with and as life as a king, as a throne has become awkward and weird instead of natural and normal, as I have contaminated the word with kind on humans of earth as the mind instead of it as standing as life in oneness and equality as all, as a co-creator.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see myself worthy of GOD, being god, that I am god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by stories and myths and books on what it means to be god and actually stand as god where it is all magical and mysterious and BIG and amazing shit, when in fact I do not know, and thus I can drop all expectation, all projections, all ideas and opinions and simply breathe and be here, be still and know.

I commit myself to focus on breathing and to when and as I go into the mind, a thought, a feeling or emotion, a mood or an experience, to give myself a moment to focus and stabilize as breathe till nothing is moving within me and to move and direct myself from that points, even when there is a little bit of resistance, to push myself and to push through and create myself.

Day 582 - That Block when you havent Blogged in a while - Response to MatterFreemans Blog post

Please read Matti Freeman's blog of which this blog is a response here - http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/06/day-319-that-block-when-you-havent.html

Thank you Matti for this Blog, as I have had this Block for a while as well, and I know many others have this block as well, just no one ever pushes to unblock themselves, and I can see this for myself as myself.

Those that want to blog can not, those that has the time to blog simply does not - this is the world working in reverse, as those that has already taken their space and time within this reality to be active and live, to walk the talk, does not have the time to blog consistently, those that requires blogging to unblock themselves are not doing so because of the very point they need to walk to become active, to take responsibility, to become self-honest within themselves.

I haven't blogged in a while, even though I stand by very specific principles that I live and implement daily, the very reason I have this blog, and no other reason is for myself, to rebirth myself, to change myself, this blog is for ME as all life, yet there is no activity, there is no movement. perhaps every now and then. this raises question to reasons towards and of myself, no other. Perhaps because I saw it as ONLY being for me, I could simply toss it aside like it meant nothing, thus I never included all LIFE s me and making that me stance within writing, me as my journey as LIFE.

After reading Matti's Blog, I saw a few things, I wasn't blogging because I was being Lazy, or because I wasn't busy, I was in fact very busy - so busy with so many things that blogging didn't come up during my days very much. I would see others blog and I would read their blogs and I would share their blogs, but not all, and still share them within principle of spreading the message, the support and assistance.

So - what is the BLOCK as Matti described within his blog regarding blogging?

The block that I have found within myself isn't just one block point, there are many, my mind has made so many fears as reasons to why I am not blogging, or reasons as justification, my mind had made so much out of it that blogging is simply not an options, so how did this come to this?

See, the point of this Blogging within the 7 year Journey to Life is very specific, it is a BLOG that is public, or some set it to private depending on their work but yet allow others to see it, like being invited, see EVERYONE can blog, even if these blogs are just posted on the Desteni forums etc, there is always a way, there is No excuse. where these blogs can be under a different name even if public - as the point is UNIVERSAL process, as each person with Desteni walk their journey, their journey is very very specific, and this is within the understanding that there are 7 Billion people in this world that walk similar journeys, and thus through sharing and walking these journeys in public, others can find support and assistance within this current system we are all fucked within and move the world within support and assistance much faster through the beautiful thing called the internet, besides our daily living and activities in ONLY our current environments, which is extremely limited in comparison - I mean, how did I get to where I am? through the internet. and everyone else I now know with Desteni? through the internet. 

Thus living the principle of oneness and equality for all - through sharing, giving, supporting, assistance, reaching out to the world through our personal Journeys - this is a pretty awesome way, as our process/journeys being shared over the internet in support and assistance can prevent a lof of harm, to self and even others. Because we write our Blogs within principle, with the tools we have been using and implementing of self forgiveness, problem and solution, giving corrective statements to apply.

imagine a person is going through a mind possession and wants to stab someone, but instead finds a blog on the internet of someone else that walked the same point, and through this the person does not do this but instead take self responsibility, or at least reach out for support and assistance. the blog isn't limited to its possible reach, it isn't limited to ONLY the people a person knows within their current environment, it is actually considering everyone writing a blog.

So How did I lose first of all Myself and this simple point of living and walking blogging within principle of whats Best for all life? how did I come up with SOO many reasons and excuses and justification to NOT blog? how did I make and create such a "valid" limitation to blogging within my reality that it has become impossible and even accepted as a valid reason for all others that walk with me this journey? why has my brothers not been my keepers? have I deceived and manipulated myself so much that even they fell for it? the reason and excuse?

I have taken the time tonight to check myself to find the most Valid reasons for me to not do blogging in any way what so ever online, with considering my life and time/space, and there is none but only fears and excuses and seeking self-interest - I am the BLOCK in me blogging for the sake of self interest. does not matter if I was a rich man that had to protect my image and keep my blogging a secret from everyone I know, If I was seriously self honest and am, I would have and WILL find a way to stand as the point of walking my journey, sharing my journey and reaching others with my journey to move along this process we as Humanity is all walking to either create heaven on earth or to destroy t, and I know and see, that me not writing unconditionally and to FIND a way to keep writing no matter what my physical reality as survival is demanding of me to NOT do, because I am passionate about what I do and will even start an underground blogging society to make sure earth and life on earth is getting the support and assistance on how to live corrections, take self-responsibility, develop self-honesty and to live whats best for all life as that is exactly what ISN'T here on earth, so why would I stop blogging and Block myself? did my personal survival become independent from the survival of earth? and moving the earth process as each and every individual that is ME, then self-interest has surely conned me to make up my actions as beautiful pictures and ideas to justify my actions of why I am "focusing" now more on just my life and self-development, Blogging within principle is independent from that, a person WILL find a way to do so regardless. there are ways, and I found that I simply didn't care to find that way - this is because self-interest has got self interested in something else than LIFE.

I am grateful for Matti's Blog, it really gave me the moment to really check the points within myself. and I am finding scary shit of how the mind works and has worked me - such a simple point of blogging, taken for granted, of almost 100 7 YEARS Journey to Life Blogs that started out, but only about 20 remain active. I commit myself to check myself everyday on this point with Brutal self-honesty.

To be continued with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective statements