16 Days of no Coffee – answering some questions and sharing

Today is the 16^th day of not drinking Coffee. 

Why? 

I will start with the WHY because every time I say I stopped drinking coffee people seem to freak out and make it as if I am stupid for doing so, or as if I am weak for being able to stop drinking coffee, almost as if I decided not to be part of a cult and take part in this cults rituals anymore and now the cult is kind of turning on me as a previous member. 

So, let me say why in many dimensions of the question. 

I stopped because I am walking a process of purifying myself within and through self-forgiveness in writing self-forgiveness and taking self-responsibility for what exist here as me, yet I have seen and realized that I must also at the same time purify my outer, what I do and participate within as my habits, patterns and addictions. 

Because I have come to realize that drinking coffee isn’t MY decision anymore, it has become a decision that was being made for me, this is obviously a problem. 

It is a Problem because it has become habitual, thus controlling my behaviors, my habits and even forming them all according to coffee. Thus coffee became my master and I the slave. This has placed a massive restriction on my movement, flexibility on a daily basis, like driving on the road and finding there are unnecessary bumps/humps in the road to slow down the car from moving, and eventually causing damage to the car, consuming more fuel, all the stopping or slowing down and going, drinking coffee became exhausting and at times compromised me and my body where coffee would overwrite drinking water or having a meal. 

I would generally drink 6 cups a day and on some days I would even push it to 12. This has been so for YEARS and I would sometimes joke and say, I am 70% water and literally see drinking coffee as me fueling up, filling up. This has exposed my addiction that I judged as normal and okay. 

When I look at the money spend on coffee at home and the amount of precious water consumed for making coffee, not to mention the milk and electronics and electricity on a daily basis multiple times, the addiction did not just harm me but in the end it is having a consequence on reality – Imagine billions of people doing this daily all around the world. 

Now, coffee isn’t bad, it can be enjoyed daily, I would say one or two cups as a support for the body in times that it is required, like a medicine, but at the rate I have been consuming it and seeing and knowing how others also do it, it is an overdose for all of us humans, not to mention how much each and every person is spending when they go out on their coffees and their chinos and all the other types of coffees. 

I once asked a lady that works at Seattle which specializes in coffees – almost like a Star Bucks, how much milk they use daily for making all the peoples coffees and other orders that is coffee, and she replied, the most has been 600 Liters a day. This was but one shop making coffee of the dozens in the same area I know of. I asked this because the coffee usage was obviously a LOT, but I was curious about the milk, so I realized I also had a milk addiction with my coffee. 

I also know about the coffee industry and the abuse that is taking place there with the people actually working in the fields, harvesting the great beans that we grind up and then drink away and piss out, not to mention the abuse of the earth and the soil, the amount of land and natural habitats that had to be destroyed and most probably that are being destroyed right now to keep up with our demands for coffee. The earth is truly losing. 

Back to self – I am re-birthing myself, and I have stopped many addictions over the years, and I find myself stuck with a few, and these few are truly over powering my daily living to a certain degree. I was only able to see to what degree it was once I stopped and pushed through the initial pain of stopping which I experienced. 

The extent to which this one particular addiction was in control of my life, my daily movement and living is something that I would not be able to place in words as I experienced the Freedom after day three for others, but I can say, it was as if a chain has been loosened from my leg and I could more freely direct and move myself within space time. 

This is but the more daily experience, not to mention the bodily changes. I started feeling a lot more stable, grounded and I was less high on energy but had more energy that was moving at a practical pace instead of like a racing car. 

Day 1 – on day 1 when I stopped I went through the initial I want one, just one more for today, maybe tomorrow it will be better and then I can stop fully, but I breathed and stopped that thought and experience, to not lead myself into temptation and deceive myself, as I have faced this multiple times and I know it never works for me, so I had to go full out and embrace whatever comes my way and to trust that it will NOT be for ever, and so I walked with that trust that it will not be forever, simply breathe and move myself. I drank a lot more water and ate quite a bit more and different foods, which in return supported my body a lot more than having a quick coffee. I had MASSIVE headaches and did not talk about them at all on day one but simply breathed. I also did not talk about quitting coffee with anyone till I knew I have lived it and pushed through, thus on day three I was clear and spoke out. 

Day 2 – This was the worst, I went to bed the previous night with a headache and slept with it and woke up with it and so I worked as usual all day in the sun with laborious work with this massive headache. After the day was over with work, I decided to get some support with this massive headache, and thus I took one headache pill. Within 15min the headache was gone and I felt amazing, this allowed me to have a great sleep that night and then I woke up Feeling refreshed and coffee free.

I started smelling coffee more and noticing the smell in the house from others making a pot, my body had a natural reaction on a physical level of feeling repelled to it.  This supported me even further. For the next couple of days I had a small moment of a headache every now and then, but drank some water or some juice and then it was all good. 

On day 15 I took a small cup of coffee out of curiosity what it would be like to have some now. I took a few sips and I did not enjoy it at all, it was bitter and not as I remembered it LOL. So this I found interesting, I drank the entire small cup (100ml cup) and then I felt disgusted in my body by the coffee. Five minutes later I started noticing my entire body was vibrating and mostly in my solar plexus area, this I focused on to see what was happening, it was as if I just injected adrenaline into my veins and I started experiencing a physical anxiety within me.  I did not enjoy this experience as I felt more disconnected with my body and not grounded, I got easily more triggered. Within this I also noticed how I was abusing my body by not being able to be in tune with my body and what’s going on with my body to being on this adrenaline rush. 

This has been my journey thus far, and still continuing with no coffee, there is no set limit or amount of time that I will not be drinking coffee. Maybe forever, maybe I will have a cup every now and then in the future. 

Thanks for reading and enjoy.

Day 548 – Shaving my Head Bald, and what changed – Self Honesty

Yesterday I shaved ALL my hair off once again, plus putting a razor to my head so that it is smooth and shiny. My head is still very white and has to adapt to the rest of my bodies skin tone, so it looks a bit funny at first, like it really is sticking out. 

I sat in the bathroom in front of a mirror on a chair with the hair clippers in my hand, I was a bit nervous doing it, But I made a decision and I followed through, I turned the shaver on and started buzzing all my hair off, then I cleaned up and went to the sink to start and now really getting all my hair off with the raiser, this was fun.

 When I started shaving I could feel a sense of comfort within myself after the initial nervousness, and I got really relaxed within doing so, as I have returned to some part of myself that I have been suppressing or hiding from the world.

This I found quit interesting, because I used to be bald for a long time before, for at least 5 years or so, but I started growing my hair back about a year and a half ago when I started a new business venture. Initially I was bald starting this business venture and I did this for about 6 months, I was extremely comfortable with myself, and what was more fascinating was that everyone noticed me and remembered me and enjoyed me being bald, may it be business people or just normal people from all walks of life, BUT kids found me most fascinating and always wanted to touch my head and feel it, because they do not usually see a guy that is bald.

The whole reason for me being bald previously was because of a stance I made, a decision I made and where shaving my hair and keeping it shaved was for LIFE, a commitment to life, to when I always shave my hair there is this deep connection I have formed, like a reminder of why I am here, what I am doing and that I will do this till it is done, to walk my process and to change myself and rebirth myself as life and to within this process accumulate global change with everyone else that takes on this active journey together one and equal.

So now, back then when I was fist bald, I really got used to it and it was way more practical for daily living and just better I have found, which I enjoyed a lot, but there was now dozens of other people around the world with Desteni that has made the same stance and commitment within shaving their hair, some only did it to get over it and face some real deep shit attached to hair, which can be social, family, society I mean hair goes deep within what the human has made out of it, mostly sexuality, and with me starting a business the fear arise within others in my environment (that wasn’t part of Desteni) that me being bald and the reason for it might affect business and what I do.

So I made the decision to grow my hair back and to see if having hair makes a difference, but this decision didn’t compromise my commitment or stance at all. I remained the same. So after 6 months of doing business bald and then a year and a half of doing business with hair, I have found that there was absolutely no difference for me. Because I didn’t change, it was always about whom I am and thus what I do and how I express myself. Even if people did find it interesting or different at first, it was actually an amazing connection point I have found within Business, because NO one forgets me, no one confuses me, and everyone can recognize me from afar, this changed as soon as I grew hair, people found it difficult to make that initial connection and remember me, but I kept going with it, trying to “fit” into the system more, and in fact I fit in so much that I just became one of the system people again.

So, while I was Bald and had a shaved head, people always asked me why are you bald, and I would answer them, saying that I do this as a commitment to self-change and changing the world, plus it is way more practical, and guess what, people LOVE to see other people that is committed and to what lengths one is willing to go to live for something, it shows a certain “character” that isn’t seen much in this world.

Here I am, bald again – I tested out both side of the same coin for myself, I have realized it is always about who I am and how I define and stand within points/challenges – and that people’s reactions is always one and equal to the stance that I have within me as who I am, if I am insecure or feel there is something to hide or to not get people’s attention to something that I have judged as Bad, then that is exactly what people will do, If I see myself standing in a group that is global and having a shaved head with dozens of others for the same principle as bad, or cultist, guess what, that is what it becomes and shows me that I am not clear within myself and that I haven absolutely taken a stance. This is the principle of the universe, oneness and equality, and this isn’t about image and looks, that’s not what the universe stand one and equal to, but with the substance of everything here and how we are using/directing the substance as ourselves within ourselves.

This is my experience within the point, I have tested all things within this point and keeping what is best for all life, including myself to be at my utmost potential.

This was an interesting test for myself to see and realize I am the source, the master, the creator and as long as I give the system power over me, then that is what I will create and manifest (bad things), if I accept and allow the system to over throw my stance within who I am as standing as Life as what is best for all, even in the slightest reason/justification and not standing, then the system continues, I cannot con the system as long as I am conning myself, deceiving myself, living in perceptions and ideas of society.

Self-Honesty

If you can be bald and make/create it to affect your reality in a way that is best for all, Do so, take the stance, go baldly where no one has gone before. It is what I/you make of it - but be self-honest about your decision, which one ever it is.

Side note: All the women and men in the world should go bald – this way we can really get men and women on a “equal” eye view, wouldn’t that be interesting, how will men change towards women and women toward men? By removing a major part of the image for real, of the mind, and lets deal with each other as BEINGS, not things – and of course dress the same (most practical clothing for both human forms that is the same). Real empowerment. Love the person for who they are and not how they look, putting that saying into practical living application globally.

Day 478 - I am a South African

Yes it is true, I live on a continent called Africa, and I am in a country that is based on the southern tip of Africa, I was born in this country and I was raised in this country, I have the language of this county and I have the cultures of this country, I also have the personality of this country because this is where I was born.

All my life I have been proud to be a South African, I have held this nation within me as MY COUNTRY, I felt honored to be here, I used to watch sports where we compete against other countries and I would scream and be all hyped up for OUR COUNTY, my country to win, because if my country win I can say even with more PRIDE that I am from this country.

Over time I took on a personality, a character that is SOUTH AFRICAN – this is quite interesting, because there are many types of characters/personalities within South Africa, due to us having such a wide range of races living here, each race having their own back ground and each race within our/their races having different cultures and religions, yet there is an overall personality of an South African that we all have in common, it is a beingness, it is the substance of the people living in SA that is of the same.

I am a Caucasian, a white young man living in South Africa, I grew up after Apartheid, so I do not know the struggles, and I do not need to know it, yes I must be educated about the past to not to repeat it, but I do not have to know it, that’s why Mandela did what he did, so that I do not have to know it, live it, experience it and be a fresh new beginning for all humans.

And this is where I am about to make my point, I may be of South Africa, this may be my birth location, this may be the land that I grew up on, but I am not actually a South African, because I could have easily been born in China instead of here, or in America, or in Russia, or in any other country, and then what?? Then I would be a Russian, or a America, or a Chinese, or a European and then I would have had a personality/character of that country, the same as I have one now of South Africa.

So what makes my South African personality so unique or so special, or my culture or religion, if it could easily have been anything else just because of where I was born or could have been born, a complete different family or race or culture and that would have been me then.

So I have come to realize and see for myself everything within me that I value as a South African has to change, the starting point within me for why do I want to be a South African, why do I want to label myself as that, as that personification that I add to my nature/character (the attribution of a personal nature or human characteristics to something nonhuman) that comes with it.

What if my country got destroyed today and I had to move somewhere else, who would I be then? I can’t claim I am a South African then, South Africa is non-existent then.

There are so many point that I as a South African can look at myself and who I am and how much of who I am comes from the idea/belief/opinion of my country and how I have shaped myself according to those ideas/beliefs/opinions, and to within this I can see more weaknesses within me or strong points, and I can see how many of them are simply a result of the idea/belief/opinion I have of my country, and because I have valued myself, and defined myself and affiliated myself as my country thus I am now subject to all these things that isn’t ME, or who I am, yet at this moment it is who I am, because I have accepted and allowed it to be so, to be so natural.

It is quite a limitation within itself – I have over the years met dozens of people that come from other countries and cultures and races and I have spent months with these people and even married a specific one ; ), and it turns out we are all exactly the same, till it comes to talking about countries, it becomes a comparison, it becomes a competition, it becomes very interesting, how each one is naturally defending their country and making their country their own, divide and conquer is truly a weapon of mass destruction, it is imbedded within each of us, our country, our nationality – we can leave our country for many years, we can be away for as long as we like, but deep inside there is a program laying in waiting to fight for your country.

But I have found within myself quite a change regarding this point, because I have stopped participating within all the “normal” cultural events and TV, for the past seven years, it has opened me up to truly develop myself as a human being instead of a South African, and I have come to realize that there are so many negative things attached to each and every country that people take on as their own, as if being born into a certain country means you must be this or that, or the people in your country are placed into a stereo type definition, and now me as my country have to fit into that stereo type of person.

MY country is so though, my country is dumb, my country is intelligent, my country is uneducated, my country is poor, my country is rich, my county is sophisticated, my county has the best people, my country is uncool, my country is better than your country – here I am mentioning things we all have in mind at some point, and we take those generalizations about our countries or others and we make it part of ourselves, of our actions, of how we interact with others, and this is a limitation, it is within boundaries of who we can be, image the world as one.

So I suggest for us as a human race to overcome all the problems we face culturally or in religions, or within races or within any other things that separates you from the world, to let go of it, you were simply born into the country, into the body into the cultures, into the religions that you are now and could have easily been anything else if you were born somewhere else, and by this self-honest common sense reasoning let go off the separation of countries, of people of races or cultures and religions and realize, it isn’t you, you after death is what remains. And I can guarantee it’s none of what we are fighting for so strongly now as our limitations.

I am from South Africa, its a saying of reference, not a statement of who I am. I love South Africa's weather and the nature and the environments of nature and the sun are all references and likes, not who I am. I want to live here because it is fun here, it is joyous here sometimes, those are statements of preferences, not of who I am, who I am must be able to live anywhere and be the same, as death will be our final destination. did we live as one and as equals will be our test, did we manifest a life that is best for all life, those will be the things we take with after death as who we are.  

Day 374 – Distractions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create entertainment for myself before I have done all that I need to do and then the entertainment becomes a distraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself within the entertainment within the justification that I am tired and deserve it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the indulgence that takes place within entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hypnotized by entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my time first within entertainment and then when I have time left give that time to priorities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my effectiveness within not living breathe by breathe and applying what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use how tired I am a decisions making factor within what I am able to do or not, seeing and realizing that I am only compromising and creating excuses and justifications. 

I commit myself to push through to do all my priorities before any form of entertainment.

I commit myself to honor myself through living my priorities and to not compromise my priorities.

I commit myself to live my priorities and to show self-respect for myself through living them as myself and to not give into entertainment.

I commit myself to live in such a way that I will always be proud of myself and that I will always be able to stand by myself as myself no matter what, and to never have an excuse.