Day 86 – deliberate self dishonety Part 1.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and hide my inner world from myself to pretend in character that I am fine, I have no problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character a face that hides what is going on inside of me just so that others may not see it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide what I know of myself as my current truth from myself through pretending and playing many characters and roles daily just not to face who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/exist as, as the mind as energy as feelings as emotions as thoughts that are within self interest and not what is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge emotions as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad when I have emotions, realizing that it is not to judge but to be self honest within what I am experiencing and to look is what I am experiencing real or not is it what is best for all life or not, and to take self responsibility for what I experience and allow to influence my life and so all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge feelings as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge having feelings as bad, realizing that it is not to judge but to be self honest within what I am experiencing and to look is what I am experiencing real or not, is it what is vest for all life in all ways or not, and to take self responsibility for what I experience and allow to influence my life and so all life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am a bad person for what goes on within me, realizing that I am only compromising myself to face the point and letting go and to rebirth myself as life as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being exposed as bad, realizing that as long as I judge myself as bad in life, in the things I am capable of doing and not that I will always remain within my own judgment and thus live it as that and that I am responsible for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I can stop what I experience in breathe, as breathe is real as the physical as the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide all that I experience from myself and also to hope to hide what I experience within me from others to not be questioned what goes on in my inner reality as I know that once I have to admit what I accept and allow to exist within my world is not necessary and that I am dishonest with myself within change and applying myself, and thus I try and hide to not to have to face what I already know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create many/multiple characters that smile and wave and that play a role during the day that pretend everything will just go away just not to face myself, my inner reality that is not equal and one with the real reality as the physical as my body the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on, to create many characters for myself that I act within and play out in certain roles just to not to have to face the actual reality as the mess that I have created for myself and the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking as no character as this will reveal to me what has always been here as the physical as reality and that I must take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in self dishonesty within putting on many characters during my days as if I am fine, I am good, I am working on myself face, yet knowing I know what I must work and yet do not do it, creating many excuses to why and how, thus I play the many characters because I know when I am questioned I will only face myself and what I am doing that I know I should not be doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play characters everyday as if I am fine, I am fucking amazing, I am so busy, I can not get to everything, I am doing my best, yet I know when I have the time and the money I do not what I know I must do, and thus I pretend so that I do not have to show my evil actions of being deliberate in what I am not doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deliberately dishonest with myself and life within my application in doing what is best for all life though making deliberate decisions to not do certain things in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that what I hide as the fear within me to be exposed, it that created of being deliberately dishonest within my life, where I know I am not applying myself and yet not doing anything, knowing my weaknesses and not strengthening them for what is best for all life, knowing what I must do and how and yet I do not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create deliberate consequences that I know will come and that I can see how I am creating them within my life and all life and yet I deliberately decide to not change and not do it, or do anything about it, knowing it will take time patience and consistency and yet not starting, not applying, and thus sabotaging myself completely.

To be continued.