A cool point in relation to spiritualism opened up for me tonight, I was talking to a couple of people about the past and about grandparents and their history and how their lives was, and then as we talked a memory opened up about my grandparents and then about me.My grandfather had a gift when he was still alive according to what I was told he could speak with ghosts and he could see things happening before they happened, he could for instance walk into a house and then he would say someone here will die in a week’s time and then it would happen – this was part of the pre – programming design where some people could see the pre-programming, part of the enslavement.
In my family we were three boys and then the parents, from my mother’s side my grandfather had this ability and my Mother believed herself to have the six sense ability, dreaming stuff and feeling bad things will happen and then it happens, I remember as a boy how these stories was told and how I would always find them very attractive as it was out of the ordinary and “special” because no one I knew directly could speak with ghosts and greet them and see who is going to die and when and stuff like that.
Back then it wasn’t yet defined within me as being spiritual, it was simply what people could do – and as a young kid I wanted to have these abilities, because of the way the Adults told the stories and how they improvised on them and how it was given value in the words and mannerisms in telling the stories, I wanted people to talk about me like that.
This took place in my childhood years between 0 and 12, I remember my mother being curious if one of her children would have gotten the gifts or the “six sense as what her Father had, I mean - if one of us did have this gift we would have been accepted and valued in our mothers eyes and be loved even more and be special – this is what any kid wants from his/her mother at that age and to be special and out of the ordinary makes it even better, as we have been brainwashed to define ourselves according to other people and how they see us.
I started questioning myself and if I do have these gifts or the six senses, because the possibility was here as my grandfather had it so I can have it through genetics. I then started wanting to have these gifts; I started forcing myself to create things that aren’t here.
For instance – this one time my brother had a dream and he went and told my mother about the dream, because the dream scared him, I overheard the dream from around the corner of the living room, I then afterwards went to my mother and told her about a dream I had, and this dream was exactly the same as my brother, but I obviously pretended to not know about my brothers dream, because this would have given my mother the impression that I have the six sense ability and can dream what others dream LOL.
I started to develop myself in such a way where I would manipulate others into believing what I am saying as being genuine and true – another example with my older brother is – I one day over heard my brother talking to my mother and father about a thing that he was experiencing, my brother was quite emotional and he projected the emotions as being other people’s emotions, he wasn’t aware of it back then, but he told my parents that he could feel other people’s emotions when he is around them and that he cannot handle it and does not know what to do within it and he cried, I was sitting on the stairs over hearing the conversation once again in secret – then later that day as the little manipulator that I was creating myself to be. to be loved and get attention and acceptance and validation from my mother – I went to my mother and I stood in front of her and I said, mom I have this thing, I can feel other people’s emotions and feelings that they have inside of them, I can feel when someone is sad or angry or in fear, my mother stared on at me and I was awaiting that moment of being validated as being special, it did not happen because it was quite obvious what I was doing lol.
I noticed that it wasn’t working and I wasn’t getting anywhere - My mother wasn’t approving of me and I wasn’t getting to be special, because what do I know what someone is special, they get to be happy and everyone gets to love them and they can live a life of acceptance, so I wanted that.
I tried a new approach, this was through my dad and then my mother, I remember one night driving with my dad from the city to our small village we were living in, the road we were driving on was very wobbly, meaning it was up hill and then downhill, so for a moment when you are up on the hill you can see what is coming from the other side and then for a minute or so downhill you cant, I saw this as a perfect opportunity to manipulate my father into believing I can see/feel things happening in the future.
So what I did was – as we drove I could see my dad was distracted from a long day of hard work and frustration – as I sat next to him I looked at him and I said, dad I have something to tell you, I have had this for a while now but haven’t shared it with anyone because I feel it makes me weird, my dad said – Gian you can tell me anything I will always listen, I ten told my dad, I can “feel” things inside of me that still has to happen or come to past, my dad said, okay can you explain it a bit more to me?
I knew in using the word “feel” I can get away with anything, because no one understands feeling and emotions and how it is created or how it functions so using the word feel makes it all more powerful as it must mean something DEEP and special and un explainable - lol till you study Desteni.
And Then I told my dad – let me demonstrate to you what I mean – as we are on this wobbly road I knew I could simply when we are on top of the hill see how many cars are coming from afar and count them and then as we go downhill we won’t see them again till they pass us, so I told my dad okay, I can right now feel that there are three cars coming and that they will pass us. My dad said okay let’s see – and a few seconds later three cars passed us, My dad was amazed and he actually believed me – well it seemed that way anyway.
I used this moment to upgrade my skill in manipulating and how to do it and develop it to get to the point where It can seem real and I can be special.
To be continued.
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