Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deceived by the love and light movement as a solution to life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is possible to change the world and end all the suffering that is only osculating in the world through love and light.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself to belief that if I am positive and it I am only sending love out to the world that it will change the world, not seeing the obvious that it is only to make me feel better about myself that I am not in fact changing the world and doing something and that my actions can be justified in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I send out everyday a bit of love and light into the world that my daily work for changing the world is done and I can now only feel good, realizing that I only did that from the starting point of feeling good and not in fact to help anyone or anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within making myself belief that if I change nothing of myself as Who I am and how I live as what I do but only send out love and light with my mind into projection in my mind that it will change the world, not seeing how reality in fact functions as me having to actually physically change and move myself to bring change for the rest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through participating in love and light KILL and murder all common sense within me through giving love and light more value and weight than the actuality of how the physical work and functions and what is needed to be done to get things changing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself and to admit to myself that the first time I started participating within love and light I was excited and wanted to change the world but after a while I saw it did not work and I was disappointed but instead of standing up and saying Love and light is bullshit I continued in the fear of what others will say about me when I suddenly quite and say the opposite of what I imposed of myself to be in their eyes as love and light.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear admitting that Love and Light does not work and that I found this out for myself when and as I practiced love and light after a while and Nothing changed, the only thing tat did change was I was now more able/capable of deceiving myself and others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue pretending that love and light does work after I found out for myself it is bullshit and does not work in the fear of what others will think of me and what will happen to my reputation I built as a love and light worker.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping to pretend that love and light works even as the world clearly shows everything is only getting worse, as I fear that when I admit I was wrong that I will be held accountable for only being part of the problem.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within spiritualism as love and light in the attempt to be special and unique, because I know and realized that love and light can be bent to any persons onw self interest as it isn’t real and thus I knew I could use love and light to justify everything about myself and make it all seem as if it is something special and thus not having to change it or myself as I could simply use love and light to justify everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use spiritualism as a weapon and tool to only serve my own happiness where I could always win in why my happiness is more important then others as I could simply say things like “if I am happy and positive I will effect the universe and so everyone will become happy and the world would change” knowing that because it sounds so fucking nice and easy anyone will simply agree with me and I win.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use spiritualism as a weapon to always win where I can keep my lifestyle and do not have to change anything while I promote it as a solution, knowing that it is only a solution to my life as it makes everyone around me accept and allow my life style of bliss and happiness as I know it isn’t real and can simply be bent and molded to make everyone I tell about my justifications and reasons for being happy and blissfully to somehow be the best for all as it obviously isn’t.
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