Ok so I was about to do my Commitment statements on the previous blogs I did on Being skinny – The Machine Within, and as I started writing the commitments I stopped, I red the one commitment I did and I asked myself – did I write this commitment as Myself in fact where I will live this commitment. Then the next question came up – Have I live even one commitment I wrote in all the blogs?
Self honestly I haven't lived on commitment, I have only written them and placed them in blogs, I realize I had to do this to come to this point of realizing I have to physically live what I commit myself to.
Then the next question came to me – What does it mean to commit myself to something. Now realizing that I have been in this process for four years and I have been doing what I am doing for a long time, I should by now know what commitment is and LIVING it physically in fact.
Then Came the next point after the self investigation – I looked at what I have committed myself to the most in my written words – the words I have written the most was – I commit myself to when and as I see myself...... and then it ends with to breathe and be here.
Now came the real test, where I could not ignore this point and postpone it for later – I had to ask myself once again – Have I ever gone ONE day where I live this commitment to the fullest of simply BREATHING – as living my commitment in fact – NO I haven't, I told myself, well you know it is a process, it takes time, then I realized it is a simple commitment – and this means that once I commit I LIVE, as simple as that.
So here I am going to take myself on – I am going to be strict with myself and my words and what I write.
Thus I am going to for the next 21 Days and beyond, do Self forgiveness on the one commitment – the commitment to “breathe and be here” and to ACTUALLY within the 21 days willingly breathe as a commitment to live one commitment I committed myself to. To keep myself to my own words and live it.
Because this is a PATTERN – where I commit and forget and commit and forget and commit and forget and so it goes on.
I can not recall one commitment I have made from previous blogs, because I never lived it in fact, I never integrated it as the flesh as who I am as the living words I am.
Here I am taking on one commitment and applying Self forgiveness on the point. Breaking the pattern, because this is not just in relation to blogging and so forth and my process since I have been participating with Desteni – this pattern has played out all my life in everything I do, never finishing a book I started, not finishing school, not finishing a video game I started, not finishing any relationship, I always only made these awesome statements in my life and never lived it.
So here I start with the basic Commitment on Breathing in awareness – the foundation for myself as Breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living one commitment for real daily.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living one commitment as myself daily.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of “seeing myself already failing, standing outside tomorrow morning after waking up already forgotten the commitment to life and to just continue as thoughts”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already judge myself as a failure due to past/memories of where I stated I am going to do something and never did and completely forgot and in the end feel even worse and more like a failure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disbelief in myself through self judgement of past memories/experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this a competition, realizing I am only competing with my mind that is energy and not real, and thus I see and realize as breathe I am here doing this for myself as an actual self movement that is not part of my pre-programmed life and thus I have to be deliberate and self moving and be strict with myself for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on “hope”, Hoping that tomorrow I will do it, realizing that it is a self movement where I have to in fact move myself and LIVE it and DO it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and judge myself as incapable of moving myself constantly in breathe all day in awareness of myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that if I have to commit myself to breathe all day in awareness tomorrow that it will compromise my life and I will move slow and not get anywhere with doing things, realizing this is the mind moving and giving all and the best excuses it can to not go there where the mind can not exist in breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear actually doing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me when I suddenly tomorrow change in my movement and behavior as breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create ideas within my mind as to what it means to live in and as breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe and be in the mind as fear, fear of losing the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the mind as the mind is all that I have ever known and lived as, and thus I see and realize that I have created and manifested my live according to the mind and thus I see and realize that as I move as the breathe the mind created reality will slow down and I will not be able to sustain the mind reality I manifested for myself as patterns/characters and thus I see and realize why the mind fears moving as breathe as the physical.
To be Continued.