This is a continuation of Day 129 – day 1 of 21.
I started within my previous blog on how and what I experiences within actually applying a commitment, as I start with the basic point of Breathing, and to actually breathe everyday in awareness – I realized that breathing in awareness makes me more aware of things within me and what I live.
This brought out MAIN points within me – I started walking the first mentioned “main” point of a character I have taken on as the “I am ALWAYS bad Character”
So here I continue on the Self forgiveness on this character – I apply Self forgiveness on this character in relation to the Breathing point as I see that this character is faces prominently within my day that resonantly and unconsciously influences everything including my Breathing and thus not effectively breathing as there is Fear/anxiety/survival all the time as this characters foundations.
I continue from this Part.
Quote from day 129 “I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HOLD it against myself that I was judged as bad in the past and to make it so and part of my future and to within this feel insecure and less than and in valid and not worthy and full of self hatred and resentment and so act it out or trying to make it better through being a good guy that still always mess up, as the fear of being bad is the driving force of each finger and each word -- and thus it is but all a pretense and a lie and not real but characters upon characters playing their roles to avoid being bad, yet only the bad prevails, realizing that this is not the solutions as the hatred grows and the resentment grow, but that to take self responsibility for myself is the first and only step I must take and walk” – END Quote....
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid being bad in the fear of being judged and getting complaints.
this bad is really ridiculous things that was part of the parenting system that only hold values of the mind and isn’t really bad at all – Things such as being noisy, being loud, making a mistake, NOT LYING, the way I walk, talk, the way I do things and move and the way I interact with people and communicate and the way I enjoy myself and the way I express myself in each moment.
One example of this I am Bad character is – I will for instance be late for work, and within this I fear everyone will now judge me as being BAD and because of this judgment I have already told myself I am BAD, and thus for the rest of all my days I will never be bad again – MEANING I will never be late again, this then results in me always rushing, never having time, always doing everything very limited just to be in time - but this will all be done from the starting point of FEAR, so now every morning when I get to work in fear – I will be anxious for maybe being yelled at for being bad/late, even if I was early – how ridiculous – living in constant fear and anxiety of this one point. And then I hold this one point against myself ALL day, keeping myself in fear/anxiety all day and in the judgment of I was/am bad for it, in the anticipation that someone (an Authority) will come to me at a random time to remind me of me being bad for the one time I was late.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear everyone in my world judging me as BAD.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Define BAD as something that isn’t accepted within and as others MINDS according to their beliefs/judgments/ideas/opinions and not at all based on the physical reality we all share equally in the flesh, but purely mind made up shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mind other people within my actions, validating the mind as back chat and secret mind where people gossip and talk about others with themselves, and to within this FEAR the back chat/secret thoughts others will have about me when I do something BAD that does not fit their minds.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the FEAR I have for others talking and judging me as bad in their minds in secret is only because I know I do this to others and that it is nasty and evil, and thus I do not wish for others to do it to me and within this I act out a character that will only look good and be good in others minds so that they can only have good back chat and secret conversations about me so that I do not have to FEEL bad for myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I only JUDGE myself as BAD within my mind because of where I have judged others within my mind and had evil nasty conversations about them with myself, and so I see the message that Jesus said, do not judge unless you be judged, and now understanding the point of, as I judge others I will judge myself and place what I judge of others as myself and live in such a way to always avoid my own judgment within the evil secretive mind.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that how I judge others is how I judge myself, and that when I judge others as good or bad – that I place only limitation onto myself as I will live in such a way to always avoid my own judgment as I have witnessed for myself how I judge others as pure evil in my secret mind thoughts and back chat where I have conversations about others, and to within this realize that I fear the judgment of others because I know how I judge myself and others in my mind and that it is evil.
Evil/bad is that which is NOT best for ALL life in all ways, this isn’t a evil based on good or bad, it is based on Principal living as LIFE in and as the Physical as the flesh.
To be Continued.
I started within my previous blog on how and what I experiences within actually applying a commitment, as I start with the basic point of Breathing, and to actually breathe everyday in awareness – I realized that breathing in awareness makes me more aware of things within me and what I live.
This brought out MAIN points within me – I started walking the first mentioned “main” point of a character I have taken on as the “I am ALWAYS bad Character”
So here I continue on the Self forgiveness on this character – I apply Self forgiveness on this character in relation to the Breathing point as I see that this character is faces prominently within my day that resonantly and unconsciously influences everything including my Breathing and thus not effectively breathing as there is Fear/anxiety/survival all the time as this characters foundations.
I continue from this Part.
Quote from day 129 “I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HOLD it against myself that I was judged as bad in the past and to make it so and part of my future and to within this feel insecure and less than and in valid and not worthy and full of self hatred and resentment and so act it out or trying to make it better through being a good guy that still always mess up, as the fear of being bad is the driving force of each finger and each word -- and thus it is but all a pretense and a lie and not real but characters upon characters playing their roles to avoid being bad, yet only the bad prevails, realizing that this is not the solutions as the hatred grows and the resentment grow, but that to take self responsibility for myself is the first and only step I must take and walk” – END Quote....
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid being bad in the fear of being judged and getting complaints.
this bad is really ridiculous things that was part of the parenting system that only hold values of the mind and isn’t really bad at all – Things such as being noisy, being loud, making a mistake, NOT LYING, the way I walk, talk, the way I do things and move and the way I interact with people and communicate and the way I enjoy myself and the way I express myself in each moment.
One example of this I am Bad character is – I will for instance be late for work, and within this I fear everyone will now judge me as being BAD and because of this judgment I have already told myself I am BAD, and thus for the rest of all my days I will never be bad again – MEANING I will never be late again, this then results in me always rushing, never having time, always doing everything very limited just to be in time - but this will all be done from the starting point of FEAR, so now every morning when I get to work in fear – I will be anxious for maybe being yelled at for being bad/late, even if I was early – how ridiculous – living in constant fear and anxiety of this one point. And then I hold this one point against myself ALL day, keeping myself in fear/anxiety all day and in the judgment of I was/am bad for it, in the anticipation that someone (an Authority) will come to me at a random time to remind me of me being bad for the one time I was late.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear everyone in my world judging me as BAD.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Define BAD as something that isn’t accepted within and as others MINDS according to their beliefs/judgments/ideas/opinions and not at all based on the physical reality we all share equally in the flesh, but purely mind made up shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mind other people within my actions, validating the mind as back chat and secret mind where people gossip and talk about others with themselves, and to within this FEAR the back chat/secret thoughts others will have about me when I do something BAD that does not fit their minds.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the FEAR I have for others talking and judging me as bad in their minds in secret is only because I know I do this to others and that it is nasty and evil, and thus I do not wish for others to do it to me and within this I act out a character that will only look good and be good in others minds so that they can only have good back chat and secret conversations about me so that I do not have to FEEL bad for myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I only JUDGE myself as BAD within my mind because of where I have judged others within my mind and had evil nasty conversations about them with myself, and so I see the message that Jesus said, do not judge unless you be judged, and now understanding the point of, as I judge others I will judge myself and place what I judge of others as myself and live in such a way to always avoid my own judgment within the evil secretive mind.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that how I judge others is how I judge myself, and that when I judge others as good or bad – that I place only limitation onto myself as I will live in such a way to always avoid my own judgment as I have witnessed for myself how I judge others as pure evil in my secret mind thoughts and back chat where I have conversations about others, and to within this realize that I fear the judgment of others because I know how I judge myself and others in my mind and that it is evil.
Evil/bad is that which is NOT best for ALL life in all ways, this isn’t a evil based on good or bad, it is based on Principal living as LIFE in and as the Physical as the flesh.
To be Continued.
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