I am busy with doing
this reading program (AKA Technotutor) and as I started doing the reading
program I was struggling with reading the paragraphs because I had a fear, the
fear was that I would not remember what I red and so fail all the questions
that follows afterwards.
One day I got so
tired of the fear when reading and the hesitations and self doubts I decided
to just fucking read it. I started reading it and afterwards I got one hundred
percent for all the questions that followed.
How did this happen,
I stopped the fear and I trusted myself to not remember the information but to
understand and take it in with only reading it once, like I trusted myself to let go of the mind and be here.
After this event I
did pretty well in all the other ones I did, I stopped trying and I started
doing, I realized self trust isn't something you must wait for it is something
that must be done in the moment in each breathe, you can not prepare for self
trust, you have to self trust.
Self trust wasn't a
feeling or an emotion or a thought, it was physical, no energetic experiences,
all the times I trusted myself with a feeling or emotion or a thought, I fucked
myself.
Self trust is a
doing regardless of the mistakes or no mistakes, it is to give oneself the
opportunity to do it and to correct and move forward and bring about change.
As another example,
I once dug open the sewerage tanks and the people came to empty it out, I then
afterwards had to close the tanks up, the lid that went on was extremely
difficult to put on, it had no handles and it was a "perfect fit, if you
do not put the lid one hundred percent square on it falls in, I was standing
over the opening with the lid in my hands, I was anxious and I feared letting
go as I knew the possibility of it falling in was great, I finally let go and
it dropped in the shit tank, I had to climb in and get it (disgusting).
After I got it out
and was at the same position again I realized the anxiety that I was accepting and allowing through thinking about it was causing the lid
to fall in and as long as the anxiety was there, there was no space for self
trust as all.
Then someone else
came along and saw what I was doing, the person said, don't fear it, do it. I
realized in that moment I wasn't doing it I was fearing it instead.
I stopped the fear
within this realization and I dropped the lid, the lid was on, it was over, and
much simpler, we had to do this a few more times afterwards, I simply did it!
And it always went on perfectly.
This was clear to me
that I did not have time to practice or do it over and over again to develop
self trust, it was in the moment as a completeness of doing. No fear - I was
actually only scaring myself instead of trusting myself, not as a feeling or an
emotion or a thought, as a physical doing that was pure.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust emotions instead of trusting
myself.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can trust emotions,
realizing that emotions can not be trusted as they can not be tested in space
and time for eternity as this proofs it is untrustworthy.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust feelings instead of myself.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can trust feeling yet
I do not even understand how they are created and where they originate from and
thus I realize that unless I understand feeling I can not trust anything that
can not be tested in space and time in the physical that can stand for
eternity.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can trust thoughts in
my mind.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust thoughts that pop up in my
mind instead of trusting me.
I forgive myself
that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust me first and to give my
self trust a change first before I give into thoughts/feeling/emotions of which
I do not even know their origin and where they come from, yet I trust them as
being real and reliable, when reality have clearly shown me that trusting
thoughts/feelings/emotions always end up hurting me or others.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can trust my mind
when I do not even understand the mind and how it functions, yet I give it all
my trust instead of trusting myself within and as the physical as that which I
can test for myself in real time.
I forgive myself
that I have never allowed myself to simply trust myself in each moment and to
instead trust the thoughts/feelings/emotions/fears/doubts/
hesitations/insecurities
I forgive myself
that I have never given myself the chance of trusting myself unconditionally
and to instead rather trust everything else that only brings me down and holds
me back such as thoughts/feelings/emotions/fears/doubts/
hesitations/insecurities.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that trust is based on
knowledge and information, realizing that this is only the mind again
attempting to control self to trust self in fact, as knowledge and information
will only create fear and doubt and stop self from trusting self in the moment.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to think a lot
about something before I trust myself, realizing that If I stand as LIFE and
what is best for all life as who I am than everything I do in self trust
without any knowledge and information will always be self honest within the
best interest of all life in all ways, realizing I can only fear trusting
myself if I know what I am doing isn't best for all life in all ways but based
on self interest and as the ego.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself to do what is
best for all life in all ways as WHO I AM in each breathe, realizing as I am
Life all that I do will be for Life in all ways, and thus no ego, no self
interest as self dishonesty can manifest as consequences but only what is best
for all life.
I commit myself to
stop all or any trust I have placed in the web of the mind as thoughts, feelings and
emotions and to instead trust myself in and as the physical with in applying
myself in space and time as that which can stand the test of time within what
is best for all life in all ways.
I commit myself to
stop all or any trust that I have placed with in knowledge and information
before I have actually lived it and tested it for myself to be trust worthy, to
not trust the knowledge and information but to trust myself in the physical
application with in what is best for all life in all ways.
I commit myself to
stop any and all trust that I have placed within energetic experiences that I
do not even understand how they were created and where it comes from, to
instead trust myself in and as the physical as that which is real and can be
seen, where I can apply myself as self trust in each breathe as that which is
best for all life.
No comments:
Post a Comment