Day 221 – on the farm.. Stuck in the mud and the Physical.

Today we had the Shit Truck coming to the farm to suck out all the Shit tanks, we have four shit tanks on the farm, only two got sucked out.

In the morning we have to open them up and have it all ready for when the truck comes - it can just lay its pipes into the shit tanks and suck it all out.

The truck did not have that much space on it to suck all the tanks, it could only do two and then it had space for five hundred liters more, so we wanted the truck to fill up as much as possible and make this one trip count, because they only come every six months or so.

The truck went to the back of our house to fill up the last bit of space it had left, I was busy with one of the Farm visitor closing up the second shit hole they just finished, we had some problems over there, the lid that closes the hole was broken in half and could not close properly, so I decided to focus on fixing that first while one of the other guys go and take care of the shit tank and getting the Job done.

While I was working on fixing the problem with the farm visitor, someone came to us and said we have a problem; I looked up and said what is it, the person said – the truck is stuck.

I thought by myself ok shit, well they will probably sort it out, how bad can it be. I heard how the others was looking for things to place underneath the wheels of the truck to give the truck so Grip to get out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Assume, seeing and realizing that instead of assuming I can ask or go check myself as I see and realize that the assumption was already a response from the reaction of me not wanting to deal with the problem and assuming makes it okay/justifiable in my mind for myself.

I then told the farm visitor I have to go see how stuck this truck is – because I realized I was assuming the situation and leaving it to others to deal with – I decided that the truck being stuck is a bigger problem then a broken lid and thus it must be prioritized, so I stood up, threw down my hat and I went to look.

As I got to the area where the truck is stuck, I saw the back wheels sinked into the ground, it wasn’t that bad from what I could see, as I walked to the other side of the truck I saw the left front wheel was almost completely sunken into the ground and even the bottom part of the truck was on the ground, I then had a fright within me as I realized the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and be afraid of situations I am un familiar with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must respond to situations in fear as it will get me going, not seeing and realizing that the fear actually limits me within dealing with the situation properly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I reacted in fear towards the situation because of the justifications/assumptions I made up in my mind about the situation as reasons to not deal with it before and now that I see the situation for real I get a wake up call.

I saw that I made the situation BIGGER then myself in that moment, I breathed and realize I have to ACT and not react to the situation, because no matter what I experience within me it is completely irrelevant to what needs to be done, Get the fucking truck out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make situations I am un familiar with Bigger than myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself Immediately as being un-able/incapable of dealing with new situations that seems big.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the fact that the only reason I had the fear was because I feared that the situation might cost us money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with myself in that moments, that the fear I experiences was that what is happening might cost money and that I might have to pay for it, seeing and realizing that I am limited within being controlled by money as what I can do or can not do dependent if it will cost or save me money, seeing and realizing that yes we do not want to spend money on getting the truck out as it isnt a necessary option, thus it isnt to fear the point but to be able to avaid such a point is an option that is preferred since we live in a world where everything is about money, even if your truck gets stuck in mud, how fucking sad.

So for the next couple of hours, about 8 hours - we struggled, we made one attempt to get it out and it did not get out, I was feeling that it might be stuck for good, that we might have to get a crane out and lift the thing, that would have been the worst case scenario, it cost a lot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst case scenario.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have created within my mind the worst case scenario as where money must be spend, seeing and realizing that this is typical side effect of living in a world where everything is about money, and how this wold controls everyone with the fear for/of money and losing it as we accept and allow our lives to depend on money.

WE basically got a shit load of bricks and two jack’s to lift the truck, and we got Big concrete blocks and two Heavy metal plates to use to try and get the truck out, we had to do little by little, jacking up the back and then the front and then as we jack it up, the concrete blocks or metal plates sink into the ground, some cracked, some parts of the truck actually bent and cracked from the jacking, there was limited space and un even ground and the ground was soft, so we had to create space, we had to lift the truck up and place bricks way underneath the wheels, so it can get out of the holes it made and get some grip.

We also got the tractor out with a Big chain, we hooked the chain to the truck and the tractor so the tractor can pull the truck, this failed the first time.

I got sun burn again – the day before I got sunburn and now again over the old sunburn, I am usually brown the next day and no side effects at all besides getting a tan, it is simply red and hot and that’s about it, I got covered in lots of little pieces of poo and shit tank water that splashed onto me and I was quite dirty.

WE were busy with the truck the whole fucking day, we were running out of time, massive clouds came over our heads with some thunder, the truck was still stuck with heaps of bricks we collected stacked underneath it, we just continued doing the only thing we could do, jack it up and place bricks in, and we repeated this with a lot of struggling, those fucking concrete slabs are massive and we have to get them underneath the truck so that we can put the even heavier metal plate on top of it so that we can put the (20t capacity) truck jack on it so we can lift it, if we did not do that the jack would simply break the concrete blocks and go into the ground from the trucks weight, so we had to do that every time we switched the jack.

We were five men, the guy that drove the truck and his working partner and then me and two other guys on the farm.

We were a great team all of us together, we all took leading positions at any point in time that someone saw what needs to be done and we voiced ourselves out with nothing holding back, because in this situation there is no time for fear and insecurities to hold  back from saying what needs to be said so we can fucking move and get the job done before time runs out and the storm hits us or it gets dark – and everyone else saw the same point, every time someone suggested something the group considered what was said, each one gave their point and input of common sense and then it would be agreed on with what is most practical and apply it, it worked, and we got moving, we checked out for each other while working, reminding and showing dangers and considerations, not holding back because of stupid social brainwashing crap such as beliefs like " who’s truck it is, they strangers and they must be having the say and control or we haev to be polite the whole time, being polite takes time and lots of side roads instead of to the point, then they might have been dead or we might have never gotten the truck ou.

It was a interesting day, I have learned a lot from this and seeing how the physical works – it seemed in my mind like this easy task that needs to be done, but once we started it felt like a never ending story.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at physical events within my mind and How it might play out and to within this not consider that the mind is not real and only beliefs/ideas/opinions based on self interest as energy where the mind takes physical reality and create it according to oneself beliefs/ideas/opinions with the mind, seeing and realizing this can be be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the mind instead of checking with the physical for real to see what is real and here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself within believing that I can intemperate what a physical situation in fact will be with my mind which is of energy and based on my own interpretation/perception of the physical reality based on my education as my beliefs/ideas/opinions which is always not in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my perception of reality is limited due to what is only existent within my mind through how I have experienced the physical, thus seeing and realizing that the physical isnt an experience, it is Life and real and always the same as how everyone in fact share this reality and live function within it.

the physical has laws and they are set in stone. We have to obey these laws and work with them one and equal to get the truck out, this opened me a lot to seeing what is here, taking direct action and point in doing what I suggest, being willing to do what I suggest and applying it practically, to see that if I suggest something does it really make sense, because if it doesn’t and I apply it, there will be mistakes and more consequences. So I had to really see and consider the physical and not my mind, because my mind is but a interpretation/idea/belief mixed with energies of what the physical is, and this makes it dangerous. I breathed.

We got the truck out at about 5pm, this is quite late and everyone was tired, all day in the sun, one big mess was left once the truck was gone, we now have to redo the shit tanks over flow and many other things.

The one thing that got me to be effective today was the simple realization that anything in my mind isn’t real, any experience isn’t real, so I might as well not have them and let them influence my application and just fucking do what needs to be done. And whala.

Because the only way I knew that we could get that massive 6 ton truck out of the mud was if I am not limited by what I like or dislike. Otherwise I would not have been there if I followed such brainwashing. I breathed and I put my hands to what needed to be done, no time was wasted because I did not hesitate within what I felt like doing or not doing, I just did it.