Day 257 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 6

Day 257 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 6

I see within this one point that I do it again out of fear, I have back chat and gossip and thoughts in my mind about other people because I fear something and within my mind I believe I am building a case to defend myself, I believe that in my mind I am setting things right, I believe that in my mind I can prepare myself to face this fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the gossip/back-chat within my mind that I create and participate within is from fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I fear others gossiping about me, so I gossip about them first to make myself feel better just in case they are gossiping about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I fear others gossiping about me is my own insecurities and self-judgments that I have about myself that I project onto others as if they are talking about the judgments and fears I have of myself and so within this fear I start to gossip about others within my mind to make myself feel better and to prepare myself just for incase the gossip is real and I need something to defend myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip about others/things within my mind without seeing and realizing that simple truth that it is me that is gossiping and judging and having back chat about myself first that I then create into insecurities and fears that I now project onto others as gossiping about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I gossip about others within my mind within secret that the gossip coming out within me about others is actually the things I fear others might be gossiping about me and so I start this game of gossiping to see who wins and who loses as the best gossipers in secret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have back-chat within me that it is within me and thus it is always about me and that I am attempting to separate it from and as me through projecting the back-chat onto and towards others within me mind in secret just to create a energy experience that can make me feel better about myself though making shit up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when and as I gossip/back-chat within me mind that I am setting things straight within me as that which I always believe to be the convenient truth where I always win and seem so good and right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always deceiving myself within my mind through participating within secret as gossip/back-chat about myself/others/things as it is always based on assumption and my own limited interpretation of the physical reality and what i observe within the frame of my limited knowledge and information about things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always deceiving only myself through participating within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions that is always in my self interest and thus can never make a real valid calculation of reality as it is always based on me and only me winning and not having to feel bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I participate within my mind as gossip/back-chat and having thoughts about others that it is from fear and nothing else and that I am always trying to built cases within my mind towards LIFE and all that is here to defend only myself interest which in itself is utterly stupid and limited as it is never real or truth, it is simply made up crap in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anything going on in my head is real or valid, when I do not even know how the mind in fact works or how energy and resonances work or how the Quantum Mind works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe anything I make up or believe to be real within my mind, seeing and realizing that I will always make anything in my mind only in my favor and that it is obvious that if everything must always be in my favor that it cannot be trusted. Its a obvious sign of malfunctioning and thus must not be used as it will only been abused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have gossip/back-chat about others that it is always to bring them down and make them less and to be nasty and judgmental and spiteful and simply put evil and that within this I can see that it is obvious that I do this in defense of something I fear of myself and am trying to hide of myself as I am clearly attempting to avoid looking at myself and am only trying to place myself in the good light so no one can see me and only focus on others and that this is always only me defending my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that in my mind I am always defending fear no matter how good or evil things are in my head.

To be Continued

Day 256 – The Patterns of Who I am Every Day Part 5

Why do I take the time and spend the time in my head in secret to talk about other people, to judge other people and to categorize other people and to label other people and to place things on and over other people in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my Time in my head gossiping/back-chatting about others, seeing and realizing that I am actually giving time to be evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the Evil within actually gicing time inside my head to gossip and have back-chat about others/things within my mind in secret.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that within the act of gossiping having back-chat about others in my mind in secret is deceptive and dishonest and nasty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally “spend” physical resources of my body as the physical energy resources my body has to transform that energy into “mind” energy through gossiping and having back chat about others/things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am abusing my body and the resources my body has and have made within participating within my mind in secret as gossip and back chat towards/about others/things just to be nasty/spiteful/evil/cruel all in the name of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I gossip and have back chat about within my mind in secret towards/about others is in fact me projecting things I Judge/gossip and have back-chat about myself onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I fear within me as my insecurities and self judgments is the things I project onto others and then have gossip/back-chat about it in my mind to make it all seem real and separate from me just so that I can feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip and to have back-chat about others within my mind in secret just to always end up making myself feel better about myself even if it means always being nasty/spiteful/mean/judgmental/evil/cruel within my mind about others/things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the seeking and wanting for happiness comes at the cost of me being evil towards others just so that I may always seem like the better person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am existing within self interest as always only wanting to be happy and have a positive experience that I will even sell myself for it through being evil/nasty/spiteful/mean within my mind in secret towards others/thing just to make myself seem better as I cast the light onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others/things, not seeing and realizing that judgment is always from self interest as judgment is in itself as its meaning/purpose is to rather look at others and not to look at self as it is a way of placing everything on something out there away from me, seeing and realizing that I do this because I know that it is with me that the judgment starts first and thus I am the one that must correct myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I judge myself as I have judges others and as I have been judge by those that has gone before me and that judgment is always of the mind as a interpretation of reality and not reality in fact, as reality as the physical with no mind never judge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se and realize that what I judge of others is what I judge of myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself and to within this judgment feel bad and as if I am sinful and not good enough and through this fear these things and feel insecure about it and to within that try and do start to place judgment onto others in secret in my mind as a way to take the attention I have given the self judgment to someone else so that I may feel good again, instead of seeing and realizing that I have to stop the self judgment as the solution instead of projecting/casting it onto others and through this create a world/reality of abuse as gossip/back-chat and evil in secrets in dark places.

To be continued.

Day 255 - The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 4

Day 255 - The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 4

So why do I create nasty stuff in secret about others and about certain points? Why do I take the time and spend the time in my head in secret to talk about other people, to judge other people and to categorize other people and to label other people and to place things on and over other people in my mind.

Well that is the point where I face who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, because it is who I am that decides what I do.

Self Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create nasty stuff in secret within my mind about other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the imagination as the mind as NOT reality where I judge and gossip and do all kinds of nasty in my head about others and everything that is always secret, not seeing and realizing that the fact that it is happening in my mind is already all the proof I need to show me that I am making it all up and that it is never real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that anything going on in my head that isn’t darkness and emptiness is nasty, even if it seems positive or negative, the fact that its happening in secret shows that is itself interest and dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within secret in my mind as gossip as back-chat and thoughts towards and about others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conversations in my mind about other people and or things, seeing and realizing how I create my own beliefs/ideas/opinions within my mind which is always made up and not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others and to within this create and make gossip within my mind towards them as if they are always on the wrong and where i am always right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people and that they might abuse me or misuse me or take advantage of me and to within this create separation within my mind through gossiping and having back chat and nasty thought about them to make the separation seem real to validate the fear I have, not seeing and realizing that the separation in reality in seeing with my real eyes is and can never be real and that it is only a illusion kept alive in the mind through the constant gossip/back-chat in the mind.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am the one creating what I fear of other humans through the act of participating in my mind as back-chat and gossip towards them and about them, making things up in my mind based on assumptions and mind interpreting observations which is always limited to my own Mind and what in there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I fear of others within my mind as abusing me or misusing me or taking advantage of me is exactly what i am doing onto them first through participating in my mind in gossip and back-chat about them, seeing and realizing what a hypocrite I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within secret thoughts towards other people or things in my world as a way of always defending my own fears, not seeing and realizing that I am the problem and the creator of my own fear and that it isn’t the other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am responsible for how i experience myself through what I accept and allow within me and that I can always only be the one responsible for what’s inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I react towards other people when they ask me something or talk to me that it is not them creating the reaction but that it is all my secret thoughts/back-chat/gossip that I have had in my mind previously that now comes to surface, seeing and realizing how I have created the reaction and the fear and the anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I react when someone asks of me something to do for them that they are not abusing me or misusing me or taking advantage of me for simply asking something of me, but that it is the mind that will feel this way to fight for limitations and fears and to always be the winner to do the least work as a way to fuel the mind with more back chat and gossip and thoughts that keeps the enslavement of energy going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question why is it that the mind wants to react and defend and fight for limitations and to always want to win and confirm the fears that I have as being real, and that i simply accepted and allowed it as normal behavior without any questioning and Why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the mind does not need any specific reason to win that makes sense, as all that mind wants is energy to feel something, either good or bad as it is a addiction the physical body has been forced to be addicted to through acceptances and allowances and thus the back chat and gossip and thought that happen in secret is like building secret weapons to fight for anything to win to get a rush or energy even if it is for one’s own limitation and enslavement to energy as the mind.

To be continued.

Day 254 - The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 3

Who am I every day, there are so many characters and then there is the personality – the baseline so to say of who I have accepted and allowed myself to become.

This baseline is what I am looking at, the general “me” that I have defined myself as and have lived, the characters that I play come from this baseline/foundation.

I will now take a closer look at this baseline of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as through taking myself and looking at myself when I am all alone.

They say you can learn to know a person and who they really are through getting them angry, because then their real face shows, well all that is showing when you make someone angry is their back chat, their thoughts that they have in secret.

And this is what I am looking at without having to become angry first to see it, or to react or whatever, I take myself and I place myself alone in the dark, and I see what is here as that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be through investigating myself as who I am in secret, seeing the thoughts and seeing the secret mind.

Because it is as we all fear to admit within the mind that we think and talk to ourselfs about others and things and then make decisions, and we all know how limited it is for every human to do decision making this way, because we are all limited to ONLY the judgments of our knowledge and information we have in our minds about stuff that we got from those that has gone before us, and this is why we all Fear so much what other think of us for instance, and why it is a problem, because it is always dishonest, it is always happening in secret in the mind as thinking and having thoughts and chatting/gossip to ourselves in our minds.

We can change this world if we all stop the mind, stop living in two worlds while we all clearly share one, to stop living in secret thoughts and back chat about others and ourselves and everything, it is called opinions for a reason, it is a opinion and not a fact, it is something made up within a person’s own mind within the limits of their own knowledge and information stored within them that was taught to them and repeated over and over till it sank in and then eventually the person believe the opinion is their own free speech.

So I am saying out a pretty simple example of what I am walking here as me in secret as the baseline of who I am every day, it is those repetitive thoughts and back chat that comes up every day, they might seem a bit different at times but yet it is really all the same.

So who am I in general every day, looking at the points where I repeat myself everyday regardless of what I do or try and act out these points keep coming up.

I am now looking at a very prominent point which is me reacting when someone is asking me to do something for them.

I face this point daily living in a community, we all live in a Big community called earth, we only like to care for only a certain part of the community that we call family, while the rest is neglected, here where I live there is no family, we are all people equally made of flesh and bone and mostly water and so we recognize the basics needs of each being and how we all can live together functioning in harmony, this requires a lot of communication and considering things and really facing yourself in those moments.

So when someone asks me to do something for them I react, this isn’t normal because the reaction shows to me that I had secret thoughts and back chat previously about this point, and now that the point is here in the present I react to it as all the past back chat and thoughts come in rushing, the past flooding the present.

So what is it I talk to about myself in secret so that when I am asked to so something I react instead of simply seeing t for what it is as someone asking me to do something for them, I see that the back chat and thoughts come in and make it a WHOLE other point and takes a simple asking to do something for someone and place it out of context within me which creates a lot of energy friction that then builds up, If I am not breathing some nasty stuff can come out, because it is this nasty stuff that I created in secret.

So why do I create nasty stuff in secret about others and about certain points? Why do I take the time and spend the time in my head in secret to talk about other people, to judge other people and to categorize other people and to label other people and to place things on and over other people in my mind.

Well that is the point where I face who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, because it is who I am that decides what I do.

I see within this one point that I do it again out of fear, I have back chat and gossip and thoughts in my mind about other people because I fear something and within my mind I believe I am building a case to defend myself, I believe that in my mind I am setting things right, I believe that in my mind I can prepare myself to face this fear.

So in relation to this Point I see the fears, the fear is being used, abused and that it is all unfair that someone is asking me to do something for THEM – I highlight THEM because that is the separation point I see in my mind.

Now I am going to look at the inner conversations/back-chat that takes place within me as a response to the fear I have which originated from the believe that I am separate from Them. Separation is always fear.

Back-Chat points.
Them being out there, them being the other people, them being the people that want to abuse and use me and that want to only sit back and do nothing, them being the people thinking they are more than me, them being the people that is lazy and wanting to use my hard labor/work for their own purposes while they can if they want to, really do it themselves, or at least try before asking. Why do they always just jump to asking first instead of trying to do it themselves, that’s what I always do first, so why can’t they, they always thing I have so much spare time on my hands to do everything they ask, I am already so busy why do they not consider that, I have other things to do that is more important then their little requests. Cant they consider it.

See the back chat, see how I have used the back chat within my mind as a way to reason and make it all seem so True and real and that it is so tempting to just use that as a weapon to burst out at someone when they ask me to do something for them, so that they can feel bad and shit for only abusing me and using me and that they are not willing to do so themselves, proving that they are only abusing, haha I am so cleaver, look at how I figured this out, I saw their game, I can now play them back.

Ok so realize that everything I wrote from Back-Chat till here is always the mind fucking with you, it is never real, it is always based on pure assumption and interpretation and beliefs of self and others and self judgments and judging others, it is always not real, so Breathe and walk through the resistances, stop that shit, stop that limitations, because in the back-chat points I gave one should and must clearly see how I have in my Mind only defended and fought for my own limitations just for the sake of proving my Fear was right?? What’s that all about??

So here it is to now look deeper, what happened in my Life that I created such a big point in relation to this point of being asked to do something for someone else and reacting to it every-time – everyday I walk around in this anxiety/fear that someone will suddenly ask me to do something for them.

I have written about this point before, I have walked it as many words, for instance the one old blog I wrote was called “ fear of unfairness” which is this exact point, and another one was on reacting when I am asked to do something” and the other one is “fear of being misused/abused” so it is showing me that I am still walking this point, it’s like ruling my every day and my every movement and it is going to stop, because it is abusive and not best for all life quite obviously.

Here is a lot of cool point I will walk in self forgiveness and corrective statements next.

Next up self forgiveness. .