Here I am looking/investigating the word breathe, I know
what breathing is, what breath is, it is Inhaling air into my lungs and then
expelling the air from my lungs – that is the physical point of what it means
to breathe.
The body breathes all the time, as long as I am alive in my
body, my body is breathing, I don’t breathe through thinking about it or doing
it by myself, it just happens. It is a natural occurrence of my body.
Yet I am not fully aware of my breathe, feeling it each and every
time going into my lungs and through my body and into all areas of my body and
then pulling all that air out from all areas and then expelling it back into existence
a bit different then what it went into.
So here I am at the point of questioning my awareness, can I
say I am aware when I am not even Fully aware of each and every breathe I take
and exhale, how can I claim any awareness when I am not even feeling the air
going into my lungs into my body and then out again, that is like a really
basic thing, it happens all the time, it is the one thing that keep me ALIVE or
as we say breathing. Yet I am not even aware of each and every breath/life.
When I focus on my breathing it is to be aware of breathe,
not to force breathe as a way of saying now I am breathing, because regardless
of me doing it forcefully or not, the body will breathe anyway, unless I stop
the breathing forcefully somehow.
When I do simply focus on my breathe and really feel it,
feel where the breathe is going and how It runs through my body, I am calm,
more aware of me here, No mind, because when I am not focused on my breathing I
am obviously focused on other things somewhere else, Like thinking and being in
my head, or sometimes without even notice, I have a pause in my breathe because
the thinking process is taking all my focus awareness of me here and actually
places my body into a state of anxiety.
This shows me that my Focus can only be on one or the other –
either thinking or breathing, the body will naturally breathe with me thinking,
but I cannot naturally think when I am focused on breathing, thus showing that
thinking isn’t natural, it is something that requires all my focus/energy and
it is something I literally have to make up in my head.
As I focus on my breathing I slowly start to become aware of
my body more and more, I feel my hands warming up and my body relaxing and I am
stable, that is not thinking, only me seeing the letters I am typing and
writing real time, nothing pre think of. I pause to find a word, it’s more like
a seeing, seeing with the eyes within myself.
Expanding and contracting – when I breathe in I bring all
that is here within me, when I breathe out I place myself as all that is here,
and so I expend, I practice my breathing.
I will focus my self-forgiveness within my next blog on
compromising points within not focusing on breathing and what is the distractions.
Within this I will also redefine the word breathe for
myself, as breathing/breathe is a living word, in fact lol – and what I have
attached and connected to breathing through past experiences I can see where I
have compromised my breathing as creating patterns habits, where I lose my
focus of me here as breathe and instead go into the mind. Like me being here
with me and then suddenly find myself in my battle station (mind) my self-interest.
I see this because I see as a child I had moment where I was
playing or just being here with myself, and then there would be a sudden moment
in the environment where something makes an impact, then instead of breathing
as I was I go into the mind, and through time I have learned to trust the mind
instead of the breathe, and in the end lose complete focus on breathing and
only focus on my mind/battle station.
To be continued.
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