Day 228 - Working, the physical and emotion Part 1

Working in the physical here on the farm I have come to notice some interesting points within my body while working, I have done some hard labor and I do daily routine work, the daily routine work is very supportive in movement and breathing and staying out of the mind.

When it comes to doing something more than the daily work that requires more physical strength and movement I have these sudden reactions within my body of anxiety/fear. As I work and continue with the activity the anxiety/fear moves and eventually

The location of the anxiety/fear that I experience as sudden reactions happen in certain movements/moments with the work I do, this is for instance when i have to lift up a bag of cement, just before I pic it up I have a reaction of anxiety, as I pic the bag of cement up and move myself within breathing I move through the anxiety, I do realize that the reaction compromises me as I face myself in that moment just before picking up the bag, the part I see I face is a self definition, this is where I belief that I should not be able to do this and that I have identified myself as I should not be able to do it, yet I am going to - I have to, there is no choice, so as I move and do it I breathe and as I do the work picking up the bag the fear/anxiety is within my solar plexus like a disgusting pot of cyst boiling there.

I have through doing lots of work like this moved out of this emotional body - where the reactions isnt here and I simply do it. I have however encountered a bigger emotional point that I see I have created as my body, into the flesh and as me and that I have identified myself as this emotional body.

I discovered the emotional body one night as I was going to do some exorcized, I started out with doing some sit ups, then I did some rope jumps and after the rope jumps I did some pushups, when and as I did the push ups, I set myself out to do 20 push ups - this exercise session I started after a day of working outside already, so I started the push up and I counted, I found doing it was easy, then I came to sixteen - I suddenly could not go further, I experienced myself as powerless to continue in my body, I felt like there was not one more push in me no matter how hard I try, I went down for the seventeenth push, I fell to the floor and my arms just could not even hold my body up, I got tears in my eyes, I asked myself why, why cant I do more, it isnt that much, I have done more in the past, a lot more.

as I was laying on the floor I breathed and I told myself I have no choice, I am doing this, I then stopped all thoughts and I breathed in and as my body from tip to toe I pushed myself up with breathe, I breathed and push and I was up and I continued till twenty pushups were done, when I stood up from this exercise I was here as my body, I felt my body as me, and not as the usual way where I experience my mind using the body.

This was where I saw the emotional body, I investigated it through the rest of the exercises, as I still had two more rounds to go with everything, I was able to do everything after this, I pushed through one layer of the emotions that I have have programmed as me into the flesh, It felt like I was burning the emotions out of the body within the rest of the exercise, my body was heating up and becoming movement, I also did stretches in between and moving myself as I felt physically where the body needed to be stretched.

This was quite a eye opener to the emotional body - I realize how I have constricted myself within self definitions throughout my life, as self judgments as self definitions of what I can do and can not do and actually define myself as my body as that - this causes a emotional charge that integrates into the body - and when I face those points of "here I can not go further, this is my limit"I experience the emotional body bringing me down through internal experiences that bombards the physical body - like a master whipping a slave till the slave can not stand and move anymore, it is now to remove that which I have given power over the body as thoughts/emotions/feelings and to give me back to myself as the body as the master of the body, mastering myself as my body and not as limitations of the mind.

I have been exercising for a week now pushing and doing this, I am living this correction also within my daily living.

After I have done a workout session I experience hotness in the areas where the emotional points have leached onto, this is within the solar plexus and on the areas between my chest bones in the middle, also in between my ribs and by my upper legs.

It is almost like I am returning my water within my body back to a state of flowing, where as before my body was stuck, locked into a state, a emotional state I am not even aware of