Day 32 part 1 - A Bully spawns from Family.

Hard to swallow and to admit, all bullies are created at home, from within the family, it should be quite obvious that bullies can only be created at home, all children spend most of their time learning in their first seven years of their lives at home from parents and older siblings if they have, as the first seven years are the most crucial time's of a child's life, because it is with in the first seven years that a child is decided who he/she will be.

Here is my example through my own experience with being the bully!, when I was 6 years old and still in kinder garden I used to bully certain kids, not all kids, only those that I could see through observation and physical behaviors that I could bully.

I remember there was this one kid that I "enjoyed" bullying, I loved making him cry, I felt a certain level of power. Like I was draining the other kid and taking his energy, I find it fascinating that I knew exactly what to do to this kid to make him cry, this specific kid was very emotional, I could always see it in his eyes and I loved teasing him on an emotional level, for example.

There was a slide on the school yard, all the kids would go on it during break time, I would get to the top and I would allow who ever I chose to go down and give them passage way, when this kid came to the top I would say, NO you can not go, and he would ask me why. Then I would say just because, he would feel shit about himself, then I said, Ok you can go, as he sits down to go down the slide, I start pushing him in the back with my foot, like I was going to push him down really hard and fast, I would say stop, the more he says stop the harder I push till I could feel and see he was feeling powerless, he would then get tears in his yes, not yet crying

Then as he goes down the slide I would jump on and slide with my feet  into his back, like I was being spiteful and nasty to him for going down the slide.

So this was one of my experiences as the bully, I made this kid cry at least a few times a week, it became a habit and I started enjoying it more and more, the bullying stopped when I went to primary school.

So now it is time to investigate the whole scenery here and see for myself what is here with in all of this, I was six years old, I did not have influential friends yet where I could have learned this from, I only had parents and siblings, so the obvious place to start the self honest investigation would be at Home, and how it all happened.

Here is a play out I see happened at home, I used to tease my siblings and my parents would say Gian stop it, I would then stop it and not continue out of the fear of getting punished.

So my next question would be why did I tease my brothers, I was actually daring them through being annoying to them and giving a random kick or irritating them and bothering them and saying stuff to them, and so I see I did that because I was Jealous at my siblings.

Why was I jealous of them?, as I was the middle child I saw my two siblings always as getting all the attention from the parents and they were heard and listened to, I had to be naughty to get attention, I had to do things that no one likes to get the attention, as my older sibling got a lot of attention first of all for being the older one and was there first, and then I was just the next one and my younger sibling was  the one that got everything because he was the parents chance to make things right, I was felt like a kid stuck in the middle being suffocated by the other two. (obviously this was all from my own perception at that age)

So now my next question would be how did all of this come out as me bullying some other kid.

The kid that I bullied was a older sibling to a  younger one, and this kid was a resemble of my older sibling and that I could now take out my jealousy on him, I always did it in secret, you know, the adults can not see what I am doing, it was okay for other kids to see it!! And so I would end up using the kid as a punching bag for all my bottled up emotions, and seeing the kid crying was like a empowerment of myself, to feel that I had power when at home I feel like I had none, no one heard me, no one believed me, no one gave me attention, I was screamed at, I was yelled at because I was nasty, I felt powerless at home, no one ever took me serious saying it is only another stage he is going through. Thus I seek the opposite in secret, this was me being a bully.

This is looking at all points, no blame, no judgment, seeing what evil the family as it exist as today is, any and all bullies are created through family, no matter how nice parents are or how nasty, both  are equally creating bullies to enter this world, I am a perfect example of how I child that comes from a "good" loving and caring family can still turn out to be a bully.

I also have been bullied in my life, by at least four different people directly and a couple indirectly to cause me harm, and where I have been harmed, I knew all the kids that bullied me in my primary school years and they all had good families, enough money, and some had bad, yet a bully is a bully.

We need to understand that we do not know how we are creating reality and how we are actually teaching our children, that is why what we teach them through words and actions isn't the only way they learn and will not be what they do/become only, as there are resonances to consider and pre-programming , as there are other influences at play yet to be understood by all - Desteni gives the tools/information/courses etc.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist looking at the current way that family exist as as not being the right way as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have blindly accepted and allowed myself to believe that the current way family exist as as being the only true way.

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realize that the family construct/system as it exist today is the reason for why the world is the way it is currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see and realize that because of the way family exist today is the reason the world is the way it is today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that everything that exist in the world comes from a starting point first, and that starting point is currently the family, as all children are born and raised in a family first for the first seven years and only then are they exposed to outside where they have already been programmed an thus now they are only using what they have already learned from family and how to apply it practically in and as living it physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way family exist now as it has been passed on from generation to generation as being the right way, realizing that what I am actually accepting and allowing is the sins of the fathers with and as me as being the right way, realizing that I have to stop walking in the footsteps of my father to end the sins of my fathers through actual change, change that is not the opposite but that is best for all life in all ways to actually stop and not to create a polarity in energy movement, but to stop both polarities as myself as the family construct with in me and to re-birth myself as life so that life can be what is born from all families and live one and equal here on earth as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to refuse to change for what is best for all life in all ways because of LOVE for my family and believing it is the ultimate things, realizing no matter how much I pretend to love my family putting all the hate aside and all the arguments and resentments and irritations etc, Family is where the humans are born from that run the world and that the current world is dying and not blooming and expressing, thus it is in my face that love for my family is actually killing the world and earth as the evidence is actual physical and can not be denied even if one has to poke their eyes out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way I was raised was the right way, yet the proof that I am evil is who I am with in my secret mind and actions, showing to me constantly that I as the manifestation as my family is in fact not what is best for all life or the right way of raising a child, otherwise I would have been at peace with myself from the start of birth till death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disrespecting parents through not accepting and allowing what was thought to me as a child and to decide for myself with in common sense and self honesty what is best and practical and actually real as what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking at Family as the starting point of where all evil originate from as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pain family with beautiful ideas and promises and believes while in reality I know as a fact that it isn't what I make it up to be and thus I am praying and holding on to false gods instead of trusting the one true god as the physical as me one and equal and what is in my face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the idea of family something so so so much more than what it is just so that I can cope with family and feel that I belong somewhere in a world where each family is for themselves.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that family is where I learned and trained myself to be who I am as all the evil that exist with in me as my mind as secret thoughts and behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when I call myself evil, realizing that it is only the mind defending itself in the face of confrontation, as I know I am not evil as who I am as LIFE but only as me that I have accepted and allowed with in the mind as thoughts/feeling and emotions in secret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to call a spade by its name and rather hide behind beautiful ideas and believes in my mind about family and to not have to face what I have created and accepted and allowed as myself, realizing that I will at death or here have to face who I am in each breath ad thus to take self responsibility here while I can still do something is much better and more practical and where I can stop and have feedback and cross-reference the results to see what is real and what is not and to do what is bets for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to investigate my first seven years of my live as thoroughly as I can so that I cna see and understand how I created myself as the family construct/system - so that I can in clarity expose the family construct/system as it exist currently for the evil it is and creating in this world as what the world is showing us everyday in clarity in all ways.

I commit myself to stop blame/judgment through self forgiveness and writing and to take self responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to exist in this world as me as the manifestation of family input/output, and to change as that which is best for all life in all ways and to become the living example in each breathe by breathe.

I commit myself to take a stand and to end the sins of the fathers through educating myself and others about how we have create and manifested this world together with in common sense and to bring awareness to people as I give it to myself through self forgiveness as that is what is best for all life and to change the world as the family system as that which is best for all life.

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