Day 29 - Is it a Sin to be a Virgin.

Being a Virgin always felt like a sin, I could not tell my friends I was still a virgin, I made up stories and lied about it, mostly avoided it, when I watched movies like American Pie or Road Trip or Euro Trip and many other movies that are the same type, where with in the movies they would literally make it the goal in the movie to get someone to lose their virginity before a certain age or event, and that the person would be a loser if they do not get to have sex before the certain set time and date.

This really played a big part in my brainwashing as a teenager, I became obsessed with having to lose my virginity before I leave school, before I turn eighteen.

It felt like it was a sin to be a virgin, and that speaking it would curse my name and that people would see as if something was wrong with me.

I was successful, but the cost was high, I had to turn myself into someone I was not, someone that was  even more deceptive and manipulative to get a girl and to have sex, all for the idea that I had to lose my virginity before a certain age or time period otherwise I would have been a loser (according to who?), and to be frank, not one fucking thing changed after having sex multiple times, I was still me with myself, only now I was more of a monster inside, I became a asshole, a bastard, I misused many women, I abused them emotionally and myself, I made many promises and I said many things just to get to that one point, I was fading away, the child with in me, and I became a possessed human, a robot to fulfill only one goal as if was my entire life purpose. How freaking useless.

Time to take self responsibility and stop the abuse.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a virgin is a sin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as something being wrong with me if I am a virgin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear being labelled as a virgin, as someone that is incapable of having sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not lose my virginity before a certain age that it will be to late for me and I will die a virgin, realizing this is mind created bullshit that I accepted as brainwashing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not lose my virginity before I leave school that no girl will ever want to have me then with in the believe that I will be inferior to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior to those that has had lots of sex while I am still a virgin, realizing that this is all mind created bullshit based on self judgments, believes and ideas with in having conversations with myself in my secret space called the mind, realizing it is all self created with in what I accept and allow with in me as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing the point of having sex with someone with in the principal of what is best for all life with in an agreed relationship where there is not deception, no manipulation, no ego, none of the bullshit, real communication and self forgiveness .

Life review - Ego + sex = Catastrophe

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will say about me if they have to find out I am still a virgin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and directed by movies and the ideas and believes that movies portrayed as being right and wrong with in being a virgin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by friends and their opinions/believes/judgments/ideas about being a virgin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking about being a virgin as if it sinful and wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being incapable of having sex just because I am a virgin, realizing that I have not yet became a complete possessed robot that is only after sex through extensive deception and manipulation just to lose my virginity, and that I still am able to rather direct myself with in a agreed relationship where I can be self honest and direct with in the point of having sex, thus not having to degrade myself to a level of being an asshole and where I have to abuse women emotionally though promises and nice words to only get sex and in the end break their harts after I got my reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a virgin is a bad thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe being a virgin is a good thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in my mind as ideas and believe in relation to being a virgin, realizing that it inst about what is right or wrong, but that it is about self honesty with in directing myself first with in establishing myself as who I am as that which is best for all life, so that when the time comes that I have sex, that is not with in the starting point of ones own self gain tha always end up in abusive situations for both partners, but to rather first establish a agreement that is best for all so that the sex will be with in an agreed term that is directed and not through deception and manipulations as abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to lose my virginity according to fulfilling a mind idea/believe, realizing that this as the starting point is abuse and not what is best for all life as myself and will in the end only be harmful .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my virginity with in a direct confrontation situation where the opportunity is presented to me where no manipulation or deception is required, and to go into feeling insecure and not come to an agreement but to rather manipulate and deceive someone so that I may feel secure and in control and causing harm and abuse towards the other being and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make losing my virginity something sacred and special, realizing it is only what people brainwashed me to believe as their starting point of teaching us this is based on fear and judgments, instead of common sense and self honesty that is based on the principal of what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mountain out of a ant's nest with in the idea and believe of losing my virginity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by porn and the ideas and believes around having sex and with in this literally MIND FUCK myself about losing my virginity as I now have created something more out of sex than what it 4really is, as two human being expressing themselves physically together with in an agreed relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself judge people that are virgins as being losers. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people that are virgins as losers because I fear me being judged as a loser.

I commit myself to stop the chase for wanting to lose my virginity and to stop and breathe and to first look at myself and my starting point, is it with in what is best for all life or is it deception and manipulation and abusive and harmful to me or the other, and to first work on myself to clear myself from all mind created brainwashing Crap and to not be a clueless zombie that only wants to lose my virginity because of some pre-programmed ideas and believes with in me that wants me to do it, and to instead direct myself with in writing and self forgiveness and to get a clear understanding on what sex is and how it works and to not rush into a MINd Fuck, and to with in this stop all porn and pictures with in my mind that abuse and supports abuse and to first be clear, so that when I have sex that it will be a physical act with in what is best for all life with in an agreed relationship where there is no need for deception or manipulation, only breathing and moving with in agreement. 

Latest on Eqafe - Shocking secret of masturbation  

VISIT Desteni.org and see the Agreement course. investigate and see what it is about, it is great support for self with in this course,

here is a interview on Agreements. for some perspective.