Day 378 – Candy Crush Saga - helping me in my process Part 2

Day 377 – Candy Crush helping me in my process Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question what I accept and thus allow daily as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently is all that I can ever be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently is all that I can ever be and thus all I can do is but allow it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply allow everything that I do every day as Normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so used to who I am through my everyday actions of simply repeating it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that somewhere in my process I am stuck, not moving myself not directing myself and that within this I have come to live and accept that stuckness everyday as normal and that it is all I can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get used to who I am and thus only live as the limited me I am every day, not pushing myself, not questioning myself, not investigating all of me, but only the few obvious points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that just because I find it convenient to be stuck, to have something as normal, that I must remain within it and not question it not push myself to change and to go where I believe I cannot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to go where I believe I cannot go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to go where I believe I cannot go simply because I do not find it normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently, is all that I can be because I have been who I am currently for so long, I have become it, I have literally become unable to even conceive that it is possible to do more, to become more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as Stuck and never moving forward is my limit, it is where I must be, and that I simply have to repeat everyday as this being stuck and struggle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no room within my life to move out of this position of feeling stuck within myself, within my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have become accustom to this stuckness because it is part of the survival character, where this character will keep and pattern that is relevant to surviving even if it means being stuck. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the survival character wants to create normality in order to let the personality survive, even when this normality is a complete compromise and a pattern of self-destruction, because the mind will find a save spot, a place that is save, where the mind isn’t interrupted and thus can feed off the body, the physical flesh while being stuck, and thus I see and realize that I must move myself within and as breathe out of this pattern, out of being stuck into corrections, points where I feel that what I am doing isn’t part of my “likes’ and rather push through to points of expanding, growing, moving forward, and even if it means asking for help.

Day 377 – Candy Crush helping me in my process Part 1

I have been stuck on level sixty five within Candy Crush for three weeks now, I have used at least two hundred lives on that one level, playing every day a couple of times, at least five to ten times. 

The point that has been shown to me, or the pattern here, isn’t about the obvious pattern of playing Candy Crush every day and not making it through this level, No it has shown me something I did not see of myself within my general process that I am walking with Desteni.

Let me explain, within Candy crush, being stuck on this one level, for weeks, trying every day, as bets as I can to make it through this level, I have come to a point of acceptance, this point of acceptance is interestingly created through becoming used to something. 

Because I have made it through this lever for weeks and kept on trying for weeks to make it though I have become used to NOT going anywhere, I have come to accept that this level is what I will be on forever, and so I have come to notice that I am playing everyday Candy crush, level sixty five with the acceptance that this is it, I cannot go further, I cannot do more, I will simply replay this lever every day for ever. 

I have come to accept this level of myself, I have come to accept that this level is all I can reach and all I can do, since I have been trying so hard for weeks and haven’t reached any point of making it, I have come to only play it every day for the sake of playing it, I have lost sight that there is any possibility of moving further and going forwards, I have come to believe that there is no forward for me. 

Even though it is obvious that I can go further, I know there is more levels and that I can go there, I have create the belief that where I am now is my limit, it is the end for me, I will play and stay on level sixty five forever, and somehow I have become so addicted to just playing this level, that I Play it for the sake of playing it, not even to move forward.

Once I noticed this pattern that I have fallen into within Candy Crush, I have realized how his has happened without me even knowing it, because it was created through time, through repeating myself over and over within the same actions, and then it simply became normal, when it isn’t normal.  It is that point of acceptance, and allowance and then it becomes normal. And so I noticed how easy it is for this to happen anywhere else within my world, within me within what I do and live, without me even knowing it at all. Till I actually see such point possible, and then questioning everything about me to see where I am doing this. 

I am looking here at my entire process, my entire life of who I am, and how I have come to accept that who I am currently and what I do as my actions from who I am as being all that I can ever be, a believe that I have created and now I am simply living it, I am living this acceptance and allowing it daily within each breathe, believing it is all I can be and thus all I can do.

Day 376 – Power Games Part 2

Day 375 - Power Games Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having power over everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having power over everyone because then I believe I have the right to be secure with myself and thus have confidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be secure with myself within myself as who i am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be confident within myself within who I am and thus seeking it through alternative ways such as seeing power over others to control them and to have control and to only then feel secure and then only be confident.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that seeking power over others is a clear indication that I am feeling powerless somewhere within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the actions of myself within seeking power over others.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate my past to see where this game originated from and why/how.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek power over others because of past experiences/memories where others have played power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define what power is through past experiences where I felt powerless, and to within this give the definition of power what I have experienced from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that, in past events where I was over powered by others either through mental points such as knowledge and information or physically such in sports or in fight/bullying to have through those events create fears/insecurities that now led up to me seeking power over others in the event of not having to experience those past experiences again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people having power over me due to their status in society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people over powering me simply because of their Ego resonance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission within myself for others to overpower me within almost anything simply because I have secret thoughts/back-chat within me about myself all the time, that is dis-empowering towards myself giving anyone the upper hand over me at any time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that being over powered by others starts first within myself, with my relationship that I have towards myself, within how much self-respect and honor I have, and when and as I am participating within back chat and secret thoughts, I am giving away my self-respect and my honor as I am living in deceit and thus dis honor and dis-respect, and through this behavior I am creating myself as less then within my mind only, and so I actually live as if I am less than others, and through this I am giving others permission to want to overpower me.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am attempting to play the game of power, to stop and to breathe and to not participate, within the realization that there is no power game unless I participate within such a game, as it takes two to make a game a game and to have meaning and value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the starting point of not wanting to play in the power game to have power, seeing and realizing that this wanting of power isn’t over others, but instead self-empowerment, where I stand stable as my breathing and not within fear as the back chat and secret mind.

I commit myself to clear my starting point of any secret mind starting point that is within self-interest and self-gain, and to change my starting point to that of common sense and self-honesty to what is best for all life. Seeing and realizing that a self-empowered person that has self-respect and honor is a person that is stable and that is best for all life. 

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am in fear of others over powering me, to stop and to breathe and to look at what is it within that moment within me within my secret mind and back chat that is going on that is triggering this fear, and to clear myself through exposing myself to myself and to be self-honest within myself and to then take a deep breath and stop, to then focus on breathing and building my self-discipline as breathe. 

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am seeking confidence or security through dis-empowering someone else only to empower myself, to stop and to realize that this is not what power is as it required abuse and ego, as both or those are indications of actual weakness, and that self-empowerment is to breathe and to NOT have any secret thoughts or back chat but to stick to the physical and what is real, to prevent nay abuse, as that is real power, to not go there where abuse exist, but to stand by oneself as breath as the physical and to trust self, to honor self and respect self.

Day 375 - Power Games Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life a game of power, to see who's got the most power and who is the weakest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak, or the weakest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others having power over me and that I have lost the game, and thus as I am a loser I must obey or submit to the winner, or become their friend and be in their good books, in order to make up for the loss. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about gaining power over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not have power over others that I am weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure and less than others if I do not have some form of power over them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not have power over others that they have power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if someone has power over me, that I must fear them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the idea of someone having power over me and that they can somehow mind control me or make me feel bad about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the idea that someone has power over me from having certain abilities that I don’t and that they can use it against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with everyone in my world to see who’s got power over who, and within this establish a self-definition of myself, that is either of superiority or inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how I am creating all my fear within my world through competing with everyone to see who’s got power over who, as I see and realize that when and as I do this, that I am creating points of fear that isn’t really there, and can only exist because I am playing this game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek power over others to feel secure, seeing and realizing that I only do this because I feel insecure about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I seek power over others, in any form that I can find power within, if it is physical or mental or metaphysical, I am creating points of fear within myself and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I play the game of seeking power over others, that I will find people that I can over power and that this will create a point of submission within me and my world and thus give complete fear/power towards the other persona and thus imprison myself within what this other person thinks about me or see in me or have towards me as I will become self-conscious within this persons presence because I believe now that this person really has power over me simply because my game did not work out, which is all bullshit and only mental delusion.