Day 646 – Family is the cause of Pornography
listen to the interview in this blog, then you will see the writing I do below it in relation to what I got from the interview within walking my process of self-honesty through self-forgiveness. You must undertake your own in writings, what is here for you to stop blame and to stand up for and as yourself as life.
Ok, I listened to the recording, at first I did not completely get it, it is a short video/recording, so I know Bernard does not spoon feed, he gives points and then it is up to self to self-investigate, get to self-honesty and to self-realization, and it gave me a clue in the recording when Bernard said, secrets and agendas within the family structure as it currently exists, and so how is Pornography an outflow from the Family design/construct.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT question the family structure that exists within this world.
I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that the family structure within this world is a TAUGHT structure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT be Honest about the family structure and setup within this world where it is most of the time if not all the time abuse, may it be mental, emotional or physical.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the family structure that exists within this world only exists as it does due to FEAR and Survival, and thus does not represent a true structure of natural forces, but rather a structure that manifested due to a system that exist within this world created by man and his agendas/secrets for power/control and self-interest, and so the family structure can only be the same structure one and equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the family construct even when I knew there was always something off, not right, secrets and agendas that is running in the back ground.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a role within the family construct as if it is simply my place/play and that I have no choice to take that play/place and so participated within it as normal, as usual, even when there was emotional abuse, mental abuse going on.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the world if fucked, and so the current family construct as it exist is also fucked, as the world is a reflection of the family construct, as within so without.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly follow what I was born into as normal, as good, as how things should be, even when I could see that it isn’t working, it never worked and the world is a result, and so looking at how I turned out myself coming from the family construct, I was/am pretty fucked, mentally and emotionally.
I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized through suppression and deliberate denials of what is here, that the family construct is an incubator for children born into a family, and so what the child becomes, who the child is, was literally and very specifically incubated into the child, and so the world and within myself, the results is that of sex/porn addictions, mental problems, physical problems, drug addictions and so many many others more points, as what is born from the families of the world is what end up creating the world, and the world seems to be run by demons/monsters.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the emotional abuse that happened, took place within my family – even when that emotional abuse felt good, such as manipulation, love, or a sense of care and specialness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the two people that are my parents as special and unique and that I am their property, and so whatever they do or go through or take out on me, may it be deliberate or indirect, as acceptable, as simply how a family works and functions, even when those moment left scars of emotional and mental experiences that I could not explain yet acted on, as if they are normal and simply part of how I as a family member as the child should act and behave, never questioning truly why it is playing out the way it is, such as the actual structure of the family design within this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the family member that causes disruptions, emotional instabilities and expected everyone else to simply take it, as I was part of the family construct, and so anything can go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play on my family members emotions and feelings, their weaknesses and strengths to get what I wanted, and so in return allowed and accepted them to do the same, and so anything goes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of the people I was calling family and to justify my actions and words and all that I accepted and allowed of me, to simply being part of the family and what it means, and so in return accepted and allowed the same form other members, even when it all added up to living a lie, to living in an illusion, a secret reality that is different in the home of the family versus who the family is outside of the home.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a secret agent for my family, where I would keep the family and what happens at home a secret and to so present a different family outside, and so seeing and realizing that as a family we could together lie, present a lie and live a lie, I realized that I could lie and get away with anything and many things, as I would expect my family to simply keep quit and go along with it with me, and so do the same for them, thus creating a living of dishonesty and corruption.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the construct of dishonesty within the family, as to lie, cheat, misuse and play games that served only me and so use others for that purpose.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I learned how to be “intimate” through my family, and so whatever that was in my family is what I accepted as the way it is and works, ad so be that way within and towards myself and so the world, KNOWING is was/is corrupted, not effective, not working, due to how the inner relationships functioned within the family.
I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized that I have learned through my family how to “care” and so, whatever that may have been, taken it with me as me into this world, my life, KNOWING is was/is corrupted, not effective, not working, due to how the inner relationships functioned within the family.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed the truth to sink in for me that all the addictions, habits that served no one, and thus PORNOGROPHY and sexual problems and relationship problems was/is a direct result of what I learned, observed, imprinted and taken from my family, or never received in fact and so seeked what I was missing within me outside of me in everything and everyone else, and so always ended up abusing.
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