Why do I fear a murderer or a rapist or a gangster or a gym buff or a weird looking person standing on the corner of the street, or a homeless guy? Why do I fear these characters?
It is simple, to first realize that it is all only characters – as a character is someone that plays a certain role in a movie/film or a performance, and we are currently living in a show called capitalism, and capitalism requires characters to play certain roles so that capitalism can be capitalism.
If the People/Characters that exist today did not exist the show called capitalism could not have been possible, each and every role of each and every character is specific and simply a creation from the system/environment.
The characters are each unique and special within how they were created since birth, the character that is built and designed how to act/speak/move and then what to do is all formed and trained how to act accordingly to the input from the environment and thus the memory implants, the characters aren’t the being that was born, it is literally an actor playing its role, unaware that it’s a role and calling if Life, this is simply how life is.
So why do I fear these characters? I myself am a character, so as my character I must play the roles that I have learned since I was a child and then the roles I have assigned myself through what was taught to me as a child, so all other characters are obviously acting with me in this BIG play we call life, only the things we act out are REAL based on fictional creations in our minds, that’s one scary point, so the other point is, as my character I am not allowed to ever BREAK character, otherwise I will lose my job, I will get fired from my role and who knows where I will end up.
So standing in the shoes of others as their characters is breaking character, I am stepping out of my acting shoes and standing in someone else’s acting shoes. Which goes against the script I got from those that have gone before me!
So I always stay in my shoes and rather judge all the other characters and separate myself from all the other characters just so that I can keep my character, through judging all the other characters I am defining my character as everything I don’t want to be judged as as what I judged others as, because I see the evil within me through the act of judging and thus fear this act of evil to be done onto me, it’s like I fear judging myself the same way I judge others, how ridiculous, because apparently at the end of the show we call life, there will be a reward for the best character, this reward comes in many forms as many different parts of life assume it will be after death and claim it as truth.
So I am facing a few characters and will be facing a lot more coming, many I have never even met yet, because each character is circumstantial in a way.
Its like when I was sixteen and I went with a friend to a petrol station and he introduced me to this Nigerian guy that is his drug dealer, this was a mean motherfucker, I was shit scared of him, he was massive with BIG muscles and he had lots of chains and gold rings and tooth and a sidearm on him, in the open, this guy had the whole Character of gangster and that he has been in some shit I have never even thought of, who Knows, I feared this character and till today I fear anyone that might resemble such character, yet why do I fear him?
I never took the time to place myself in this characters shoe and to walk in his shoes and see for myself, I immediately went into first Judging and thus separating and thus creating fear.
Same with once I stopped drinking alcohol, everyone else drinking alcohol is scary, yes I was that character before, I played that role a few times, I fucked up badly with this character, yet Now I suddenly am faced with these characters in my life and I don’t know what to do, I still fear them, they are unpredictable and drunk/possessed.
This reveals to me that even when I was that character I never investigated myself as the character even, I even separated myself from the characters that I played, and now I have to revisit these characters and face myself as the character and stop the fear/separation within me, stopping the judgments.
Journey to be continued.