Self - forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear discipline, seeing and realizing that I have learned/defined discipline as
something that is a burden, something that is forced onto me, and thus seeing
it as something that isn’t necessary for me yet it is asked of me from someone else,
as discipline has never been taught to me within understanding of its
importance and how I live it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
define discipline as being a burden for me, seeing and realizing that
discipline as I have defined it within the past is the only burden I can have,
as the discipline as memory of the past is all of the past attached to it
within the word as its definition in relation to who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach
a negative emotional experience towards the word discipline and having to be
disciplined and attaching the word Burden to the word discipline.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
Burden myself with the Ideas/Beliefs/opinions that I have taken on from others
or created for myself through interpreting what discipline means through my environmental
influences, instead of taking self-responsibility to pick up a dictionary and
to see what the actual definition is of discipline is and to not create a
definition of what discipline is, through years of memory and experiences that
is all based on “abstract” definitions that is specific according to each and every
one that had a influence in/on my life in relation to learning/understanding
and living the word discipline according to their back grounds and pasts, seeing
and realizing that my current definition of discipline and how I have been
living the word discipline cannot be trusted at all as it isn’t really defined
as a word in itself that I can practically take and live/apply as myself in all
aspects of life, but that what I currently have as a definition of discipline
is all but past/memories/experiences which is all energy based such as
thoughts/feelings/emotions and thus nothing solid/real that I can use to stand
by and to walk and live by as myself as Who I am as the living word discipline.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel/belief
that when and as a point of discipline is asked of me that it is being forced
upon me, seeing and realizing that this is the past as memories as experiences
that is a reaction in the moment coming up in relation to what I have connected
to the word discipline and defined the word discipline as and thus the feeling
of me being forced is simply my own definition of the word that I have given
it, attached to it and thus it isn’t real, as when I have to take the word
discipline and look in the dictionary what it means then nowhere does it say – something
that is being forced onto you, thus seeing and realizing that this is my point
that I have to take self-responsibility for and to stop the past forcing itself
onto the percent moment where I have windows of opportunities to create myself,
to decide for myself how I am going to experience myself through stopping the
past to influence me here and to redefine the word Discipline to a word that is
neutral and practical and livable and a word that I can stand by and live that
word for eternity as myself as who I am. A word that is best for all as it can
stand and work for all equally and thus trust worthy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create
the Belief/idea/opinion within my mind towards the word discipline – that it
isn’t something for me, as I have always only been asked to be disciplined or
felt like it has been forced onto me by others and thus it never came to me
naturally,, and only from others, and thus made the conclusion that I don’t need
discipline as only OTHERS are asking it of me. Seeing and realizing that this
is me abdicating my self-responsibility to be disciplined, blaming others or
putting the responsibility on others to be disciplined or ask for discipline,
when I could have seen for myself within common sense that to move from point A
to point B requires discipline, yet I did not do this and always ended up at
point blank zero somewhere between A and B.
Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to Define my relationship within and towards the word and the application
of discipline as – something I do not need, I will just go with the flow –
seeing and realizing how SOO many things in my life never worked out because of
this word that I fucked up and never defined for myself and only went with the
flow. Instead of developing actual discipline for myself to follow through with
a plan, or to create a plan and to follow through to the end, this is the plan –
Discipline.
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