As I was writing out that sentence another sentence popped up in my head, like the little naughty me saying “ because then I can manipulate people to like me, giving them power over me and then use that power once they like me to manipulate them into what I want.
Ok that came out quite clear lol, just like that, self-honesty in a moment, being honest with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Give authority to others over me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to have authority over me because I have learned as a child when I do that it makes the other person almost immediately likening me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use authority as a weapon to manipulate others into liking me, because I gave them a position of power.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the weakness of others as their cravings for power as authority against them through giving them authority over me deliberately.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I can always get away with it, not seeing and realizing that if I keep on doing this I will one day get stuck in such a position and there might be no way out .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see that if I give another human being authority over me within the attempt to later on use that power and turn it against the other being as helping me/being kind to me, doing something for me, being my friend at the cost of having to be a slave for the other person that someday I might do it to the wrong person and then I might be a slave to the position for real and no way out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the consequences of submitting myself to everyone in my world just to be accepted and to be liked and the long term consequences of that that I will never have and develop self-respect and self-honor as all my actions is of self-diminishment just for the purpose of being liked and to be accepted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into believing that when and as I give others authority over me that I can use that to turn the power against them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose self-respect for myself because I never took the position of authority over myself but instead give it away to others to use me and to abuse me and to within that make myself believe that after all the use and abuse it will somehow pay off as I was a good boy, and therefore good boys get rewards, seeing and realizing that once the other person has become comfortable within having authority over me that it will not stop unless I stop it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT develop self-honor for myself for standing as my own authority and directing and moving myself and to not do everything I do just to be liked/accepted but because I see within self-honesty that it needs to be done or said even if someone else do not like it and that I might be dislike, but at least I will have my self-honor for who I am and doing what is best for all life.
To be continued.
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