Day 342 – Self transformation to be a father Part 1

I have been considering a lot of thing ever since I found out I am going to be a father of a child, a Tiny little human being coming into this world.

Everything I have been doing for the last two months since finding out have been magnified. All my bad habits and shitty patterns that I have been accepting and allowing within me for so long is now even bigger within me, because I have realize one thing.

My child WILL learn from me.

It is truly that simple, it isn’t more, so Who I am within all of me is extremely important, and when I say who I am I mean me in fact, not a pretentious me that is pretending to characters and personalities, mean me in fact, inside and out.

And I realize daily it isn’t much longer then the child will be here, The baby is already being trained/learning on a cellular level, I mean cells are alive, they are right now at this moment building the baby into a specific form with the coding DNA that is has from me and my partner, that in itself is already here as the DNA.

Every day when I see my partner I know that who I am towards her as who I am is already effecting the baby, it is common sense, the baby is literally part of her, the baby is being created within her, the baby is of her and a tiny part of me, the baby if using all of my partners body where necessary to develop him/her self.

This by itself shows that my words as the sounds that I speak when my partner is within a certain range of her will be heard by the baby, by the body, the cells and the water of the baby, it is how it works, it isn’t like the baby is protected from it all, it is all taking effects at a quantum physical level, through the sounds, through what my partner is experiencing the baby is also experiencing, they are currently still one body.

Besides that point, I now see all my habits/patterns, I see where I am lazy and where I am postponing and all those things that I know when the baby is here and I do not correct those point that it will become the child, it will be picked up, it will be taught, it will have an effect.

For example, my room has wires from the computers and stuff laying low on the floor and there are sharp table sides and there are cups standing on the tables and there are shoes and bags laying on the floor and there are open dustbins standing next to the desks and cupboards with no doors and there are little screws on the floor and coins laying at random spots and the floor isn’t really that clean, I would not lick it and all these things that I now notice.

When I see these things I KNOW that when the baby is here it cannot be that way, it must be fixed, because the baby will interact with the physical reality on all levels possible, licking and sucking and biting and touching and crawling and all those things anywhere and with all things possible.

And all the things that I am now noticing is “natural things” that is normal to lay around, it is parts of me that is laying around or still existing within my world because of who I am, to lazy to pick up the nail on the floor with a justification of it won’t hurt anyone, it is fine there for now, and the dustbin all open, it does not affect me so it’s all right for now, or the empty cups on my desk that can be thrown down and break and then cut the baby, its pure laziness for not putting it away where it is designed to be again after use.

And all the cables laying open all over, t does not matter of the baby is coming now or in ten years really, it is a matter of living a principal, always in consideration of what is here.

I was given a great perspective once, about four years ago here on the farm just as I started working outside, we were cleaning the one garden and then I said I am done. Then Bernard came to me and he said, are you sure you are done, I said yes it looks done, he said it does not matter how it looks, is it done, can you put a child/baby in this garden and you will know the child/baby is 100% save.

I then reconsidered my answer and I said NO, Bernard then said, okay make sure that is it save enough that a child can play here and nothing will be able to harm the child, isn’t that what it means to be a responsible parent, to make sure that you bring your child into a world where there is nothing that can harm your child.

I also then realize how fucked up this world is because there is ONLY harm within this world awaiting any child around all corners, and that there is NO responsible parents in this world, we can take self-responsibility currently for our own environments if we can afford it, seeing that safety is linked to money instead of a human right as it is supposed to be and then change the world so that every child of all species/races all life will have a Save environments to grow up within, and that in its obvious conclusion will create a save world, because we like to do onto others as they have done onto us (currently everyone with money is basically asking to be killed). If we are cared for we will care and then it becomes do onto others as you would like to be done onto automatically, but NO one is caring, its survival and competition and self-interest and ignorance everywhere, I was raised in a world where there was a constant threat on my life and still is, Rape/murder/war/poverty/starvation/habitat loss fucking name it.

So here I am, a father to be, I see my design, This is my design that I am taking on to change so that I know I can honor myself, have self-respect.
To be continued.