Day 296 – To soft, To Kind for the Job P2

Continuing from Day 295 Charming Character on the Job P1.

So here I am looking at the two words and how I live them, Soft and Kind, I see and I realize that I have lived these two words as a way to Protect myself, within the believe that being Kind and Soft will always shelter me from conflict or being hated or bad gossip or nasty people, I was raised to fear it, I was raised to do those things I fear. So I understand why I fear it and why I have created the Soft and kind characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the soft character as manipulating others to “like” me as if I am a facebook page, to avoid conflict and confrontations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear confrontations from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as the fears and why and how I have accepted and allowed these fears to direct me and drive my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I play the soft character as not in fear of being hard on others, that it is actually just me attempting to manipulate the other being to never be hard on me, because I justify it through the back chat of, If I am not hard on you then you cannot be hard on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being hard on people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others being hard on me and through this fear never be hard on others even when it is necessary and so compromise myself and the other being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being hard on others within the believe that I must first know how to be hard on others, seeing and realizing that this is just a justification and a way of manipulating myself to not go there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as the hard guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being talked about as the hard guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse being hard on people and being hard on myself as being harsh on others and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I must move and direct myself in each breathe here and not within each fear as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to USE Kindness as a way to get people on my side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being kind as the only way of getting people on my side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that only through manipulation can I get people on my side and thus use kindness and abuse it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a moral belief that if I am kind I cannot be unkind and have no mercy, seeing and realizing that this is a limitation within what I have to do and that this is a sabotaging point in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unkind to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the feedback from others if I had to be unkind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the minds of others changing about me once I am unkind, seen as being unkind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I do not approach people in a kind matter that they will reject me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that to be normal as myself here as not kind or soft isn’t allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a defense system up when I communicate with others and that they will see right through me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing myself to that which is best for all life and that will make a machine ut of me that gets things done where I have no morality and simply common sense and NO fear and simply self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use kindness and softness to hide me from the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use kindness and softness to hide me as the physical from the world as that which is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when and as I use kindness and softness around others that it is to protect them from my reactions and what I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I play the kind soft character that I am in polarity creating a monster within me. Because the feedback I will get from the kind/soft character will not always be that which I expect back and this creates a lot of doors for demons to crawl into and create back chat and gossip in the head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how I create the inner experiences I have of fear and anger and hatred within me through the characters I play in reverse during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT be me and to instead play characters that create more characters that create demons in the head that is dangerous to myself and others and that this is what I try and avoid more and more within playing these characters more and more and every time the character fails The demon grows, because I am creating it, INSTEAD of living self honesty as who I am as the physical not needing a character but myself doing everything breathe by breathe.

To be Continued with Commitments statements next.