Day 514 – SLEEEEEEEP

If only I could get that proper sleep, I will feel better.
Maybe if I sleep a little bit I will feel better.
After a good nap I will feel alive and good to do things again.
If I can just get some DEEP sleep I will reboot and feel fresh.
Tonight I must go to bed early to start the day fresh and alive tomorrow.
I must catch up with sleep to not be in this mood.
I will be more effective if ONLY I had a good sleep last night, but I didn’t.
Today is going to suck, I barely slept last night.
I went to bed SOO late last night, that’s why today is going to be though.
WOW the nap I had really helped, but why am I so tired again, I probably need more sleep.

Those are but some thoughts that I have had regarding sleep and what revolves around sleep, I have noticed how sleep can take over my day to day life, to be more precise, the belief I have around sleep and how I have given away my self-responsibility to WHY I am experiencing myself as tired as what is happening within me, through making sleep the excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame not having enough or a certain type of sleep for why I experience myself as tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame how little I have slept for why I am experiencing myself within my mind set as being tired/exhausted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use not having enough sleep as a justification for how I experience myself as not mobile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use not having enough sleep as a justification/excuse to why I am not HERE present breathing but rather in certain moods.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use not having enough sleep as a justification for why I am the way I am as being gloomy, tired looking, not alive, not moving myself effectively, why I am sitting around, why I am always chilling instead of breathing and being here directing each moment within practicality and clarity.

So the questioning must once again go deeper, why even if I got sleep, or a nap – does tiredness sink in at some point that is ONLY felt in the eyes, the head section. This leads down an interesting path, as tiredness isn’t a mental point, it is a physical point that we reference to as being tired – as the body is the vessel that does literally everything, the mind as a tool is supposed to just give like GPS direction.
So firt, understanding the mind as a tool and not who you are and how this tool works, as a GPS, how can one get tired from using the tool as the mind? Well over use, using the GPS to not just direct but to actually get lost and to then having to get new input the whole time or old input and scrambling the direction and getting lost within the mess within the GPS system as the mind, in fact we get so lost within it finding direction that we are now even thinking we are this mess, we are this GPS system, forgetting that someone else placed the info into the GPS before it even started getting active – and this input wasn’t even from who I am, it was from my parents, as they already claimed to know this world and thus what direction I must take to secure survival, and Hench why we get lost using this GPS system, because we never placed the info/directions within it, someone else did and we are just trying to make sense of it all and get lost in it.

So the tiredness comes from a simple explanation – direction, setting a direction and living it, using the GPS once and then moving to the locations/taking the direction, but as long as I am all up in my GPS/mind I will be tired, I will feel tired and moody, I will not be able to move and be effective. I am jumping from one place to another – I am attempting to follow all the paths that has been programmed into my GPS – and not finding my own path/direction and living that.

To be continued.

Day Day 71 – Personality Suit Part 6 – Behavior 5 – moody

OH yes, the moody personality, fuck off, what do you want, I am tired, leave me alone, so many feeling/emotions/back chat when I am moody. It is a personality behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moody when I feel like it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest a personality out of feelings/emotions as moody.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act and behave in anger and resistance towards people and things happening my life when I am in the moody personality suit. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a moody personality suit that I wear to get people to leave me alone and so that I can be with myself in isolation and being all sad by myself an angry by myself and just be moody with back chat and thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest a personality out of a conglomeration of lots of feelings/emotions/thoughts packed into one mode of being moody and within this repel others away from me within a sense of spitefulness and resentment as if everyone around me is the cause of me being moody.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others around me for the mood I am in.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self responsibility for myself and what I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can take self responsibility for what I experience within me and thus it is harmful and unnecessary to be moody towards others for how I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as moody and thus creating it is part of my personality realizing that as I create it part of my personality as a statement that this is who I am then I am actually giving my power away as if I cannot help the moodiness and thus everyone else must just deal with me when I am not even willing to deal with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and identify being moody as part of my personality as who I am as a statement that I can not help it and thus I will simply accept it and live like this.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I am moody and I act and behave in a certain way towards people and everything in my world that I am actually only allowing and accepting myself to be a robot, driven by a feeling that is within me as if I cannot help it, like a robot, realizing that I can stop and breathe and direct myself, look at the points and write and self forgive and correct myself within living the correction in breathe and to stop the mind as enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief and feel that I am subject to the mind and whatever the mind things and creates as feeling and emotions are real and must be so and thus I must be a slave to it no matter what.

I commit myself to when I see I am in a mood to stop and to look at myself and to look at the points that come up, what is the feelings, emotions, thoughts and all the back chat where I talk to myself and to stop them either through writing and self forgiveness writing or I breathe and forgive myself in directive corrective living application if possible.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I see I am in a mood and to realize that I am now subject to the mind as I give away my power to feelings and emotions, realizing that I am not the feeling and emotions and that the feelings and emotions are a byproduct of the past, and to stop all of this before I harm myself or others in my moodiness and to stop all self sabotaging and compromising.

I commit myself to when I see I am playing out the personality suit of being moody to manipulate my environment and due to certain back chat I participated in within my mind to stop and to breathe and to realize that I am moody due to my own creation of the mind and what I participated in within my mind and now I am blaming the world for all the shit I created and thus want to suddenly now manipulate everything and everyone in my world according to the back chat I had to fit my fairness of life and to stop and take self responsibility for my thoughts/words and deeds as that which is best for all LIFE in all ways.