Day 70 – The Personality Suit Part 5 – Joker - Behavior 4

Joking – making everyone laugh, or sometimes only you and your friends and making someone else feel shit, or just joking the whole time in communication with others to hide that what you said even though you meant it.

This is the point I am taking on within my behavior as part of my personality suit that I wear when I am communicating with people about things and I will throw in that quick joke, or say something that is serious and then after wards say – Haha just joking, it is a sign of insecurity and not being able to stand by what I said and instead make it a joke, not to have to face the seriousness of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as a joker within conversation as my behavior and words will always be that of impressing people and making them laugh.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have identified myself as a joker within my behavior and conversations because I do not trust myself within conversations and thus I make jokes to hide the fact that I am insecure. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I judge myself as Les than others within conversations and that I can not participate in the debates/conversation equally and thus I turn to making jokes the whole time in my words and behavior against or towards the conversations to make the conversation seem less and stupid so that the attention is driven away from me feeling insecure to making the other people of the majority that will laugh at the jokes also judge the conversations as stupid and useless so that I can remain within my insecurities and self judgments and never have to challenge myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I make jokes in conversations I am avoiding the conversation and directing the attention towards me away from the conversation, realizing that I do this in order to not to have to participate within the conversation because of self judgment as not being capable of participating in the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge making jokes in conversations, realizing that it is the starting point and who I am within doing it, if the joke is specific and has purpose as that which is self honest and best for all life then that is what it is, if there is anything hidden such as fear/self judgment/insecurities it is best to stop and breathe and to see what the point is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life a joke in fear of having to take what is here serious and facing myself as that as what I have created equally within this world and within me as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use joking as a way to hide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to joke to hide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a joker in the fear of people taking what I say personal, and thus making it a joke and laughing at it makes it not serious and thus no one takes me serious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to joke when I am under stress and do not know how to handle it, instead of breathing and being here as breathe realizing that I do not have to handle stress and stress is unnecessary and thus I do not need to stress but breathe. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am confronted by someone or something to make a joke out of it to not have to take self responsibility for my actions as the personality suit I have created for myself on how to handle life, realizing that I am actually not handling life as I need to joke about it, indicating I cant handle life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create me as a joker as part of a personality suit that I wear that is a consistent reminder and confirmation to myself that I will always be limited as me insecurities/judgments and be subject to them, realizing that I can stop the joker personality and breathe and face what I have created and accepted and allowed to exist within me and to take practical common sense steps to improve and better myself as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to when I see I want to make a joke within a conversation to stop and breathe and to see what is behind the joke, to investigate “who i am” within the joke and to instead of joking as to get attention to re-direct the attention off the topic/conversation that I judge or feel less than. 

I commit myself to when I see I make jokes and to act out as the funny guy in moments, to breathe and to stop any energy movement and to look within myself as to why I ma doing it, and to write and self forgive the inner points such as fear/insecurities/self judgments/self beliefs etc and to stand and change and to stop hiding and accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within my participation in what is here.

I commit myself to when I see I am going into a joking mind to look at what activated the joking mode within me, and to when I see what it is to not accept and allow it to direct me and to instead correct myself in and as breathe within practically correcting myself in the moment with my behavior as that which is best for all life as myself and to stop all form of self accepted and allowed limitations.