I ended in the previous Blog Day 108 on where I saw how within self forgiveness how it is within parenting that the parents raise children/me in such a way that all we are taught is Fear and then how to run/hide from the fear, and through this we/I built characters that is specifically designed to always avoid/run/hide form the fear that is within, and how Love as the ultimate fear is what is sued to justify all fear.
I have come to see within myself how Love as fear can be presented – Lets say there is a Ball of red darkness mixed and it is a ball of fear, so now love is when you take paint and you paint rainbow colors over the ball and suddenly beliefs it is something different, but yet the harsh truth is, the ball of fear still remains a ball of fear you now just cant/don't want to see it as you have PAINted it with colors called love – it really only makes it look different.
So Now within the previous Blogs I can see I have gone on a bit of a ranting and raving on the points of the social survivor character as so many point opened up within it all, new points and I had to write them out.
So first things first – The social survivor character is/was created at Home, even before school and friends, because the first thing a kid learns is how to survive living with the parents, this is a obvious point.
When I look at it as a child I was born into this world, then suddenly within my learning environment with the teachers (parents) there was rules and do and don'ts and yes and no and there was all the things that was imposed onto me as a kid of which i Had no idea about.
For example – a parent will dress their baby/child a certain way to already Fit in with what is acceptable by society – where as the baby has no idea that such thing exist, the parents already force expectations from society onto the child to make sure the child fits in.
So here I see the problem is that I/children are literally raised as Social survivors without being consciously aware of it, as it is only made known through limited conversations and behaviors.
For example – when going to the mall the mother will dress the boy up in blue cloths because according to society a boy must wear blue and not pink, if the boy had to wear pink then the boy would not be accepted by society and be called names and seen as gay and not as a real boy and not taught and not as a real man – yet the boy is but only a bot and yet have no concept of what games the adults are playing, it is only made known through the behaviors and actions – and now here come the interesting part of why parents would do this.
It is all because of FEAR – so the parents raise the child in complete fear and then call it LOVE, because the parents FEAR that the boy will be called names and not seen as a real boy or as gay or as not a tough boy if he had to wear pink, the say Because we love you we dress you in blue clothes so that you will not be abused by society. Yet the love is clearly only fear, and the fear isnt even necessarily always towards the child, it will be the parents own FEAR of not being seen as Good Parents, not raising their child to the expectations of society as dressing him in Blue.
And now the child grows up with this behavior and acceptance, because the child will see within others behaviors towards him with wearing blue that they are accepting him, being nice to him, playing with him, giving him attention etc, and so as the boy see/learn through the behavior he learns that it has to do with how he is dressed.
And bam there is one dimension of how the kid is now fucked into never being able to live freely as the boy will now always dress and built dressing characters to be accepted/loved by others, because obviously within the environmental behavior it was/is also seen how he will not be accepted and that people fear the opposite/polarity.
So here we have one character of the social survivor characters of dressing nicely or according to what the community/society accepts.
And this goes on, now as the boy have built this character it must be understood that this character is now a product of capitalism and dependent on how the world currently exist, so this character will enforce this abuse/behavior onto others. And as the character is built From love from the parents out of fear the child/boy will defend this character in the name of love – saying my parents did it because they love me, not because they feared for themselves and me, and so as the love as the fear in fact is defended the boy is in fact defending the current way the world exist as IN FEAR so that the LOVE that is justified can remain justified.
If the boy have to ever realize that he was taught to FEAR and then to Hide the fear with love just to be accepted in how he dresses and so create a world of fear that leads only to abuse and that there was in FACT a different way of life possible without fear and where a world can be created that is without fear, he would not have the love anymore or the fear, and the fear of losing love is the proof that love is fear and is that which man will always defend and the world can thus not change.
To Be Continued on Self Forgiveness...