Day 36 - The hesitation invasion
Today I was working with the wood cutting table/machine, it has a sharp round blade that spins extremely fast, then it has a small flat surface around where you lay the wood on, you have to then take the wood you want to cut and push it through and the blade cuts it.
As I was working with the table, which I have used many times before, so I was confident, I started looking at my actions while I was using the table, I saw that every time I am done cutting a piece of wood I swing my arm over and near the blade to chuck the wood on the other side, I then suddenly realized I can cut my finger/hand/arm off anytime I am not aware of what I am doing or if I simply just the one time do not lift my arm high enough over the table.
So I saw the point of that my hand/arm can get cut through the way I was working as a practical observation and instead of simply correcting myself I went into thoughts and I had fear. The fear wasn't there when I made the observation, it only came once the mind as thoughts kicked in. (allowing it)
As I continued cutting I now had fear within me and thoughts, the thoughts was based on projections of what could happen, how can it happen, and through having these thoughts I started getting uncomfortable with my body and how I am positioned, how I am using it and so the compromising started.
As I was compromised within the fear I started hesitating in ever cut I made in the wood, what happened next was the wood started getting stuck in the machine and kicking back at me and shooting pieces of wood at my face.
This I where I stood still and realized I have now created something happening, such as me hurting myself.
I stopped and I breathed and this is when the word came to me "hesitation" as I realized the word I started looking at myself and where I hesitate, as the hesitation was allowing and accepting the fear and everything else that came with it.
I was successful in stopping the hesitation and the fear through breathing and applying myself in the moments as I was doing it in my actions, this was great, I started working in consideration of myself and my actions and so released my actions of the fear and hesitation, I became better in cutting the wood than I ever was, I was cutting wood twice as fast and as I wanted it, because I have practically changed the point within me and without, thus as I was able to stop the fear I was able to stop the hesitation and so I was able to see practically what to do and apply.
I finished all the firewood cuttings before work time was done and I bagged it all and carried it to the house. As before I would have probably taken another hour more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts when and as I observe a practical point of consideration, instead of breathing and simply correcting myself, realizing that through going into thoughts and thinking about the point and imagining what could happen and how that I am creating fear.
I forgive myself that have not realized that when I go into thoughts and thinking and imagining things I am actually creating the fear within myself, realizing that it is not necessary as I can simply through the physical observation see what I practically have to apply and change with out using the mind or any fear to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require to make myself fearful of something through participating in the mind as thoughts/thinking and imagination to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within myself through participating in the mind as thoughts/thinking and imagining about events/scenarios that can play out with in the event of observing a specific point that holds potential abuse/danger/destruction to myself or others, instead of realizing that imagining or thinking or going into thoughts isn't necessary as I have already physically observed it with in common sense and thus through that understanding I can change and re direct what I am doing to be save and in consideration of myself and what I am doing in awareness.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I participate with in thought/thinking and the imagination of future events/scenarios that can play out and I accept and allow fear to be created within in my participation that I am in fact creating hesitation with in me and as my actions within the fear of the thoughts or imagined events playing out, realizing that through the hesitation I become clumsy and do not stay focused as I am possessed by fear/thoughts/thinking/imagination and so I give permission for the events to happen take place and manifest as real.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe and remain here in and as the physical with in awareness when I observe a certain play out or event or scenario that could happen through my UN-aware actions and to simply stop and change to that which is practical with in common sense and best for all life as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate in my actions through what I have created with in and as participating in my mind as thoughts/thinking/imagination and thus fear, realizing that I gave away my trust to the mind as saying that the mind is real and right and that it will probably happen and so hesitate in my actions.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to be able to stop and change in a single moment and that I require to create scenarios/events within myself to create fear and to only change once I have fear, realizing that through creating the fear my actions are poisoned an thus it will infect what I do and open up opportunities for the fear to manifest as I hesitate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the mind.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand one and equal as the minds creator to give myself the authority to stop the mind as the creator in oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and separate myself from the mid, realizing that I am the creator and thus I must take self responsibility one and equal as the creator.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything that happens in the mind is happening to me, realizing that I as the creator is accepting and allowing it to be so, as it is my mind in my head who I am.
I commit myself to when I see I go into the mind as thoughts/thinking and imagining future events/scenarios to stop and breathe and realize that it isn't necessary as I can simply look at the physical and consider all points as myself and to accordingly with in common sense change and apply what is practical and best for all life.
I commit myself to stop when I see I am giving my trust away to fear and to bring myself back here through breathing and seeing that it is not a point of fear but a fact, and so apply myself in practical ways within and as the physical to what works practically as that which is best for all life as myself.
I commit myself to prove to myself that all fear as the ego as mind consciousness system is in fact not what is best for all life, through exposing how the mind imposes itself onto the physical and thus manifest the fears and internal realities that inst real as the physical functions and thus how we create the world and why we are in fact destroying earth and life.
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