I have noticed a
general point through out my life, when I am alone with myself or not around
people I know I can be okay, but as soon as I am in a group of people or
with family or friends, I have this weird expectation that I MUST BE HAPPY,
like I have to be happy or everyone is going to think something terrible is
wrong with me.
So I have come to
put on a mask, pretending to be happy every time I am in the presence of others
I know, I have to be alive and moving and talking and laughing, It really tires
a person out and actually leads to depression after a while, also I experience
fear when I am around people I know and that I might not "LOOK"
happy, just because I do not look happy does mean I have to be sad, what If I
am not either, this is actually better because then I can actually enjoy myself
as myself and others and not having to maintain and sustain a feeling the whole
fucking time to look happy for others for some reason.
Self forgiveness.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am happy
everything is okay.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to use happiness as a way to hide the
sadness just so that others will not feel I am spoiling their day and end up
having people avoiding me.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe happiness is real when I am clearly pretending to be happy just
for others sake.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and compromise myself
through pretending to be happy just for the sake of others.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I am pretending
to be happy then that means most people must be doing the same because we all
live in the same world.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if you can be happy in
a world that is clearly fucked up that you have a special ability, realizing
that special ability is called suppression and denial.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to use happiness as a way to avoid what
is here in my face as reality everyday, instead of dealing with it and to deny
it and let it grow bigger and bigger in the darkness like fungi.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my real experience of myself
from other through pretending to be happy, realizing that through this I am
accepting and allowing them to also continue pretending and to live a false and
fake life where we all keep on pretending till the world ends by our own doing.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe hat if I am not happy
something is wrong with me.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed by movies and
television where they always portray that if you are not happy something is
wrong with you.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that happiness is all that
life is about, realizing that I can
actually grow tired of being happy as an energetic experience and thus it is
not withstanding the test of space and time, and thus I realize that it is to
be here with myself in each breath with in a physical enjoyment of myself as
all life equally as a expression of life one and equal, doing what is best for
all life in all ways, as this can with stand the test of time in all ways as it
is life.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear that others will see I
am not "happy" because of the expectation I have created that other
only want to see me happy.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear/anxiety when I do not
meet up with other peoples expectations of me as being happy, and that they
will see that I am not expressing myself as being happy and feel sad and down
themselves, realizing that I am not responsible for how other people experience
themselves within themselves but only for myself, and so as all do this we will
have a stable reliable society where we all can be true to one another as we
are true to ourselves.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to present
myself to others in a happy mood just to be polite.
I commit myself to
be happy for myself as who I am, not within a energetic mind set of happiness
that relies on polarity that only feeds the mind consciousness system that
supports the current way of life that is abusive and destructive, to live a
happiness as being comfortable with myself as I am true with myself as breathe
in and as the physical one and equal as the creator.
I commit myself to
stop pretending to be happy just for others, and to also not go into polarity
as sadness but to remain here with myself as breath as physical enjoyment with
what is here.
I commit myself to
expose the false happiness that we as a human race has created as a living CON-
dition where we pretend in each others faces every day that everything is okay,
yet we all die inside because we know we are slaves to a system and that we are
actually not happy with what we have accepted and allowed to exist in thisworld, and to end the happy face where we say in each others faces, I am
fucking with you right now because I do not dare say, everything is not okay.
I commit myself to
stop denying the truth of my accepted and allowed world and to stop the
suppression of my experiences through pasting on a happy fake face to everyone
in my world, and to rather stand up for life one and equal as that which is
best for all life so that true happiness can be born for all equally, where I
know my happiness isn't a feeling energy that relies on a deceptive life style
but that it is a happiness of self honor and respect where I know all life is
the same as me here, as this can only be achieved within a equal money system,
and thus I commit myself to create true happiness for all through supporting,
establishing the equal money system in my life time here on earth.
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