I have noticed a general point through out my life, when I am alone with myself or not around people I know I can be okay, but as soon as I am in a group of people or with family or friends, I have this weird expectation that I MUST BE HAPPY, like I have to be happy or everyone is going to think something terrible is wrong with me.
So I have come to put on a mask, pretending to be happy every time I am in the presence of others I know, I have to be alive and moving and talking and laughing, It really tires a person out and actually leads to depression after a while, also I experience fear when I am around people I know and that I might not "LOOK" happy, just because I do not look happy does mean I have to be sad, what If I am not either, this is actually better because then I can actually enjoy myself as myself and others and not having to maintain and sustain a feeling the whole fucking time to look happy for others for some reason.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am happy everything is okay.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use happiness as a way to hide the sadness just so that others will not feel I am spoiling their day and end up having people avoiding me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe happiness is real when I am clearly pretending to be happy just for others sake.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and compromise myself through pretending to be happy just for the sake of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I am pretending to be happy then that means most people must be doing the same because we all live in the same world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if you can be happy in a world that is clearly fucked up that you have a special ability, realizing that special ability is called suppression and denial.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use happiness as a way to avoid what is here in my face as reality everyday, instead of dealing with it and to deny it and let it grow bigger and bigger in the darkness like fungi.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my real experience of myself from other through pretending to be happy, realizing that through this I am accepting and allowing them to also continue pretending and to live a false and fake life where we all keep on pretending till the world ends by our own doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe hat if I am not happy something is wrong with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed by movies and television where they always portray that if you are not happy something is wrong with you.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that happiness is all that life is about, realizing that I can actually grow tired of being happy as an energetic experience and thus it is not withstanding the test of space and time, and thus I realize that it is to be here with myself in each breath with in a physical enjoyment of myself as all life equally as a expression of life one and equal, doing what is best for all life in all ways, as this can with stand the test of time in all ways as it is life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear that others will see I am not "happy" because of the expectation I have created that other only want to see me happy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear/anxiety when I do not meet up with other peoples expectations of me as being happy, and that they will see that I am not expressing myself as being happy and feel sad and down themselves, realizing that I am not responsible for how other people experience themselves within themselves but only for myself, and so as all do this we will have a stable reliable society where we all can be true to one another as we are true to ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to present myself to others in a happy mood just to be polite.
I commit myself to be happy for myself as who I am, not within a energetic mind set of happiness that relies on polarity that only feeds the mind consciousness system that supports the current way of life that is abusive and destructive, to live a happiness as being comfortable with myself as I am true with myself as breathe in and as the physical one and equal as the creator.
I commit myself to stop pretending to be happy just for others, and to also not go into polarity as sadness but to remain here with myself as breath as physical enjoyment with what is here.
I commit myself to expose the false happiness that we as a human race has created as a living CON- dition where we pretend in each others faces every day that everything is okay, yet we all die inside because we know we are slaves to a system and that we are actually not happy with what we have accepted and allowed to exist in thisworld, and to end the happy face where we say in each others faces, I am fucking with you right now because I do not dare say, everything is not okay.
I commit myself to stop denying the truth of my accepted and allowed world and to stop the suppression of my experiences through pasting on a happy fake face to everyone in my world, and to rather stand up for life one and equal as that which is best for all life so that true happiness can be born for all equally, where I know my happiness isn't a feeling energy that relies on a deceptive life style but that it is a happiness of self honor and respect where I know all life is the same as me here, as this can only be achieved within a equal money system, and thus I commit myself to create true happiness for all through supporting, establishing the equal money system in my life time here on earth.