Ok so here I am going to go into my past, back
in time to see where it all started, how did life become all about sex, how did
it happen that there is this curtain hanging in-front of my eyes the whole time that has sex on it, like its all I see everywhere.
Should I go back to the first time I discovered masturbation or did it start even further, I mean the brainwashing,
the mind control through pictures and through TV and through the simple
behaviors of people within my environment, or do I have to first look at the big
picture, because i notice it is quite difficult to see the real first time it
started.
I am going to look at the bigger picture
first, when I look at it I was born into this world with everything that is
here was already here, sex addicts already lived around me, people that watched
and masturbated to porn already lived around me, I as a child already interacted
with them , I hear them talk, I heard their jokes, I observed their behaviors,
I noticed their magazines, I saw what they watched on TV and made comments on –
all of this was obviously the first imprints already at the start of my life.
Now here is the interesting point I notice – girls and boys at a young age are thought this is a boy and this is a girl, we
are always dressed differently and we always have different colors for each
gender, males usually wore blue and girls had red or pink, how weird, boys
always wore pants and shirts an girls had other different types of cloths.
Within the dress code as children the parents
(adults) were already giving the children signals that there is something different, this obviously creates curiosity/indifference, I am talking about age's below five,
this is where I can see the point came in when a boy and girls at a young age
will be somewhere and then they will say, show me yours and I will show you
mine, lets see what the adults are hiding and dressing us up differently for.
The next point I see is mommy and daddy
kissing, hugging, holding each other and how they are towards each-other, this
gives a clear indication of how “male” and “female” must be towards each other –
I remember when I was six years old me and a buddy of mine went behind the doll
house with a girl that was a year older than us and we kissed the girl, you know,
doing what the parents do – it creates a curiosity.
All the above points I mention is but small
point I see that gives the foundation already of male must be attracted to
female and female must be attracted to male – already creating this connection
within the child as it must be a “attraction”instead of what is practical through
their behavior and words towards each other - and making it a prominent point in
what comes ahead in “Life is all about SEX”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to belief that Males “must be “attracted” to females for them to
be together.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to “like” females instead of living what is best for all life
within common sense and practicality and what works, limiting myself to only
what I like through what I have observed and imprinted within me from childhood
from observing adults and parents as my first impressions in life and what life
is all about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to be brainwashed through the behaviors of adults and parents
through taking what they are living as what the meaning of life must be, giving
my own self honesty up and away to trust and ignorance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to accept and allow everything parents acted out and said and do
as the truth and how things must be.
I forgive myself that I have connected the word
you look stunning that my father used when he hugged my mother and thus
connected the word stunning to the image and likeness of what my mother is,
thus believing that my mother was and is the image and likeness of what the
word stunning means, thus seeing and realizing that as I grow up I will look for
stunning girls that only looks like my mom.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to connect the word beautiful to how a mother looks every-time a
dad came into the house and kissed his wife and said you look beautiful,
realizing that now as I have accepted beautiful as my mother being the living
definition I will seek out girls that look like the mother’s image and likeness
and only be willing to kiss and hug such girls as they will be beautiful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to connect the word sexy to how a mother looks every time the dad
told the mother you look sexy, realizing that as this is my first impression of
the word sexy , I related it to how the mother looks like, and thus giving sexy
the image of the mother as the father/male that is the same as me have given
the mother, believing that I as a male as the same as the father must now also
call what the mother looks like as her image and likeness as being sexy.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that
when I was a young kid from birth till seven years old everything happening in
my life between that age is what my foundation will be for LIFE, realizing that
as my life has only been consumed by sex it is a indicator what the most
prominent building blogs were in my first seven years as the relationships that
interacted within my environment and how I learned and made the connections as
all life at that age and time was in fact teaching and programming me through their actions/words/interactions and how I accepted and allowed things.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that
all my base programming comes from childhood, what I like, how I like it, why I
like it, how I made the connections.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to take my childhood for granted just because I can not remember
much as not being the cause, realizing that it is quit obvious that everything
started there in the family within my environment and the relationships that was
formed there.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to NOT realize that all my sexual desires/wants/needs was
already programmed within me within my first seven years of my life and that it
activated later in my life as I have made it my own and started living it.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and
allowed myself to see and realize that what I like about females and why and
what I am attracted to within females comes from my one and only example I had
as a relationship within my first years as my parents – Mother and father.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to refuse to belief that I have created all my sexual desires
from my parents relationship and how they were as the example in word and deed.
I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized that the words and deeds that came from my parents originated within/from their minds, thus it is their mind consciousness systems I am being programmed with as the mind consciousness system enslavement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not see and realize that I am a programmed robot and that all
fantasies/desires/wants/needs for sex comes from my parent s and that it is not
my own but their that I have accepted and allowed to be mine.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and
allowed myself to not see and realize that the boobs/ass/legs/body I like within
females came from my mom and dads relationship as I learned from them in their
behavior and interactions what is likes and what is not.
Also consider – if you did not have parents
the influence would be from obviously the people that was there in your first
seven years and so on.
To be continued..
So here I am still continuing on the How’s of how the social character comes into play as a continuation of Day 107 and Day 106.
