I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone calls my name within the expectation of fear that I will be judged as lazy/pathetic/stupid or full of excuses, and to within this Get my Defense system up and ready as "backchat" that will come up.
So what have I noticed within that Self forgiveness statement, I see that I already have Judgments within me of being stupid/lazy/pathetic or a lot of excuses ABOUT things I am being lazy about or being full of excuses about or being pathetic and where I still accept and allow stupidity within me as not correcting myself and this is MY self-dishonesty and it is always in relation to CURRENT events/situations and things going on, so when and as someone else calls me or talks to me I already have these points within me that I am trying to hide where I am being dishonest towards myself, and so I react when someone may just push those points, even if they are not aware of them at all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always the one judging me in my head as being stupid, seeing and realizing that I judge myself as stupid because I am well aware of my weaknesses such as reading/writing and remembering things and that I am not doing anything to correct me within the point, thus when someone else acts/behaves/speak towards me that make it seem like they are judging me as stupid I feel threatened and thus go into reaction as to protect my weakness and not have to face myself as my own self dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as i feel threatened to be exposed as what I am accepting and allowing of myself as being stupid and that I am not correcting myself to React as a fight or flight mechanism to defend my weakness. Instead of seeing and realizing that I have to change who I am within the point of feeling stupid through actually physically improving my skills and abilities within reading/writing/understanding and comprehending things through doing those things daily till I am effective and confident within myself to do it as who I am as a expression of myself and not to do it from the starting point of fear - as fearing to be seen as stupid because then I will never be good enough as the fear will always make everything I do seem small and like nothing as the mind will fuck with me if I give it power over me as energy and thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will never be able to read something and remember it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not remember what I have red
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone is showing me how to do something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Intemperate someone showing me how to do something as them thinking I am Stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid when and as someone is showing me how to do something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Get angry at other people when and as they show me something because I judge myself as being stupid for not knowing already.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself as being Stupid and inferior to others for not knowing something already.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I must react and defend myself when and as someone is showing me how to do something where I make myself feel stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid when and as someone shows me how to do something even after I have been doing the particular thing for years myself, and to then get angry at the other person because I take it as them making me small and as if I am stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel small and stupid and like I am useless when someone is showing me something that I must do within the belief that because of how long I have been doing it I do n to need help.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and to get possessed by ENERGY when and as someone is showing me something as a way to defend myself and to NOT to have to feel small, seeing and realizing that me feeling small as being stupid is only me experiencing it and thus it isn’t what is happening.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as someone is making me feel small or attempting to, that REACTING isn’t a justification to react and that I must breathe at all times and take myself through the reaction to the physical reality HERE and to apply and learn and grow.
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