"In this journey the patterns that constitute what we have accepted as Our Reality will be deconstructed through self forgiveness and re-constructed through a commitment of correction to that which is best for all life."
I am also in constant communication with my colleagues about arrangement, things that needs to happen, meetings, chats.
I am thinking about what I still need to do today for tomorrow, the day after, to have things run smooth.
I feel anxious, stressed.
I find a focussed point, to moderate social media platform.
I move on it.
I still feel this emotional business within my belly.
I know, I cannot go further with this in my belly.
Slow down, way down.
I focus on the emotions in my belly, I call the emotions up
See the emotion, recognise it, feel it to know it.
Stop rushing and being busy as to run away from it.
I see, this emotion shows to me "survival".
I am in a state of fear of survival, not as to be in the bush with wild animals.
The survival is of myself, my reality, who I am as surviving within myself.
I see, all my actions would have been contaminated within this fear, thus not pure as my expression.
I stop.
I stop everything I am doing in an appropriate moment considering all.
I give to myself silence, I forgive, as I can see.
I breathe through my nose, I relax my body.
As my breath move through my belly it breaks apart the emotions, it purifies it, I allow myself to unconditionally let go of the emotions, I give to myself a new clean slate forward.
I know I can stand and move through what ever comes, is, will be.
I embrace what comes up within the emotions, I see it, and I see who I am within the fears.
I change within myself what I see myself as within the fears to be that which is the best of me, walking in reality, stability, not as fear, anxiety and insecureties.
I write, I forgive, and I breathe.
There is nothing that anyone can do to me – repeat this daily as suggested by Bernard Poolman.
I then see and realize that all that is done to me is because of me so I see that, I realize that, therefor I stop, embrace silence – let go of fear, anxiety, stress, hopes, desires, expectations. Be here as reality always within the consideration of all life. No emotion needed, no feelings needed, only expression as self, direct here.
You have no idea what happens after death, and you are
incapable of bridging that gap, because what happens after death is so much
more, and so vastly more in every way possible that you are currently in this
world that you are, simply in a wink of an eye disappear – you are in the
context of the universe, which are supposed to be equal with, you are equal to
only one thought that you are having in your head… Listen to the full interview
by Bernard Poolman
Breathe – ok, while listening to this interview, I was
brought back to reality a lot more, in the sense of reality within and without,
taking another look at life, a deep look. With the common sense presented
within this interview, I simply cannot ignore the common sense and so the
implications, and for me when something has an implication within common sense,
I must investigate that implication and take what I see and apply it, make it
real, LIVE the common sense practically and realistically. It sound easy, yet
the mind is a fuckup/we are a fuckup, and what Bernard discussed proofs itself
once again, we are fucked, unless we stand up as life/universe.
If I had to die today, something happens and I die. People
will not give a fuck, I mean, people will possibly feel a bit “sad” and then “morn”
for a few days, but before you know it – nothing really changed, I am simply
one less human on earth. Everyone else goes on with their lives, surviving,
making money, chasing dreams and all the crap the system mislead people into
chasing, and stress about emotional and mental problems and family issues,
relationship issues, sexual issues, drug and alcohol issues, addictions,
habits, patterns, people will simply fall into “life” again and forget.
I can say this because this is my honest experience that I have
had throughout time. When Bernard died, many people were sad, many cried, many
felt a “loss” – Dozens of people wrote blogs of honoring Bernard and what he
stood for and to honor that through their living/standing as he did. It did
not take a lot of time and even such a commitment and honoring is lost, gone,
as we can see throughout the years almost no one stood and lived as he did, even
after writing blogs openly for all to see. I mention this point, because this
point reveals a lot and just how fucked we are.
When I look at family members or friend who have died, they
have all left my memory, my life, they are gone, I barely consider them ever, it’s
over, it is gone, LIFE as we call this mess of a world we have accepted and
allowed and so our MIDS as the fuckup we need to end, simply takes over and
nothing matters, and we are back into our own SELF-INTERESTS and putting faces
on, playing games, fucking around and consider nothing really except a single
thought that pops into our heads and give that attention.
The point that came through for me within listening to this
interview is – I have to care a fucking lot about myself as LIFE, as the
UNIVERSE, end the thoughts, feelings and emotions and fucking get real with
real implications of common sense.
The point that hit a nail for me is where Bernard says, we
are supposed to stand equal as the universe (here consider that implications in
fact in practicality, not as a feeling) and yet we only stand equal to a
fucking thought, so when we die, that’s all we exist as, and like a fly, we
will simply be smacked and removed, as all we existed as was a nuisance, a pest,
something that only cares for itself, and so no relevance.
I write the way I do to keep it real for myself, real with myself,
and so I can get to self-honesty, this process includes Self-forgiveness. My
writings according to what came up for me listening to the interview is below.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep
myself alive as a personality with a face that I present to the world outside
of myself, as to uphold a face that “fits” in, where this face is only necessary
within this system to a degree, yet selling myself out as LIFE in fact, not
considering that when I DIE with eternity ahead of me, I will have fucked only myself
through selling myself out to keepface,
thus showing me who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and so
exposing my dishonesty as who I accept and allow myself to be for the sake of
self-interest.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself
to see and realize that the faces I am paying, putting on now within this world
is a reflection of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become over
eons of time, and so to stop these faces and deception of SELF, I must face
hard truths/realities of myself and this existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
be trapped within this world design and so live a life where I trap myself within
the games of this world design all for the sake of survival/fear, not
considering that I will die, and so who the fuck am I then?
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself
to see and realize that as long as I stand as thoughts/feelings/emotions that I
will not exist after death, as I can only be what I stand equal and one to, and
thus I am not standing as LIFE/Universe and so I will simply be non-existent.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
make the world system SO FUCKING IMPORTANT and my survival within it that I neglect
myself and even abandon the fact and implications of LIFE itself as an eternal existence
and so who I am as that in fact, and to rather make my MAIN focus on me
standing and BIRTHING myself as life, instead of making money, surviving,
caring only about my relationships, my emotions, feelings and thoughts that is
limited and confined to a temporary system of enslavement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
NOT see and realize that if I am only surviving within this temporary system
and making that my focus as my life mission, and so Not make it my purpose to
first and foremost rebirth myself as life, then at DEATH I would have achieved
nothing but for a system to continue to exist that abuse and for myself to then
NOT exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
make survival more important than re-birthing myself as life, thus not seeing, opening
up the points of I can survive with the intention of making that survival mean something
that matters, where I survive to be able to have an opportunity to rebirth myself
and so birth the possibility for others to also rebirth and so as more people rebirth
the more we are able and capable of implementing a new world system that can
give ALL life an equal and one opportunity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
NOT consider that when I die I have NO fucking clue what is after death, as I
have not rebirth myself as LIFE as one and equal, and so death exists for me,
where I simply end, thus not seeing and realizing that re-birthing self as life
here is to be the universe, in living or in death.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
JUSTIFY the FACES I play of that having GOOD intentions, that thee faces I play
will LATER bear benefits to life, and so in the meantime I must sacrifice myself
and give myself up – not seeing and realizing that no one gives a fuck, no
matter how good I think I am, when I die, people won’t care, and so I am still
with me, and I did noting real and concrete for myself, so then I am fucked and
fucked everything else by playing faces and deception to deceive and “survive” with
good intentions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
sell myself, my own rebirth as life out to a justification of survival, for the
system that is here within the starting point of self-interest, playing games
of deceptions with others to see who likes who and who will benefit who and in
the end, end up with death where I am all alone, all by myself and everyone else
now do not give a fuck anymore, so all for nothing but temporary experiences of
thoughts/characters that end.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
continue living as a character within the ignorance that death will not come
for me, as if I have all the time in the world and can play just a little
longer and then later change, yet death is sudden and out of one’s control, and
one has to stand always regardless.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself
to see and realize that petty things I am participating within my life is the
small things that keep myself from re-birthing.
I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself
to see and realize that all the personal things such as entertainment,
happiness, joy, purpose within this world system, goals of one’s own personal
life only, and so on is that which keeps me occupied from focusing first and
foremost on myself while living within this world.
I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realize that re-birthing myself as life takes survival as an experience out of life, as I am
already living, alive throughout eternity as the universe and so using the
excuse of I must survive becomes an excuse and exposes it as just that, as one can
survive yet does not have to fear it, or live in the stress of it, or fall in
the trap of only focusing on that, as re-birthing mean one is HERE alive as Life
for eternity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live
as less than life through the participation within thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
NOT care for myself within the consideration of death and so the implications
of death and who I am within and as LIFE here and hereafter.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
make my life and who I am about and around other people as if what they think
of me, or believe of me, or perceive of me as something that is going to
rebirth me as life, when in fact literally has nothing to do with it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
CARE about what others think of me in the mislead idea that what others think
of me define me and so will give me access to LIFE as eternity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive
myself within the false idea that hat others think of me will determine who I
am, thus missing the point of I must rebirth myself as life as NO idea, no
belief, or opinion and stand as eternity as who I am that stands as life as
what is best for all life.
I forgive myself that I have NOT honored myself through
standing as LIFE as who I am, and so dishonor life and myself through standing
as characters/faces and fake smiles that will end at death and only contributed
to abuse and nothing of actual value.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonor myself through giving into the fake smiles, fake characters as if
they will open the gates of heaven to me, and so deceive everyone and play
games with everyone within and from a point of self-interest to be in the “good
books” to make it to heaven, yes the truth of such acts are evil in nature, dishonesty
and deception, and f that I what lets people into heaven, then heaven is full
of devils.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself
to see and realize the common sense implications of that when I die and there
is NO god, then I am fucked, as I am then all alone, and who I am will
determine everything, not some entity made up in the minds of humans.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
make my “personal” and “petty” problems so fucking important that it consumes
my life and swallows me into self-interest and so basically already make myself
irrelevant and thus non-existent as all I care about is myself, my problems,
how tired I am, how hard I work etc, and not give a second of my time to LIFE
as who I am in fact.
I will end here for today. As a reminder this is my blog, my
writings (my points) anything that you misinterpret or take the wrong way, or
even act in ways from reading this blog, that’s your points, so take it, write
self-forgiveness and end the thinking, get physical and real in breath. Thank
you.
At Desteni we have since the beginning recommended for
people to take on the 6 hours of sleep challenge. I myself have been sleeping
for 6 hours every night for the past couple of years.
Here is the video below that I am referring to.
What the commander says about discipline equals Freedom is
true. The same as the saying that goes, with great Freedom comes great
responsibility (or I just made that one up) – But we need to have an ABILITY to
Respond and not REACT to what is happening around us.
If we empower ourselves with discipline then we
automatically enforce response/ability and so we then create a point within
ourselves where we say “I am not a victim” I am in fact HERE and a Director, a
director uses what is HERE and direct things, changes things, make things
move/happen.
If you read the comment section in this video you will see many
people calling out “MADNESS” due to the amount of time that is being proposed
to sleep – In this Case Casey Neistat sleeps 5 hours approximately.
So, 5 hours can be a bit hard, I know, I took on the challenge
of sleeping only 4 hours a night for 21 days, and even skipping on sleeping
some nights, I pushed myself within many points and challenged and checked out
these points for myself. I have found that 6 hours with a 16 hour working day
is okay.
The work I do, is an all in one package – I live on a farm
within a community, at the same time the community is my colleagues, and the
farm is where I work from, I do at least 8 hours a day computer work and 8
hours I am outside (which means physical labor and moving things, getting
things etc) – Like today I had to do a
ton of phone calls and talk to a ton of people, I also had to do paper work for
certain things, I also had to then get to our vegetable patches and take out
weeds and start planting seeds. I also had to direct and manage other people
during the course of the day. I also had to sit in and meet with people, talk
and discuss movement.
Then, consider, since my work and home and everything is in
one place – I am also all the time with my wife, my home, and my five year old
son, there is no “going away” it is all moving and busy and active all the time,
consistently till I put my head on my pillow at night. Not even mentioning the
basics of living in this post here, like making breakfast, lunch, dinners,
cleaning, and laundry and so on. (Which I leave out sometimes lol) and
consider, since this is our setup, there is NO weekends, NO holidays, it is
always continuous and the same flow.
The point I am getting to here is – what I had to learn and
face the MOST within this point of sleep, discipline and thus response/ability
that all go hand in hand was – MY inner world, my emotions, thoughts and
feelings were the biggest challenge within all of this, especially with my life
setup – it all becomes TOO much at times, like there is never “time for
yourself” – Time away, time to just do nothing, except when I am asleep, so
SLEEP did and can easily become a place to hide, to get away from, to not have
to wake up and face MYSELF, my experiences, my thoughts, my back chat.
This is where the DESTENI process of writing (as I am doing
here) within self-forgiveness has been my foundation and point of not JUST
forcing myself into a certain idea of sleep/disciple – but to actually face why
I “wanted/desired” sleep – what thoughts, feelings and emotions I was running
from, what I was avoiding and so my inner change would accompany my outer
change naturally.
Right now is a good example, I went to bed last night at
1am, I got up at 7am, right now it is twenty to eleven, I still need to finish
this blog and post it and then share it around, so I will probably go to bed
around 12, thus I can wake up at 6, I do not know yet, will see.
So, I am going to do self-forgiveness on resistances to
taking on such a challenge of less sleep yet being very busy during the day,
and see how I do it, how I take apart the beliefs that are pre prescribed and
the opinions, the self-definitions, the IDEAS we have of ourselves and reality,
and how through self-forgiveness we can actually remove the mental burdens that
already make us fail, and to then have a REAL assessment of what is possible
and what isn’t, not based on knowledge and information within our minds. We
have to be real, we do not know what we are actually capable of until we remove
brainwashing and pre-programming (that’s which we were TAUGHT from school,
parents, culture, science, name it all). As always, it is up to you to do YOUR self-forgiveness on this point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react to the idea of only sleeping 5/6 hours a night and to still be productive
all day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
NOT see and realize that the initial reaction to only sleeping 5/6 hours a
night is based on a self-limiting idea/belief I have of myself, and so the
reaction serves as a defense mechanism to keep in take the limited self-definition
of who I believe I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
go into IMAGINATION and PROJECTION of what I might experience, and thus who I
will be if I had to only sleep 5/6 hours a day, without first testing it out
for myself in such a way where I walk it absolutely without pre-conceived
ideas/believes about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react to the idea of only sleeping 5/6 hours a night when I look at MY life,
what I already do and go through on a daily basis, where I already feel
exhausted at the end of the day, and so already give up and give into a
reality/life that I already do not enjoy and so settle for that instead of
pushing myself to change it, change who I am accepting and allowing myself to
be within it all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
when hearing of others who have succeeded in only sleeping 5 hours a day and having
a functional life that is stable, to go into comparison of where I immediately
pace myself as having a more difficult life, a more different life than them,
and so it is all unfair and they were simply lucky and I am unlucky, and so
accept and allow ME to remain the same within a victim mentality, before even
actually trying and testing what is really possible for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear taking on my sleeping habit/comforts and to face a bit more of discomfort,
even if it means I could create and actual comfortable life, and not just one
that seems comfortable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
deny change for myself and my life through denying such a challenge based on
reactions I have, believes I have, ideas I have.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear change, to fear what is required for me to change and to resist taking
that step of actually testing something out for myself in real time, and so
rather go into knowledge and information to justify and deny myself change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that I am incapable of taking on such a challenge, that I am not worthy
of such a challenge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that if I only sleep 6 hours a night that I will die.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear that if I had to take on the challenge of only sleeping 6 hours a night
considering everything else going on in my life currently, that I will have a
heart attack, that I will be too exhausted to enjoy myself, to live and eventually
destroy my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear that if I had to change mt schedule, my sleeping patterns that other
people, such as family members, children, partners will resist it, hate me for
it and not like me for taking on such a challenge, and so deny myself the challenge
and rather conform to the norm, which does not serve me either within how I’m
experiencing myself and everyone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear starting such a challenge within the idea that I must succeed the first
time, not seeing and realizing by taking on such a challenge, one will have
actual real feedback based, which will be based on my position and location
within this world and so I can accordingly adjust to what is best for me and so
for all to be practical and real, yet change, moving forward.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be
controlled by what science and doctors have TAUGHT me and my parents about
sleep and so wired my mind to believe it to be real and so wired my body to
function as I believe, and so seeing this challenge as being against
logic/science – yet I have not actually tested it for myself in fact to see
what is real for me and what isn’t.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an IMAGE
of failure, or misery, of depletion to come before me s I think about taking on
this challenge, and so already doom myself to an image in my mind of what this challenge
will be like, not seeing and realizing that such an image that comes before me
come from me as who I am currently, not who I will be and thus this challenge will
challenge that image I hold of myself within me to be no more, if I give it a
real living chance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear who I might be in such a challenge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear not being able to hold onto the reason, the WHY I am doing this for long
enough to push through – thus a gift within this is that one’s why might not be
a real reason, and thus ones why must change till it is unchangeable, till it
is a reason as a way that is that of LIFE, rebirth, of self not accepting and
allowing any self-abuse or false images of self, to remove brainwashing and
mind control instilled within self over years, since birth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear challenging my beliefs, ideas and opinions about myself/reality through
taking on a challenge of sleeping only 6 hours a night.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear
the worst of me coming out taking on such a challenge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear the worst of others coming out if the worst of me comes out within taking
on such a challenge, and thus fearing the hidden existing parts to show their
faces, and so not seeing and realizing that these parts already exist and are
in play, simply in secret, and thus to call them out through a challenge one can
face them, clear the air in a directive way, instead of it coming out in
surprised moments that causes harm unexpectedly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear change.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself
to see and realize that if I cannot take on a small challenge of change, then I
cannot expect of myself to want to change my life as a BIG part of change
either.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself
to see and realize that it is within the details of things that the bigger
things are made of, and thus If I truly want change within my life, all life,
then I must be equally willing to face change first in the details.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
see this challenge as a military challenge where I have to be hard on myself, harsh
on myself and others, instead of seeing and realizing that it can be a gentle challenge,
one of understanding and support, if this is the approach made in agreement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make
this challenge about becoming/being MORE than who I am, instead of seeing and
realizing that this challenge is to remove who I believe I am NOT so that the
expression of me as LIFE can simply walk through and be here as a true
individual as who I am, and thus NOT to make it about becoming more, or that
one is less currently, rather than one is ready to express SELF s self’s
already existing potential that has been suppressed and denied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
that if I take on the 6 hours’ sleep challenge, that my life must still
function exactly the same, and thus missing the point of change, and so I see
and realize that taking on this challenge I am also taking on the challenge of
changing things in my reality in a practical functional best for all manner and
so stop habits and patterns that are abusive, self-harming or inductive of
abuse towards others.
I commit myself to when and as I take on this challenge to
be understanding of myself and others and so not to fall for the emotional reactions
that come up and to act on them impulsively and to use the lack of sleep as a
reason/justification for behaviors/manners.
I commit myself to BREATH and to stop the thoughts, feelings
and emotions from directing my day when I take on this challenge and to stick
to my plan (discipline = this is the pan) and keep things real, practical and
harmonious for all within the transition/changes.
I commit myself to care and be gentle with myself taking on
this challenge and so not to create more emotional problems/turmoil’s but to
support myself, assist myself, give to myself as a way of telling myself – I am
doing this.
I commit myself to when and as I see I want to give up, to
see and realize what I am falling back into, to thus STOP to not go back to
what I know, but rather focus on changing the challenge to be more in alignment
with what is currently practical and so build it up,,, to keep the movement
forward to what is best for all as myself.
I commit myself to do this FOR me within the understanding
that who I am currently isn’t y true individual expression as life, but rather
a suppressed and denied self, and so I do this for me to be my true individual
expression to be the best for me and thus automatically be the best for all
equally, as I see and realize that the suppressed and denied me isn’t helping me
or anyone and holding onto this me isn’t serving life.
