Day 483 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 4

To see what I am writing about read my previous blogs.

Day 480 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 1
Day 481 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 2
Day 482 – from relationship to agreement Part 3

 


From Previous Blog:

“We chatted for hours every day on our phones, sharing every small detail and just being involved with each other, what we started at our first time meeting just continued the same, it didn’t become something that had to be kept alive, we were just natural in being with each other over the phone and what we talked about.”

Continuing

So now I have met a girl that I have made my soul mate. It wasn’t destined to be that way by some higher force at work, I decided that. I decided that this girl will be my soul mate. I did this through totally integrating her and her life into mine, I took in all of her no matter what, I accepted her as who she is. And of coursed love her for that till the end of time as I promised.
The decisions that influenced me to make her my soul mate is quite revealing.

First of all – she was what the system define as “hot/sexy” and she was smart, she also had a good back ground, meaning her monetary life, she wasn’t struggling or living in a dump, she was well off. Almost equal to my monetary standing within the system, we both shared equal opportunity in making it within the system, like getting jobs and making money. These are evaluating points that I and most people check before we then decide to have a relationship and “love” someone lol. And of course all of this takes place only after one has already evaluated the other person sexually, there was an attraction, something that gets your attention and of course you personally can look at daily.

Once these two points fit one’s own preprogrammed profile – it is a soul mate. Simple as that. Sometimes guys go in for the purpose of just getting the sex, even if the monetary evaluation did not add up, and guys are willing to live with that even for sex, girls not so easy. But still do depending on their monetary situation in life, and how much they think their looks can get them out of it with a guy that is moving up in life for example.

Sex and Money decide soul mates. That’s the honest truth I had to face for myself. I simply could not date a girl that was living in a very rich household, only the rich guys got the opportunity. And then it is sometimes the other way for girl’s, they had looks or skills that a guy likes and is willing to put out with sex, the rich guys will take such girls as they do not need any money assurance.

So here we get back to the main point after quite a few insightful examples from my own experience and seeing how everyone in my environment does the same, just with a tweak here and there that makes it look different.

When one is looking for a relationship all the true reasons are hidden, love is used as the chemical that we get each other high on to hide the real reasons, as we are secretly laying the path for that real reason to manifest, to get sex. And then money plays a deciding factor in the point where a relationship needs to first manifest before sex can happen. Because a relationship might just trap oneself in an endless cycle of playing the love game and getting stuck in it, for the sex lol.

Don’t get me wrong, relationships do have parts of expressions that come through such as physical enjoyment, enjoying each other in moments of doing certain activities and things like that, but that we can do with anyone at any time. It does not mean it has anything to do with the specific person and that you love them or that they are different, we are all physical human beings with the exact same designs capable of this enjoyment.

It is the relationship constructs that exists currently as it does – which is not best for all, which isn’t best for each being that is participating within it, it isn’t best for anything or anyone as it is totally based on only self-interest, it is designed and molded based on secret desires. And thus it has already decided the entire life of both parties involved, one of two personalities, and these personalities come out once the energy is gone, the fun, and once the real things start happening.

As we start out relationships because we are curious about the other person, and because there is a curiosity and sex underlining the sudden curiosity we then entertain this curiosity through making it a desire to find out what it is, like showing interest in a girl or guy suddenly, wanting to know them and so forth, just to in the end get to sex, which is the curiosity taken to a desire and then an action/outcome, and once the curiosity is satisfied and we now KNOW, there is no more curiosity, no more desire. and sex might still be there. yet after a certain amount of time we start developing new curiosities, new desires, not within the relationship, because the relationship is standing still. Thus we now have a trap, where both partners have presented this false image and started a relationship based on false images. And have to keep it up for a very long time.

Some relationships do not keep it up, but instead it can become a relationship of frustration and irritation and now it goes into blame and regret and all these negative things. And then we start seeing partners cheating or becoming nasty and spiteful and this is what relationships mostly consist of, this internal game the partners are playing with each other. Because there is NO agreement, they have already agreed based on love that they love each other as they are, so no room for change, no room for REAL change. There is no room for actual self-honesty and instead standing as support and assistance for themselves first and then each other. Yet in how a relationship currently starts out and the starting points already being that of dishonesty; it is much more difficult to remove all the secret shit attached and to start with a new beginning.

And how did I come to now stand in an Agreement with another human being? and how have I changed myself extensively within what a “relationship” means? Stay tuned for more in detail bits of stories and perspectives on how I have gone from a relationship to an Agreement and what that means.

Day 482 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 3

To follow what I am writing about, red the previous two part on this blog.

Day 480 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 1
Day 481 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 2

Last time I ended with the following –

‘To be continued, next blog I will share more on how all of this led to the greatest shame and regrets I have ever experienced and how facing myself and what I have done within playing the games revealed a different side to life, as an agreement with myself and another”

Consider, this is from my view, and my reality and everything that comes from my reality and everyone in it, different countries and different cultures will have a different look to it, and one might not see the connections from reading my blogs, so investigate your own life, your past, and see where sex was in the pursuits of relationships. Sex will always be found.. we ignore it sometimes to make the deception look even greater, some will even be the most patient but when that moment comes, the opportunity is taken.

So now from my two previous blogs one can see what is happening, what is underneath relationships it is lust, two people desiring each other, two people playing a game, starting at/from a young age, for me it all started in the year I turned sixteen, sure for some the game is completely different, yet the games for sex are played.

Now one can only imagine that if your one and only starting point to have a relationship is sex, how that starting point in itself is abusive, it is harming another human being.

For instance in my case, and all my friends that I knew, we would stop at nothing to get a girl that can give us sex. Even though everyone in my friends group were different personalities and we all had different approaches and we all had different looks and styles, we were all playing the game for sex.

It all looked so different from the outside, how each one was playing their game, just a little bit off and different than the guy next to them – because each guy plays the game according to what he can play, looks has to be taken into consideration, physical design must be taken into consideration, what is in your brain as intelligence has to be considered, your socio economic background or current status has to be considered. And then according to all that there is a certain market for you (the guy).

So in my sixteen year in high school I hooked up with my first relationship, where me and a girl were now officially a couple. This was different than just being free with any girl, which was my play from the beginning, but there was no luck with these hook ups, not even once, because girl’s want to first get to know you, well the girls I tried to hook up with.

This got really frustrating, because here I have so many girls that liked me and that was into me but none of them is willing to go where I as a guy wanted to go, see I didn’t realize at that time that this was how girls played the game as well, they are like traps lol. When you talk to them and hear about them they are someone else, but when you go for them, they are now suddenly not what they seemed, and sex is out of sight.

So with my first girlfriend I had an expectation, first of all I wondered now if she has had sex or done anything sexual before, because I haven’t at this stage yet. I just started my game, developing myself and the skills I have been developing over the past few years in high school.

So my first relationship with this girl was very weird, I lied to her about everything, I told her that I have had sex, that I have had BJ’s and I have told her lies that was crazy, I did all this in the hope that I will not seem like a loser, and that she will feel pressured to now give me sex, after two months of dating her I went on a camp with a friend of mine, at this camp there were a lot of girls at the swimming pools and just laying around, they were there with family but obviously looking for fun.

Now I am not a cheater, but my friend that was with me didn’t give a shit, he went ahead and hooked up with a girl, and he told me to also do so, his family told me I am young and must enjoy myself (in other words cheat) – I was anxious the entire time, because as my friend was hooking up, there were other girls looking for a hookup as well, and here I was, just standing there not making any moves.

Then I saw this one girl, and after seeing her I started hanging out with her, and we kissed, and I officially cheated, I have kissed a girl that I met in a few hours and befriended sooner than my girlfriend that I have been with for two months.

After this camp, I broke up with my girlfriend, and didn’t say anything about the cheating, and I then started dating the girl I cheated with, we dated for two months, and in that time we made out the French way for hours on end, but that’s where it always stayed, so one day I visited a friend’s house, and at his house his sister was throwing a party, so there was a lot of other girls, when night time came, I hooked up with the one girl, and whala, more than just kissing on the lips happened, shirts and bras were off, and only underwear was on, but then the girl stopped me, because she also had a boyfriend.

Then after this, I broke up with my girlfriend and I didn’t go for the other girl, she was/is committed to this guy (and they are still together today) – I just realized that with one night stands/cheating I get closer to sex than in a relationship.

After this I dated about 6 more girls, some I dated at the same time, and while dating these girls I had flings with other girls on the side, for the next year up until almost the end of my grade 11 year, I did this, cheated on each and every girlfriend – testing and running around from one girl to another, waiting till just one of them will have sex with me. Leaving each girlfriend after two months to move on.

At the end of my grade 11 year I was giving up, I wanted to have sex before I turned eighteen, I was considering prostitutes, I was willing to take money out and pay, just to get over the sex point just to get it out of my system and to then keep having it.

I bulldozed many women, picking them up with LOVE and words and actions and then just dump them after two months, like taking a person on a balloon ride, and then popping the balloon and just me jumping out with a parachute, because to me I never cared about the girls, I never considered them at all, my lust and desire was the only thing running me, leaving broken women behind in my trail, because they truly “loved” me – as I made it that way, as I used love and building deep trust in girls to hopefully then get sex, and then suddenly one day, BOOM, break their lives apart, in the meantime I was also doing what was called cybersex and cyber cheating, I had hundreds of girls/women pictures on my phone, from with cloths on to naked, and half of people I knew in real live.

And I just moved on with NO guilt, with no human consciousness at all.

The soul mate.

Yet even doing all of this I still did not get sex – Then I met this one girl at an athletic event at our school one day, just by random events, she was with a friend of mine and I went to sit down with him (because I just saw him, and there was this hot girl next to him which didn’t make sense), but not long after everyone was gone, and it was now me and her sitting there and talking, being really cool friends.

We exchanged numbers, and when it was getting really late we only separated, we talked for hours, in those hours we have gone through ALL the questions a partner can ask in a relationship, and answered them. I have never in the past with past girls been that comfortable with a girl that quickly.

We immediately wanted to meet again, she said that she was going to the mall with a friend to watch a movie, and I said ”me too!!’ but to drink with my buddies, and we arranged to meet up and just say hi and talk, as I was waiting at the restaurant with all my eight other friends drinking, I just sat there waiting to see her, when I did see her I jumped and ran, then stood still right in front of her and gave her a big hug, she just smiled and said, I can’t stop smiling seeing you here again, I felt like a kid around her, she left to go watch a movie and I went back to my friends.

We chatted for hours every day on our phones, sharing every small detail and just being involved with each other, what we started at our first time meeting just continued the same, it didn’t become something that had to be kept alive, we were just natural in being with each other over the phone and what we talked about,