My first point on this topic took place on Day 10
It has been Five Days since I write a Blog, I have been busy
and I have been tired, Yet I have had MORE than enough time after getting some
rest, to write a blog.
The secret reason for not writing or that I have been
postponing writing for the past five days, Is because I had a moment with Leila
where we were doing word re-definition on the word Yes.
I have come to some REAL feedback within where I stand
within writing and how I have pushed myself within writing.
And doing the Writing and the Self forgiveness and the
commitment statements with Leila I was able to see how awesome Leila is within
her word placement, and being specific and following structure within how she
places the words, and what hit me the most was That Leila could see what I
could not see. This ended up being the obvious.
Within that moment of that observation, I Judged myself as
being less then, and within this I have placed myself back two steps within
myself, instead of breathing and taking one step forward through learning and
correcting myself.
I was also hit hard by how way more specific Leila was
within her words because she actually knew many words to describe for instance
one thing but with different angels to it, where I had only that one word
dimension.
I felt down and heavy, like pressure on my chest, I also
within this judge every single thing
have ever written as NOT good enough, because of what I have seen now
that could be possible through simple things such as writing and actually
looking/seeing what I am writing and focusing on all dimensions on what I am
writing.
So I have been not writing for the past five days and I have
been postponing facing ME/Myself within my writing, because now that I have
seen what is possible, I know I cannot go back to how I did writing, and the
resistance is to actually push myself within my writing to go there, to be
that, to live that has to be walked through.
One of my Ego problems is that I do not like to ask for
help, so I have been looping within this exact same point within writing for a
very long time.
I told Leila about this point within writing and what I am
facing, and we discussed the point, we came to an agreement that I write my
Blog every day and send it to her for a check.
I am also not disregarding my improvements, I have definitely
improved within writing and within reading and I have definitely changed a lot
within and through writing. I am now at the next step that needs to be taken
which I have been postponing because of a Ego point, a fear of asking for help
and admitting I am stuck.
I have been stuck for a long time and I knew that by asking
for help I would not be stuck, but instead I as the ego pretended to be okay
and to continue on the same path.
So My writing within my Journey to Life Blogs has been a
success, I have through every day writing and placing myself in words visible
to all, exposed myself day after day, I have written proof that I cannot hide
from that I have been accepting and allowing as the ego. And here I have had
enough.
I am ready to help myself through asking and accepting and
allowing help to be given.
Awesome - Cool stuff Gian!
ReplyDeleteCool both, that's the point of the male beings wanting/willing to accept the training of females. And in general the transcendence of ego to accept assistance and support. Thanks for sharing here.
ReplyDeletecool gian!
ReplyDeleteAwesome Gian.
ReplyDeleteAlso cool to realize that each one's point is specific and so by comparing ourselves to what others do, we tend to both miss out on our own strengths within writing for example as well as what you've mentioned about using it as an excuse to not push oneself.
Something that I enjoy about your writings is the simplicity and directness within them, exactly as in this one. You have an ability to open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable which can be a cool starting-point to move yourself from in this process of redefining what it means to write for yourself.
Thanks for sharing.
Cool Gian I have faced that as well, where it's like you realize how you can expand a point and then there's like a resistance because you know you can't go back to how it was, they key is in these moments to remember that one is at the brink of expansion which is actually a cool thing and if we stop and remain in our 'comfort zone' then no expansion will happen. Thanks for sharing this!
ReplyDelete