A N G E R

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger to be my driving force. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Anger gives me power. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require the EMOTION of anger to make my points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will not be heard if I do not speak with anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear someone attacking me with words and so Use ager to try and push others away from attacking me, to win immediately. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerless without emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use anger as a way of attacking and defending myself all at once. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am defined by my angry way or approaching things. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anger equal passion. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse making a point with having to be and sound angry. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must force everything I say and force what I want to be heard through using anger.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have become addicted to anger as a way to drive myself, where I now react to myself reacting every time something is said or done in anger and so lose myself completely in emotions. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ANGER as emotion is valid as it seems upstanding, it seems like a force to be reckoned with, when in fact I know it has become my weakness, where anger consumes me and I can not see straight, communicate straight or have proper conversations anymore. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get DRUNK on the emotion of anger, fear and stress. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the anger that comes up within me is ME, and so have created a relationship with anger where I now can not stop it unless I retract myself and isolate myself for a long while to release it as a consequence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a constant state of anger which then turns into a state of misery, where I am miserable with myself as I can not communicate properly anymore, interact with my environment properly anymore, where I have become a separate part of reality due to being so sensitive to be triggered. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to GIVE away my true power, the power to be here in silence through selling myself out to a false power such as emotion as ANGER that only creates an entity over time and so consume me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel the slightest point of threat in my reality, especially towards the things I deep important and valuable, to go into a happy trigger mode within myself of anger, building up anger and all the back chat that goes with it, till I am a loaded gun that is ready to fire, and so when I do fire I miss, as the energy like lightning is unpredictable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control the energy of anger, only to be shown that the mind knows me best and will use me against me as long as I believe I can play with the devil, instead of stopping and breathing and thus giving myself true power, the power and freedom from emotions/feelings/thoughts. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very self-conscious where my awareness of me turns against me, as my awareness of me as thoughts, as feelings and emotions are not an awareness of me, but of the mind, and so I am not aware of e as breathe and only the mind as energy which then turns against me in any moment to generate energy, to take everything personal and make everything personal, which results in anger towards myself for not stopping and breathing and so taking it out on the world as frustration and irritation of my own self-consciousness that turns into insecurities. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when I perceive someone else to be doing something wrong. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when I perceive myself doing something wrong. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when I believe someone else is doing something I would NEVER do as a way to defend myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use anger to hide behind the anxiety I am experiencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by replacing one emotion such as anxiety with anger that I am solving the problem within me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is a problem within me and so go into emotions fighting an invisible problem. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a problem as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of being a problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a problem. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself a problem, to make what I express and want to do a problem. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in the fear of being a problem. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use anger as a way to become a problem for others as to avoid the topic of discussion from being a problem. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any anger, no reactions and to simply express myself direct here in calmness, silence and slow movement. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and so use anger to hide myself. 

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized that everything I become through participating in anger is the very things that fuck up everything I express and for it to not have success. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dis-empower myself with anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dis-empower myself through going into emotion or being in emotion. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the very things I believe I must participate within that I believe will make me strong is exactly what makes me weak and not capable of doing anything. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be a certain way, act a certain way and always respond in a certain way, instead of being here as breath as me in my body relaxed, genuine and real. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must have a response, a reaction to what ever people say or do around me as to show that I a interacting, I am here and that I am participating, yet always compromise myself by following these thing as they generate energy, emotion and is a form of manipulation and putting on a fake face. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being enough as I am in breathe and that I must be more, have more to say, have responses that are deep and emotional to be taken seriously, and so compromise my actual words and expression of simplicity, no polarity and me direct here with full confidence as who I am, where I leave or have no trail of emotion, only clarity as here as breathe as me living my utmost potential.

look inside to self for guidance - Can I Trust Myself?

Be silent always - take a breath before you speak,
look inside to self for guidance - find your way to self-expression -

never bind it to another, but to ALL for self-realization

then support yourself in your choice

don't justify

I find the choices I made that I could not explain, guided me the most clearly,

because I only understood in retrospect - yet I had to overcome fear and

justification - because fear and justification wanted to explain

my choice to me - our expression is in risking our Knowledge

Knowledge Enslaves

-- Bernard Poolman -

Look inside to self for guidance, This sentence is specific in the wording, I had to within reading this sentence itself slow down to really grasp it, it says LOOK inside TO self..... For Guidance. Read it slowly, it does not say THINK or have thoughts, or back chat and self-talking, it says LOOK, looking TO self, not into, TO. Thus seeing self, and when I look TO myself I find myself focused on my chest area and breathing, I find that space of silence and I SEE, not think, not project, I see what is HERE as me, as who I am, it is silent and so a seeing. 

What am I seeing? when I look, can I trust myself, how do I live that trust, how do I stand by that self-trust to what is here? when all I have ever known is the mind, thinking, back chat, my feelings and emotions that are located just below my chest that I so easily confuse with ME/Self and respond to as if it is who I am. 

Silence is Key, the key to silence is to BREATHE and give self that moment to slow down, actually Look to self/me for guidance, give that space, the mind wants to be quick and jumpy, it wants to give answers NOW backed by energy, emotion, back-chat and all the shit going on within the mind and manifested in the body as the mind. 

Self-Trust

I forgive myself for not standing independently owning all my choices and taking full responsibility for everything in my life, as to avoid having to direct my movement forward in self-responsibility and consideration of my self-expression. 

I forgive myself to not owning my current position and location, for avoiding who I am in the here moment as me, as to avoid the self-dishonesty I live within, to avoid having to take a real step forward as correction that is best for me within this process, within who and what I stand as within my principles, to move myself as my self-expression within that forward and to direct myself from that starting point to be as effective and efficient as I can be in a natural way as who I am. 

I forgive myself for believing that in a moment of conflict/discord or normal conversation that I cannot be silent, that I cannot look to self for guidance, that there is no time, and so go into the mind and respond based on the rush of emotions and energy that is there, and so lose self-expression and self-honesty and never actually dealing with what is here and always moving past reality and creating cycles, thus not establishing self-trust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when two opposing views collide, come together in conversation on any topic, that I must collide, I must bash, I must go into defense mode, justification mode, and so go into fear mode, where I believe that as long as I can not explain myself in detail within my expression that I will lose and so must use energy to win through using justification, words charged with the past and situations long gone, and so always end up losing within myself as I never got to actually in fact express me and what is here, as I only expressed the mind and so moved back in time, not forward, and miss any self-support in my own choices. 

I forgive myself for fearing supporting myself in my self-expression in my choices. 

I forgive myself for not valuing myself as life as who I am and trusting myself within my self-expression, and so not support myself or anyone else effectively. 

I forgive myself for not trusting myself and my direction/choices as I believe myself as being less than others. 

I forgive myself for believing that I am less than others. 

I forgive myself for not trusting myself and my choices for seeing how I look at things as much different than how others look at things, and so have created a judgment of how I see/look at things as being the wrong way, the less responsible way, when I have proven to myself each time I have supported me in my choices that I grow, expand and succeed, as I can and am putting myself into my choices and way of seeing/looking at things fully, which counts works. 

I forgive myself for not having embraced the unknown as a reality within expressing self and that expressing self is an act of self-trust as it is moving into the unknown, and thus there cannot be justifications to be given and so self-trust to make a choice and live it fully is the only way forward without knowing and not fearing, as it isn't needed because I have myself and my self-trust which stands in every breath, living within my principles and standing. 

I forgive myself for not trusting my SEEING as my inner guidance from myself to what is possible and living it as my self-expression as who I am, and rather give into fears, justifications of the mind that leads to stagnation and condemnation.

Reality check points. 

I forgive myself for giving into the mind as supression, when the mind brings up years of supression in a moment where the mind will project imaginary realities of possibilities if ONLY I do this or that thing, go there or be there, and so create a depressing reality out of the current reality that is here, to generate a despair within me as to rush out of the current reality into the given one in my mind though the mind from years of self expression supression and so go into more supression and regrets and back chat, instead of seeing and realizing stop the mind, breathe, be here and direct self as self-expression within what is here.

I forgive myself for wanting to justify correction through and after realizing years of supression built up within me and what is here currently, through making big actions as to get back what I have not done, seeing and realizing that this is also fear and thus not a solution and a disconnect with relaity as it is, and so I slow down, I look to self for guidance, I support my self-expression herewithin what is here. 

The End