Every morning I wake up at seven thirty or eight, if there isn’t any specific early time scheduled, but I have been setting my alarm for six in the mornings.
So I just cannot get up at that time, sure I don’t have a solid sleep during the night with a baby on the bed being fed and all the other things involved with a baby sleeping on the same bed, but I do get my rest, I do get quite a lot of time in, I go to bed around twelve, and I want to only sleep six hours.
The reason I want to sleep six hours only is to push myself to live my full potential, within living fully my day and not sleep just because I can sleep, that in itself is bothering me as a statement if I am living that, why do I prefer to sleep more than doing anything, sleeping is like choosing to be dead for a certain amount of hours and not having to live, to face reality, obviously I am referring to sleeping more than what’s necessary.
And six hours is the necessary amount of time for the body to recover and recuperate, so why sleep 8 hours and more if possible? It is showing me that there is something in my reality that I am not dealing with and instead wasting time hiding from it.
So every morning my alarm goes off at six, I then stand up and I go to my alarm and I switch it off, just as I switch it off, I stand there and I look at the moment and I go, what can I go do now, it’s dark and its cold and there isn’t really anything I can do at this time, I might as well go sleep for another hour, so I take my phone and I set the alarm for seven, when seven comes, I do the same, only now for another thirty minutes, then I wake up and I get out and do things.
Here comes the problem, no I have to leave in about an hour and a half for doing field work, in this time I have to make coffee, eat and shower and get all my stuff ready for the field work, and then before I leave I have to do calls to certain people to confirm certain things.
So now I skip on coffee and I skip on breakfast and I rush to shower and get ready and to get the other things done, now I remember why I wanted to wake up at six, there was/is quite a few things I had and could have done, but I was just too tired and not inspired to push through the moment of it all and just fall into the bed again, believing its all okay, nothing is being compromised or getting hurt except me.
So there is no harm in me not getting to my stuff, as long as I am in time and as long as I get the things done that includes everyone else. Then everything is okay.
Wow – did I just now write that, I am harming my body through not giving it food and through not supporting myself with let’s say some morning exercise as I sit ALL day on my ass for work, and calling it “there is not consequences, not to mention all the rushing I am doing which is creating stress and a mind full of shit, just because I wasn’t mindful of everything.
Now waking up has become more difficult because I have repeated this pattern to often which then becomes automatic and thus I don’t even have the though process anymore, it’s just natural now, physically integrated into my behavior.
To be continued with SF. Living my utmost potential in all ways best for all life.
Cool supportive writing for me, I am dealing with the exact same point.
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