I saw a documentary today called only the dead 2015, where it is about a journalist who was in Iraq and when America invaded Iraq and made/declared war and this journalist spend seven years documenting parts of what’s going on, on the ground, and from both sides.
During watching this Documentary there are almost all the time people dying, being shot, dead, and being beheaded. For a while I had to remind myself while watching that this is REAL deaths, these people actually died as I was watching it, it isn’t a movie. And then it hit me, a sickening feeling in my stomach and a realization of what war actually is. It isn’t pretty at all. In fact, there are no rules in war, it is a mission and at any means get the mission done, and then there is the mental state of the people actually participating, they lose it, they can even become mad and they do lose their humanity so to say where murder and killing becomes more later on, it becomes personal and so suicides take place and what soldiers from either side do to each other has later on no limits, such as torturing, abusing, raping and name it all.
The once scene in the documentary that really got me was that of a man who’s head was cut off, and I watched it happen, right after this man introduced himself and where is from, his name, his family and then BAM, as he is sitting there on the floor tied up, men grab him from behind and with a big knife starts to saw off his head and then after the head if sawed off they pick it up and showcase it to the camera.
It got me because I place myself in everyone’s shoes always that I am watching or seeing, I do not choose sides either. I take all in as me and check who I am within that and to breathe and stand one and equal, because it happened to another part of me, and another part of me did it, I am responsible for all of it, so I cannot separate myself and feel bad and guilty, I must stand up and see where I must change and to move as.
It is clear that this is unacceptable to even exist, War and the reasons for war must end, it must stop and we must stop within ourselves FIRST, if there is any kind of movement within us, as you and me where we see fighting, war as a solution, we are still the problem and cause as a vote for the existence that is here that isn’t best for all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to see any form of violence as a solution to my problems.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes wish for violence as a quick solution and not having to actually deal with the under current cause of the problems or even unwillingness to want to change the actual cause.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as long as I am in good intentions within me seeking to use violence to solve a problem or problems that I am not good, and my intention is that of evil as against life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that violence must exist as a point of solving problems.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of being violent in moments of anger or where something or someone provoked something within me, and that I believe someone else can make me experience something within me, when it is literally impossible as it is within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see these thoughts feelings and emotions of wanting to harm or be violent as natural and a possible solution within me, where this violence of wanting to hurt someone is always a point of EGO and self-interest directly about me and now wanting to harm another for ME taking something personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize violence is when we are clouded by the lens of the mind that is out to violate the physical to mould and shape the physical through violating the physical as what is real to fit the minds perception of our own beliefs, ideas and opinions based on ego, to make what isn’t real a reality through breaking and forcing a certain outcome for self-interest.
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