Day 565 – Personal Persona Person Prison

On the word Personal

Word Play
Person – all
Persona – l

Here I am taking on the word Personal – where it is currently existing within and as me from and as a system definition. Where Personal has become personal to ME.

So when we take a look at the current definition that we are all living as Personal, here is a dictionary definition for you and me.

- of, affecting, or belonging to a particular person rather than to anyone else.

- of or concerning one's private life, relationships, and emotions rather than matters connected with one's public or professional career.

So when I look at those definition I can say within self-honesty that I exist mostly within and as that definition(s) – I have defined my life around the “personal” and completely missed LIFE. So by breaking up the word I came to see two more hidden meanings/revelations
In the word personal we have Persona, and Persona is the following from the good old Dictionary:
- the aspect of someone's character that is presented to or perceived by others.

It is quite fascinating because here I can see how I have lived a certain personal lifestyle where everything is about me and my personal – and within that I have created a Persona, which others are perceiving me with, and I also have come to LIKE this persona, in fact throughout my life I have lived to actively advertise my personal life as to create a certain persona as to feed the EGO.

The part that I have never lived, which is also in the word Personal, is once again hidden in breaking up the word and playing with the sounds.

Personal should be “Person ALL” – a person that lives for ALL – where one moves from the personal to the ALL/LIFE – it is fascinating to see how this one word hold the system/mind living of the word in the word and yet also have the reverse process/correction within the same word, the key to live the word in the correct way that is best for all life.

So now how to take this word and to physically integrate this word into and as me, to become a LIVING word as who I am, where I stop the personal and start living as a person that lives for ALL, this one words takes on all og me, every aspect of me – as I have defined myself and all of me throughout my life as Personal to ME, I never considered to live and consider things for ALL as who I am as my actions, my words my life.

So the first question I am asking myself now is, should there be something that is personal?
Well to investigate this point for myself right here and now, I must consider all, everything – and looking at my body, looking at what is here, NOTHING belongs to me, nothing is personal to me, not even a single cell in my body is mine, not the air I breathe Is mine, not even the food I eat is mine, everything return to substance/life, so what is personal? How have I lived this personal as such an absolute within myself, within my life, yet the physical is always showing me that nothing is personal, nothing is just for ME as mine. Everything belongs to LIFE.

How come all my life have I made everything about me and my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts, my experience, my life, everything was about me personally. When someone says something to me that I don’t like, I take it personal, how do I take it personal, where does this personal GO? Do I have a little bank somewhere in another dimension where I collect everything that is personal to me, what I have as belongings, what I experience, what I react to or take personal? So that I can do what with it? What is the point of taking things personally? To take things personally my ego gets hurt? Thus my self-value is hurt? What I personally have on this earth as material things determine how my ego feels? How I define myself? What is the point of personal?

Did I just realize that I wasted my life on something that makes no sense yet I lived it as an absolute thing? I mean it makes way more sense be a person for ALL/Life this is living in a way where what I do is “giving” instead of collecting or hording, may it be material things or mind/emotional/feelings/thoughts that results in nothing as who I am as a being/life– and instead live to give, as my giving will be to life.

So that’s all good in theory and to really set up the word new for myself – person-ALL – so now every time I see myself focusing on “personal” I can identify that I am within a persona, I am within EGO, I am within self-interest, I am in the Prison/person that can only focus on itself and have limited capabilities to look at LIFE and to act and direct myself, the thinking of focus of “personal” is very limited – but when I expand myself in those moments from persona to person for All I remove the inner and I expand as the outer to include all that is HERE, in breathe.

Desteni - a Trip into South Africa, and some Dance Music (7 songs)

Day 564 – I don’t want to take the time to be Specific

All my life I enjoyed just opening up my mouth and speak, I loved not having to consider things in time and then speak about it. I enjoyed this because It asked little to not effort from me. Man did I hate making effort to be specific. It did not matter if it was school work, if it was doing sport, if it was talking to people on subjects. Me shooting out words, or styles of doing things that required no effort, no time to sit and actually figure things out, see things differently, to come to a common understanding within points or how to do things which can be transferred to others in specificity.
Ever since I started my Process I have struggled to be specific within any of my writings, even though I see the points clearly, putting it on writing or explaining it to someone else has been such a struggle and it always feel like I am just missing the point. This obviously has to do with my level of vocabulary and my school years of development. But that’s no longer an excuse, and yet I find this pattern that I have lived for so long to still creep in to most of what I want to express myself within.

So ones again I am facing myself as my patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist having to give/spend my time on becoming and being specific within everything I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am busy with something new to only take in the Idea/concept and to within that run with what I make of it, not giving myself the time and space to actually sit down or go run or jump or whatever is required of me to really get specific and to really test out the concept/idea till I can live/express it within specificity to be able to give over what I have learned and seen to others equally.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen and realized that me not specifying myself is me making myself special within my mind as I have develop an unspecified character that I cannot explain or give over to others in words or skills, as a way of remaining within self-interest and unique.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain nonspecific without ever questions myself why or how I have come to create myself that way and to keep on living within such a character and placing a feeling of enjoyment within being such a character, seeing and realizing that this is me abdicating self-responsibility and my responsibility to the c=greater good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to be specific within myself and what I do, how I create myself is as long and boring unnecessary process and that I can just keep winging it till I get it, seeing and realizing that this is the mind sabotaging me from stopping the mind having control and authority over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR losing the comfort of my current character that is nonspecific through actually focusing on myself in each breathe as how I am creating myself and who I am within each moment within living the principles of Desteni and to actually make it a mathematical equation that I can show/teach and give to others to do/live the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is impossible for me to be specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing within developing myself to be specific and to within this lose a lot of time that could have been spend me just winging things and getting the same results as failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up for failure within myself within my definition of myself as what I have accepted and allowed as the mind for so long and to project that within the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the challenges that I might and will face on my way within specifying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself within my journey of specifying myself and that I can do it – and that there is help, support and assistance all around me if I ask.

Day 563 - Hating to be around People/humans

Ok, so I must admit, I do not enjoy being around other people, that’s just me being honest – OH wait, Honesty is actually me lying to myself, because when I really look at it, I do not hate being around other people, I must now really get to being self-honest with myself, to dig deeper than that feeling I am hiding behind and keep using as excuses and reasons and justification for why I am the way I am, OH yes, being self-honest is looking beyond those comforting points, if you dare you might have a moments scare, but I am telling you that if you push through to being self-honest, to look beyond the feelings and emotions and thoughts and to see what is really the issue here. It comes back to MYSELF always.

So I have an experience inside of MYSELF when I am around other people, that is the first indication, the feeling/emotions/experience is within me, my thoughts are keeping it there in place, and some random memory that I have no clue of is running in the back ground where I defined myself within a certain moment within around people/humans in the past that is now still playing out in the present. So what is it that I have created within me as not liking and thus hating about being around other human beings? Answering those questions for myself, I will find that it will reveal points within me that I have separated myself from and thus created friction within my reality, which started first within me. So let’s dig in with Self forgiveness to get to see creation being undone as what isn’t best for all including myself in action and re-birthing self as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed This HATE to just exist within me when and as I am around other people, seeing it as normal and just as who I am naturally.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question this “natural me” that I have been living for a long time as not liking and thus hating being around other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this “not liking” and thus hating being around other human being about other human beings instead of taking the point back to myself and to see who I am within being around other human beings that create this hate within me of being around them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from other human beings within myself as being so different and not the same, that when I am around other human being I am in a constant state of denial and separation, which I know is me not standing one and equal as others and to face myself as others and thus I create a friction within me of hating other human beings for what they are showing of me to myself that exist within this world that I must equally take self-responsibility for within myself as all life, to truly be able to stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that me hating being around other human beings is me hating myself as who I am around other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my inner conflicts and mind bullshit onto other human beings, no matter how bad or shit other humans may be, what I am experiencing within myself as judgment and gossip is what is making human beings shit and bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am around other people to not want to hear them gossip and talk about other people as it tires me out and becomes a burden within me to have to listen to this. Not seeing and realizing that when and as I am listening to other human gossiping or talking about other people that I am in my mind doing exactly the same thing as what I am judging them for, thus I am not liking who I am within such a situation.

I commit myself to when and as I am around other people that gossip and talk about other people To stop any form of judgment within me toward them and what they are doing and to breathe an focus on being here as the correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to how people talk about other people in the open or in secret towards me or with others and to within this reaction that I have not like myself and thus not like giving away my authority as Breath to stand as the solution and thus to not like myself being around other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am around other people and their behavior is that of the mind, which is sexual, degrading, or very blunt with what is going on in their mind within their behavior, to feel intimidated as I have judged them within my mind as less than me and as not ‘decent” human beings – where I gossip in my mind and placing myself above them, where their behavior is attempting to bring me down within my mind, seeing and realizing that this is me separating myself from the accepted and allowed nature of the human within myself where I have sunned away those parts within myself and thus have not yet dealt with myself as who I am as that behavior to effectively direct and deal with others within such a behavior and thus create the idea/belief that I hate being around other people/humans as a way to hide from that part of myself that I must still stand one and equal to as myself.

I commit myself to when and as I am within a situation where people are within behaviors that I have judged as not decent and that isn’t nice, to take such a moment and to stop the point within me as separation, to now not participate but to take the points of reactions I see and to see why I react, to realize that they are showing me a part of me that I can now challenge within myself to forgive and to stand from within and to live as the correction where I enable myself to also help others to correct themselves as I live it for myself, to stop all judgment and to actually take on myself as all life that is here one and equal.

Day 562 - Going to/into the City

 when I am at home, I am more "myself" so to say, I can be relaxed and move myself accordingly. I can be aware of my breathing and my thoughts and I can stop them quite well and direct myself in moments where I am facing conflict with my internal reality and my external to equalize myself. yet when I am scheduled to go into the City and the time has arrived for me to go, there is a change within all of me, not any specific energy that I can pinpoint, but I do know it is a character that is in a way an entity takeover, so besides me changing my cloths and what I wear to go to the city, there is also a change of myself. this is obviously not trust worthy. as this is unpredictable and not me directing me in clarity within principles of Desteni/Life.

so it must be questioned and Self forgiveness must take place to change this pattern and to remove this character that is NOT for me but against me, not for LIFE or even a seed/creation of Life, but of and as the mind, the life sucking virus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity from and of survival where I make it a positive experience within myself to go to the city, to suppress the negative/fear of who I am when I am in the city.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a negative experience within myself of being in the city and who I am within the city and to within this seek out only the positive when I am in the city, thus consuming and finding entertainment and distractions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a bipolar character within who I am when and as I go to the city, as a love hate relationship and thus having both polarities as my experience towards the system that is deceptive and abuse yet have all these fun things that money only can afford and only some, and thus deceive myself within experiencing one thing and living out another. I see and realize that I can live and be in a city and at the same time be absolutely real with myself and do not need to hide anything form myself and that this will in fact empower me to take authority and be the directive principle of who I am and how I direct myself within this system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an Idea that the city is a great place to just get away from myself to lose myself in all the distractions that the system has placed so nicely for the humans to be distracted even if abuse and harm is happening all around everyone all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being brutally self-honest with myself and my participation as who I am within being in the city and to see everything for what is actually is, a mind created system to feed off of everyone. Imagine here the human batteries in the Matrix movie all stacked like in a city formation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel saver to just deceive myself within looking at a city and being in a city that there is "good" within it, because it looks beautiful and gives me good feelings and comfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not just go into the city but to also go into a character of the city.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a character without notice when and as I am going into the city.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my breathe awareness when and as I go into the city, as if the city is making me lose my breath, seeing and realizing that I am losing my focus, my awareness within going into the IDEA of the city within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into Survival mode when and as I go into the city, within the IDEA that when one is within the city that it is an all-out survival game that one must participate within to survive as an energetic experience and within ones behaviors of the body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel” as if the City is pressuring me to go into a character that fits into the city within the Idea of the City and that the city is an all-out survival game that I must take part in to survive in the city.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this Idea within my mind due to how I observe the City and what is happening within the city and to within this observation act out on what IDEA I have created and thus create a City Idea Character that takes over as I go into the City and to lose focus on my breath awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my breath and to within this give trust over to an entity that I have created to take me over through my authority of acceptance and allowance within energy as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I focus on breathing instead of on living a character of the City, that I will lose, that I will not survive and that I will be abused and harmed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the City and everything within the City as against me as Breath, as all the people, distractions and the general energy of fear and survival and to within this rather give into the distractions, energies through letting the character as the City entity take me over where Breath is shallow and barely living, taking on the zombie mode of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing within and as breath where ever I am, in the City or not, and to move myself as breathe as life, as the correction that is sorely needed in this world, and that I must live this change, because who else will If I simply accept and allow a city character/entity to take over and live for me just like everyone else.

I commit myself to when and as I go to the city to go as breath, as me here and to remain within awareness, and to through walking this correction prove to myself first that me here as breath is in fact best and practical.

I commit myself to when and as I see any form of energy come over me as I go to the city, as I climb into a car to drive towards the city, or even when I have the thought of I am going to the city. To stop such energy, IDEA of what it means to go to the city and everything implicated, and to breathe and remain here.

I commit myself to when and as I am in the City, to not fall for the fears that come up to drag me back into character to play the game of the mind and to not stand up for me, for life as a living example that change is possible in each breath.

Day 561 – Believe in yourself, You are LIFE

Take a look at yourself, you are a tiny mind existing in a universe, you are a tiny mind only because you decide to exist within and as this mind, this mind consciousness system that functions on energy, this mind consciousness system that fucks you over every day in every moment, it cons you into limitation, it cons you into submission, it cons you into fear, it cons you into everything except for you to realize that you are LIFE.

Remove this tiny mind, this consciousness, and you are in fact LIFE, I myself have not lived this into actual fact, I have only realized this. Take a look at LIFE, all that is HERE one and equal, just look with your limited eyes, hear with your limited ears, feel with your limited touch, and already just with that you can see how great LIFE is, Life is here, always, we just refuse to stand with life absolutely, we refuse to trust that WE as life wants what is best for all life, like a mother that wants only the best for her child, we must also realize that LIFE is that which is not of the mind consciousness – anything that isn’t rooted within the seed of LIFE as what is best for all life, is of the mind and thus we must not confuse trusting life with what we see around us as being a creation of LIFE, what is around us as our creation is us forgetting that we are life and attempting to live in separation of life, which is failing drastically as our mind consciousness established world is showing us, it is crumbling down and the suffering and discord is beyond measures. Because it is not of LIFE.

We rather stand by the mind, we rather trust the mind, and we would rather look at the mind for security and for survival, not realizing that if we stand as LIFE, then the universe will in fact stand for us, with us, would you rather have the support of a thought? Or would you rather have the support of LIFE as the entire universe moving with and as you one and equal to bring about your purpose that is one and equal as life, to bring about life that is best for all life in all ways, and of course LIFE will stand with you. It is a matter of placing your trust in yourself as LIFE that is always HERE accessible in a single breath in each and every breath. But we lose each and every breath; we can’t even stand in a single breath as LIFE in full trust of life. Because we just do not believe in ourselves.

So I must forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT believe in myself as LIFE, thus not believing in LIFE itself and that life in itself wants what is best for all life, and to within this trust and believe the mind as consciousness, where I rather attempt to control reality according to momentary thoughts to direct me and to lead me and to decide for me what I must do.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that LIFE is for LIFE and thus my misplacement of trust within and as the mind is that of not understanding that LIFE is here one and equal standing for and as life in all ways and if I only place my trust with life as me then I can truly stand with the support of ALL life to bring about a world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse the creations of the mind with LIFE and to within this confused create the believe that LIFE is against me, seeing and realizing that it is and was and has always only been the mind that is against me, the very thing I placed trust within, and to never even consider that fact that LIFE is HERE awaiting me to return to myself as LIFE and to trust myself as LIFE and to instead stand with LIFE and thus have the full support of LIFE or the universe to move with me to bring change to this world as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider that LIFE can stand with me, but only is I stand with LIFE and give LIFE a chance and to within that Believe in myself, and to stop the believe I have given to the mind, to the world and the systems that are here as the CON of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I can only stand with LIFE absolutely if I stand within myself as ALL life in fact as what is best for all life, and all life as me will only move and support and assist me is I in fact stand in oneness and equality as all life and to not confuse this with The law of attraction, as it isn’t a law of attraction hut merely a law of LIFE, a law that is best for all life and not for individual fain and self-interest such as the mind consciousness systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am alone in this world, that I have no support and that I have nothing that stands with me, and to within this fall for the mind and placing trust in the mind, totally disregarding myself as ALL life that is here as the universe as who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that LIFE is here, and as long as I am not here I cannot stand with LIFE, but that I am only standing with and as the mind as consciousness that is a human creation of limitation, in the act of spiting life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never even consider Believing in myself instead of the mind is me believing in life, where this believe isn’t based on energy or abdicating self-responsibility, but actually in reverse, to truly believe in myself I believe in LIFE and this is done through breathe, to live this believe that it still is into a living fact, truth of self here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give LIFE a chance, thus not giving myself a chance by placing my full trust in breath, and to within this breath walk as LIFE in all ways accumulating and creating within this world as the manifestation of the mind consciousness system LIFE as me as myself within my words and deeds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependency on the mind even when LIFE is showing me in each and every breath that my real actual support is of LIFE, thus in each and every moment that I am b=in breathe HERE I am actually saying fuck you to life.

Day 560 – Good day Racism

Today I had an interesting moment, I went to visit a family and to help their children within Education in a town that is quite far away and in the middle of nowhere, well the middle of nowhere for me.

After my appointment which lasted a couple of hours, I was thirsty and hungry, so I went to stop at the “mall” if that is what we can call this place I stopped at.

There were a couple of shops and restaurants. I went to the shop and ordered myself a small Pizza and something to drink, the lady at the counter said that it will take about 15min before the pizza is ready. So I decided to go for a walk.

Now, just to give you a bit more of picture of where I am, about 99.99% of all the people in this town aren’t white people, predominantly black.

Since I have walked my Desteni Process for many years now, I inside of myself have no thoughts, no back chat or any kind of movement within me of “I am white” or “they are Black” – all I have inside of me when I am among humans is that we are all humans, here. Obviously through a lot of Self forgiveness and breathing I was able to remove pre-programming and brainwashing that forms voices and shit in our head that apparently we have to fear one another due to some differences.

So here I am walking, not even halfway into my walk I already had two people coming to me and say “ sir, white man, I want some food, some money” and I wasn’t even the person that looked like I have money, compared to the other people there, but because I am white I am asked as the one guy told me to face - I breathed and I stopped any thought or emotion in the one breathe and I looked at the perosn and said, sorry, I have nothing for you, we must fix this system for everyone to always have money (investigate livingincome.me) , but it does not occur to me in my conversations with people that they are black or white or brown and I am white, to me it is always simple, what is this person saying/doing, and not what is this “race” saying and doing in relation to me as my race– and I didn’t have anything to give them.

So in the crowds of people someone is suddenly waving at me, a person that is coming towards my direction, I took a look and I saw this person is giving me a smile and a wave, like he knows me, for a split second I picked my hand up to wave back, but then it clicked, this guy is white and he is waving at me ONLY because I am white (we were the only two white people there, so how obvious was this wave?)– so I did not pick up my hand fully to wave at him, Because I saw in that moment how racist it is what he was doing, he was literally only greeting me, and only because I am white, I didn’t see him greet anyone else the same way, and I certainly haven’t been waiving at every single person around me just to be friendly, so how would this have looked like If I waved at this total stranger just because he is white, but I am not doing the same for any of the other people around me, so I once again took a breath, I saw what me waving back would have supported within this persona nd thus within this world, such a small innocent act.

It was fascinating to witness and live this moment and who I am within it, because waving back, and especially in the way and manner of how this guy did it, like he waved at me as if he was seeing an old friend, a family member even and that because this friend, family member is here he can feel saver and not alone, which showed me that he has been living his life in complete separation of all the other human beings that surrounds him and only connecting with his own color of people, I mean that’s a limitation anyone places on themselves, if you are going to be racist your world is very tiny and lonely.
So I corrected myself, I did not wave back in support of this persons stance within society and what he is living out, I promoted equality in the living flesh, the correction, not identifying myself with anyone as their mind’s as who is what and how, and to equalize all humans within me as beings. This way I find it is much easier to breathe and to fucking chill, it is like if you remove yourself from this ridiculous racial bullshit that goes on in this world, inside of yourself, then there is no side one must pick to stand by, there is not “race” that one must support or not just because of the race factor of color and a few physical differences.

But, common sense is still required – even though I stop any racism within me, any discrimination's within me, it does not make it so for others and what they have accepted and allowing within themselves, but stopping it within me I have seen how much less I am prone to the bullshit fights and discord that takes place in the line of racism. Because your behavior changes, your internal reality is what everyone sees, the secret bullshit that goes on within any person is what is being seen on the body as the expressions, no matter how much one pretend, micro expressions gives it all away, the physical communicates with all its parts here as life all the time and that communication is happening on a secret level that only the physical can read and understand, so there is NO point in pretending to not be a racist – keep it simple and real and actually STOP your back-chat, your fucking gossip about others inside of yourself and what you spew out to other people, and get real with what is here as Life and resonate that.

Day 559 - Dealing with a lot of information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dealing with a lot of information and to keep my head together within looking at a lot of information and to consider all the points within looking at a lot of information and to not go into an emotional overload when and as I perceive information to be too much for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional “overload” within me as a feeling of I just can’t, it is too much for me to take in and to remember, to consider all the points and to remain in common sense and looking at things within practicality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up within me when and as I am reading a lot of information within the emotional feeling of this is too much for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of “this is too much for me” to exist within and as me as a self-limiting definition that I have placed upon myself through past events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as separate from ALL information that exist here within and as all life and that thus Life is too much for me to take in and to understand what is HERE.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider that I am here as LIFE and thus all information that exist here Is me in fact and that I am not separate from it, and thus when I am introduced to new words and to new amounts of information that I am not simply forcing information into me as something that is separate from me that now takes a lot of space within me, but that I am simply re-activating what exist within and as me HERE already and thus I do not need to use memory as me more lies, but that I can in trusting myself be here and as myself be the information one and equal.

Memory
Being introduced to contracts for the first time in my life.

I was 18 years old, and I just got my first job, for this job I had to sign a contract, which meant me taking a contract home and reading everything and then eventually go back to work with this contract and then agree to it and sign it. but as I was sitting at home with this contract, knowing I have to first of all give up my “relaxing time” to go through it, which was quite a lot of pages, I resisted reading it, but I picked it up and I looked at the front [age and with reading everything on the front page I already had no clue what was being stated, I then went into the believe that if I read the second page it might make more sense, but it turned out to just confuse me even more, first of all I had no clue what the words meant, and secondly I could not place the words next to each other to attempt to see if that will explain the words and tell me something. But It didn’t. so I put the contact down and I just felt completely lost, only reading two pages. After a while I built up some courage to give it another try, and I started reading everything no matter how much I didn’t get or understood, and after I was done I had a head ache, my head felt violated, and I still had no clue, I could only assume things all the way.

I ended up not taking the job and just went to be a waiter, as that didn’t require for me to understand anything or to consider anything while I work. I defined myself as simple and more of a “practical” guy that works with my hands. This then became a life time of living in limitations, as I feared that same moment taking place and facing so much information and not being able to comprehend it and thus act on it accordingly, and thus fearing making mistakes and creating consequences that I have no idea how to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to past events.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take one moment in time, from the past and how I experienced myself in that moment facing having to deal with a lot of information that was also unfamiliar to me in that moment and to place it onto all possible future events/play out and to live my life in such a way where I make decision where I can avoid having to face such events again just not to have to experience myself the same way I did in the past, and thus never giving myself the chance to grow and expand and to give my live more possibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and make decision within my life where everything I do such as positions I take within my life requires the bare minimal from me where I simply have to use my body as a tool for labor and where reading and dealing with information is minimal, and thus never really taking responsibility for myself or this reality as I am and will always miss the necessary information through my deliberate character that I have created for myself and have identified myself with others to be of “lack” and not “able” to as a form of manipulation to not have to really give myself the ABILITY to respond in regards to what is here within this world as me and to change myself and the world one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place “information” out there as my authority, may it be a person speaking the information or books containing the information and thus within this make and give Authority to those books and People over me and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the continuous resistance to exist within me throughout many years to a point where it has become normal and just an automatic behavior within me as who I am to live in avoidance naturally towards having to face information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the believe of “information” being more than me to become natural and normal within me to never challenge this point and to push beyond this point for me, for myself and to bring actual ral change to myself within this world.

Is Desteni Just a Phase? Process Support Vlog 2016

Day 557 - Deepak Chopra and Imagination

I do not know if it is appropriate for me to Debunk someone such as Deepak Chopra that has been on the scene of “spiritual people” for many many years and has helped many people I am sure of it, but I am also sure that the solutions are only temporary and not permanent, if they were then Deepak would have had less Clients, he is a great salesmen, he sure did his homework well and practiced his work in a way that targets the right people, people that are serious about changing themselves and for example their destructive natures, but unfortunately Deepak Chopra still doesn’t understand the most basic and simple aspects of life, and this is revealed in his words, I am referring to his simple words that is placed in quotes and send all around the internet to get people’s attention . What are these simple and basic aspects of Life I am talking about? Well it is common sense and self-honesty. 

But for today I am only going to take on Deepak Chopra in my blog on the following quote (also the picture used in this Blog) quote: “the best use of imagination is creativity. The worst use of imagination is anxiety” – end of quote

So what Did Deepak do here? Did he really just say something profound and that is amazing? No, he simply mentioned two polarities of the same construct, what is the construct? Well the energy of and from the MIND – as in this case Imagination. Yes sure to almost all people on earth this is “normal” to have polarities and to rather take part on/live the positive part of the energies to apparently create something positive. But here comes the part most people do not know or understand as to why this isn’t a solution and in fact enhancing the problems people are facing.

See Deepak in this quote is attempting to help people get over anxiety, but what he does not understand is that anxiety is energy of the mind, just like creative energy of the imagination, both are the exact energy just placed in a different light, and the point here is, the mind is the problem first and foremost. The mind is meant to be stopped, so that we can reach our beingness and true expressions. But as long as we are contaminating ourselves with the influences of the mind as positive and negative, we will always be stuck in polarities, moving from one side of being positive to negative, and as we all know, negativity usually wins, that is why we are always seeking out the positive.

So if we had to live what Deepak Chopra is suggesting, using our imagination for creative thoughts or imaginings to not go into anxiety or stress or fear – we are not dealing with the fear/stress/anxiety – in fact we are suppressing it and accumulating more and more while being unaware and being blinded by positive pictures and thoughts running through our minds, so this creative imagination will only last a while and then we will experience all the negative shit again, and actually as if it got more.

Another point to consider and that you can cross reference for yourself is, when you are in a “positive” state or attempting to only imagine creativity and good things, ANYTHING in your day will quickly put you down into a negative, may it be someone looking at you wrong, because when you are attempting to be so creative and positive in a world that is clearly in a state of doom, you are attempting to be more than reality, not being real with yourself, and thus a person/you can become very reactive and these reactions can either go internal or external , some get depressed and some get really angry for example.

Now to go one more step further – what is another point that is completely missed with Deepak Chopra – he tells you that for example “the worse use of imagination is anxiety” but he does not explain in detail what is anxiety, how do we create anxiety, when anxiety comes up what is it indicating, how can we take anxiety in any given moment and instead of resisting it or fighting it or going into the “positive” instead but that we can rather take our power as creators and we can take responsibility for our creation as the anxiety within us and understand our creation – for example anxiety is the indication that you are about to follow the same pattern that isn’t best for you or where you always fall or haven’t yet established who you are within your reality within certain situations and that you haven’t investigated and taken the time to check all your patterns and why you are repeating them over and over again and not changing, what is the ENERGY inside the anxiety that we seek through repeating patterns over and over without changing ourselves, how do we change ourselves etc. I am not going to give all the answers here; I am simply opening up the points to each one reading this to check for yourself.

Imagination is anxiety, no matter if we are doing it positively or negatively, the mind always seeks to enslave a person to energy to keep us trapped in the mind as imagination, never to stand up and realEYES ourselves as LIFE one and equal, that we were born perfect beings without the need of imagination but to simply participate here direct as ourselves as our creative natures and to develop upon them.

Finishing off: You are Born into this world as a child, you had no imagination, you had no mind, you had no thoughts, you had no memories, you had nothing inside your head, yet, just look at a baby/toddler/child – the pure expressions, the living, the energy of the physical body, the beingness, no fear, the pure expressions – you can’t remember your first three years because you weren’t contaminated yet with the “mind” as consciousness, yet you expressed, you lived. You were more alive than now – so ask yourself, how did I get here?

There is a very long and hard process for everyone in this world – the Process of Rebirth. And Desteni is the only group of people in this world that has actually taken the time to really investigate everything and to come to real solutions, how to end addiction, fears, destructive patterns/behaviors and how to become the creator of your life and to rebirth yourself as LIFE in fact.

If you are reading this and you are serious, if you could see the common sense and be self-honest with yourself about what I wrote. Then the next level is here for you.

Investigate Desteni I Process <-- CLICK link

G - TALKS, When Men Say "I don't Care"

Time Creation - Desteni Process Vlog 2016

Day 554 - Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give attention to everything about me that is wrong and sinful except me that is LIFE one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be of SIN, even though I wasn’t born in sin, and to have given all my attention and focus throughout my life to the sins, and to within giving sin all of my attention I have limited and created myself according to sin, an imperfect human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out the positive within life, where I see and realize that the positive I seek out in life is only confirming the negative within me, the sinful me, so I see and I realize that if I am seeking anything positive as an energy then I am seeing to make up for something within me that I have judged myself as being bad/negative as sin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself a stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as physically inferior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as immature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my big good looking smile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my great personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being a good person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a person with good intentions.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a person with courage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself a s responsible person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a respectable person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a unique person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself a as good partner in relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a good citizen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a perfect son to my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a special human being in the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a product of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a stubborn person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an egoistic person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as incompetent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to this world I live in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to my name and what has been attached to my name as “me”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the flesh that I walk and breathe in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an animal activist and lover.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a world changer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a sex addict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as eating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for enjoying food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge food as enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as water as just being here
and that I do not need to drink it nessasarely, there are other things to drink.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as healthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unhealthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place life in a judgment of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the fear of LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as separate from and of LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge self-forgiveness in all possible ways, not positive or negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the LAW of nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as THE law of the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge the legal system of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not having limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a parent to a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a partner to another human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a family guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a good family guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad family member.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a good father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad member of the community.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a good member of the community.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as good music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as good or bad music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge bad music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge music as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all that is here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the mind consciousness systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the conscious mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the sub-conscious mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the unconscious mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not yet understanding the science of life one and equal as how the physical functions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the separation that I exist as still within this life from and of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not standing one and equal in fact with all life YET.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the bad or good decisions I have made in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the decisions I make in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as poverty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the cruel and evil shit that exist within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as war.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as racism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as crime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inhumane acts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as spirituality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than god/LIFE/universe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as religion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as love and light.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as peace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my penis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as vaginas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as separate from what is HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as better than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as possessions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my internal reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my siblings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my skin color.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my nose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my hair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as gossiping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as gangsters.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as corruption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as other peoples actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all forms upon the face of the earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all the materialistic things that the mind has created within this world as distractions and entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all entertainment that exit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all the feelings and emotions and thoughts that come up within entertainment within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all desire that exist within all humans and within this world as materialistic designs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself AS a control freak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a nagging person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a needy person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a restless person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a stable person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a person who can be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that can be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a person that cannot be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that must be respected

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that respects others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that has honour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that honors others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that is reliable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that can be relied on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that can rely on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as superior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to life and the creations of the world that exist here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being superior to other life forms within this world.

To be Continued.

Day 553 – Bernard’s Death and what I supressed, out now

This blog might come as random, maybe it has been in the thoughts of many – so I am just sharing for the sake of sharing and information. 

I have to share the following story which I have been denying and suppressing for a long time, since Bernard Poolmans death back in 2013.

I am writing this to get it out in the open, it isn’t a secret or something to hide or to be shy about. In fact I see it as a strengthening point, a self-empowering point. As I have never shared this with anyone except my partner, but only about 2 months ago, when it came pouring out of me as a long term suppression and a denial. I also resisted looking at this point and admitting that it has in deed affected me, and what we resist persist. So let me begin sharing.

How much I have placed on Bernard, only revealed after his death.

I was eighteen years old when my Father brought me to the Desteni farm to work here and to do Process, due to my parents being long term friends with Bernard Poolman and we/I was familiar with process, and I specifically wanted to come to join and walk my process and be part of changing this world, but first I had to and still have to walk a very long process while bringing solutions to this world (all at the same times) – where Desteni in itself is the solution really.

So at 18 years of age, quite a young age, and I must admit not very mature, even after many years of education in the system, surprisingly no real maturity took place, just ego. (Which I am only now able to see), I came to the farm. BUT, even before I lived on the farm I always saw Bernard throughout my life as a mentor, as someone I really looked up to, I deeply respected Bernard and saw him as my Teacher in everything and anything, from whom I will learn and listen and apply and change and take advise and with whom I could ask anything and share anything and the advice would always be exactly what I needed, not what I wanted per say, but it changed my life, it changed everything about me, the fabric of my beingness changed, my thinking lessened, and my living and doing and common sense expanded, I actually matured. This was all on a personal level and within a personal capacity.

Bernard always had direction, no matter what, Bernard always moved things, he always had a goal and nothing will stop him from reaching that goal, which was clear in each and every breath he took – creating heaven on earth for all living beings, all life. Within This Bernard focused on people, because he truly as himself understood that people are the system, people are the ones that must change, people are the ones that must bring change, and within focusing on people Bernard pushed people into directions for world change, change that would be best for all life, and how he pushed people, how he guided people, how he did those things were amazing, we had so many global points opening up and emerging within a year and a half since the farm started, we had courses, we had interviews/videos/vlogs/articles/blogs, we had new ways for politics and economics, we had set up multiple websites and we were moving like a rocket, we were growing, we were reaching people and we were really getting out there.

At the same time, we had dozens of people from all over the world visiting the farm, we had so much fun and really awesome discussions, we were talking and socializing and we were learning human nature, we were building/gardening and cleaning up, taking care of the land and nature and using our hands and learning to breath and be HERE and support one another, and we were learning a new way of LIFE that is possible for all right here on the Desteni Farm and thus the world if only we dared, Bernard showed so many people what could be possible, what life for all could be, as heaven on earth, obviously after we all worked with each other on points and possessions and limitations and pushing through the matrixes of the mind consciousness system, which isn’t always nice, but afterwards it is, as we walk self-forgiveness and forgiveness.

Things were looking great, even though we had haters/trolls, which are the first signs of success/succeeding – as they say jealousy is nasty, even though some of them were hired to deliberately sabotage us, which showed our effectiveness, fear is always the weapon of mass destruction - divide and conquer. We had system attacks and we walked through those quite nicely, newspapers attacking us, people attacking us, it always felt like the universe being re-aligned, which is what was happening - Obviously with Bernard in the front line.

We were already looking at expanding Desteni, getting bigger facilities and getting more people within the Desteni group to come over and do research and development, to implement systems and to test them out, where we could take the science currently in this world that is bias and actually do the tests ourselves and have unbiased results that is best for all life, where we would test out self-sustainability commuinty living, off the grid for real and real time, where we could take social science and psychology and everything that needs to be researched and to find solutions to, to bring about real actual change in this world – real time after people have walked the courses first, specifically the how’s and whys and where’s etc, but only with Desteni can we find real solutions as it is always done from the starting point of what is best for all life, not about who is right or who is wrong, who can make money and who won’t, we had support and support was coming in/growing (during those times) - and yet again, relying on Bernard.

Bernard’s presence removed fear and always embraced that point of you can believe in yourself, you can do this, confidence, in a much grounded real practical no bullshit way.

For years, Bernard told me over and over, I want you right next to me, not in front of me or behind me, right next to me walking equally, I do not want followers, if you are a follower, then you can go find yourself a positive thinking group or a spiritual group, or a guru, or a religion.
Then Bernard Died.

Desteni is failing, we are not going to make it anymore, everyone is going to scatter, and people will be back on the fence sitting, these were my first thoughts and that continued for a while after Bernard's death, with visitors on the farm and thousands of people out there in the world that was kind of just following Bernard in the back ground (those that never showed their faces or stood with openly), without Bernard it is like losing the head, because the first response of Bernard’s Death was fear instead of walking equally next to him, I admit I was following, yet trying/attempting to walk next to Bernard, but it was so much more convenient to just let someone else do it, to not have to stand as that absolute point without choice, without having excuses and reasons to only do it half way. (obviously over time the opposite of what was happening in my mind took place physically, Desteni is standing strong because of the people that are actually walking their process and standing by principle, which proves what is real over time)

So for the past 2 years since Bernard’s death, there has been an ominous feeling within me, a resonant point of everyone is seeking that confidence, that trust, that drive, the direction and movement that Bernard had, that he created as himself, that push and trusting that push, the common sense and self-honesty, and where one can always see and cross reference within everything Bernard said and do and that is was aligned within what is best for all life, as It always included and considered all life – but it just wasn't there without Bernard. it was US, we all had to find our feet and everything Bernard stood as and did as ourselves.

 Almost 8 years ago, I was asked if I am willing to give up my life for the purpose of bringing forth equality and oneness, this meant committing myself to the Farm/Desteni 100%, and that there will be NO future for me in the system, as this is and will be the only way to push and do what is required to be done to bring forth actual change, as the farm is the central point, the volcano of the Desteni message, The home base for all Destonians that has proven and shown their commitment, to come and to unplug for a while, and to push their process a bit further with each visit, and to take part in all the activities and see what it means to live as a Destonian in each moment, to learn from one another, exchange skills and abilities, to take that back home as a upgrade so to say, or enhance, where questions can be answered and lovely discussions can take place. And obviously where we develop programs/course and do research real time if resources allow us and the websites and the home of the portal, and where most of the support comes form to all the people out there and which is expected to become much more in the near future (2016 onward), this means working with people one on one in chats, their assignments, daily support and assistance (which takes hours) where we in the future with a bigger farm will start, and first of all, be able to do so much more, the more the support is for Desteni, and thus need more people here at home base to do the things. BUt again, we were hopeing Bernard would be here to take care of it all.

So after Bernard gave me the layout of what’s involved within committing myself to living/working and creating on the Desteni farm, and I agreed and committed myself – it was all done within the Idea that Bernard will be here till this is done, till we have created all the amazing and awesome future points that we were busy laying out and developing to change this world, to implement the points, to push the points, to get it done and moving.

Plus, my partner and I were expecting a baby, really planting ourselves into the Desteni farm as a full on commitment and that this will be done, this will work out, there is no failure possible, because we have Bernard, or now it is a “had Bernard”.

So here was (2 years ago after Bernard death) – a child coming, I put my everything in the committing of myself to do this till it is done by giving up all and any possible future in the system, safety/security – as my life literally depends on the self-honesty of others, how they walk their process and of course how the group grows, which is all kind of scary without Bernard. (2 years ago feeling)

So I have seen the death of Bernard as a failure, to an extent I have failed, I didn’t walk one and equal next to Bernard, I was always one foot behind him deliberately, I didn’t give myself that chance, I didn’t stand up from the comfort zone, I didn’t push through my insecurities and my limitations and I allowed thoughts and the mind to be my director, my story writer, while Bernard was here, and for this Bernard had to remove himself to literally live by what he stood as – oneness and equality, always doing what is best for all life, and because most if not everyone was following, he had to remove himself/die – and once Bernard died – I had to step out of all those things I was holding onto and till today I am still pushing through them all and standing, and the commitment never changed. I will stand and do this till it is done, even if I am still figuring things out, I stand by Principle, by what is Bets for all life in all ways . Bernard made it very clear to me, what it will mean to commit myself Full time on the Desteni farm, and I made this decision from within me as myself and I never once blamed Bernard or ever held anything against him. I can only thank him and keep moving forward.

It was like, the Plan died and those that were building and making the plan real in different parts of the same plan was left behind, and now all the parts have to come together and see what was the plan, the big plan that Bernard had, and I am only now realizing that the big plans has always been here, we simply had to stand up and move it as ourselves and to even change and create more ways, which we are obviously doing currently. but I find it supportive to see what I have placed on Bernard and to take it back to myself. to equalize myself and start standing, moving, directing.

 I must however apply self-forgiveness and take back my self-responsibility for all the things I placed on Bernard as what needed and as going to be done, so that I can take full force on what is HERE and push and direct it as myself working with what is HERE and letting go of the past.
Next Up – self forgiveness on ALL the relevant point.

Day 552 - What is real and what is possible? Questioning the so called facts for myself of myself

 The believes we have accepted as facts are the ones that becomes the facts. we fight for them, we reason for them, we make them logical, we create what is HERE and what is possible or impossible in FACTS!! so consider that if we can do that, then we must know anything truly is possible, even if it makes things in fact impossible just because we believe it, live it, breath it - in the beginning was the word and the word was with god and the word became flesh

I am sitting my chair, I have coffee on my table, and I have earphones in my ears listening to some interviews. My son is sleeping on the bed, he woke us up at 4:45am this morning, and we climbed out of bed at 5:15 am, we went to sleep at 1am, so here I am at 9:27Pm at night, a whole day of work behind me, or with me here. I experience my eyes tired and my body feels heavy, yet I am awake, I know most of my tiredness is within the Idea of time and space, what I have gone through today, plus yesterday, and the day before, no rest, not really, I haven’t had a deep sleep in about two years’ time. The tiredness is all in the mind, I just proved it to myself just now, I took one breath and I am here. 

How does that work? Why didn’t I do that earlier? What did I gain from remaining in the mind in a state of tiredness most fo the day, yes I was able to subtly manipulate my reality and have something to say to people every now and then and somehow attach what I say to my physical experience, my body to express what I am saying, to show and live what I am saying, just saying the word Tired and using it I must live it, why else would I use it or say it to someone else? Because I am tired? Or am I tired because I keep thinking it and holding this massive long timeline of my entire life inside me, inside my mind to justify why I am using and thus living the word tiredness. What is the Purpose? If I can simply not be tired yet do everything I do and more, why do I fear that aspect.

Why do I take events/moment and accumulate them into every other single moment? Is it a choice of my body? Or is it the believe that my body functions that way? Who taught me it works that way with my body, I mean I am telling my body or expecting my body to be a certain way after doing things and how long I have done them or what things I am doing, so is it really the experience of my body getting tired, or did I just place that condition. Perhaps to control my reality through limiting my body according to the mind’s desires and wants? To survive and just continue to consume energy internally, limiting the unlimited energy as LIFE to be accessible to express oneself within all possibilities. Yes here I am referring to what your mind do not want to look at or see. Like walking on water, flying even, walking through walls, teleporting, telekinesis, not needing food to live, walking through fire, melting ice by walking bare foot over it, I mean the body is here connected to all as LIFE, as the substance of life, real life energy, and thus the body can change, the body is like water, it manifests and crystallizes as we believe/do – but not as the pre-programmed mind exist currently, the mind is the limitation in itself. There are some people in this world that has accessed some of these abilities; they have done it, like the Ice man guy. Bruce lee went the extra mile, not to mention Jesus or the Masters of the Far East.

What if I had no thoughts and truly lived with and as the body? What will the possibilities be then, what will be real then, and here I am just talking about the natural state of the body, what if I develop my body from this natural state to actually evolve, to create and develop abilities that is Physical and beyond the mind – the mind can only exist inside itself, the physical body can exist here as all that is here in and as the physical, that which is real, thus nothing is impossible – Everything is possible.
I write this to just give myself a moment to consider how far I still have to walk my process and to develop myself in and as the physical and to actually understand the physical, Stars are made from dust, I am made from dust – The universe exist and I am here, why am I limited? Why have I accepted and allowed the impossible to exist within and as me, the disbelieve of the physical and to submit into the Logic and laws of the mind that keeps one enslaved to the mind to only believe the things of the mind, the physical and what is truly possible can only be lived, the mind cannot comprehend.

And Here I am struggling with tiredness at 9:48PM on a Thursday Night, Oh wait, I am not tired anymore, I took one breath and allowed the body to decide, and the body isn’t tired. But my mind wants ITS own time, the mind cannot function as effective and as long as the physical body, it is like a generator, at some point it needs a lot of off time from over working and refilling multiple times a day if used. The mind is Mining the physical, so our bodies has to first go through repair mode, Self-forgiveness as the Delete Button of the Organic robot.