Victimization - Self-Forgiveness

 

 

First realization/insight of the word.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the word VICTIMIZATION does not mean I am victimizing myself, that it is showing others are victimizing themselves by making me or others cruel or unjust in how they view things within a victim mentality, and thus place themselves as victims and thus whatever I/you say within self-responsibility is/are diminished as they are now victims of YOU/I and not of their own doing through using the past/events/circumstances to victimize themselves as not responsible, but you are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR standing up, speaking and saying what is needed as what is here as best for all life without the fear of victimization from others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear victimization from others, that I would lose my stance, my standing within what is best for all, as I fear I will give into their reasons and justifications for being victims instead of standing as life, as what is best for all as self-responsibility. 

Take a LOOK at the definition of victimization (different then victimizing and victim)

the action of singling someone out for cruel or unjust treatment.

"we should be able to speak up without fear of victimization"

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to people that participate in victimization and to go into the believe that they have a point as to victimizing themselves, and so within that curl up and crawl back into my corner. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone is victimizing to go into their points and to then think, they are right, they are victims and I am cruel and evil for standing within common sense and what is best for all as self responsibility. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR someone else playing victimization, as to make me cruel and singling me out for unjust behaviour by speaking what is here as common sense within WHAT IS BEST FOR ALL as self-responsibility. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how much of humanity play the victimization card to not take self responsibility for their actions and their living and the circumstances here on life, through making others cruel and unjust, yet they who victimize as self-righteousness do nothing real or practical that is within self-responsibility. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself with victimization of others. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people that victimize (blame, make them cruel, unjust) others as placing themselves as victims in their reasons and justifications.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that when I deal with others who Victimize as victimizating others, that if I react and stop acting and standing, I am judging them and so I fall into the exact same boat of victimization and thus I am no different, and so within that create a reality of victims, as no one stand. 

BACK TO SELF

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to VICTIMIZE others, such as the world system, the world leaders, the Elite, RACE, where I have placed responsibility onto them as being the CRUEL and UNJUST ones, which places me in a position of being the VICTIM that can apparently do nothing and must just victimize, blame and point fingers to feel empowered in a weird way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize my family, where I make them cruel and unjust for the things they did and place myself outside of responsibility where I can now simply remain as a victim that has no part to play within my mind of delusions, as to not correct anything within reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize my work colleges, where I make them cruel and unjust within their actions and what they have done/doing, as to say to myself that I NEVER had anything to do with it, as I am apparently not cruel and unjust and so place myself in a corner where I can now act as a "victim" of my mind, leaving no point of self-responsibility open to stand equal and to change anything. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to VICTIMIZE my partner/husband/wife, where they can not say anything, do anything, as I am placing all cruelty and unjust onto them, as to make them the perpetrators of victimization, as if they create victims, taking no self-responsibility or responsibility for our life together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a perpetrator of victimizing myself as to always blame others as creating victims through their actions, not seeing and realizing that I am the one playing victim making other victim creators as a way to hide from myself and self-responsibility to take action and live as a co-creator. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a VICTIMIZER - as someone that places all responsibility onto others as a way to create out of them people that ONLY creates VICTIMS and so I am a victim, as I have been part of their lives, NEVER taking responsibility for myself, my actions, my thoughts, my words and just place it onto others.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE and REALIZE that victimization is a CHARACTER that runs around using stories, the past, circumstances and events to BLAME others as to why they are responsible for my life to be fucked, as they create "victims such as myself" as a back chat to their story that motivates them to continue to Victimized reality, and thus this character creates a NATION  of victims with righteousness to be victims such as themselves, never taking a step in self-responsibility as a co-creator in life, equally, as I see and realize this character within me and I forgive this character, I let it all go, stand as responsibility, as reality, as one as equal within what is best for all life. 

 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that any form of victimization is BULLSHIT, for RACE, for POLITICS, for CULTURE, for ECONOMICS, all has to be taken back to self within self responsibility to actually change anything within this world to something worth LIFE as what is best for all life.  

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that the reason NOTHING has changed in life from Racial points, to politics to economics is because everyone is a character of VICTIMIZATION and no one is taking self-responsibility as LIFE as what has existed here  in all ways for anyone and everything within all time, and so we have to STOP, slow down, see the cycle of victimization as making others, something else the point of cruelty and unjust, and to stop holding onto that as it has proven to do NOTHING that is best for all life, as we must learn to be responsible as co-creators that has always accepted and allowed everything together, and so we must come together within self-forgiveness to stand as examples of LIFE here within what is best for all life. 

Expectations and Blame - Self Forgiveness

 

Expectations is strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

Blame is to assign responsibility for a fault or wrong.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the believe system of expectations. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a state of expectation that things in my life and within this world will get better - without me having to do anything practical or real that directs my life and things in this world to be better. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that if I live in a state of expectations within me towards anything, that I am also create BLAME. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate RESPONSability by living in a state of expectations. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SIT in my mind and THINK about things I want to happen and then to create false realities within myself based on expectations, either from others or the world. and so if those realities within me does not manifest, or they do not happen, I then turn to BLAME as a way to assign responsibility to others as being wrong and at fault for those realities to not have manifested. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT the  world to work for me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT others to understand me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT when I do something that it MUST work immediately, or I will see no point in doing it and just give up. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT the world as the system to CARE about me or my family, when I have not done anything to care myself by actually putting work in to change the world to a place of CARE. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT things from others that I only think about of within my mind and never actually making the effort to talk and communicate with them, and so within that when things do not work out, I end up blaming them and putting them at fault. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen,realized and understood how expectations lead to inactivity, and so into blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the believe system of expectation, where just like with any believe, I will sit back and do nothing except expect. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create points of bLAME within my life towards others and attack them for expectations I had within me towards them and what I expected from them, never communicating/talking or even do the work and efforts in my life to create what it is I want. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that even if I communicate what I want/need etc with others, that I still can not create expectations, as I can only work with the physical reality and the results in the living that is here, anything else is a mind job that will end up in blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HOLD in my mind others hostage within expectations that I have of them or towards them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself hostage to the expectations I place onto others within me, where I now have this voice in my head that secretly blame others or give them the fault for things not working or moving as I EXPECT within me, thus I see and realize I must drop all expectations, as I drop all blame and to take self responsibility living in reality with what is here to direct each day within each breathe as what is best for all. 

 

Being NICE - NICENESS Self-Forgiveness

 

 

BE NICE - as my parents tell me as a child - Or ELSE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed with the IDEA of being NICE, where I must pretend to be who I am not and to deny what I see is here for the sake of an IMAGE within the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within who I am as a child as my parents would say to me BE NICE, without understanding why, and what the reason is. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself by telling myself I did not know the reason why I was told to BE NICE, as I could see and feel it, and so had to suppress myself for those false reasons of reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SMILE and be HAPPY when I meet others as to be NICE, yet the reality of what is here isn't nice and never was, and I had to go along with it or ELSE?? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go along with the BE NICE or ELSE agenda through accepting FEAR of what else could happen within me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of what will happen if I am not nice, yet rather self-honest here within who I am as an expression of life within reality as what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a character that is always NICE, as I fear for my survival if I dare simply being here as what is here and to have real conversations, to really get to points, versus pretending as I was taught to do to survive or ELSE!!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR for my survival if I am not NICE, that people will hate me, place me aside, think I am rude, and so not give me the benefits of the system. 

I forgive myself,f that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be NICE to the system that is currently here that enslaves humanity and tortures the innocent out of fear of becoming the tortured or the one that does not benefit from the system as billions do currently. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself create an image of me in my mind that is of the OPPOSITE of Nice if I dare letting go pretending to be nice, SEEING and realizing that is also part of the problem, the polarity and that I must simply develop and create myself within the principle of what is best for all, and so within that I will develop a me that is in each breath equal and one with who I am and nothing more and nothing less, as I remove Thoughts, feeling and emotions from the interaction, and instead replace it with equality as life between me and another with my mind involved, and thus coming a a point of self-honesty where there is no reaction, no judgement, nothing, except what is here in the moment to direct and move as each other as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the implication of what it MEANs to be NICE and what they accepts and allows within humanity as a falsehood instead of a brotherhood. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see,realize and understand that teaching to be NICE just for the system sake, makes Children/people/adults gullible and easy to manipulate/deceive and to be abused, as a person, as I have, will only be nice no matter what, till it is too late and you are trapped in someone else mindfuck. such as child predators, scams, religions, school, politics, economics, name it all, the entire system around us as within us. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be NICE to my mind, yet all that exist on earth is cruelty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIVE a pretend life of niceness and yet that niceness has shown NO results in the world becoming NICE and actually change to what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck with myself, my progress, my development within my process being being NICE and compromising myself in my NICE actions that aren't best for all, within self honesty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself throughout my life by being nice, which created and creates consequences for all that isn't TRUE as they are based on being NICE within the system and so keep the system going that isn't nice at all. 

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realize TRUE niceness is for me to wlak my process for me within my TOOLS, to utilize the tools I have to then LIVE the change, live what I see as best for all life in all ways to bring about a TRUE world that is NICE to all life, where my actions reflect ACTUAL true niceness from within and so without, to end all abuse in all ways. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear challenging myself to DROP being nice, and to in fact bring forth my expression that was suppressed through my acceptances and allowances as a child that was simply here, to bring myself back HERE in simplicity, to then walk and talk within and from principle as what is best for all life, and not as FEAR as the system to pretend and be false, mostly starting with myself through first applying my self forgiveness on my points to purify me to then live the self-realizations daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge NICEness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLAME niceness as me. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is all about the starting point within WHO I am, and to live niceness, I must first actually be NICE as LIFE as all life, in my thoughts, words and actions to always honour LIFE and to never LIE to hide what is here as LIFE and that needs to change, and so from my starting point, I can be NICE, yet it has a purpose, a direction within who I am and what I stand by as LIFE as my principles in LIVING and words.

Self Honesty - Self forgiveness

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-honesty is hard. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize and understand that when I experience self-honesty as HARD that I am not self-honest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-honesty can be confusing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see that when I am confused it is because I am NOT self-honest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe as the EGO that I can simply be self-honest without doing the actual work within self-forgiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place self-honesty within the limits of the MIND as ego, where I can be "honest" with myself as long as this honesty supports my mind as my thinking, my way, my points of view and thus never actually being self-honest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-honesty to justify my actions/behaviours within self-interest as the mind, as long as I can say BUT I was honest with myself, and so only prove and show to what level I am dishonest, as I see and realize within self-honesty I must push a point within me till it can stand the test of time within what is best for all life as principle. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR my self-honesty and what the truth will be as what is here, to then actually start changing instead of justifying the mind. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I must push my self-honesty as far as I can go within myself, to truly see what i here, real and to walk and live that, to thus not simply accept and allow the first thought,feeling or emotion to pop up within me to be the only layer of information I look at or though to determine if I am honest with myself or not. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afrain of what is truly here as my self-honesty and what I must truly change and take action on within my daily living to actually live self-honesty as within and so without. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to avoid SHAME through not being truly self-honest with myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to AVOID responsibility though deceiving and manipulating self-honesty within and as the mind as ego, where I can "justify" myself within saying I was self-honest, yet I did not put in the true work and actions to truly see what my self-honesty is. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to use the first FEELING or THOUGHT that comes to my mind as a reason for me to act and live points, and to tehn call that self-honesty, when I do not even understand this feeling or thought, where it came from and how, and so I see, realize and understand that I must first investigate the point to get to the source to then forgive it, let it go, and to see what is here as reality that requires me to be here. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed to see, realize and understand that I must always first apply the work, such as writing and self forgiveness within a point that comes up, to get to self-responsibility to then live self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold onto points within me and to act out those points, to live out those points, as I have within myself already justified and reasoned within me why that will be my self-honesty, and so create consequences within myself and my life that is not best for all, including myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BELIEVE that I am free, and living TRUTH when and as I act on my mind, my thoughts, feelings and emotions, as I for a moment can experience relieve or freedom, and so connect that with "I am being honest with myself, because look, I feel better" yet the point will cycle over and over until I have forgiven the points, let them go, and to see truly what is here as who I am. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT been honest with myself and living it, where I can see I must first remove my own brainwashing and mind control, I must purify myself all the way, a far as I can within myself before I can call anything remotely self-honesty, as I then need to also re-create myself within principles that are best for all life and I must re-educate myself and develop myself, so that the old is forgiven and let go, and not controlling or directing who I am, as I can then only make real decisions.

LIFE Has Failed Me.

Have you ever said to yourself "LIFE has failed me" and then feel all defeated and unable to change, like it is the end and it is all LIFE's decision, and now you have to learn a lesson and walk a process/journey, and you just have to take the beatings as they come, because LIFE has failed you, and so LIFE will also help you right? 

This is a misuse and a BIG miss for what is here on earth and how things work. First of all, LIFE has nothing to do with you failing, with your life going to shit, with you losing your income, with you failing and losing in your relationships. all that happenings is not because of LIFE. 

You see, we live in a SYSTEM. a human designed and constructed SYSTEM, this means we are all enslaved to this system, and this system has eradicated LIFE and build itself on top of LIFE sucking the LIFE out of life underneath it, and you are a cog in the wheel, you are a pawn in the system, and you are the things that is used in the system to help suck the life out of life to feed the system, and the moment you are not needed, as the system changes, you are spat out.  

When people are spat out, they blame LIFE and then they blame and shame themselves for failing, NEVER looking at the one thing that is actually causing HARM to all LIFE, which includes YOU, thus your family, your relationships, your mental health, your sanity, your humanity, the system is designed to TRAUMATIZE life into submission so that everyone cowers and fears the system to the point of obeying it till death in hope of the system favouring them. 

For the past few years since covid - we have seen the system squeezing out tens of millions of people out of its design and into more poverty, and we have not seen a real change or understanding coming from most people that it is a system design that fucks with everything, we make our problems seem so "natural" and just the way LIFE works, how things are, and thus we can blame LIFE and look away from the system, as that keeps most people safe who still have a job, and those who do not, well they just have to HOPE they can get back into the grinding machine called the system (NOT LIFE).

LIFE is HERE, and this is the key, it is the key to stand with LIFE as yourself one and equal, and to start changing this system to a system of LIFE, to root up the machine of self interest and to bring the life that is underneath it suffocating back to light. This will have to happen sooner than later as this system is squeezing harder and harder and many will fall into poverty and onto the streets, people you know or have known, it will come to each ones front door. 

Before it does come to your front door, you have an opportunity (not given by life) but still by the system of LUCK, as this system is a Casino, to do something, and TIME is not for you, as in any casino, the longer your play, you only LOSE, it is a deliberate design against you and your nature as a pre-programmed human in a pre-programmed system, that just like you, serves itself.

So, first of all one must start with changing your pre-programmed nature to not be grappled and brought down by the gambling against you and your LIFE, but to rather direct yourself within breathing to use the moment of luck you have to walk out of the casino and do something ELSE with that money to build a new and better/different system that support LIFE. (walking out of the casino is metaphorical, as this walking out within this system means within YOU, not physically). 

The point is, people must use their words towards themselves better, for example, saying LIFE has failed me is imprinting and enhancing the delusion that the SYSTEM we live in is LIFE, which it is NOT. and within this when we enhance and imprint that idea more and more, the more we do NOT stand up to the system and actually bring LIFE forwards, we in fact start seeing the system that is here as NATURAL (like Nature) and we believe we are powerless to do anything, and we must just accept our fate, instead of seeing LIFE is HERE to be brought forward as ourselves and within this we CREATE our DESTENI.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the system that is here is LIFE and that what ever happens to me within the system is a choice by life and that I deserve anything and everything the system does to me, seeing and realizing within this I make the human designed system for self interest and GREED of the ego, my god, to punish and enslave me as it pleases, and thus nothing will happen to the system and I will not do anything to stand up and NOT accept and allow this system to abuse me or others as LIFE any further. 

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience FAILURE as myself in and of a system designed to fuck with me/everyone no matter my efforts, and that poverty and starvation is part of this systems deliberate design as a fear tool TO TO ENSLAVE AND CONTROL HUMANITY TO NOT STAND UP, Thus I see and realize that failure in this system is not a failure of me, it is a failure of the system and the design and starting point of this system, and so I forgive myself that I have ever given myself a hard time, shame and guilt and regret for ever failing in this system, despite my efforts (might not count for everyone this one), and thus. 

I commit myself to stand up, to see this system for what it is, that it is not life, to show others that this system is not life, and that we must stand up as LIFE and in a great effort we must come together and we must bring life forward, to create a new system where deliberate abuse and neglect of LIFE ends, where we can live a life that is best for all life, as I would like to be done onto as I have done, and to create a system that reflect principle living.

I commit myself to get up, get out of the blame, judgements and guilts and "system shame" for any and all my failures, to forgive myself, while I am here and can still do something unlike billions of others in complete powerless positions right now in this world, to walk as a group, to get angry and say enough of the abuse, to support and assist others as best as I can to stand with, starting with myself and giving myself, equal and one with what is here in our struggles, hardships and to show, they are noting compared to what will come if we do not do something else while we can, (those who still have money) and that it will take time, and thus we must make a move, even it it starts slowly.

I commit myself to stop relying and praising this system as a fear response for self interest and survival for myself, and to start seeing I am feeding an evil that will bite back with pleasure, and thus I must stop feeding it within who I am, and start redirecting myself, my resources, my life to that of LIFE as what is best for all life, as LIFE never failed me, it is the design of an abusive system that fails LIFE.

To be continued.

Day 685 - Self Honesty

The first time I was made aware of the concept of self-honesty (as it was still only a concept for me back then) was way back in 2007 through Bernard Poolman and the Desteni Process and message. This concept of self-honesty seemed so simple, be honest with yourself.

It turned out to not be as simple as I would have expected, I had a few points within me where I deceived myself with what self-honesty means, first was how I have defined the words self and honesty, and secondly, who is this self that is being honest?

So, as I started walking my journey to life process, I had to dig into this self, who am I, and I had to really face myself in many ways, in all thoughts, words and deeds, as who I was as a MIND consciousness system, as I as the living being was practically not here. My daily living was MENTAL, I would live and follow and believe every thought, every emotion, every reaction that came up within me, I would believe ideas and images of myself and try and live those ideas and images. 

So how could I have been self-honest in any way if I as the self in self-honesty was a MENTAL living being that follows thoughts, ideas, opinions and believes that are of the nature of the mind as ENERGY, always following energy - also known as the EGO, E = energy, and GOing there (E-GO).

This meant I had to apply certain very specific tools to STOP this EGO of a mental nature that I have accepted and allowed of myself since birth, I had to as THE MIND delete my mind one memory, one experience at a time, purifying myself.

The tools are that of writing, of writing self-forgiveness, and in general as I live daily, when I can, speak self forgiveness in times of a MENTAL state, such as when I was in thoughts, reactions, in an emotional or feeling energetic experience to release myself from that to be here.

The biggest parts that supported in this journey was purifying and understanding the WORDS I was living and how I was using the words in my mind, as my thinKING, as that then translated into my living, this also meant I had to re-educate myself, I had to take the time to learn something completely new, and this was the message of Desteni through the Portal, and in general all the research and sharing of other individuals and their processes.

The process of living self-honesty is a process of self-realization, and this does not mean we sit and think and see a different dimension of a point within us and go OH, there is self-honesty (that is still part of the process) but, NO, that is still just knowledge and information as a seeing within ones mind, there has to be a self-realization, this means it is integrated as self and self is living it, thus the journey and process of living self-honesty must be through ACTION and applying the tools, applying the self-honesty instantly as a self-realization, I have realized this, as the only parts of me that I actually changed, as who I am has been through self realization and when I speak as that living of the self-realization, I am living self-honesty.

Yet, the process in self-honesty is different for everyone on many levels within themselves and their lives as their position and location, YET, not so different, as we are all the same in many ways, and we do not have to "go on our own" to walk our process as self-honesty, that is part of the dishonesty within self, as within self honesty and realization, you realize there is no on your own, it is an illusion for self to abuse and be in ones mind without revealing your secrets to others and facing yourself with accountability - this reality is ONE, we must walk as equals to get this world to a place that is best for all. this brings in the next point.

I have in the past lost and to a degree forgotten quit a few times as I was occupied and obsessed with my own process about a very important part of walking this process, that I must walk it within PRINCIPLE, and this is a key to this process, without principle we are deceiving, we are self-dishonest, what is anything in this world if it does not have principles?

So what is the Principles I live by, or lets rather ask, what is the ONLY principles worth living by in this existence, and I would say, Desteni clarified that, and the main Principle is Always live what is best for all LIFE, and this in self-honesty should push one to not just live your life and think I am doing what is best for all life, not while all life is suffering, then your life and living it alone within just your process is dishonest, especially if you are a very capable intelligent human being within money and resources.

Sure, if your life and situation is going through a difficult time, focus on stabilizing yourself and your reality, yet do not get stuck in that position and location once it is sorted, move forward, move within PRINCIPLE and let it guide you within self-honesty. I know when I am lying to myself and telling myself, this is all I can do, this is where I am now settling down, if anyone can settle down this life with what is HERE as all life on this earth currently, that is self-dishonesty.

You can walk your own inner process and you can at the same time do something about this world, in fact it can compliment eachohter as each one will face themselves even more, the reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions of having to work with other human beings as mirrors of self, and this is a great opportunity, as long s we avoid GROUP effort to to do anything within this world practically and with common sense and basic math, then we are avoiding ourselves.

We avoid having to do anything with other people as we fear our own back chat and secret minds and thoughts towards others and thus our own reaction, thus we have already failed in doing anything as we KNOW ourselves to not be walking our processes effectively in self forgiveness to stop our minds and back chat to actually effectively come together this one life time to sit down, talk and come to a GROUP movement as what is best for all life as the guiding principle and thus how to change things within this system as how it is now, to let go of our IDEAS of what is right or wrong and to really be a BEAST to take on the system as ourselves.

Just like how I had to as the MIND start my process, as my mind forgiving my mind, We will have to as a SYSTEM within this SYSTEM take on this system and change this system, NO one can start from a pure and correct way, it is dishonest if you think so and live in an alternate reality, you will have to be evil at first to take on the evil and you will need your process and peers to support each other all the way. writing publicly is a great way of checking yourself and being checked, and specifically writing in self forgiveness.

The world is full of enough OPINION pieces - we who can read this and understand this, must take our positions and locations and apply what we know, living it, giving it, as the time for this is NOW. repetition is Key, Discipline is not what you desire, it is what is needed to be done and you Breathe and do it. 

Day 684 - What Do You WANT? For Real.

 

I have found, I am unable to change anything about myself that I see isn't benefiting me as the best potential I can be that in turn should be also the best benefit for all life, if I first do not WANT to, even if we can see why we need to change, that will mean nothing if we do not WANT to. I have found myself that whenever I am stuck in a point, or looping in a point, asking myself, why can I not change this, why is this so hard, what is it I am not understanding? I am actually only entertaining myself with questions and seeking more experiences to "understand" (when I have already had enough experiences and moments, so they are not pointless, but enough already) I am missing the one point even if I believe I do not get it yet, that I must want to change, and so this want is WILL power, and we then change regardless of knowing or understanding everything because to change you are walking into the NEW, you can not understand that yet, you have to walk it, and this is liberating, it is a moment by moment walking within principle, within what is best for all and thus yourself. it is a day by day living, walking, and breathing the WANT and WILL to change, with this the past, the habits, the time loops, the same things that have kept you in a place of not developing, can not grasp you any more, it can not latch onto you any more, because the want for change is stronger, so your actions, moments are all wanted, not an I have to attitude, or I must, it is YOUR desire as a want to change.

So ask yourself daily, if what you are living is what is best for yourself and thus best for all - is it a WANT yet. if not, find more understanding, educate yourself more. SEE why you do not yet want to live what is best for yourself and thus all, see where your actual wants are still distracting you and see what that actual wants has created thus far for you that does not benefit you, and get tired of it, be tired of yourself wanting destructive things, and see the benefits of wanting what is best for you as your best potential to bring about a version of you that will create the best version within this world for all.

Extra:

Ask yourself this to check, as basics.

Why do I want to be lazy?

Why do I want to Drink??

why do I want to smoke weed?

why do I want to postpone?

why do I want to neglect?

why do I want to not care for myself?

why do I not want to push through resistances?

why do I want to stay the same every day?

why do I want to not sort out my relationships?

why do I not want to be the best version I know I can be?

why do I want to not look inward and deal with myself?

these are questions to start with, once you realize everything you accept and allow daily is a want, you remove manipulation and victimization and thus blame, and you take full self-responsibility, that is where you are actually in power, no matter what. and then start changing your wants, will it, to be best for you and all life.

Forcefulness and Fear

As I am staying and moving in with Kelly and Adrian on their land here in Panama, which is surrounded by rivers and forests all around. I have been going into the wild for a few hours a day, something I have never been able to do. Even living on the Desteni Farm in South-Africa, there wasn’t really WILD nature around.

With this, I have been able to go to the woods/rivers and just BE HERE, breathing. Yet, I know as this is a new environment I have to be aware of the wildlife I am unfamiliar with, as most frogs and snakes here are poisonous and who knows what else. I am still learning.

This combination of me placing the direction and commitment for myself on what I am living in the wild with the wild being here I am accessing a very interesting part of myself, a part that has become automatic in the sense of survival/fear responses.

I know in South-Africa with the high crime/rape/murder there I had this point as an obvious point within me, but now that it is not with me any more, I feel I am reaching deeper roots of this point within me, I was looking at it while being by the river and I kind of named it for myself as the ancient fear - where humans generally could not just live with nature, unlike wild animals, we had to make shelter and weapons and all kinds of things that lead to where we are now, we have always felt inferior to nature and thus FORCED our way onto and through this earth by ravaging nature, destroying it just to feel secure and safe from the wild animals, and thus came full circle to humans now fearing themselves the most and what we do to ourselves, as nature is kind of out of the way right.

My experience in particular was strange, catching the ever so slight thoughts of destruction within me while being in this beautiful, peaceful environment coming up in a seemingly random moment. I was sitting on a rock in the middle of the river, the rock was smooth and big, so I wanted to lay on it, but there was this one piece of grass that somehow against all odds grew on this rock in a crack, and I caught myself with a thought of ripping it out and throwing it away into the water, as only then I would find this rock perfect and clean/safe, forcing my way onto the environment.

I stopped myself, I breathed and I asked for forgiveness for this piece of grass, and instead I saw myself in the grass growing there on this rock. I said to the grass, look at you, you grew here, look at me, I am also here but I only want to diminish you and myself. I then embraced myself as that piece of grass and sat with it on the rock, right next to it.

As I stood up from the rock, not having lived out this forcefulness towards this piece of grass sharing this rock with me as I was the visitor there, I noticed this more and more, I found myself with a stick in my hand and two rocks in my pocket, I saw then how my behaviour of having the stick and two rocks was to HARM, thus force my way onto nature, as the reason I had the stick and two rocks was for my protection right? In case there is a snake or a wild animal lurking in the forest surrounding me. Now, yes it can be practical in case there is a snake I can use the stick to move it, or the rocks to chase an animal off. BUT this post is not focussed on the practical side of this, it is to see what MOVED within me, as the starting point matters as that will determine my action in an unexpected moment.

I then took the two rocks out of my pocket and I put them down, I then took the stick and placed it down. I then had a moment of wondering/looking at the point for myself. Here I am in nature, it is SOO calm and peaceful, it is amazing, the sounds and the feeling of the place as the wind, fresh air, all is good, and I found myself being the ONLY threat there which was scary to see me in that moment, a complete system of fear and paranoia manifested as a justification of self-survival/defence, yet whit just me being who i am in the first, I am the only one there placing everything else in defensive mode, as they all need to now protect themselves from me, THUS my very starting point in who I am in the forest is thus making everything else dangerous.

I got up after putting my weapons down, I stood still for a moment taking in the fresh air and I said to myself, OK Gian, now, stop the mind, and be HERE in breathe moving one step at a time, do not consistently look around, following every small sound, or going into my mind of what is something jumps out of the bushes, and I started moving forward further down the river and the trees, I then started feeling my body relax, I then started feeling in tune so to say with my environment, I then started feeling actually aware of my environment without having to use my eyes and ears the whole time. I had to embrace a TRUST within me and so start resonating that trust into my environment as who I am.

This was a test for me on a personal level, and I would not recommend everyone doing it considering now the practical side of things and your environment, yet the point stands to always check WHO AM I and to look to the small things we stop that is forceful, catching those thoughts that rush through our head and places us into survival and fear/paranoia that leads to us becoming exactly what we fear and miss out on a whole different level of existence for ourselves and others that is possible.

I went much further, as I saw this point in a simple point such as going on a relaxed walk into the forest, I took the signature and I pulled it all the way into my life, my relationships and movement in my reality, my creation points, seeing where am I in this forcefulness, realizing it is not working, it is to be HERE, breathe and move myself as myself as expression from me, not something outside of me.

What Happens JUST As You Are About To Transcend

This is an awkward little blog of mine, on a point I do not share to much of, transcending, what a BIG word. What does this word mean even? the context of this word is not within words, it is within the living of self as words, as the living word. 

What the fuck does that mean? If the answer was complicated I might have been able to explain it to you in detail, unfortunately the answer is simple and so it can not be explained to you. See, simplicity complicates the MIND only, because the mind seeks complications and functions on things being complicated, it keeps the mind stimulated with complaining all the time. The answer should be within this paragraph to what the path and key is to transcend, but again, the mind will want to LOOK and FIND a key to this, even when the word itself is not understood, yet even if you seek to understand the word you will only find knowledge, and so already it is complicated. 

Here is the thing, just before you are about to Transcend, thus living change in every breathe, you quickly go and fuck around, just one last time, just this one more time around, just before transcending the mind and expressing self as life/living here in each breathe as all life, you must quickly have that last drink, that last smoke, that last drug hit, that last party, that last taste of porn and masturbation, that last argument, that last conversation that is pointless, that last reaction, that last say, that last opinion, that last moment of entertaining the mind essentially, and then you are way back at the bottom, because YOU saw, damn, transcending myself as life is actually simple, it is HERE as me, in my grasp, so why do it now? 

Why be silent now when I know it is HERE, why give up my addictions, my habits, my self believes, my self definitions, why give up the MIND now, when I can see it is so easy, I am right at the door of doing this, I might as well come back later, I mean, why not? it is right here, not going anywhere right??. 

Before I transcend, before I stand as myself as life here in every breathe, I MUST get the last fix, the last experience, but as usual, I know it just keeps on going on, to such an extent that I even later on forget that there is a door right here to transcend me as life, I get lost in the habits, the addictions, the routines, the dullness of my mind participation in self entertainment/stimulation, no matter what form that self entertainment is, may it be political, environmental, or just plain myself and my life, my relationships, my shit essentially. 

I once explained to someone, we are all born the same, we are of the essence of life, we are the same in the substance as life, we always have access to this life that is HERE, we do not lose it, we simply keep pulling curtains over it, as we know it is right there/here, It is actually so easy to be silent, to stop, to be with self and to be here, dropping everything within self, yet the mind as stated before, loves complications, and as much as you would like a complicated answer and method to transcend life, it does not exist, it only exist in the mind, that is what is complicated. The same way the system we live in reflects how we live within, it has complicated systems that creates complicated problems so that the people/self that wants control have enough complications to hide behind, what do you hide? Your own corruption and the things you get away with, the shit you want to get away with, just like how people in power and normal tax payers get away with shit, by using and implementing a complicated system, if it was simple, then well you are fucked and can not hide shit. simple as that. Oh yes, I am over simplifying everything in this post, a great argument for not changing and seeing directly what is here and requires change as SELF and so as the system. 

Where is the blog post going? at this point it is getting complicated, because that way the value seems more, just like how we like to over complicate everything in this world to give it value, losing the inherent value everything has as LIFE substance, within which we are all equal regardless of anything else. Stock markets? how money works? look it is made so complicated, and only if you LEARN to understand it do you have value and get equal value back, apparently, but that's also just a scam like this system over all, so if you can not deceive and manipulate and learn to fuck others over, you do not have value as a human, just look at how simple you are, just a gardener or a sewage cleaner, or waste remover, your value is nothing right?

Simplicity is seeing that health is not in the hospitals you have and the amount of doctors you have that specializes in everything, it is to see a healthy EARTH and thus food, water and air prevents all of that from being necessary to a HIGH degree, and obviously ALL life to have equal access to the resources instead of fighting, killing and murdering each other for it = SHARE and CARE, and taking care of the earth is pretty simple, as it works naturally with itself and everything on it, unlike us humans. We have already over complicated EVERYTHING, just like we do with our very selves, our relationships, everything personal and in the greater picture.

Back to the point, take a look, you most probably have had that moment or moments in your life, where you are, not experiencing BLISS, that is a fuckup too, but you are experiencing YOURSELF as all life, here directive as self in each moment/breath, where you SEE yourself change, where you SEE the best version of YOU in who you are in a moment within what is here as life is here currently to bring about a best version of life as you do for YOURSELF considering all life, then you fuck it up in a few minutes, right after that, like because you could see it, it is too good to be true, it can not be that simple, yet you KNOW, so you turn away, you move away, you go back to the old habits, and sometimes even diminish yourself even more, put yourself back in "your place" even more, you do not deserve to change and be your best version as you keep lying to yourself and selling yourself false images and likenesses, and so we can always wonder why the world and the earth is not achieving it's best version, we keep screaming, we keep yelling, we keep wondering, why is everything getting worse, we can sell ourselves the tickets that this ride is getting worse to getting better, but ask yourself, when you see the BEST version of you in a here moment, the breathe moment, do you BREATHE and stand up and walk as that version and do not accept anything less than that?

Regardless of what is required of you to walk through, to changing in your LIVING as your habits and patterns, you do it because YOU believe in your self as the best version of yourself? most likely not, a simple emotion that makes you feel bad, a thought, anything turns you back to the old asap, so why would the world be any different? the governments, the politicians? the system we live in? no one wants to transcend, even it it is RIGHT in our faces and we have seen it, the possibility in ourselves and so this world.

Do you live your best version? transcending YOU.

C O N T R O L

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Desire control over certain things/people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that any attempt to control others is me controlling only myself and e3nslaving myself to that control system one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear LOSING the control I believe I have, where I fear if I lose control that everything will be lost, gone, that all I have worked so hard for will be for nothing, seeing and realizing that all I fear is me and who I will be, thus I see and realize that I can choose/decide who I am no matter what happens and thus I can let go of control, allow flow, allow things to grow, allow processes to move and unfold where I am or can not directly have an impact, or say, and so focus on me my living here and directing myself as water do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that to want to control is to confirm one’s fear, thus control is a direct form of fearful living, where I will approach situations or people with control out of fear, instead of approaching people or situations simply with common sense and to be open to receive, to learn, to give, to teach equal and one where all is considered and thus no control is required.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to control things/others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that control is a coping mechanism, as to come with what is here, versus finding a real solution.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that CONTROL is a form of avoidance, where I control things in my environment as to avoid reactions, to avoid parts of myself within myself that I do not like to face, take on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to control and to be able to control something is power, not seeing and realizing that within placing control onto others/myself I enslave myself and others to a certain way things are, and so must always be in a certain MODE of control, enslaving myself to a character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that I must CHANGE myself, come to agreements and implement principle living where control becomes obsolete, renders it useless in the mind, where I live like water, water can not be controlled it will flow, rain, vaporize, it will find a way to move and direct itself to be life giving, as the principle and agreement of water is life giving and so always move to do that, nothing more and nothing less, and any imbalance within that does not require more control, as it is impossible, but rather solutions/corrections within the principle for the flow of life to be here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control the outcome of something, as I have come to believe that my way is the right way, and no one else is to be trusted, or can be trusted. THUS creating distrust and so the opposite of the desired outcome, as all control is lost through only distrust being acted on in the disguise of control. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I believe I have control over something, over people and a direction within how things are moving, to feel powerful, to feel like things are getting done, to feel that things are finally moving forward, only to find out that control is a moment, and eventually the truth comes to the surface that control is not possible, and so go into a polarity of I am failing, everything is falling backwards, nothing is working out, and so within that lose control within me and my direction, as I find it was a house of cards built upon illusions as control.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to misdirect control as to create the illusion of change only to maintain control, only postpone the inevitable, only prolong the process of LIFE that needs to flow, that needs to move, and only through allowing the water to flow and to reach it’s destination, it must be let lose, as it will become swampy, contaminated if it only sits still in the same pond, not moving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of self-control and to let myself live, to be. To express without fear of what others will think of me or how they will judge me, and so allow my waters to flow, to grow to find their ways to HERE, to stop controlling me to be a certain way in fear of what others will think, as I see and realize it is about me and my living, who I am and allowing myself to see myself, especially when I move, when my waters move, when I can grow and give as I have received as water does and do.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that living by the principle of what is best for all life in all ways naturally renders control useless, as principle living is who I am, and thus I do not have to control who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to flow, to move, to grow and to focus on myself, to let my self-control go, my moralities, to trust my principle in living as water trust itself to be water, life giving, and therefore no control needed, not a one way or a certain way, I must be the way as the movement as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone comes to challenge me, what I am doing, or parts of me, to immediately move into control, to control the situation, instead of allowing it to flow all the way, to flush out the waters that isn't needed, to trust the moment that is challenging me to stir the waters to remove any impurities, and so seeing that in such moment I must breathe, I must focus on what is presented within me, find the reactions that want to push me to control, let them go, let the new in and let it flow, I see and realize in such moment I must breathe and stand by my principle, no need to think, hold within me, what is best for all and thus myself with the new information presented within what is here as life, what works, what is best, and move with that based on principle, not personal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort in the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the wind blowing against me, pushing me freely around as a dance to be my expression, but to rather be fighting the winds, not wanting to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR letting go of what I define as the BEST way that I see, or that was given to me a certain way to do a certain something, in the fear of taking the long way, the wrong way or going through unnecessary processes and learning experiences to only come at the same point again given to me, and thus going into control, where I control myself to NOT flow, to not move, to not grow, to now TRUST myself as the WAY given to me as a living expression in who I am in all ways, as water does, water does not change no matter where it goes, water remains water, and water will go through anything and everything, around, under, above, through as it is THE way and it remains life giving in all ways, even when they way physically changes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe letting go is giving up.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let GO of what can be let go of, as a point of allowing myself to flow, to open up space as to move and be HERE, more effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Letting go of what I can see is not necessary, that I am simply holding onto for the sake of control, the illusion of power and the fear of experiencing myself different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear different things, to fear different sides of myself, to fear what I do know is suppressed and hidden within me, and know I have been controlling things in the attempt to avoid them, where I see control as the only way, yet knowing I cna take a pen and paper, or a blog and write, forgive myself, investigate the point to remove fear, to allow myself to move forward anew.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HIDE myself, parts of myself through controlling myself.

......