Day 563 - Hating to be around People/humans

Ok, so I must admit, I do not enjoy being around other people, that’s just me being honest – OH wait, Honesty is actually me lying to myself, because when I really look at it, I do not hate being around other people, I must now really get to being self-honest with myself, to dig deeper than that feeling I am hiding behind and keep using as excuses and reasons and justification for why I am the way I am, OH yes, being self-honest is looking beyond those comforting points, if you dare you might have a moments scare, but I am telling you that if you push through to being self-honest, to look beyond the feelings and emotions and thoughts and to see what is really the issue here. It comes back to MYSELF always.

So I have an experience inside of MYSELF when I am around other people, that is the first indication, the feeling/emotions/experience is within me, my thoughts are keeping it there in place, and some random memory that I have no clue of is running in the back ground where I defined myself within a certain moment within around people/humans in the past that is now still playing out in the present. So what is it that I have created within me as not liking and thus hating about being around other human beings? Answering those questions for myself, I will find that it will reveal points within me that I have separated myself from and thus created friction within my reality, which started first within me. So let’s dig in with Self forgiveness to get to see creation being undone as what isn’t best for all including myself in action and re-birthing self as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed This HATE to just exist within me when and as I am around other people, seeing it as normal and just as who I am naturally.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question this “natural me” that I have been living for a long time as not liking and thus hating being around other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this “not liking” and thus hating being around other human being about other human beings instead of taking the point back to myself and to see who I am within being around other human beings that create this hate within me of being around them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from other human beings within myself as being so different and not the same, that when I am around other human being I am in a constant state of denial and separation, which I know is me not standing one and equal as others and to face myself as others and thus I create a friction within me of hating other human beings for what they are showing of me to myself that exist within this world that I must equally take self-responsibility for within myself as all life, to truly be able to stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that me hating being around other human beings is me hating myself as who I am around other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my inner conflicts and mind bullshit onto other human beings, no matter how bad or shit other humans may be, what I am experiencing within myself as judgment and gossip is what is making human beings shit and bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am around other people to not want to hear them gossip and talk about other people as it tires me out and becomes a burden within me to have to listen to this. Not seeing and realizing that when and as I am listening to other human gossiping or talking about other people that I am in my mind doing exactly the same thing as what I am judging them for, thus I am not liking who I am within such a situation.

I commit myself to when and as I am around other people that gossip and talk about other people To stop any form of judgment within me toward them and what they are doing and to breathe an focus on being here as the correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to how people talk about other people in the open or in secret towards me or with others and to within this reaction that I have not like myself and thus not like giving away my authority as Breath to stand as the solution and thus to not like myself being around other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am around other people and their behavior is that of the mind, which is sexual, degrading, or very blunt with what is going on in their mind within their behavior, to feel intimidated as I have judged them within my mind as less than me and as not ‘decent” human beings – where I gossip in my mind and placing myself above them, where their behavior is attempting to bring me down within my mind, seeing and realizing that this is me separating myself from the accepted and allowed nature of the human within myself where I have sunned away those parts within myself and thus have not yet dealt with myself as who I am as that behavior to effectively direct and deal with others within such a behavior and thus create the idea/belief that I hate being around other people/humans as a way to hide from that part of myself that I must still stand one and equal to as myself.

I commit myself to when and as I am within a situation where people are within behaviors that I have judged as not decent and that isn’t nice, to take such a moment and to stop the point within me as separation, to now not participate but to take the points of reactions I see and to see why I react, to realize that they are showing me a part of me that I can now challenge within myself to forgive and to stand from within and to live as the correction where I enable myself to also help others to correct themselves as I live it for myself, to stop all judgment and to actually take on myself as all life that is here one and equal.

Day 472 - Anxiety before Interactions on topics

Why do I have anxiety just before I interact with another being, to be more specific, a stranger? And to be even more specific. When I am interacting with a stranger about a specific topic.

The answer is simple – now they self, and within this specific topic I can say that if one does not know oneself then there are some parts of self that one is leaving up to random events to direct, this direction will come from the input from others and what feelings/emotions/reaction the input is creating and then one will react on that – and this is the part of self that self-know about and that have an anxiety about it.

Why does this exist, yet again simple and direct, because if it is topic related and one is proclaiming a stance within the certain topic and one isn’t fully informed on the topic one is proclaiming a certain stance within, then one will always be anxious talking to others about it because it’s a defense mode, where one is already in the expectation of having to face self within a certain question that might come up and then not standing within and as the stance one is proclaiming within the certain topic.

If that isn’t simple and direct enough – here is another explanation – if you are a Christian or a Car sales man or a waiter or if you are whatever you claim and you are standing as such a point, But you have not investigated and researched and explored and red everything and anything you can about it and all that consists of it in self-honesty and common sense, then you will always be anxious before talking to a stranger on the topic at hand as you know you are standing as something but are not living it in fact as the facts.

This counts for anything in life – preaching and speaking does not mean anything, as long as there are anxiety it is revealing a pattern of self, the pattern is created specifically to avoid the areas in one’s life that one has not perfected yet, the anxiety is a mechanism that self has put into place to generate fear as to jump-start the pattern that has worked successfully as a COPING mechanism, if one is in fact living the certain topic at hand, no coping mechanism is required as it is who you are as a living example, in the facts.

So what have I come to do for myself – with everything I am currently participating within my life, where ever I see I am within anxiety – I stop myself and I realize I am not going into a pattern, I take a breather to look at the pattern and what it is – I find the point for why I created the specific pattern in the moment, I forgive myself and I correct myself, I do this till I see there is no more anxiety.

There are layers of this and one has to be patient and slowing down is a key.

So now I can take this a more recent event – I am a friend to many families, helping them within their lives with and giving families the opportunity of a life time, so I am in a family’s home, there is NO anxiety because I am one hundred percent certain of what I do as I have been doing it for a long time, not helping families, but what I am presenting to them I have used and done myself WAY before I ever entered a home, so I know I have lived it and I have seen the result and I am still living it, so I am not preaching, I am sharing I am giving them facts and result and I am enjoying it, but as I go on within helping the families, I will face one moment of anxiety, the anxiety might come just before finances are discussed.

This is already giving me an indication that I am falling into a pattern, the pattern is revealed through the anxiety being like a red light going off, showing a weakness within me.

My weakness is that ALL my life I have helped people in my life for free – with extreme points in other peoples live, never expecting anything, so I am not obviously a grown man with my own family, and now Like the system demands I have to have money, I took my passion for helping people into making it my LIFE, but now I have to ask for money in return because I need bread on the table and to take care of my family.

But my weakness if Feeling bad when I ask for money for my service and product, because in my heart I feel it must be for free, yet nothing in this world is for free, otherwise I would be a beggar with my family on the street helping no one.

Now I feel insecure about working with finances with a family within helping the family, and thus when It comes to the point of money I am anxious, as I know I am going to present the finance part as being a “dislike” and thus they will also dislike it and end up saying they LOVE it but will not take it.
Thus here I got anxious and communicated in anxiety to the people, and thus I fell into the same pattern and made the same mistake, because I am not yet LIVING the money part as me as being comfortable within me

Thus it’s a weakness of mine that I need to work on and make it strength for example. So how do I do this, as you can see the help I am presenting to the family I am way confident and comfortable with because I have in fact lived it and done it myself, before ever presenting it to anyone else, But the one part I have never done before is still the anxiety part, a weakness, I have not yet lived it and expressed it as me as fact as the other part.

And how do I get to doing it, through ding it, and making mistakes as soon as possible so that I can find my point of expression and live it, fearing making the mistakes to learn is a waste of time, because the mistake will bring forth what one needs to learn and learn it and then LIVE it. Become one with it. But the anxiety will make one run and hide from making such simple decisions of doing/living and learning and correcting and thus perfecting.

Day 470 – Meeting new people Part 1

I have met dozens of families in the past few months, within this time and within meeting all these new and different people, I have noticed a very interesting point within myself.

When I meet new people they are literally new to me, they have never seen me or hear of me or have any idea about who I am. Yet when I meet these new people I am presenting my “old” self to them.

The interesting point is that within me meeting so many people that does not know me yet, I have the opportunity in each and every meeting to change myself, to be my better self, to be who I can be.

They do not have a preconceived judgment or idea about me, unlike everyone that already knows me and see me through a preconceived idea/belief/judgment – which is created through me and how I present myself and my presence and how I carry that with me in each and every moment – which is my own acceptance and allowance.

So why with so many opportunities with so many new people do I accept and allow myself to present and stand within and as myself as who I am as the lesser me, as my own judgments and ideas and beliefs, when I in fact have NOTHING within these new opportunities that tell me I must keep these judgments and beliefs and ideas about myself, the people I am meeting have no way of knowing how I have judged myself yet or not and keeping me to it.

Interesting that I mention “others keeping me to it” – I have this “feeling” that when I am around people that do know me that I have to be a certain me, that I must live within a certain presence around these people that they accept and allow, the person that they know, no matter how self-sabotaging it is or if it is a lesser me so to say, I always do it for the sake of being accepted and allowed to LIVE lol, yet it is clearly me acceptance and allowance as I am deliberately doing it knowing the game or the face I have on or am playing.

So now I take this with me when I meet new people, instead of using it as an opportunity to be myself.

Day 432 – Children starve to death every day Part 1

                                                            LIVING INCOME . ME

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I am not responsible for the thousands of children starving daily and dying of starvation daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make it my problem that thousands of children are starving daily and dying of starvation daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am separate and different from the children starving daily and dying of starvation daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that the Thousands of children starving daily and dying of starvation daily isn’t my problem just because I am not affected by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that as long as my life is okay then the thousands of children starving and dying of starvation daily isn’t a problem, JUST because I am still okay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that this makes me a psychopath in fact – where I can accept and allow the suffering and Murder of children on a daily basis where it is obviously preventable and does not have to exist for anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it difficult to see the connection between me being responsible for a child dying of starvation and how I am living my Life – seeing and realizing how I have separated myself from LIFE and how things in fact work and function as a whole on this one planet and that we are all one and equal in the substance we all are made of and one in how we function.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny even the possibility that I am in fact connected and one with everything that is here and how everything functions on earth and within the physical reality as a mathematical equation we all can apply and check for ourselves and thus that I am in fact responsible for the thousands of children dying each and every day of starvation which is a most basic need not met and that is most possible preventable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not even give it the slightest effort to investigate how I am responsible for a child dying of starvation in another country and how I can become a solution instead and to create a world where not one child will ever die of something as preventable as starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to MAKE my life too busy with everything that is irrelevant and not important in life and call it living while children are dying from one of the most BASIC needs not being met for them as one of the most preventable things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ENJOY a life of ignorance and bliss as a deliberate way of ignoring the problems that exist and not facing these problems as a co-creator on earth and fixing it and bringing about a world that is best for all and doing onto another as I would like to be done onto – just so that I can have fun while Billions suffer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the problems on earth such as children dying of starvation on a daily basis will simply sort itself out.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to TRUST that the system I live in and participate within has assigned highly intelligent people to sort out the problems on earth such as starvation/poverty/famine/war – and to use this Blindly trusting point to justify my actions of self-interest and greed as my sorted out life where all is just good, and for me – NOT seeing and realizing that it is these so called intelligent people that has created the system that is here where all these monstrosities exist and that they have been in charge for many many many years and yet things are only getting worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility as a co-creator on earth and what exist here though my direct and indirect participation as that which I accept and allow through saying – it’s okay there are people who have studies and who have degrees and who have the brains to sort the things out for me/us/our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to MAKE it so fucking inconvenient for myself to take self-responsibility and to take practical steps of self-corrections and to really start self-investigation and investigating what is here and how I can as one man/women as one vote make a difference with my fellow man and to bring about a world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the shit we are in as a whole as the humans on earth, when I see a child dying of starvation or hear about it on TV to not even have the slightest care in the world and just watch it like it is a movie and as if the child was just something dying, and now imagining that everyone is like this, what monsters we are to even allow ONE child to die as a whole of something such as starvation and not yet to mention ALL the other horrible monstrous things existing on this planet through human creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make being popular more important then what really matters on earth such as bring about a world that is best for all life and to not stop till it is so in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make looking good and having lots of parties and wearing the right cloths and being a perfect robot more important then what really matters here on earth as the Physical, as that which we cannot live without as LIFE as earth as the animals as the air we breathe and having a planet where NO abuse exist that is preventable in all ways.

To be continued.

Happy New Year readers.