When the Failure Character takes over - application to correction is the way forward - Day 597

Self-correction takes one moment in self-directed movement to apply and live. This is an act of self-forgiveness if it is done within self-directed movement, not based on how you feel, it is to move and direct self regardless of how one feels and to breathe and move forward.

About a Month ago I started a 21 day challenge of writing Self-forgiveness in my blogs. I failed.
My failure did not come as me saying, Ok I am not doing it today, or I do not feel like doing it today, in fact it was my “desire” to write my blog for that day. Due to circumstances, I had no laptop, no internet and I was in a completely different environment the day I broke this challenge.

The Feeling of failure and disappointment came over me the following day, for not completing this challenge. I felt that I have not only failed me but everyone else that was following this challenge of mine, and even some that joined in on the same challenge.

I did not write a Blog that following day either, due to me still being in this different environment and having NO laptop, no internet, and I stayed at this different place for a week. I saw no possible way for me to continue with the challenge, I had my phone with me and some shared wifi at times.

After the week was over and already seven days of no writing happened, the judgement of failure has taken over to such an extent that I did not even feel like writing anymore, I felt that it was a waste of time now to continue with this challenge, the point of the challenge was missed, I had two options, starting over or not continue the challenge at all.

Then, another week passed, and I have done nothing. I have succumbed to my experience of failure, in fact I have now been living this failure, this failure has now become a norm, I have accepted and allowed it to exist as me, as who I am within this challenge, this point. Not only did it effect my writing, the challenge, I started seeing this point of failure coming through in all parts of my life, a sort of depression, giving up on things, and feeling like just not continuing doing what I have done in terms of writing, social media, showing my face, speaking out, placing my words, and standing openly, because of one point of failure, that I have judged instead of forgiving myself and starting over, has now effected all parts of life, without even noticing. It became normal actions, as it my life was changing naturally into that of a failure.

This is why I write today, because this is my actions of forgiving myself and letting go of what the mind took advantage of and directed my reality, and the real power lies within action/living, not thinking and festering within the mind on what happened, what was, who is judging me, me judging me, and getting lost in an alternate reality.

I expected forgiveness from others, I expected others to understand my situation, I expected approval from others to start over, that it is okay, Yet it never came, so I waited, one week after the other, and then another week more, no one was giving me the thumbs up to start over, only I had that power and authority, no matter how bad I have judged my failure, I must stop and forgive and start over for myself.

So I will from Monday/Tomorrow start over with my 21 days challenge of writing self-forgiveness and I will myself to walk this point for myself.

Day 560 – Good day Racism

Today I had an interesting moment, I went to visit a family and to help their children within Education in a town that is quite far away and in the middle of nowhere, well the middle of nowhere for me.

After my appointment which lasted a couple of hours, I was thirsty and hungry, so I went to stop at the “mall” if that is what we can call this place I stopped at.

There were a couple of shops and restaurants. I went to the shop and ordered myself a small Pizza and something to drink, the lady at the counter said that it will take about 15min before the pizza is ready. So I decided to go for a walk.

Now, just to give you a bit more of picture of where I am, about 99.99% of all the people in this town aren’t white people, predominantly black.

Since I have walked my Desteni Process for many years now, I inside of myself have no thoughts, no back chat or any kind of movement within me of “I am white” or “they are Black” – all I have inside of me when I am among humans is that we are all humans, here. Obviously through a lot of Self forgiveness and breathing I was able to remove pre-programming and brainwashing that forms voices and shit in our head that apparently we have to fear one another due to some differences.

So here I am walking, not even halfway into my walk I already had two people coming to me and say “ sir, white man, I want some food, some money” and I wasn’t even the person that looked like I have money, compared to the other people there, but because I am white I am asked as the one guy told me to face - I breathed and I stopped any thought or emotion in the one breathe and I looked at the perosn and said, sorry, I have nothing for you, we must fix this system for everyone to always have money (investigate livingincome.me) , but it does not occur to me in my conversations with people that they are black or white or brown and I am white, to me it is always simple, what is this person saying/doing, and not what is this “race” saying and doing in relation to me as my race– and I didn’t have anything to give them.

So in the crowds of people someone is suddenly waving at me, a person that is coming towards my direction, I took a look and I saw this person is giving me a smile and a wave, like he knows me, for a split second I picked my hand up to wave back, but then it clicked, this guy is white and he is waving at me ONLY because I am white (we were the only two white people there, so how obvious was this wave?)– so I did not pick up my hand fully to wave at him, Because I saw in that moment how racist it is what he was doing, he was literally only greeting me, and only because I am white, I didn’t see him greet anyone else the same way, and I certainly haven’t been waiving at every single person around me just to be friendly, so how would this have looked like If I waved at this total stranger just because he is white, but I am not doing the same for any of the other people around me, so I once again took a breath, I saw what me waving back would have supported within this persona nd thus within this world, such a small innocent act.

It was fascinating to witness and live this moment and who I am within it, because waving back, and especially in the way and manner of how this guy did it, like he waved at me as if he was seeing an old friend, a family member even and that because this friend, family member is here he can feel saver and not alone, which showed me that he has been living his life in complete separation of all the other human beings that surrounds him and only connecting with his own color of people, I mean that’s a limitation anyone places on themselves, if you are going to be racist your world is very tiny and lonely.
So I corrected myself, I did not wave back in support of this persons stance within society and what he is living out, I promoted equality in the living flesh, the correction, not identifying myself with anyone as their mind’s as who is what and how, and to equalize all humans within me as beings. This way I find it is much easier to breathe and to fucking chill, it is like if you remove yourself from this ridiculous racial bullshit that goes on in this world, inside of yourself, then there is no side one must pick to stand by, there is not “race” that one must support or not just because of the race factor of color and a few physical differences.

But, common sense is still required – even though I stop any racism within me, any discrimination's within me, it does not make it so for others and what they have accepted and allowing within themselves, but stopping it within me I have seen how much less I am prone to the bullshit fights and discord that takes place in the line of racism. Because your behavior changes, your internal reality is what everyone sees, the secret bullshit that goes on within any person is what is being seen on the body as the expressions, no matter how much one pretend, micro expressions gives it all away, the physical communicates with all its parts here as life all the time and that communication is happening on a secret level that only the physical can read and understand, so there is NO point in pretending to not be a racist – keep it simple and real and actually STOP your back-chat, your fucking gossip about others inside of yourself and what you spew out to other people, and get real with what is here as Life and resonate that.