Day 553 – Bernard’s Death and what I supressed, out now

This blog might come as random, maybe it has been in the thoughts of many – so I am just sharing for the sake of sharing and information. 

I have to share the following story which I have been denying and suppressing for a long time, since Bernard Poolmans death back in 2013.

I am writing this to get it out in the open, it isn’t a secret or something to hide or to be shy about. In fact I see it as a strengthening point, a self-empowering point. As I have never shared this with anyone except my partner, but only about 2 months ago, when it came pouring out of me as a long term suppression and a denial. I also resisted looking at this point and admitting that it has in deed affected me, and what we resist persist. So let me begin sharing.

How much I have placed on Bernard, only revealed after his death.

I was eighteen years old when my Father brought me to the Desteni farm to work here and to do Process, due to my parents being long term friends with Bernard Poolman and we/I was familiar with process, and I specifically wanted to come to join and walk my process and be part of changing this world, but first I had to and still have to walk a very long process while bringing solutions to this world (all at the same times) – where Desteni in itself is the solution really.

So at 18 years of age, quite a young age, and I must admit not very mature, even after many years of education in the system, surprisingly no real maturity took place, just ego. (Which I am only now able to see), I came to the farm. BUT, even before I lived on the farm I always saw Bernard throughout my life as a mentor, as someone I really looked up to, I deeply respected Bernard and saw him as my Teacher in everything and anything, from whom I will learn and listen and apply and change and take advise and with whom I could ask anything and share anything and the advice would always be exactly what I needed, not what I wanted per say, but it changed my life, it changed everything about me, the fabric of my beingness changed, my thinking lessened, and my living and doing and common sense expanded, I actually matured. This was all on a personal level and within a personal capacity.

Bernard always had direction, no matter what, Bernard always moved things, he always had a goal and nothing will stop him from reaching that goal, which was clear in each and every breath he took – creating heaven on earth for all living beings, all life. Within This Bernard focused on people, because he truly as himself understood that people are the system, people are the ones that must change, people are the ones that must bring change, and within focusing on people Bernard pushed people into directions for world change, change that would be best for all life, and how he pushed people, how he guided people, how he did those things were amazing, we had so many global points opening up and emerging within a year and a half since the farm started, we had courses, we had interviews/videos/vlogs/articles/blogs, we had new ways for politics and economics, we had set up multiple websites and we were moving like a rocket, we were growing, we were reaching people and we were really getting out there.

At the same time, we had dozens of people from all over the world visiting the farm, we had so much fun and really awesome discussions, we were talking and socializing and we were learning human nature, we were building/gardening and cleaning up, taking care of the land and nature and using our hands and learning to breath and be HERE and support one another, and we were learning a new way of LIFE that is possible for all right here on the Desteni Farm and thus the world if only we dared, Bernard showed so many people what could be possible, what life for all could be, as heaven on earth, obviously after we all worked with each other on points and possessions and limitations and pushing through the matrixes of the mind consciousness system, which isn’t always nice, but afterwards it is, as we walk self-forgiveness and forgiveness.

Things were looking great, even though we had haters/trolls, which are the first signs of success/succeeding – as they say jealousy is nasty, even though some of them were hired to deliberately sabotage us, which showed our effectiveness, fear is always the weapon of mass destruction - divide and conquer. We had system attacks and we walked through those quite nicely, newspapers attacking us, people attacking us, it always felt like the universe being re-aligned, which is what was happening - Obviously with Bernard in the front line.

We were already looking at expanding Desteni, getting bigger facilities and getting more people within the Desteni group to come over and do research and development, to implement systems and to test them out, where we could take the science currently in this world that is bias and actually do the tests ourselves and have unbiased results that is best for all life, where we would test out self-sustainability commuinty living, off the grid for real and real time, where we could take social science and psychology and everything that needs to be researched and to find solutions to, to bring about real actual change in this world – real time after people have walked the courses first, specifically the how’s and whys and where’s etc, but only with Desteni can we find real solutions as it is always done from the starting point of what is best for all life, not about who is right or who is wrong, who can make money and who won’t, we had support and support was coming in/growing (during those times) - and yet again, relying on Bernard.

Bernard’s presence removed fear and always embraced that point of you can believe in yourself, you can do this, confidence, in a much grounded real practical no bullshit way.

For years, Bernard told me over and over, I want you right next to me, not in front of me or behind me, right next to me walking equally, I do not want followers, if you are a follower, then you can go find yourself a positive thinking group or a spiritual group, or a guru, or a religion.
Then Bernard Died.

Desteni is failing, we are not going to make it anymore, everyone is going to scatter, and people will be back on the fence sitting, these were my first thoughts and that continued for a while after Bernard's death, with visitors on the farm and thousands of people out there in the world that was kind of just following Bernard in the back ground (those that never showed their faces or stood with openly), without Bernard it is like losing the head, because the first response of Bernard’s Death was fear instead of walking equally next to him, I admit I was following, yet trying/attempting to walk next to Bernard, but it was so much more convenient to just let someone else do it, to not have to stand as that absolute point without choice, without having excuses and reasons to only do it half way. (obviously over time the opposite of what was happening in my mind took place physically, Desteni is standing strong because of the people that are actually walking their process and standing by principle, which proves what is real over time)

So for the past 2 years since Bernard’s death, there has been an ominous feeling within me, a resonant point of everyone is seeking that confidence, that trust, that drive, the direction and movement that Bernard had, that he created as himself, that push and trusting that push, the common sense and self-honesty, and where one can always see and cross reference within everything Bernard said and do and that is was aligned within what is best for all life, as It always included and considered all life – but it just wasn't there without Bernard. it was US, we all had to find our feet and everything Bernard stood as and did as ourselves.

 Almost 8 years ago, I was asked if I am willing to give up my life for the purpose of bringing forth equality and oneness, this meant committing myself to the Farm/Desteni 100%, and that there will be NO future for me in the system, as this is and will be the only way to push and do what is required to be done to bring forth actual change, as the farm is the central point, the volcano of the Desteni message, The home base for all Destonians that has proven and shown their commitment, to come and to unplug for a while, and to push their process a bit further with each visit, and to take part in all the activities and see what it means to live as a Destonian in each moment, to learn from one another, exchange skills and abilities, to take that back home as a upgrade so to say, or enhance, where questions can be answered and lovely discussions can take place. And obviously where we develop programs/course and do research real time if resources allow us and the websites and the home of the portal, and where most of the support comes form to all the people out there and which is expected to become much more in the near future (2016 onward), this means working with people one on one in chats, their assignments, daily support and assistance (which takes hours) where we in the future with a bigger farm will start, and first of all, be able to do so much more, the more the support is for Desteni, and thus need more people here at home base to do the things. BUt again, we were hopeing Bernard would be here to take care of it all.

So after Bernard gave me the layout of what’s involved within committing myself to living/working and creating on the Desteni farm, and I agreed and committed myself – it was all done within the Idea that Bernard will be here till this is done, till we have created all the amazing and awesome future points that we were busy laying out and developing to change this world, to implement the points, to push the points, to get it done and moving.

Plus, my partner and I were expecting a baby, really planting ourselves into the Desteni farm as a full on commitment and that this will be done, this will work out, there is no failure possible, because we have Bernard, or now it is a “had Bernard”.

So here was (2 years ago after Bernard death) – a child coming, I put my everything in the committing of myself to do this till it is done by giving up all and any possible future in the system, safety/security – as my life literally depends on the self-honesty of others, how they walk their process and of course how the group grows, which is all kind of scary without Bernard. (2 years ago feeling)

So I have seen the death of Bernard as a failure, to an extent I have failed, I didn’t walk one and equal next to Bernard, I was always one foot behind him deliberately, I didn’t give myself that chance, I didn’t stand up from the comfort zone, I didn’t push through my insecurities and my limitations and I allowed thoughts and the mind to be my director, my story writer, while Bernard was here, and for this Bernard had to remove himself to literally live by what he stood as – oneness and equality, always doing what is best for all life, and because most if not everyone was following, he had to remove himself/die – and once Bernard died – I had to step out of all those things I was holding onto and till today I am still pushing through them all and standing, and the commitment never changed. I will stand and do this till it is done, even if I am still figuring things out, I stand by Principle, by what is Bets for all life in all ways . Bernard made it very clear to me, what it will mean to commit myself Full time on the Desteni farm, and I made this decision from within me as myself and I never once blamed Bernard or ever held anything against him. I can only thank him and keep moving forward.

It was like, the Plan died and those that were building and making the plan real in different parts of the same plan was left behind, and now all the parts have to come together and see what was the plan, the big plan that Bernard had, and I am only now realizing that the big plans has always been here, we simply had to stand up and move it as ourselves and to even change and create more ways, which we are obviously doing currently. but I find it supportive to see what I have placed on Bernard and to take it back to myself. to equalize myself and start standing, moving, directing.

 I must however apply self-forgiveness and take back my self-responsibility for all the things I placed on Bernard as what needed and as going to be done, so that I can take full force on what is HERE and push and direct it as myself working with what is HERE and letting go of the past.
Next Up – self forgiveness on ALL the relevant point.

Day 452 – One Year later since Bernard Poolman’s Death

Wow, a year flies by like it was nothing, yet so much has happened in the past year since Bernard Poolman’s death. 

I am writing this blog tonight because this is the night a year ago that we all at the farm found out that Bernard just passed, and what a massive change this brought to the lives of all Destonians, all those that has been walking with Desteni and the principles of LIFE, as the example that Bernard stood as for us all to see that it is in fact possible for each one to do the same, in the most simplest ways.

Bernard Poolman stood as the point of evidence that change is possible, a change that is best for all life, a change that does not change once it is in place, a change that only moves to change what isn’t best for all life YET. 

and Bernard influenced Thousands of people, only a few came forth to walk this process openly and to change to be that living example, and I can say we are all still in this process of change, where we apply daily the simple tools of writing and self-forgiveness and living the change that is best for all life practically and moving ourselves to stand as the pillars of life, till all stand as life.

I lived with Bernard Poolman for just over five years and I have known him all my life, and through knowing Bernard Poolman not as a man but as a being walking a principle absolute in each and every breathe, I can say one thing. The example that I saw every day for five years in any sudden moment was so absolute I have never seen it anywhere else.

In the past year since Bernard’s Death I have faced challenges within myself, and in my life, where I used to get a simple common sense answer that is standing within what’s best for all life to help me and to support me through the points I am faced with from Bernard, I now had to do this all by myself, I had to take self-responsibility for myself in fact and live the example, become the example. 

I have fallen and I have stood and standing, I have seen that the way forward isn’t difficult but only one breathe at a time, it is to let go of all mind and to be here physically moving, it is to be that absolute point in each moment that is always here, which is the physical and to not falter within the mind.

After one year living without Bernard on the Farm I have greatly missed him and his presence, I am realizing that I only miss Bernard as I haven’t yet embraced all that he stood as, as myself in fact.

YET after one full year without Bernard the points that he shared with me and the understanding he showed me and the directions he gave me STILL stands the same, and these are the simple points I use to push myself to change myself to move forward.

I haven’t lost sight of what I am doing and why I am doing it as it is impossible to do so having had an example such as Bernard Poolman and to have seen him daily in any circumstances and within any sudden moment remaining the same and standing solid as the example of LIFE.

We as a group are still here after one year without Bernard Poolman, because we have seen the example, it is unchangeable, many got shit scared and their application within walking the journey to life has slowed down, many had gone, and many has come, many will never know Bernard or who he was and what he in fact did/started – there will only be a few who has known him directly and who has experienced and seen the example as life walking and moving as it. 

It is a responsibility to have had this opportunity to have lived and known Bernard and it is a responsibility not to praise or promote Bernard, but to stand as that living example in fact, because we had a taste of the cake we must now keep on changing our selves till we are the same cake, till we stand in fact and be the example for others to have the same opportunity, to have a taste of the cake and live to stand equal and one with and as it. Nothing less or more.

I am eternally grateful for Bernard Poolman and for myself that I have stood and walked, and I will not stop till what is best for all life exists within and as me as who I am as a living example and within the world. This is my life style, and I cannot accept anything less than what’s best for all life.

Thank you, we are dame okay.

Bernard Poolman – My Birth Till his “Death”.

Bernard Poolman - A man who walked as an example in fact that we each are responsible for all that is here and that we are LIFE in fact, and that we all must re-birth ourselves as life one and equal, and he gave the tools of how he walked the process, he lived as an example, he stood as the Physical as life.- he started what we all Know as Desteni.org (Desteni Universe) and the Desteni that is the only Desteni for Humanity if we ever want to change and create heaven on earth. check out the Blog:

Creations Journey to Life - by Bernard poolman.

When I was told about Bernard’s Death the same morning he was declared dead on August 11 2013 at 2:50 in the morning South African time. I was Shocked, the shock was that it was unexpected and sudden, yet that’s just Bernard – that’s how I have known Bernard all my life.

Usually when something or someone died in my Life I would have so many thoughts (memories) feelings/emotions coming up, running through me and I would cry like a baby, when I heard of Bernard’s Death that morning – Nothing came up such as thoughts/feelings/emotions, yes I did have an experience of anxiety which was related to my self-interest, as what will I do now. That only lasted a few seconds as I breathed and made my decision, I do this till its done.

There was something new that I have never experienced before – it was a moment of HERE, I could see Bernard here as me, meaning as a physical expression, as Bernard has always done – he did not create memories (me more Lies) he was the living flesh and thus each moment he was living as life, and what he showed me and taught me and what he helped me with through my life and the past six years Living with Bernard on the farm, was all Physical real things, nothing Bernard did was done from a thought/feeling/emotion, it was always Physical real time interaction.

I realized in that moment how much of Bernard I have become, not Bernard as his name or as a personality as energy or as a memory, but the Living actions, the living words that he has spoken and moved as for as long as I could remember, the Living example, which is what I have learned and integrated as me from living Bernard’s example.

I have known Bernard all my life, he was friends with my parents and they were in the police together way before I was even born, after I was born we would go visit Bernard every few years, like every two/three years or so, it isn’t a lot, but every time it was unexpected and sudden.

Every time we visited Bernard our lives changed, my parents would become less strict and limited within how they were parenting us, for instance our allowances would increase, we would be able to draw on the walls and put stickers on our cupboards and get some more candy, we learned more discipline and we learned to express ourselves more in our lives, as Bernard always opened up everyone’s deception and lies and manipulations in the open for all to see, and through this exposure we could all forgive each other and realize our one and equal participation and change to that which is best/better for all, as Bernard would show us step by step how we created it and how we participated and how we do it – this is referring to before the portal opened and how Desteni process is now – yet how it all came to what it is today.

He introduced us to a whole new world so to say – aliens/ufo’s/spirituality, card readings. Crystals/chakras/tarot cards/channeling, I mean everything – we would never have expanded or considered anything else besides our own little bubbles we called living, if it wasn’t for Bernard.

Bernard would always investigate ALL the points possible when we visited him, he would really talk and ask many many question and would always go to a common sense point that is practical, he would share with us all his findings and how he found it and how he is practically living change and how he has changed and where he has changed and he would always encourage us to also change, be our potential instead of our limitations, this is how I have learned to know Bernard at a young age already.

Bernard and me and some others having some fun out on the porch

When I came to Desteni Farm in 2008 the ninth of July – I came with the purpose of learning how to live practically, how to use my hands and How to live within common sense, my Goal was to work on the farm for six months and go home.

Within the six months I was working, I had Bernard around me all the time, he was showing us/me what to do, how to do things, and most of all He SHOWED me in real time how to look at all things in common sense, something I never learned at school or home or anywhere else, to investigate things for myself real time, in a way that the common sense can be applied everywhere and not just within that which he is showing me in that moment, because Bernard would show me why I have to Bolt a roof raft to the pole instead of just hammering it in with a nail, he would give me all the dimensions and consequential outflows of not doing it within common sense, when common sense is in consideration of all things and that always include all things and that is the Obvious. Yet we miss the obvious because we live in our minds driven by alternate realities and false images, thus complicating everything that is obvious with opinions/beliefs/ideas as the ego.

Bernard was and has always been the only consistent being I have known throughout my life, when everything and everyone has changed and even me, I always knew that Bernard is a rock, and that I can ask him or go to him with anything and he would give me not the answer I wanted, but a real answer, the straight forward common sense answer and to face myself self-honestly where I am left with making decisions.

I knew about the process long before I came to the farm, yet I did not want to walk it, but through Bernard’s words and living actions as a living example in each breath and never changing and being so damn consistent, I could not deny what was here any longer, the common sense is - that I have to walk this process for myself, That I must re-birth myself as life, and Bernard unconditionally – even when I wasn’t doing process consciously – he did not and never accepted me as less then what he knew my true potential to be, that I could not even see, till he showed me and till I have lived it for myself.

I have learned so much from Bernard it is impossible to place it all on paper or in this blog, Bernard has done so much for me it is impossible to do all that here on paper as well. I am giving living examples and that is all I can do - and now I have realized, it is my time to walk and to do the same, as what Bernard has done for me for the past six years and since I can remember him, he did not ask anything in return but that I make the decision to walk or not and to live by that decision and to honor that decision to the end, and I am walking as Life, I have never said thank you to Bernard or given him a Hug, I always wanted to, yet I held back.

Bernard once stood outside my room, as I walked out he asked what’s up?, I said: nothing much, he then lifted his arms up and he took a deep breath, he placed his fingers into a fist firmly and he held himself Big and tall, and he said: I am the Universe – he called me to stand next to him, he said now do that: I am the Universe, I lifted my arms and I took a deep breath and I said: I am the Universe, I laughed and it was funny for me, he then said, do this till you in fact stand as the Universe.

Thank you Bernard, I walk, I stand, I re-birth myself as life so that I as You, as the living example, can show that it is all possible for all of us to walk as one and equals and stand in fact as the Universe. Time to stand and live by principle and to walk till this is done.