Day 570 – Accepting the Positive but not the negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in a moment when I feel good, when I feel like everything is going in the right direction and things are looking bright, to within this feeling/experience lose sight of what is here, where I go into the experience of Bliss and ignorance to reality, within what exist within me and within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is okay to be in a positive/feeling experience as long as it isn’t bad, as long as I am feeling good, the world is okay, my world is okay, and so when I go into the positive feelings within me to create a polarity of negative through the ignorance and Bliss to reality, thus missing what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the positive experience of everything is Good, I Feel good and thus things are good within me and with this world, not seeing and realizing the obvious self-deception, as I know who I am and what exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make positive experiences/feeling within me okay, and yet condemn the negative just because of how each one makes me feel, seeing and realizing that the mind uses energy, no matter if it is good or positive, to enslave us in the mind, as I can see within myself for myself that when I am within a negative or positive experience/feeling I am within the mind, I am trapped and enslaved within energy and thus within my patterns/programs/behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only Move and direct myself when I feel positive, when I feel good, and to within this acceptance and allowance give away my authority as myself to move and direct myself in any moment and to rely on only good and positive moments to direct and move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as being positive as just being that, being positive, instead of seeing it for what it is which is energy, which is the same in feelings negative or positive, and thus when I am within any mood/experience if it’s positive or negative I see it for what it is, which is energy, which is of the mind, and within understanding the mind which functions only on energy and thus enslaving the body/person to patterns/habits/behaviors not matter what feeling or emotion it creates within a person/myself – thus I stop any energy that is designed within polarity thus follows pre-programmed designs of patterns/habits/behaviors that isn’t best for me either way, as it is always set within terms and conditions of limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the game of chasing positive experience/feelings, which only confirms my actual experience of myself which is negative, why else would I seek positive then?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a negative experience/emotional state of myself and to within this acceptance and allowance of me as being negative/bad/sinful always being trapped in the seeking of the positive and thus my life consists of me always only seeking positive, and that is all life will be and can be to me as long as I accept and allow this way of existence of polarities.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I wake up, and if the first things I think about in the morning is negative or positive, that the rest of my day will not be about me LIVING but about me seeing the other polarity or seeking to get out of the other polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it normal as who I am to live within a polarity construct day in and day out and so it continues till death, and within accepting and allowing it as normal I am not seeing, realizing and understanding fully that that is all my live can be, a polarity game, and thus when I die, I will die as existing as nothing more of less than just a polarity and I never actually lived, as I, as who I am without a polarity design is nowhere to be found, as I have defined myself according polarities which is simply energy that comes and go, not who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is Too difficult to not live in a polarity of either negative or positive, as I haven’t yet defined myself without the polarities, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back into polarities as I have already given the polarities more authority then who I am here as Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being directionless, or not knowing what to do with myself if I do not have energy that directs me in either positive or negative and to within this fear fall into the polarity design, thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give Breathe a chance, to give life a chance, to give ME a chance and to trust that I have the authority to step out of any polarity, negative or positive, and be in breathe and to move and direct myself from there within self-honesty and common sense.

Day 562 - Going to/into the City

 when I am at home, I am more "myself" so to say, I can be relaxed and move myself accordingly. I can be aware of my breathing and my thoughts and I can stop them quite well and direct myself in moments where I am facing conflict with my internal reality and my external to equalize myself. yet when I am scheduled to go into the City and the time has arrived for me to go, there is a change within all of me, not any specific energy that I can pinpoint, but I do know it is a character that is in a way an entity takeover, so besides me changing my cloths and what I wear to go to the city, there is also a change of myself. this is obviously not trust worthy. as this is unpredictable and not me directing me in clarity within principles of Desteni/Life.

so it must be questioned and Self forgiveness must take place to change this pattern and to remove this character that is NOT for me but against me, not for LIFE or even a seed/creation of Life, but of and as the mind, the life sucking virus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity from and of survival where I make it a positive experience within myself to go to the city, to suppress the negative/fear of who I am when I am in the city.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a negative experience within myself of being in the city and who I am within the city and to within this seek out only the positive when I am in the city, thus consuming and finding entertainment and distractions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a bipolar character within who I am when and as I go to the city, as a love hate relationship and thus having both polarities as my experience towards the system that is deceptive and abuse yet have all these fun things that money only can afford and only some, and thus deceive myself within experiencing one thing and living out another. I see and realize that I can live and be in a city and at the same time be absolutely real with myself and do not need to hide anything form myself and that this will in fact empower me to take authority and be the directive principle of who I am and how I direct myself within this system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an Idea that the city is a great place to just get away from myself to lose myself in all the distractions that the system has placed so nicely for the humans to be distracted even if abuse and harm is happening all around everyone all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being brutally self-honest with myself and my participation as who I am within being in the city and to see everything for what is actually is, a mind created system to feed off of everyone. Imagine here the human batteries in the Matrix movie all stacked like in a city formation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel saver to just deceive myself within looking at a city and being in a city that there is "good" within it, because it looks beautiful and gives me good feelings and comfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not just go into the city but to also go into a character of the city.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a character without notice when and as I am going into the city.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my breathe awareness when and as I go into the city, as if the city is making me lose my breath, seeing and realizing that I am losing my focus, my awareness within going into the IDEA of the city within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into Survival mode when and as I go into the city, within the IDEA that when one is within the city that it is an all-out survival game that one must participate within to survive as an energetic experience and within ones behaviors of the body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel” as if the City is pressuring me to go into a character that fits into the city within the Idea of the City and that the city is an all-out survival game that I must take part in to survive in the city.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this Idea within my mind due to how I observe the City and what is happening within the city and to within this observation act out on what IDEA I have created and thus create a City Idea Character that takes over as I go into the City and to lose focus on my breath awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my breath and to within this give trust over to an entity that I have created to take me over through my authority of acceptance and allowance within energy as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I focus on breathing instead of on living a character of the City, that I will lose, that I will not survive and that I will be abused and harmed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the City and everything within the City as against me as Breath, as all the people, distractions and the general energy of fear and survival and to within this rather give into the distractions, energies through letting the character as the City entity take me over where Breath is shallow and barely living, taking on the zombie mode of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing within and as breath where ever I am, in the City or not, and to move myself as breathe as life, as the correction that is sorely needed in this world, and that I must live this change, because who else will If I simply accept and allow a city character/entity to take over and live for me just like everyone else.

I commit myself to when and as I go to the city to go as breath, as me here and to remain within awareness, and to through walking this correction prove to myself first that me here as breath is in fact best and practical.

I commit myself to when and as I see any form of energy come over me as I go to the city, as I climb into a car to drive towards the city, or even when I have the thought of I am going to the city. To stop such energy, IDEA of what it means to go to the city and everything implicated, and to breathe and remain here.

I commit myself to when and as I am in the City, to not fall for the fears that come up to drag me back into character to play the game of the mind and to not stand up for me, for life as a living example that change is possible in each breath.

Day 531 - My Son is my example

 

my son is my example. He is so amazing in giving his everything in all the things he do. The way he focus the way he is here completely present with the task at hand. Something as simple as him sitting by himself independently away from me by his own table. Climbing on and off and sitting as I do. I am not allowed to help yet I must be available. He tests this out over and over. Where "I", sit down.... without EVER!! considering how I got to sit at a table. But this is just one instance. While I might be thinking and wondering in the mind, my son is showing me that only through real time physical application and testing can development happen. And to be consistent till there is a result that is best and stick with it.

Day 525 - What I enjoy doing versus what I have to do

 

What I enjoy versus what I have to do. Or let me change that to taking what I have to do and taking what I enjoy doing and creating a supportive way for me to always enjoy myself in what ever I do. Thus who I am in what I do becomes the enjoyment. See we have it backwards - we do things that we enjoy because they bring joy as an experience inside ourselves which is nice and comfortable. So if it is about how we initially experience ourselves within what we do then we can realize that our experiences are our own and we can thus decide our experiences in what ever we do. If we allow ourselves to let go of the judgements and ideas/beliefs/opinions inside of our minds that we recieved and accepted and allowed from others to become our thinking about everything. But this does not mean accepting and allowing any abuse or harm for self or another. That is a physical experience that needs to be addressed with others or seeking help support. I went from doing what I enjoy most as working outside building and being in nature to doing office work and being indoors and driving all the time as I needed to. So here I decided to change who I am withon it all to make it an expression of myself instead of a limitation.

Day 522 - Sadness

 

Sadness -I have grown up as most of us, to always live and show happiness and never to expose the sadness. As soon as sadness is shown or expressed people try and make you happy. Because sadness has been judged as wrong as bad as negative, thus it is feared to be and show sadness, you will become a party pooper or make others feel uncomfortable. So I learned to pretend. I became an expert at pretending to be just happiness. But the truth behind the smiles is this face. Because this face expresses Life on earth currently. While we party and be happy and keep pretending for the same of others, our lives are sad. We are bound to money, to be slaves to money in a system we keep alive but we here did not create it, we suffer and all life on this planet suffers for it and everything it truly sad. Yet we do not dare live this truth. But I have realized this truth, and because of this realization I am able to live in self honesty - that for real happiness, for my face to truly change - this world must change and I m7st actively take responsibility to change it and to truly create REAL happiness. Where no smile ever hides anything as we will in this new world know for a fact that all parts of LIFE is happy equally within their part of this Life. If we all can come to terms with realty and that it is sad. Perhaps then we can come together and say This is not how we would like to live life so lets fucking change it and bring true unchangeable happiness to this WORLD and all parts in it.