Day 557 - Deepak Chopra and Imagination

I do not know if it is appropriate for me to Debunk someone such as Deepak Chopra that has been on the scene of “spiritual people” for many many years and has helped many people I am sure of it, but I am also sure that the solutions are only temporary and not permanent, if they were then Deepak would have had less Clients, he is a great salesmen, he sure did his homework well and practiced his work in a way that targets the right people, people that are serious about changing themselves and for example their destructive natures, but unfortunately Deepak Chopra still doesn’t understand the most basic and simple aspects of life, and this is revealed in his words, I am referring to his simple words that is placed in quotes and send all around the internet to get people’s attention . What are these simple and basic aspects of Life I am talking about? Well it is common sense and self-honesty. 

But for today I am only going to take on Deepak Chopra in my blog on the following quote (also the picture used in this Blog) quote: “the best use of imagination is creativity. The worst use of imagination is anxiety” – end of quote

So what Did Deepak do here? Did he really just say something profound and that is amazing? No, he simply mentioned two polarities of the same construct, what is the construct? Well the energy of and from the MIND – as in this case Imagination. Yes sure to almost all people on earth this is “normal” to have polarities and to rather take part on/live the positive part of the energies to apparently create something positive. But here comes the part most people do not know or understand as to why this isn’t a solution and in fact enhancing the problems people are facing.

See Deepak in this quote is attempting to help people get over anxiety, but what he does not understand is that anxiety is energy of the mind, just like creative energy of the imagination, both are the exact energy just placed in a different light, and the point here is, the mind is the problem first and foremost. The mind is meant to be stopped, so that we can reach our beingness and true expressions. But as long as we are contaminating ourselves with the influences of the mind as positive and negative, we will always be stuck in polarities, moving from one side of being positive to negative, and as we all know, negativity usually wins, that is why we are always seeking out the positive.

So if we had to live what Deepak Chopra is suggesting, using our imagination for creative thoughts or imaginings to not go into anxiety or stress or fear – we are not dealing with the fear/stress/anxiety – in fact we are suppressing it and accumulating more and more while being unaware and being blinded by positive pictures and thoughts running through our minds, so this creative imagination will only last a while and then we will experience all the negative shit again, and actually as if it got more.

Another point to consider and that you can cross reference for yourself is, when you are in a “positive” state or attempting to only imagine creativity and good things, ANYTHING in your day will quickly put you down into a negative, may it be someone looking at you wrong, because when you are attempting to be so creative and positive in a world that is clearly in a state of doom, you are attempting to be more than reality, not being real with yourself, and thus a person/you can become very reactive and these reactions can either go internal or external , some get depressed and some get really angry for example.

Now to go one more step further – what is another point that is completely missed with Deepak Chopra – he tells you that for example “the worse use of imagination is anxiety” but he does not explain in detail what is anxiety, how do we create anxiety, when anxiety comes up what is it indicating, how can we take anxiety in any given moment and instead of resisting it or fighting it or going into the “positive” instead but that we can rather take our power as creators and we can take responsibility for our creation as the anxiety within us and understand our creation – for example anxiety is the indication that you are about to follow the same pattern that isn’t best for you or where you always fall or haven’t yet established who you are within your reality within certain situations and that you haven’t investigated and taken the time to check all your patterns and why you are repeating them over and over again and not changing, what is the ENERGY inside the anxiety that we seek through repeating patterns over and over without changing ourselves, how do we change ourselves etc. I am not going to give all the answers here; I am simply opening up the points to each one reading this to check for yourself.

Imagination is anxiety, no matter if we are doing it positively or negatively, the mind always seeks to enslave a person to energy to keep us trapped in the mind as imagination, never to stand up and realEYES ourselves as LIFE one and equal, that we were born perfect beings without the need of imagination but to simply participate here direct as ourselves as our creative natures and to develop upon them.

Finishing off: You are Born into this world as a child, you had no imagination, you had no mind, you had no thoughts, you had no memories, you had nothing inside your head, yet, just look at a baby/toddler/child – the pure expressions, the living, the energy of the physical body, the beingness, no fear, the pure expressions – you can’t remember your first three years because you weren’t contaminated yet with the “mind” as consciousness, yet you expressed, you lived. You were more alive than now – so ask yourself, how did I get here?

There is a very long and hard process for everyone in this world – the Process of Rebirth. And Desteni is the only group of people in this world that has actually taken the time to really investigate everything and to come to real solutions, how to end addiction, fears, destructive patterns/behaviors and how to become the creator of your life and to rebirth yourself as LIFE in fact.

If you are reading this and you are serious, if you could see the common sense and be self-honest with yourself about what I wrote. Then the next level is here for you.

Investigate Desteni I Process <-- CLICK link

Day 397 – Male Ego/fear relationship Commitments.

These commitments are from Day 394 Male ego and the fear relationship part 2 part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself only when there is energy moving me.

When and as I see myself looking/waiting for energy to come up within me for me to move myself – I stop and I breathe – I take a moment to see what is here practically to do, or what I can do within the time that is here and to direct myself/Move myself, seeing and realizing that waiting for a positive/negative experience to move me is impractical and can take forever and thus I might never move myself within walking/moving/directing myself as energy, thus I commit myself to when and as I see that I am waiting for energy to move me to stop and to breathe and to move/direct myself within common sense and practicality within the principals of what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that energy as the Ego which is from the mind as thought/feeling/emotion is required for me to move myself.

When and as I see that I am waiting for a thought/feeling/emotion to give me direction to move myself – I stop and I breathe – seeing and realizing that thought/emotion/feeling is already a reaction/energy as the ego moving/directing me – thus I commit myself to when I see myself waiting for a thought/feeling/emotion to move me to breathe and to focus on what is here as seeing direct what I can do within the moment and what is here as self-movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only move once I experience some form of energy as the ego which is at its foundation a fear energy/negative.

When and as I see that I am moving myself from the starting point of fear – I stop and I breathe – seeing and realizing that moving as fear does not mean what I am doing is wrong or I should stop moving but that I must change my starting point where my movement is within moving myself within the principle as that which is best for all life as fear is completely useless, thus I commit myself to when and as I see that I am moving within fear to breathe and to change my starting point to what’s best for all life as a walking principle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require fear to move, and that I must first experience this fear to be motivated to move, and then out of fear create an Ego which is a cycle of patterns that will always ensure fear to exist within my life so that I can always be motivated to move.

When and as I see that I am accessing the belief construct that I require fear to move and that I must experience fear to be motivated to move – I stop and I breathe – seeing and realizing that I am accessing a pattern of sabotaging myself within self-movement, thus I commit myself to de-construct this self-created belief of fear enslavement within moving myself through writing and self-forgiveness within the principle of what’s best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and participate within a polarity construct where I create the negative to achieve the positive and to always go back to the negative to motivate myself again.

When and as I see myself participating within a polarity construct where I create a negative experience just to seek the positive experience as a point of moving myself – I stop and I breathe – seeing and realizing that I am enslaving myself to always time loop and to not really move forward but only swing from one side to the other, thus I commit myself to investigate this polarity construct that I use to move myself within fear through writing and self-forgiveness within the principle of what’s best for all life.

Day 396 – Male Ego and the Fear Relationship Part 3.1

Day 393 - Male Ego and the Fear Relationship Part 1
Day 394 - Male Ego and the Fear Relationship Part 2
Day 395 - Male Ego and the Fear Relationship Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Make/create monuments out of moments within my head and to prey off the energetic experience of that to feel good about myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Define myself as who I am as the energetic experiences that make me feel good only, and to within this ignore and hide the bad experiences which is the originating place/source for wanting the good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create a belief about myself that I must be a bad person and not good enough a person, and thus I must prove myself to others within doing things that are impressive or seemingly big, so that I can feel big and impressive about myself, seeing and realizing that if I am looking for a feeling of being big and impressive then it will only last a while as it isn’t real and based on actual self-definitions of who I decide I am in each and every breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as small and weak within my head and thus seek to be the opposite without through my actions and what I am doing, so that I may change how I am experiencing myself inside to feel big and impressive, seeing and realizing that within such a mental relationship with myself I will always go in circles as I have to decide who I am within words and to then live those words as me, as living words one and equal as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life about proving myself to others, yet through all the attempts of proving myself to others I have never been satisfied or passed the test within my head, as I see and realize that the test in my head simply changes all the time to make it more and more, the proof must be more next time because this time, this proof wasn’t good enough for them, to changestheir minds, yet seeing and realizing that I am never changing my mind, or stopping my mind, stopping the gossip and the back chat within my mind about me and about life, and to actually live something real for once that I need to prove only to myself within the principle of what is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or even admit to myself that I feel shit and useless about myself and instead I attempt to always hide it within impressing an Image of who I want to be onto others through seeking out opportunities/moments to do something out of the ordinary and to then creating monuments for myself in my head that I have to always check up on and keep in good shape and good condition through doing the same thing over and over or else it will fall and break and then the Image will be lost and I fear that if the image is lost I will be seen as nothing and thus be useless and have no purpose. – which is really just me fearing that my own belief/definition of myself will be validated/confirmed and has actually nothing to do with other people (interesting, it’s like we fear being right about ourselves hahahaha)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being right about myself, meaning fear of being right about that which I fear about myself or that I am perceiving others are thinking about me, which is just me thinking it about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that what I think about myself and who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to define myself can/will be proven right and that it is so simply by getting feedback from someone else in a moment of ‘no notice’, and thus I will always try and change the Minds of others to change any given feedback to be that which I desire through making monuments out of moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on the positive/negative energy feedback of what others have to say about me to determine if I will be positive or negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to the feedback others give to me about me or on me or towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide anything and everything I do based on the feedback I get from others as feelings/emotions/experience within me about myself that is not related to actual facts but instead fiction as the imagination as the mind, seeing and realizing that when I rely on this that I will always only change the mind and never in fact change who I am, as who I am relies on physical feedback that is real and measurable in the physical which I can use to correct myself in fact and not to simply change my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting feedback from others to determine who I must be as a personality to feel “alive” and like I have purpose and to within that only move myself/direct myself when someone else is offering me positive feedback and to crawl away when it is a negative feedback.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear real physical feedback from others as I fear having to face me as who I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as within the mind as fear as a polarity construct that has two simple buttons to push and to give commands with, where I am subject to reactions as fear and reward to move


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any purpose, and within this seek out purpose in doing meaningless things in moments that seem big and impressive just to be noticed and to be “kept in mind” by others to feel like I have purpose, seeing and realizing that within this I am accepting and allowing myself to be subject to others and in fear of what others are thinking and wanting/expecting the entire time, and to somehow connect that directly to myself personally and what I do and how I act and so forth, seeing and realizing that this is Not how I want to live my life and to be a puppet of my own fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to others and to be influenced by what others have to say or may think about me, and to within this create a fear within myself because I know I am accepting and allowing myself to subject to what others are thinking about me or have influence over me, seeing and realizing that when and as I walk as Principle and not as personal, this fear cannot exist as the principles that are what is best for all life in all ways and living this principle as me in fact (does not require personal concerns or issues or all the bullshit that comes with the fucking ego) as Life as the principle’s life is a living of breathe by breath within physical reality and not the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear PERSONAL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word personal and that it is BAD.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that someone else will see me take something personal and thus it means I still exist as the mind and not as Life. Seeing and realizing that this is a fucking process and I will face the revenge of the ego as what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as,. YET the point is to always make it a Point to walk as principle as that which is best for all life and when and as a personal point comes up to breathe and to self-forgive as that is what is best for all life as the walking breathing principle

Day 395 - Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 3

Day 393 - Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 1

Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 1

Day 394 - Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 2

What is a Monument – a monument is something you built in honour/respect/glory for someone else for what they have achieved.

Dictionary definition: “A statue, building, or other structure erected to commemorate a famous or notable person or event.

What does “commemorate mean, Dictionary Definition: Recall and show respect for (someone or something) in a ceremony.

So how do I then Create Monuments out of Moments?

Let’s use a moment for instance - I am at the river, we need to get to the other side, everyone takes the bridge, I decide to jump over – so I run and I jump and I make it over, it was done form the starting point of EGO – I did it within disbelief of myself, I did it within fear of not making it, yet doing it, I did it just not to be “regular” – I did it to attempt to show and proof that I am better, I can achieve something everyone else that is there with me can’t do it, and the ego/mind gets such a nice kick out of it that the entire time that event will be what sticks with me, I feel good about myself, I feel like I have achieved glory, I deserve respect, I must be honored, and in that moment I would even not mind to have an actual monument made for me to show it off to everyone else that comes there (the river place)

for instance in history we will only recall the ‘great moments’ and the ‘heroes’ and we forget all about the hardship and sickness people went through. So here it is the same with you and the river, after the event takes place – all you remember is the positive side of the story as you being great, you don’t even remember the fear/negativity that was behind it, and so you change history/how things happened to just ‘you being great’ and forget about the part where you feel less than everyone else as the reason/motivation why you jumped in the first place)

This type of moments happens a lot, on a regular basis with small things that seems like it does not matter even, it even goes as far where I would do it just for myself and I would become my own crowd, cheering me on and so forth. By small I mean, I would play with a bottle and then flip it in the air and catch it perfectly again, then I would glorify myself just for that, but while doing it, the physical action, there is anxiety that it might go wrong any time, and then before I even did it I had fear that I am incapable of doing something such as that, even so small.

Ok so there is a few examples giving perspective – so now down to what are the initial points to look at within this, first of all, taking the point back to self, where I believe it is to prove something to someone else, it is actually to proof to myself. Because I have created a disbelief within myself. And through all those moments that I create monuments out of, I am enforcing the disbelief within myself no matter how much I do it and perfect it; it is the starting point of why I do it that is what matters.

The starting point as the ego/Mind is fear – here the fear is ‘fear not being able to’ and thus disbelief within myself. Which comes from ANYTHING within this world such as school/education/parents/friends/TV/Media MOVIES and so many other things that we accept and allow to influence us, we are always under an influence, that’s why flu exist, to get some of that (In Flu wins) Out – because we let the influence WIN, No integrity to stand within and as breath and decide for ourselves who we are, because we were never taught that we can make those decisions and that they must be what is best for all life – if who we are isn’t what is best for all life, which is also standing one and equal as life, then then we can only exist as a ego, because its self interest, not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Make/create monuments out of moments within my head and to prey off the energetic experience of that to feel good about myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create a belief about myself that I must be a bad person and not good enough a person, and thus I must prove myself to others within doing things that are impressive or seemingly big, so that I can feel big and impressive about myself, seeing and realizing that if I am looking for a feeling of being big and impressive then it will only last a while as it isn’t real and based on actual self-definitions of who I decide I am in each and every breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or even admit to myself that I feel shit and useless about myself and instead I attempt to always hide it within impressing an Image of who I want to be onto others through seeking out opportunities/moments to do something out of the ordinary and to then creating monuments for myself in my head that I have to always check up on and keep in good shape and good condition through doing the same thing over and over or else it will fall and break and then the Image will be lost and I fear that if the image is lost I will be seen as nothing and thus be useless and have no purpose. – which is really just me fearing that my own belief/definition of myself will be validated/confirmed and has actually nothing to do with other people (interesting, it’s like we fear being right about ourselves hahahaha)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any purpose, and within this seek out purpose in doing meaningless things in moments that seem big and impressive just to be noticed and to be “kept in mind” by others to feel like I have purpose, seeing and realizing that within this I am accepting and allowing myself to be subject to others and in fear of what others are thinking and wanting/expecting the entire time, and to somehow connect that directly to myself personally and what I do and how I act and so forth, seeing and realizing that this is Not how I want to live my life and to be a puppet of my own fears.


To be Continued.

Male Ego and the fear relationship SF - Part 2

Continuing from Day 393 - Male Ego and the Fear relationship Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself only when there is energy moving me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that energy as the Ego which is from the mind as thought/feeling/emotion is required for me to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only move once I experience some form of energy as the ego which is at its foundation a fear energy/negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move as the ego as fear where fear is being the motivator for me moving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require fear to move, and that I must first experience this fear to be motivated to move, and then out of fear create an Ego which is a cycle of patterns that will always ensure fear to exist within my life so that I can always be motivated to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and participate within a polarity construct where I create the negative to achieve the positive and to always go back to the negative to motivate myself again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this polarity construct a “norm” within my life, where I believe it is the only way I can move myself, and to within this always experience myself as fear as negativity, to then as the ego create positivity from using the negativity as a motivator to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within me as a constant experience as myself as a way to keep myself fueled and ready to act/move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build trust within fear as my motivator because of the perception that I have that it has always worked, because I am still here and breathing so fear must have helped me, seeing and realizing that when I look back, all that has ever happened was is that I kept myself in one place, I built a prison for myself to never truly live and to be life and to grow and move forwards, as the fear functions in a way where I have to fall back all the time to be able to re-create the fear to use it again as a motivator, no matter how many times I overcome it or walk through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that Fear within itself is Nothing, it is a energy/experience and not an actal movement, and that the movement comes from me only, seeing and realizing that if I experience Fear and then move myself or don’t move myself, that it isnt the fear doing it, it is in fact the physical movements/actions, and that when fear is removed, then the actions can still remain, and then the actions isnt reactions which is a compromise, I can actually consider the next move or be clear within my movements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see that fear is passive energy, and that it requires the physical to move, which means fear is really useless and only makes me feel shit the whole time, experience myself shit the whole time, which then leads to me physically moving myself either way into positive or negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fear this big power within me and giving it this extraordinary power within my imagination, seeing and realizing that in reality fear has and is nothing unless the physical moves and follow on the fear, and even if the fear isn’t there, the physical can still move the same, and thus fear is only a Prison of self within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I use fear as the ego to move me to be my motivator, that I am conditioning myself within a vicious cycle of self-abuse, where I beat myself up within always scaring myself and literally bringing myself down within myself just so that I can get to a point of being motivated again and do it all over again and so the cycle continues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the experience of fear and how I use that fear to motivate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and have defined myself as being “unable” to move myself without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot exist without the ego, as I have defined everything about me as the ego as fear in every way of my being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear living without the ego/fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem myself as unable to live without fear/ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I have no fear that I will not know how or when to move myself – seeing and realizing that I have always only moved myself within self-interest as the fear only existed for and as my self-interest and thus once I stop the fear, I will lose self-interest within fear and thus I can start moving myself within what is best for all life as myself and that requires common sense and not fear to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear not being able to move myself from a starting point of self-direction in alignment to what is Best for All and within that fear of ‘not being able to’, allow myself to only move myself within and from fear – not seeing and realizing that within doing so I am already failing myself and thus really have nothing to lose and should just go ahead and take that step of letting go of the fear and unconditionally walk the process of aligning my self-movement and self-direction to that which is Best for All as I see, realize and understand that I have nothing to lose but only to gain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that If I do not fear everything in my life that I will not be able to control my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ever had any control of my life when fear – the ego - has always been in control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have been controlling my life with fear, not seeing and realizing that fear has been controlling EVERYTHING within my life and that I have always only been the puppet doing what the fears tell me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to do what my fear/ego tells me to do or I will face my fears coming true, not seeing and realizing that when I follow what my fear shows me or tells me that I am actually slowly creating and making my fears real, when all they ever did was exist within my mind and now I am actually playing out scenarios following the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot exist without fear and that I will always have an energy experience within me, not seeing it possible to end EGO/fear and to live as the physical breathing one and equal moving self within self-honesty and common sense – seeing and realizing that this is yet again the ego creating a fearful cycle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se that in the past there was moments/times that I did not have any fear and that this is proof to me that I can axist without fear and that fear isn’t necessary, seeing and realizing that fear is something that was taught to me and shown to me within how the world as a whole exists and within how I was raised and taight by those that has gone before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to fear, and to ignore the proof of the past that I do not need to be conditioned within fear as I have as a child lived without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am Fueling myself up with fear/ego as energy, that that fuel must come from somewhere – and just like how we are fucking up the earth body we live on through seeking out oil and all energy sources, so am I doing the same with my body, using real natural resources to create temporary fuel just to survive – live as fear.

Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 1

Ego - (E) is for Energy - so its Energy on the GO, the ego requires energy to move, to go and this is acquired through creating the fear points and using it, a vicious cycle that becomes “normal”, gathered in quick fill-ups, and Fear is like the perfect way to stay fueled, because fear as the foundation of ego is also what motivates the ego to go and search for E (Energy).

So here is what I see - when I have fear within me all day, I am fueled and thus the Ego can use this fear (energy) to do the things that is required to make the Ego blow up like a balloon, it inflates moments, making moments monuments.

The question then is, why does males (me) make it a must have, the ego, why do I believe I require the ego, that I need to have the ego – it comes from lack of self-respect, self- honor, and self – integrity living as the physical as life, where instead  the mind is validated above all – and thus false Images, where we attempt to become the Image and Likeness of the false images of the mind instead of equalizing ourselves with the image and likeness that is real as the physical – which is yet to be understood through the process of stopping the mind.

One example.

I have a fear that I am weak, that I am not strong like other’ guys, and this fear motivates my ego/mind to do things that are small and make it seem like a big thing, like - I am asked to fill up bottles of water, there are six bottles of water that needs to be filled, each bottle is twenty liters (20kg), that is quite heavy to carry, in my mind I fear that I will struggle carrying these bottles and the fear comes from a point of comparison, where I Imagine in my head that other guys will be able to do this easily. So there I am creating fear to motivate me to do this task, the motivation is to also do this and to do it better, just to prove my imagination wrong.

So now when I go and fill up the bottles of water, I will fill up TWO bottles of water and I will carry two bottles of water together, and thus I will make something Big out of the situation - I initially had the fear of not being able to carry even one, and that I will not be able to do it when someone else in my imagination can do it.

PLUS - I had the fear that I would not be able to do the task that was asked of me, and fear that the person that asked me to do it will see me as weak and not have any use to do anything.

So now the ego has enough Energy to motivate me to GO, to move, but I am moving as energy which I am then conditioning myself to, to always require energy to move within this certain task, and my mind will always create the FEAR to have the energy, and everything in relation to doing this task becomes a fear.

This is a weekly task, and weekly I have fear, I have now find that my first point of Fear that i have created to motivate me to do it and to Prove my imagination wrong where I fear being less than someone else, through doing it and doing it 'better'. And this first point of fear is fear of forgetting, fear of not filling the bottles in time, and now I will remember to fill the bottles out of fear.

because the male ego can not take a hit as "being labelled as forgetful" so now everything becomes about keeping this energy UP, keeping the image and likeness up that the energy is creating, meanwhile, I simply have to move as the physical breathe by breathe, and who knows what possibilities lies within that, NO fear, but what will motivate me then?

And this way the Ego is really charged up to Proof all this self-created fears wrong - which originated from within the imagination, where the imagination creates inflated ideas/beliefs/opinions about the task and my relationship with myself within the task- which comes from self - definitions and believes that I have accepted and allowed to exist as me that came from outside influences, instead of me defining me through the fact that I am life equally as everything else, and thus the ego is a separation from that, not really separate but an illusion that it is, which separates me within everything I do and thus creates Fear all the time.

Day 36 - The hesitation invasion

Today I was working with the wood cutting table/machine, it has a sharp round blade that spins extremely fast, then it has a small flat surface around where you lay the wood on, you have to then take the wood you want to cut and push it through and the blade cuts it.

As I was working with the table, which I have used many times before, so I was confident, I started looking at my actions while I was using the table, I saw that every time I am done cutting a piece of wood I swing my arm over and near the blade to chuck the wood on the other side, I then suddenly realized I can cut my finger/hand/arm off anytime I am not aware of what I am doing or if I simply just the one time do not lift my arm high enough over the table.

So  I saw the point of that my hand/arm can get cut through the way I was working as a practical observation and instead of simply correcting myself I went into thoughts and I had fear. The fear wasn't there when I made the observation, it only came once the mind as thoughts kicked in. (allowing it)

As I continued cutting I now had fear within me and thoughts, the thoughts was based on projections of what could happen, how can it happen, and through having these thoughts I started getting uncomfortable with my body and how I am positioned, how I am using it and so the compromising started.

As I was compromised within the fear I started hesitating in ever cut I made in the wood, what happened next was the wood started getting stuck in the machine and kicking back at me and shooting pieces of wood at my face.

This I where I stood still and  realized I have now created something happening, such as me hurting myself.

I stopped and I breathed and this is when the word came to me "hesitation" as I realized the word I started looking at myself and where I hesitate, as the hesitation was allowing and accepting the fear and  everything else that came with it.

I was successful in stopping the hesitation and the fear through breathing and applying myself in the moments as I was doing it in my actions, this was great, I started working in consideration of myself and my actions and so released my actions of the fear and hesitation, I became better in cutting the wood than I ever was, I was cutting wood twice as fast and as I wanted it, because I have practically changed the point within me and without, thus as I was able to stop the fear I was able to stop the hesitation and so I was able to see practically what to do and apply.

I finished all the firewood cuttings before work time was done and I bagged it all and carried it to the house. As before I would have probably taken another hour more.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts when and as I observe a practical point of consideration, instead of breathing and simply correcting myself, realizing that through going into thoughts and thinking about the point and imagining what could happen and how that I am creating fear.

I forgive myself that have not realized that when I go into thoughts and thinking and imagining things I am actually creating the fear within myself, realizing that it is not necessary as I can simply through the physical observation see what I practically have to apply and change with out using the mind or any fear to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require to make myself fearful of something through participating in the mind as thoughts/thinking and imagination to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within myself through participating in the mind as thoughts/thinking and imagining about events/scenarios that can play out with in the event of observing a specific point that holds potential abuse/danger/destruction to myself or others, instead of realizing that imagining or thinking or going into thoughts isn't necessary as I have already physically observed it with in common sense and thus through that understanding I can change and re direct what I am doing to be save and in consideration of myself and what I am doing in awareness.

Hesitation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I participate with in thought/thinking and the imagination of future events/scenarios that can play out and I accept and allow fear to be created within in my participation that I am in fact creating hesitation with in me and as my actions within the fear of the thoughts or imagined events playing out, realizing that through the hesitation I become clumsy and do not stay focused as I am possessed by fear/thoughts/thinking/imagination and so I give permission for the events to happen take place and manifest as real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe and remain here in and as the physical with in awareness when I observe a certain play out or event or scenario that could happen through my UN-aware actions and to simply stop and change to that which is practical with in common sense and best for all life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate in my actions through what I have created with in and as participating in my mind as thoughts/thinking/imagination and thus fear, realizing that I gave away my trust to the mind as saying that the mind is real and right and that it will probably happen and so hesitate in my actions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to be able to stop and change in a single moment and that I require to create scenarios/events within myself to create fear and to only change once I have fear, realizing that through creating the fear my actions are poisoned an thus it will infect what I do and open up opportunities for the fear to manifest as I hesitate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand one and equal as the minds creator to give myself the authority to stop the mind as the creator in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and separate myself from the mid, realizing that I am the creator and thus I must take self responsibility one and equal as the creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything that happens in the mind is happening to me, realizing that I as the creator is accepting and allowing it to be so, as it is my mind in my head who I am.

I commit myself to when I see I go into the mind as thoughts/thinking and imagining future events/scenarios to stop and breathe and realize that it isn't necessary as I can simply look at the physical and consider all points as myself and to accordingly with in common sense change and apply what is practical and best for all life.

I commit myself to stop when I see I am giving my trust away to fear and to bring myself back here through breathing and seeing that it is not a point of fear but a fact, and so apply myself in practical ways within and as the physical to what works practically as that which is best for all life as myself.

I commit myself to prove to myself that all fear as the ego as mind consciousness system is in fact not what is best for all life, through exposing how the mind imposes itself onto the physical and thus manifest the fears and internal realities that inst real as the physical functions and thus how we create the world and why we are in fact destroying earth and life.