Day 564 – I don’t want to take the time to be Specific

All my life I enjoyed just opening up my mouth and speak, I loved not having to consider things in time and then speak about it. I enjoyed this because It asked little to not effort from me. Man did I hate making effort to be specific. It did not matter if it was school work, if it was doing sport, if it was talking to people on subjects. Me shooting out words, or styles of doing things that required no effort, no time to sit and actually figure things out, see things differently, to come to a common understanding within points or how to do things which can be transferred to others in specificity.
Ever since I started my Process I have struggled to be specific within any of my writings, even though I see the points clearly, putting it on writing or explaining it to someone else has been such a struggle and it always feel like I am just missing the point. This obviously has to do with my level of vocabulary and my school years of development. But that’s no longer an excuse, and yet I find this pattern that I have lived for so long to still creep in to most of what I want to express myself within.

So ones again I am facing myself as my patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist having to give/spend my time on becoming and being specific within everything I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am busy with something new to only take in the Idea/concept and to within that run with what I make of it, not giving myself the time and space to actually sit down or go run or jump or whatever is required of me to really get specific and to really test out the concept/idea till I can live/express it within specificity to be able to give over what I have learned and seen to others equally.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen and realized that me not specifying myself is me making myself special within my mind as I have develop an unspecified character that I cannot explain or give over to others in words or skills, as a way of remaining within self-interest and unique.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain nonspecific without ever questions myself why or how I have come to create myself that way and to keep on living within such a character and placing a feeling of enjoyment within being such a character, seeing and realizing that this is me abdicating self-responsibility and my responsibility to the c=greater good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to be specific within myself and what I do, how I create myself is as long and boring unnecessary process and that I can just keep winging it till I get it, seeing and realizing that this is the mind sabotaging me from stopping the mind having control and authority over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR losing the comfort of my current character that is nonspecific through actually focusing on myself in each breathe as how I am creating myself and who I am within each moment within living the principles of Desteni and to actually make it a mathematical equation that I can show/teach and give to others to do/live the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is impossible for me to be specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing within developing myself to be specific and to within this lose a lot of time that could have been spend me just winging things and getting the same results as failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up for failure within myself within my definition of myself as what I have accepted and allowed as the mind for so long and to project that within the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the challenges that I might and will face on my way within specifying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself within my journey of specifying myself and that I can do it – and that there is help, support and assistance all around me if I ask.

Day 551 - Postponement Continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as postponement, within the believe that today isn't the right time, that the right time isn't here, and to within this seeing for the right time, wait till tomorrow, or the day after, and to within this keep on postponing in the hope for the right time to show up, the right moment.

Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone doing a blog just because it is already a certain time of the day, to late or to early and to within this tell myself that tomorrow I will do two blogs to make up for this, and when tomorrow comes, the same pattern occurs, the same thought, the same reasons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone doing vlogs, that I have been jurning to do, waiting for the right time, the right atmosphere, the right light, and to within this make my actions, my participation dependent on the environment and hoping that the environment will magically just fit in with my schedule in my mind, instead of actually scheduling and making the right time, creating the environment through communication, through planning to do the vlogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use justifications/reasons within my life to why I am postponing certain changes, changes within myself, within the believe that I am not ready yet, I cannot do this yet, I am not capable yet, I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, I do not deserve this change, mostly the time isn't right, the moment isn't right, I might as well remain the same for just today, tomorrow I will change, seeing and realizing that within this point of postponement there exist no such thing as the right time, moment or place, it is all about me making decisions and living those decision, either bets for myself and all or not, and If I continue to postpone I will continue to remain the same - and there will never be a right moment/time, I will never be ready or be perfect to change, it must be done in the moment here and walk it, regardless of what the mind has to say, remain breathing in and as the physical and use the physical as the real cross reference

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am going into the mind regarding doing something that is HERE, like doing a blog/vlog, to stop and to breathe, to rather check my reality, ask around if I can do it or set up reality to do it after considering everything, now, check my schedule, and to then base my decision on what is HERE and not within the mind, I create my options, I make my time, I plan things, instead of throwing rocks in the bush thinking something will come out of it.

I commit myself to when and as I see a moment of change, to speak up, to stand, to direct or to intervene, or to be quite, to Stop and breathe, to check myself physically here and what is here, to not go into the mind as the reasons/excuses/justification for why I should or should not and to instead rely on the physical and to direct and move myself as the physical.

Day 100 – beyond my own self belief, one Hundred days of writing,

One hundred days of writing in the 7 year Journey to Life, It feels/seems like I started a month ago only, yet it has been a bit more than three months of writing Blogs everyday within the seven Year Journey to Life – see the facebook page where we all that is/are writing the blogs share it and read each other’s blogs and how we walk as a group yet as individuals to birth ourselves as life to take on all characters and all patterns that is not Best for all Life in all ways and to show/proof that human nature is simply part of the current system we live in making it so, and that through the writing and applying what we write practically living it we can/have stopped patterns and changed to live what is best for all life in all ways and so as each one starts their Journey to life blogs and write and share and removing all brainwashing and mind control and enslavement we will so one man/women at a time change the world for ever to a place that is best for all life.

What have I learned within my one hundred blogs that I have written thus far?

I have learned that I can write everyday and be consistent within it – whereas before in my life I have never thought of myself to even be able to write even one blog, never mind two, and this character I had of (“ME writing a blog, lol that is for losers”) as a belief/idea/judgment I had/kept of myself was so due to programming of that is just in your nature Gian (me) to never be able to sit down and write and actually post the blog on the internet for all to see/read and share/learn/support/assist self/others, and that I can never change it, yet here I am and I proved that I can change it through the writing of self forgiveness of deconstructing the Characters/patterns of complete and utter self limitation and enslavement.

I have learned that I can sit down for an hour or three and I can start a blog and I can actually take one Character/pattern and write it out for myself and apply SF on the character and pattern and that I can lay it out for myself in front of my own eyes and see that what I am living and what I belief to be real is in fact just so because I make it so due to beliefs/ideas/opinions/judgment and that it all comes from memory and past experiences that I have identified myself with/as and thus created myself as that and so lived it as if it is all that I can be, yet here I am, I proofed this one point to myself, that I can change a Pattern, that I can through walking the correction after writing it out for myself stop the self limitation/abuse of the patterns that is not best for all or even for my own development as a complete human being that can achieve my full potential and that I can in the place of that pattern live a correction that I lay out for myself within self commitments and thus through living it in and as the physical – the same way I created all the other patterns/characters – create and manifest what is best for all life, thus this being me as Who Idecide who I am as LIFE as the physical one and equal as all LIFE.

I also learned that there is a extremely long road ahead for humans on earth as I am seeing myself being here at my one hundredth blog, Yet it is possible, change is possible as I have seen within changing one pattern thus far, writing my blog every day. And that it is necessary that ALL who can hear this message start the Journey to Life blog writing daily, to see and investigate what we are doing and to see in common sense and self honesty what is necessary for REAL actual change that can last eternally, as this is a must for human nature to change – and as I have seen it is possible.

I have also learned over the past three months – as this is a really cool point for me within writing my daily blogs in the journey to life blogs that writing everyday in self forgiveness and writing is the greatest self support and assistance I can give myself within stabilizing myself, you know when you have a mind full of all the crap thoughts, the nasty thoughts, the anger thoughts the constant thinking that just does not want to stop, you know the nights you cannot fall asleep because you are thinking and so busy in your mind the whole time, and then it starts to get to you, well writing it out in self forgiveness if releasing yourself of that, giving you back to yourself and, and after a while you will see your mind becoming more and more quite, still thoughts, still things coming up, but it is at a level where I can handle it with breathing and not letting it take over my day and my life and so the journey shows that what is in the mind isn’t real as I/we can simply stop it. Thus what remains here in and as the physical is the reality – real that we have to take self responsibility for as a group each individual at a time.

What I have also learned is that as a group writing and self forgiving ourselves we will change the world as WHO WE ARE, because who I am determines what I do, it simply is that way, you have to be someone living a certain principle to secondly do what you do, you cannot do something without first making a decision within you as who you are, thus we must change who we are to that which is best for all life in all ways and so we will create a world that is BEST for all life in all ways, why would we want anything less than the best for ourselves and all other life, when all life has the best there can be we are living the best life possible. Unlike the current system that is simply our own doom.

I ask that all that come into contact with this blog or the vlog that is made on it, to join the Journey to life Blogs, and write everyday for a new world that is best for all life in self forgiveness and commitments, you will never be ready till you do it. So doing it starts when you do it lol.

Otherwise waiting becomes your master and you will be victim to all that you allow to happen, yet at the same time the creator of what happens as the waiting allows it, time is limited, yet we have time, lets use each breathe and make each breath actually in fact COUNT, do not waist your breathe.

Join the forums and the equal money website, become the change you want – a BEST and better world in fact for yourself and all life. 

www.desteni.org

www.equalmoney.org

www.desteniiprocess.com

Day 35 - Your truth.

I have been listening to the one song of Robot Virgins "your truth", I was walking to the tanks while I was listening to the song and I suddenly had a couple of tears, tears that did not have emotion or feeling.

I experienced the tears as a release, I did not hold back, the words hit me when I realized I have accepted my truth of myself as all my self judgements, that I never gave myself a chance to see how big I really am as life.

I saw how I have trapped myself in so many self judgments and fears that I could never have seen myself without it, as I have decided with in myself that I am the self judgments and fears, yet it isn't who I am it is what the mind believes, Who I am yet has to be born as life one and equal by myself.

The question that came up for myself was, will I ever give myself a chance to see who I really am/can be, without the fear and without the self judgments, not in separation, as the creator one and equal.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot be anything else but my own self judgements and fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my own self judgments and fears, realizing that as I can create myself according to my own self judgments and fears  so can I create myself as I decide who I am as life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to give myself a chance to see who I am without fear and self judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I have defined myself as from the past as self judgments and fear is set in stone, realizing it is only so if I say so and believe so, and thus in oneness and equality I have the same power to undo it through self forgiveness and walking the correction and re-birth myself as life as I decide who I am in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not allowed to be anyone else besides that which I have judged myself as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing who I have defined myself as all my self judgements and fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to fear when I see the chance is here for me to change and to not take the window of opportunity to change as that which is best for all lifeas life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself small with in my own self created fears and self judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up and seeing who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I really am as Life one and equal is to big for me to handle, yet I have never given myself the chance through my own self judgments and fears, realizing through self forgiveness and writing I can stand and I can see who I am as life one and equal, thus it is not an effort but who I am as an expression as life.

I forgive myself that I have only given power to fear and self judgments in the face of standing up and seeing who I really am as life one and equal and to never see the truth for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give to myself the understanding of what it means to stand up as life one and equal with in practicality through giving myself the chance to apply myself actually, realizing that if I give into fear and self judgments I will only remain in hiding and never find out my truth, yet I understand that the truth is only the denial of what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up and to see how big I really am as life one and equal through the fear of what others might do to me, realizing that they can not do anything to me as life as who I am, but only that the ego and mind and self judgments and fears can get hurt as they are not real and of energy existing in polarities as positive and negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough to give myself a chance to see how big I really am as life one and equal and what I can do as life as that which is best for all life as myself.

I commit myself to reveal the mind as the evil is it as self judgments and fear, not to separate self from the mind but to stand as the creator through understanding in oneness and equality.

I commit myself to expose all fears and self judgment in the light of self honesty as I reveal the darkness of the mind where I have defined myself as, and to show that who we really are is LIFE and thus we have to take self responsibility as life one and equal as the creators.

I commit myself to give myself a real chance and not half assed chances so that I will never have an excuse to why i did not give myself a chance to set myself free from mind created delusions as self judgments and fears and thus set all life free as myself one and equals through establishing an equal money system as the real actual chance this life for all life so we all can see how big we really are as life one and equal as creators.